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he's gay!

Question Posted Friday September 17 2004, 5:26 pm

this is going to be long...

I have this gut feeling that my brother is gay. I really believe that he is. I don't have a problem with it or anything because I love gay people. His best friend is bisexual even though he won't admit it. He's kissed guys in the back of school and I've seen him and he also kisses girls. So I pretty much know he's bi. So getting back to my brother, I just really think that he's gay! I swear it's like i have gay-dar or something like that, he's always staring at my boyfriend when he comes over, when he has his friends over, they are in his room for like 2 freakin hours WITH THE DOOR LOCKED and if he hears me walking up to the door he yells at me. I mean come on, he's never had a girlfriend and he always says he doesn't want one and that he'd never get married. He says, and I will quote, "Girls are a waste of my time." When I told some of my friends that I thought he was gay, they all responded with "I always knew something was up with your brother." Or something along those lines. Even guys that barely know my brother say that he's gay. My only worry is that my dad is homophobic, and my mom said that she'd be really upset if she found out that he was gay even though she has gay friends. How do I tell my mom of my suspicions? If it's true how would my dad react in the future when he comes out? How can I deal with this??

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Sarah742 answered Saturday September 18 2004, 8:56 am:
Ok, despite the upsetting truth about your brother, i love the way you used gay-dar! LOL
anyway, lets be serious. If your brothe is gay, just ask him for five minutes of his time, and talk to him about your suspicions. I mean come on, its not like u 2 are strangers! If he cant connect with you, talk to your school guidance counselor. They are perfect with solving problems, and everything stays confidential.
On another note, if your parents cant accept the fact that their son is gay, than they arent very understandable parents(no offense). to make your parents understand (that is if your brother is actually gay) is to come out like this," hey mom,dad, if i started wearing dark gothic looking clothes, would you still love me?" if their replys is yes and you tell them about your brother, they should say the same thing. But if they don't, Explain.

I really hope i helped!


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Sunshine answered Saturday September 18 2004, 4:30 am:
Before you do anything you need to try to find out for sure if your suspicions are right. Try to talk to your brother, and let him know that you accept him for who he is. I don't think you should tell your mom of your suspicions, because it's really not your place. Your brother may not be ready to admit it to anyone, especially if he hasn't accepted it himself. Just be there for him when he's ready to come out, if he is in fact gay.

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judith16 answered Saturday September 18 2004, 2:42 am:
Ok before you tell anyone...why dont you try and sit down and talk to your brother? if that doesnt work do some snooping in his room DONT GET CAUGHT! talk to his friends...just be a good sister and untill you have more info dont go to mom and dad!!!

GOOD LUCK...and if hes gay well my personal opionon is thats not a good thing...because im a christian...but if your ok with it good for you!!

God bless

judith (the lil' helper)

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FernGully answered Friday September 17 2004, 9:50 pm:
The thing is, its really no ones business, including your own, what sexual preference your brother has. Its ok to care and to be concerned, but imagine how he would feel if he knew you were telling other poeple this, including your parents. If he is gay and he comes out, then you can deal with the situation. Your father will deal with it his own way, and the way he deals with it will be his choice and no one elses because that is who he is and I doubt if anyone will be able to magically change him.

Let your brother live his life now, and stop telling people you know about this. If you want to, you can go to your brother and talk to him one on one, ask him if he wants to confide in you and talk to you about anything. Don't try to pry into his life however.

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AskMegan answered Friday September 17 2004, 8:41 pm:
You shouldn't 'deal' with it at all. Your brothers sexual prefernce dosn't really concern you, and it might end bad if you go shouting to the whole family that you think he is homosexual.

Best thing to do is have a nice talk with him of your suspitions. Don't blab to your parents untill you know the facts, because he could be really pissed at you if you do, and no one wants that.

Respect his privacy and talk to him. It'll all work out.

Best Wishes,


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LilMia811 answered Friday September 17 2004, 7:03 pm:
Well how old is your brother? If he's still very young, there may be a chance that he is not gay, and maybe just curious, like his friend. If I were you, I really wouldn't worry about it. if he is gay, eventually he will come out with it on his own, maybe he is just not ready yet, or like I said maybe he's just curious, so he's not sure if he should say anything just yet. Either way, I don't think its your job to say anything, just let time pass and see how things turn out. This really isnt't anything to worry about.

