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My advice motto is LISTEN-CARE-RESPOND! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for!
advice
I don't know where else to go to ask. I'm going to warn you now that this is probably going to be very long, but I would really and truly appreciate any advice, even if it's not what you think I want to hear.
First of all, I have a weird relationship/set-up with my dad. I'm going to try to simplify it as much as I possibly can.. My mom left when I was a baby and I have lived with my grandmother ever since. My dad has almost always been a part of my life. He's a great guy, he's my best friend, he makes me laugh more than anyone I know, he does things that a dad is supposed to do. The thing is, his presence is my life is very coming and going. Once, I didn't hear from him for a year.
He reappeared when I was fourteen. I just turned eighteen and he has been around for about four years. He's still married to the same woman he was when he left. I love her very much. She's generous and sweet, but sometimes I feel like she is forcing herself to like me. We go places together (without my dad) like the movies, the hair salon, etc. She takes me to work with her. Everything like that.
I see both of them every day. They're probably both my closest friends, and not by default. I love seeing them. I want to stress how close of a relationship I have with them.
The thing is, I'm not really open with anybody about my feelings. I usually bottle them up and then cry about them later, and then I get over it. So I have a hard time telling my stepmom when I feel like she doesn't really love me, and an even harder time telling my dad that I worry he's going to leave me again.
Next month, they're going to London without me. It's not an intimate trip, believe me. My stepmom is going for her job and she wants my dad to go with her. My dad and I share of a love of anything British. The three of us do things together all the time. I don't understand why I wasn't invited. It's not a money issue, either.
I don't want to sound bratty or selfish, so I really hope that I don't. I can't help it that my feelings are hurt. Not only am I being excluded from something that I really, really, REALLY want to do, I'm also going to miss them if they leave me behind for a week. But I'm afraid to talk with them about it.
Please give me any advice, any at all. Thank you so much if you actually took the time to read this, I know it was probably really boring.
Please know that I'm not doubting or questioning your love for your Father/Step-Mother or their love for you, however, in the situation you described, there is no doubt that you have some underlying abandonment fears that run very deep. Your response to the England trip may seem like an overreaction to you, but to me it highlights this deeper issue.
Your inability to easily share your feelings with others, to me, is also an indicator of a protection you have in place and a fear of driving people away. I bring all of this up, because I think it's important that you realize there are two separate issues here. One, is the trip to England and your feelings about wanting to go. The second is all of the underlying "baggage" you are carrying due to your past.
I think sharing with both your Dad and your Step-Mom your feelings of disappointment over not going with them is a great place to start, realizing, however that this might not change the fact that you're not going on the trip. It will, however, be a terrific first step in being honest about your true feelings with the people you love and proving to your inner self that doing so, will not drive them away.
You don't have to be perfect. You are aloud to have your own feelings even if they aren't always pretty. You are aloud to feel fear, just don't let it rule you or your relationships.
Perhaps, once they have returned from the trip (with or without you) you can start to open up to them a little about your fears. You can find ways to make them understand without placing blame or making them feel guilty. You might even want to find a counselor to talk with who can help you find ways to replace your fear based patterns with healthy strategies for ongoing positive relationships with your Dad and your Step-Mom. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Hello, I am dealing with a woman who is crazy!! She is my Kid's stepmom. The kids are 2 girls 9 and 11 and one boy age 8.
Problem is she is way overly sexual toward my kids verbally. And now sexually. I found out from my daughter today that the stepmom and her father went on a camping trip with their combined 7 kids all in one tent. They had loud motion filled sex in front of the kids while they were supposed to be sleeping!!! My two daughters described it all to my horror. Is this illegal? They have sex with their bedroom door open. Her rules are always open doors, because bad things happen when doors are closed. She told my daughter all animals go to hell when they die.She told them a man may rape you and rape is when they have sex with you , and are sick of raping you and kill you when they are done with you. She talks about their sex life while driving in the car. Her oldest daughter talks openly about blow jobs and oral sex on women and she is 12. They go down the road having open sex talks!!! What happened to singing or talking about the disney channel?The list goes on and on. The woman is a 2 time convicted felon for child endangering and robbery and a 3 time misdemeanor for shoplifting. Their father is now brainwashed by her and hasnt seen his kids in 2 months. I live in a nice home with a wonderful fiance and a perfect home life filled with love. I am afraid that a judge is going to make me send the kids to him eventually . I have custody, he has visitation. Any legal advice? Any pschological input on crazy?? Thanks!!
A woman with her criminal record and current behavior has no business being in any kind of parental role with your children. Your children are not old enough to understand how to differentiate between "crazy" and normal parenting styles. They are impressionable. They are sponges.
From what you've described, this doesn't seem to be a questionable situation - it sounds like an emergency situation. Seek legal counsel. Request an injunction of some sort. If the children have already been away from their Dad and Stepmom for two months, this might be the perfect time to seek an adjustment to his visitation rights based on the exposure of your children to inappropriate behavior and a potentially unsafe step-parent. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
my cat was in my room, she's 3 and she has nEVER peed in the house EVER> so today she was eating in my room. then the next thing i know i turn around & she's peeing down the air vent!!! So i soked the vent in hot soapy water/ clean the vent, or atleast the part i could reach. PLUS i scrubbed the carpet.
YET it smells like cat pee. what can i do to help it?
Ugh! I hate to tell you this, but hot soap and water and normal household cleaners ususally don't help in this situation. Also, cat urine is ammonia based, so you don't want to clean with a household cleaner that has ammonia in it, because that might encourage the cat to use the area to pee on in the future.
My advice is to go to a pet store or the pet section of a Target or Wal-Mart and look for an enzyme product that helps with cat urine odors. Enzymes helps to break down the cat urine to actually erase the odor instead of just covering it up. You'll have to follow the directions precisely and have patience. When you first use these products, the smell can seem worse at first. However, as they dry, the odors usually fade away comletely. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
For the past month or so, my best friend has been at soccer camp. There, she met a boyfriend, and from what I understand, they hang out together all day long.
I've been talking to her recently, and I noticed a change for the worse. Her new attitude towards life is "EFF it all".
School is starting soon, so I asked the typical "What are you going to wear for the first day?"
And her response was "I don't really give a crap. It doesn't matter. I'm just going to school to get good grades and do well in soccer".
That has basically been her response to any subject I have raised whether it be school, the people there, life. I commend her for being so determined, I guess, but I think she has a really bad attitude. And I want to talk about silly girl things, or where we want to go in life without getting a harsh "I don't give a crap." or the underlying belief
"I'm going to make the state soccer team, I don't care about other stupid teenagers. Just me and my boyfriend. No one understands me" etc. etc.
It is possible this could change when we actually get back to school since she her boyfriend lives across the country, and while she'll still play soccer, it's not 24/7.
What do I do? What can I do?
It may be that your friend is going through a really big adjustment period right now that she's struggling with. My advice is to be patient, be there for her to listen and offer support. It's possible that she will work through this on her own and be greatful that you didn't make a big deal out of it or write her off completely.
However, don't allow yourself to be her verbal punching bag and if her depressive and anti-social behavior escalates or continues on for an extended period of time, you may need to distance yourself eventually. Listen to your heart and follow your instincts. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
i'm sixteen years old, and i've known this guy since i was 14 years old. i seems like ever since the first day i layed eyes on him i liked him. in the beginging we talked a lot and we liked eachother. after a while his feelings stopped towrds me, but i still liked him, after about a year i got a girlfriend and they were togther for a little more then a year. but me and him became bestfriends, but secretly i still had strong feelings for him, later he cheated on his gf with me, and a little later they broke up. after they broke up we became A LOT closer and i lost my virginity to him. i talked to him about it and he said that we are just best friends and that's all we'll ever be, but he still wants to do things? what should i do? i feel like i want to stop talking to him, but he means to much to me, we are bestfriends.