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TheGovernor answered Friday September 17 2004, 7:02 pm:
It is great that you worry about your brother, but this is truly his concern. If he is gay, it is up to him to convey that news to your parents. As for your parents reactions, even if you could predict them, there is no way to change them. I sincerely hope your parents will be more accepting than you are assuming when your brother, if your suspections are true, confronts them.

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LaLa34lismchle answered Friday September 17 2004, 7:02 pm:
u dont tell ur mom of ur suspicions if ur brother is gay he will come out and tell ur parents wen hes ready ..... i cant tell u how ur dad will react but eventho u think ur dad is homophobic it is still his son and im sure his view will change on gay people if he were to find out about his sons sexuality...but im sure ur parents would both be very surprised wen they first found out maybi even a lil bit upset at first but thell get over it and everything will end up fine....u can deal with it by not prying on getting ur brother to tell u and just make sure he knos ull love him no matter what and if ur dad does act in a bad way to it then just try to be there for ur brother

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EnchantedSage answered Friday September 17 2004, 6:45 pm:
My suggestion is to not worry about your Mom and your Dad's reactions for now and just concentrate on your own. It's sounds like you are supportive of your brother whether he is gay or straight and for that I say "right on".

If and when your brother decides to come out about his homosexuality to you, your parents, or the whole world, the best thing you can do is make sure that he knows how much you love and support him. If he doesn't have the support of the rest of the family, that will make your support all the more important and precious to him.

For now, I say leave the whole issue alone. Your brother's sexuality is his business and his business alone. Don't force the issue. If you want him to know that you would be supportive of his homosexuality, perhaps you could just make general statements when he is around that show that you are open and not judgmental of people's sexuality and that you think everyone should be allowed to be who they are. This way your brother will know where you stand without being forced to talk about himself if he's not ready to share it with you yet. Best of luck to you.

Kind wishes,

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MissIiVannaH answered Friday September 17 2004, 5:55 pm:
well it kinda depends on the age of ur brother maybe he hasn't grown into likeing gurls.But if he does have a gay best friend then that is going to affect him in some sort of way.and if he is gay u will have to eventualy get use to it and ur mom will 2.but with ur dad i bet its gonna hit him the most but sooner or later he will get use to it.and i dont think u should bring it up until someone says something or slowly give ur mom tips about ur he was locked up all day in his room with a guy oh did u no his bf is gay stuff like that then sooner or later she will get the point.i hope i helped good luck.

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icey0990 answered Friday September 17 2004, 5:54 pm:
Hey, dont say anything to your parents. I would leave that to my brother. When hes ready to come out, he`ll tell them. If you tell your mom who knows what could happen ..she could tell your dad ..or she could confront your brother herself, and i dont think thats the way your brother would want it. He may choose to never tell his parents..its all up to him and i think you should respect that and let him decide when the time is right. You could talk to your brother about it and let him know your here for him...but its up to you. He may not take it well...i wouldnt know because i dont know him. If you guys are kinda close and you want to confront him, then you can..he might be feeling confused at this point in his life. If he has support from you that could make a big difference. I also wouldnt spread it around school..if your brother finds out he would get if someone mean finds out..they can make your brothers life a living hell by teasing him.
Hope i helped out a lil
-melissa :)

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TucanFullOfHoles answered Friday September 17 2004, 5:52 pm:
you're father will love your brother unconditionally. tell you're father what you're worried about, but talk to you're brother first. make sure that he's gay and then he has to comfront him. there's nothing you can really do. sorry. but being gay is no big deal. being gay is just a part of life that your brother has to deal with. just support him. that's all you can really do.

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FrEe2bMe answered Friday September 17 2004, 5:36 pm:
Okay, so based on what you have written I am going to assume that your brother is older than you? Well, at any rate, that's great that you would/are supportive of gay people. IF your brother is gay, well then okay. Even if you have a gut feeling and everything indicates it you can't force him to come out. It's a big deal for people to come out of the closet, especially with your family and your brother is prolly really insecure at this point about telling your family because of how your mom dad you and the rest of your family may/will react. Give it time and let him come out on his own and when he does. But in the mean time, I suggest you stop telling your friends, that's not your business or place, even if you trust your friends and don't mind if everyone know, you brother obviously knows, so have some family respect and don't talk to your friends about it. If you want your brother to confess, you could tell him that you care about him and love him and are always gunna be there for him no matter what. Just be supportive. Be sincere. Give this whole thing time and when he comes out support him more than be the trong one and help your family learn to accept it! :)

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