Friends with benefits can be tricky. This type of "arrangement" only works when both parties are interested in nothing more than a physical connection. Unfortunately, this is not the case for you. You are emotionally involved with this boy as well and are clearly wanting a real relationship with him.
I think you need to ask yourself a few important questions: Why would you settle for a "just sex" relationship that will never fulfill you or make you happy? Why are you only "best friend" material to this boy who has no problem getting physical with you? And lastly: How will a real relationship with a loving, attentive and faithful boy ever happen for you if you are wrapped up in a boy who is truly unavailable to you?
I hope that this has provided you some food for thought and that you are able to find the strength to do whatever you decide is best for you.
Kind wishes,
I'm 18; my parents got divorced when I was 11, and I started having unsupervised visits to my dad's apartment when I was 13. I worry about my father - he takes his drugs and sees his psychologist and doctor, but the fact remains that he has bipolar disorder and very high blood pressure, and he refuses to try and help himself. He lives in a tiny, roach-infested apartment that smells horrendous, and he never cleans it. He eats red meat all the time, and never eats fresh vegetables. I've tried to talk to him about his diet and his living conditions many times, but he'll never listen, and if I ever try to help clean up the apartment he stops me, saying that there's no need for me to spend our limited time together doing chores. . . but our time together usually consists of watching TV, because he never goes anywhere. Do you have any idea how I can get through to him?
I know that it must be hard to see your father living the way he is, but the truth is that you can not be responsible for him. He is an adult and an adult with a major mental illness which makes the situation even more complex and even moreso, not your responsibility. You are not the parent.
If you are truly miserable with the environment and unhappy with the activities at your Dad's, you could tell him so and inform him that things need to change if you're going to continue to visit him regularly. Be specific and be strong. It sounds harsh, but your feelings and needs are important too. You can make it clear to him that you love him and care about him and explain that the situation simply isn't healthy for you. Keep in mind though, that ultimately, it is up to your Dad to take the steps to bettering his surroundings and his life. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Okay, so I've been a little depressed lately. Pretty much all of my friends have boyfriends or guys like them, and it seems like I'm the only one who doesn't .. and the thing I can't figure out is why no guys like me. Guys always seem to be interested in my friends and act like I'm invisible. I mean, I'm really nice(maybe overly nice at times) and I'm not selfish, unlike half the girls at my school, and alot of people tell me I'm really pretty. But, the thing is, I think I'm too mature for my own good and I'm not into drama or being all ditzy and loud to get a guy to like me .. but it seems like the loud conceited girls have guys. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I don't know, I just feel like no one really notices me and no matter how hard I try, every single guy I like always says, "Sorry, we're just friends." Ugh, should I just give up and not try so hard to find someone, or do something different for some guy to like me? Because it seems like I'm never good enough for anyone. Any advice? Thanks.
I understand that it's frustrating when you seem to have everything a boy should be looking for in a girl (personality, looks, down to earth, drama free), but the truth is you can't force these things.
My advice is to simply continue being you and stop looking too hard for a connection with a boy. If you stop worrying about it and just be yourself, have fun and continue being laid back and drama free, I promise a boy will notice and be interested. And - bonus - it will be the right boy, not a forced relationship or just someone you go out with just for the sake of being with someone.
It might sound nice just to have anyone by your side, but being with the wrong person or someone you're not truly into can be a miserable experience. Also, a lot of your friends that have boyfriends all the time could actually be doing themselves a disservice. When you are not wrapped up in a relationship, you have an opportunity to prove to yourself that you can be independent and comfortable all on your own. Knowing that about yourself will assist you in having a healthy connection with someone else when the right guy finds you, or you find him, or better yet... you find each other.
I know you're anxious to get in on the dating game, but there's plenty of time. For now, you can observe the dating going on around you and really pay attention to what works and what doesn't. Learn from your friends mistakes and pitfalls in love. Your turn is coming and you'll be ready! Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
next year i want to apply to my National Honors Society in my school, however one of the criteria is to have some experience in LEADING, but i dont have any remarkable leadership positions.
what kinds of things can i do that have a leadership role? (and dont say join a club..because in order to be voted as a pres or VP, i need to have been in a club for at least a year. and i havent.)
ty in advance
I love the community project suggestion that someone else posted -- good idea!
If that sounds like more than you want to or are able to handle, I have another suggestion.
If you enjoy children, you could volunteer to work with kids at an after school program or at a community outreach facility.
You probably wouldn't be given complete or sole responsbility for the kids you work with, but taking the initiative, spending time with them, providing a positive example for them to follow, being a good and consistant influence in their lives are all terrific leadership qualities.
Who knows, you may even find an opportunity that would allow you to work with several kids on something specific, thereby providing you with literal "leadership" experience. Best of luck to you,
Kind wishes,
I received a baby shower invitation today, and I plan on going, but there is no "please RSVP" on the invite. Tt saiys "regrets only" and then has a phone number. I assume that this means to only "rsvp" if you CAN'T go. Am I correct?
Also, do you think it would be strange if I brought 2 friends with me? The pregnant woman is actually a former teacher of mine (and the two people I'd like to bring), and when I attended her wedding a few years ago I felt sort of awkward because I didn't really know anyone there (I was the only student there because I was really close to her - she was like a big sister to me). She had told me afterwords that I could have brought a friend or two with me to the wedding.
I wouldn't doubt that I'd be the only student there (I've actually graduated high school already...)
I would just ask her, but there are a few reasons I can't.
I would just invite one of the two girls I want to (the other can be a tad obnoxious when excited - she's very, very perky) but it's one of those situations where you can't invite one without the other. Again, too much detail to get into it.
Basically, what is the ettiquette for bringing 1-2 friend with you to a shower where you would otherwise not know anybody, and what is the RSVP ettiquette when it says "regrets only"... does that mean only if you don't plan on attending?
Thank you tons and sorry for the crazy length!
The "regrets" question seems to have been accurately addressed, so I will move on to the ettiquette of bringing uninvited guests.
I'm sorry to say, that it is not appropriate to bring uninvited guests to a function where formal invitations were issued, especially since the invitation did not specificy you and a guest or guests.
A host for such an event makes plans i.e. food, drinks, seating, etc. based on how many people have been invited. In addition, if this party is being held in someone's home, then it is inappropriate to assume that you can bring uninvited people into their personal space.
I completely understand not wanting to attend an event where you don't know someone and wanting to bring along friends. The host may be happy to allow you to do so, but you should certainly give her the courtesy of making that decision. A quick phone call to the host should clear this up easily. Best of luck to you,
Kind wishes,
how do i get my curly and frizzy hair to stay straight and smooth?? i have a hair straightener but whenever i use it my hair doesnt get anny better. its still frizzy and ugly. i have tried shampoos that are supposed to help and also leave in conditioners and hair smoothers. what else is there for me to do??
UGH! I too have naturally curly frizzy hair and have also found the glorious CHI straightening iron to be a miracle. However, I find the best results for me include the following steps:
1st: I put a small amount of CHI serum on damp hair. Then I blow-dry my hair to take out some of the wetness.
Next: I section off my hair in about 3 or 4 layers with big plastic claw clips. I start at the top and clip up sections of hair until all that is left hanging straight is the very bottom layer.
Next: I use a LARGE round brush to blow out my hair section by section. You can get a good brush at Sally's Beauty supply. The one I have is a wooden handle with natural bristles. Once a section is dry and semi-straight I release the next clip and repeat with this section.
Finally: I use the CHI iron to smooth out the top sections and a few section underneath. This way I get a smooth natural straight looking "do" that will last a few days (with some quick round brush/hair dryer retouches).
Hope it helps. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
sorry if its long.
PLEASE HELP...ok so me and this guy *josh had sex 2 times and weve done other stuff. we recently started hanging out even though we've known eachother for about 2 years. he is a year older then me and acts way older then he is and hangs out with a lot older people. he didnt want to tell anyone that we had sex because i am younger and it would ruin his reputation. but after it he ended up telling people. i am with him and his friends at his house a lot and he is always outgoing with them and we act is if we cant see eachother when we are with eachother and other people. when we are alone or with like 2 other people we talk a lot. he acts like an asshole to me half the time and the other half he is nice and sweet. he always wants to cuddle when we are alone and i love it, and then we have sex. ha. i think i might like him and i want to get him to like me. and i want to be more outgoing like him and act like we do when were alone when were with his friends. he seems like the guy that likes the girls that play hard to get, hes a player. i really want this guy to be whipped over me.
SOOOO my question is how do i be more outgoing around him and talk to his friends and stuff and not be quiet?? how do i play hard to get?? (cuz i usually text him first and stuff) how do i make him want me?? and how do i be more assertive?? ( he says he wants me to tell him to do this or do that and not say i dont know or i dont care)
PLEASE HELP ME!! THANK YOU SO MUCH =)
Well, it sounds as if you need to take back your power in this situation. *Josh appears to be in complete control of this relationship and everything is on his terms. Now, there is nothing wrong with spending a little time and effort trying to turn things around into a relationship you are happier with, but if he continues to not want people to know that you are "together" for any lame reason, then my advice is to cut and run. You should not allow yourself to be anyone's "dirty little secret". Any guy worth your time and effort will be happy and proud to have you by their side, on their arm or in their "bed".
The best way I can offer to find out if he is truly interested or invested in you is to not be so readily available to him. If you are not right there, willing to take whatever little piece of himself he is willing to give you at any given moment, then he might have a chance to miss you, or wish you were there when you're not. It's possible, that this could be a wake up call to him, if he doesn't want to lose you altogether.
So, it might be best to not hang around with him and his friends as much as you usually do. Make him wonder what you're up to and who you are up to it with. When you are not around him, let him text you first, you can always respond like you're happy to communicate with him, but by not sending the first text, you are sending the message that you might be busy with something or someone else. Either way it's more attractive to a guy when you have your own life and your own interests. Now, here's the important part: you don't want to just pretend to be having a life and other interests, you need to really be doing these things. You can't fake it and he will sense the difference in you. An independent, confidant woman with her own things going on can be quite the aphrodisiac for a guy.
Then, when you are around him and his friends, you could show subtle interest in other people there besides *Josh (not to the extent of leading someone else on) just by showing interest in what other people have to say, engaging others in conversation by asking questions and laughing at their funny stories.
In short, my advice is... don't make everything all about *Josh. Your life is all about you. The boys and friends that you have in your life are supporting characters... you are the real star! Remember this always and it will take you far. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I cant decide which color I like better, so, could someone help me?
They're all me, by the way..
BLONDISH..
1)
http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii68/xocrystalox99/125.jpg
2)
http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii68/xocrystalox99/SANY-1.jpg
DARKER BROWN...
3)
http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii68/xocrystalox99/Untitled5.jpg
4)
http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii68/xocrystalox99/crystalandjenn12.jpg
on the left^
If you guys dont like those colors and would like to suggest a different color, that'd be good too! I'm trying to figure out what hair style i want before I head back to school, so thank you!
I prefer the dark brown color best with your skin tone, and I think it might look even better with a little warmth (red tones). I think that a dark auburn would look terrific.
Best of luck with your color choice.
Kind wishes,
I'm 19/f. So, I have a best friend whom I have been besties with for a few years. Last year, however a dire change came over my friend. We didn't hang out much because she lives far away and I realized some changes in her...for the worst. Here they are:
1) EXTREMELY negative (she can turn something as happy as a wedding into a negative situation) Her entire outlook on life is cynical. Which is hard to deal with when I'm such a happy, chill girl.
2) She is sensitive. I'm talking better not make a joke or she's crying. (She once started crying because someone did something she asked them not to during a board game!!!!!!)
3) She is very stubborn and loves to be argumentative...ABOUT ANYTHING!!!! REALLY!!!!
4) She is selfish. REALLY selfish. I think she is so blinded by her negativity that it'd be impossible for her to realize this.
5) She is entirely oblivious to her problems. People have told her these things, she will not listen. She goes to a therapist---she has hated all of the therapists she's ever had!--she pretty much hates everyone, anyway. I actually thought she hated me when I first noticed the change.
She needs better help, or SOOOMETHING. IDK. Anyhoo, I have put up with her psychoticness for the past year pretty quietly. I have avoided her as much as possible and zoned out on her phone calls, because I know anything she has to say is negative and I really don't want to hear it. She is entirely oblivious to these issues. Others have tried to talk to her, but she is very stubborn and won't listen. It's sad but I want to end this friendship. Apparently nothing else can be done to help her and she lives closer now and I would really like to make a clean cut and get her out of my life, because she puts a big damper on it. No matter how I do this, she is going to flip out, possibly go suicidal. I'm the only one she has to tell things too. I'm the only one who puts up with her. It's hard to say, but I hate who she has become. I really do. She is absolutely horrid. She takes meds and sees a therapist. Nothing else can be done. How can I end the friendship? Also, I want to do it by making her realize who she really is. Please, ANY advice? Don't say I'm leaving her at a bad time and I should be there because I've tried, and in the process I've put up with a lot of stuff, including being treated badly. (How could a person like her treat anyone otherwise?)
Being around negative people can absolutely have a negative effect on you, so I applaud you for realizing this relationship is detrimental to you and wanting to make a clean break. There must be a mutual benefit, a balance, to every relationship for it to be healthy and that is clearly no longer happening with your friend.
In fact, losing you as a sounding board, may be the catalyst she needs to take an honest look at herself and decide to make changes. However, no adult is ever responsible for another adult, so whatever she decides to do (or not do) when you end your friendship is not to your credit or your fault.
If you decide to talk to her specifically about ending the friendship (which is your decision to do or not), I suggest that you limit your conversation to examples pertaining to you directly and not about all her behaviors in life in general. For example, instead of slamming her about being negative to and about everyone, you could say that it's too hard for you to be around negativity anymore because it brings you down and you can't have someone else effecting you that way. You see, it's not about judging HER, it's about watching out for YOU. Even if she is upset or angry about it, nobody can legitimately be mad about you taking care of yourself.
Remember that everyone has their own path in this life and yours is not always going to mirror those around you. Try not to judge her too harshly since it sounds like the path she's on right now is quite a dark one, but kudos to you for not letting someone else drain your own personal positive energy.
Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Ok for some reason when something goes missing, people blame me. Even in my own house. Like 2 years my best friends parents started to tell everyone in our naberhood(i know its not spelled right) i stole from there house because everytime i left something was missing. But Never in my life have i ever stole anything but 1 guys heart ;) And that doesnt count. And then my best friend started to hate me. Well then no one in the naberhood would hang out with me. And this was a white family and im half black..(no offence to anyone.) and then 4 months later, they found all that stuff. There dog hid it all. By then all the parents in the naberhood hated me. Well like today i was on a MMORPG i play. And one of my friends, the minute i logged on he was like "what the hell "Lacey" Give me back my account." and i was like what are you talking about? he was like "Someone was on my account and like 20 seconds after they logged out of my account you logged on." and i was like "no i didnt. i just got out of the shower." and he was like "i bet" so i got sick of it and i was like "back the hell off ok. I didnt do it." and im tried of being thought of as a theif. Because im clearly not. Then like 10 seconds later, his account logged back on. So it showed him it wasnt me. But if he accused me and hes never met me, and someone who knows my accused me, what is it im doing that makes people think im a theif? Is it because im half black? Is it because i have bad luck and im at the wrong place at the wrong time. And also thats how its always been. Im done. PLease tell nme what you think
Well I can certainly understand your frustration and although I don't have an exact explanation about what is happening, I do have some suggestions for you, in general. For whatever reason, things happened in the past (the dog for example) that put into your head and other people's heads that you are, at worst, a thief and at best, bad luck.
The bad luck thing can be tricky, because once we start to believe something negative about ourselves, it can grow and grow until we start to actually manifest bad luck in our lives and draw more negative experiences to us. Let me be clear. I AM NOT saying any of this is your fault, but I am saying that all you have power over is your own thoughts and feelings. You can decide - right now - today - that bad luck has no place in your life - that only good things, good people, good experiences are allowed in your life. If you believe it and focus on it (everyday), things will start to shift away from the negative. I know it sounds kooky, but what have you got to lose. Your thoughts are powerful and they can work for you or against you, so why not put them to good use.
As far as people feeling negatively about you because you are "half black" as you say, please know that anyone who feels that way is not worth your time, effort or your stress. However, it is important that YOU love yourself: all parts of you.
In short, if you keep yourself in a place of positivity (not allowing the negative in) and in a place of integrity (no lying, cheating or stealing) and in a place of empowerment (loving every part of yourself) - nobody can hurt you. If you keep yourself in this space, the right kind of friends will be drawn to you and those people with judgments and false accusations will just fall away, out of your life.
I know this was pretty heavy and I hope that you give it some thought. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
my room is always messy and when i start to clean it i always get distracted and start doing something eles like going on the computer, i really want to clean my room up is there a way i can make it fun and get the job done
Ahhh, a procrastinator just like me. I, too am often and easily distracted by anything other than my task at hand (usually cleaning my house).
So, I created a playlist on my IPOD of songs that "pump me up". When it's time to clean, I make a deal with myself that no matter what, I will keep moving and cleaning for, at least, the first three songs.
Most of the time, once those songs are over, I'm in the groove and keep going. But, even if I stop after the first three songs are over, I've still accomplished what I set out to do, so I feel successful. Then, I feel proud of completing my goal instead of beating myself up for being a distracted slacker.
If you don't have an IPOD, playing your favorite music CD works just as well.
Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
i'm not a nice person. dont give me advice like "omg just lyk act nice." yeah i think ive tried that before thanks.
so yesterday i went shopping all day with my mom. it was so much fun and i enjoyed it a lot. but then later that night her boyfriend came over, watched a movie with her, and slept over. so then the next day is mothers day (today) and im like "mom c'mon its mothers day. i dont want to spend mothers day with my mother and her boyfriend. i just want to spend it with my mother." actually i dont think i said that. it was more "why cant he leave" but whatever.
anyways she said thatd "itd be rude to say he cant come to brunch with us" so i unwillingly went to mothers day brunch with my mom and her boyfriend and i ignored them whenever they said anything to me and i figured hed leave after brunch. but no. then they went to go buy a grill while i stayed home watching will and grace.
so they came back from buying a grill like 3 or 4 hours later and my mom is like "whats wrong why wont you smile or talk" and i said "because i dont like your boyfriend. hes wasting your time." (they've been together for 6 years and he refuses to propose and i just think she deserves better.)
anyways so today me and my mom planned to see 'baby mama' because it seemed fitting for mothers day. well, i told her i didnt want to go. and then she asked what kind of pizza i wanted and i said i didnt want any.
its mothers day. and my mom deserves so much better. i should accept her boyfriend being here and just treat her nicely but i cant seem to do that.
sorry its so long but i thought the story needed to be said so you can see how awful i really am before you give me advice on what to do about my terrible attitude i always give people.
happy mothers day.
First, please stop beating yourself up. Yes, some of your reactions and behaviors were based on your own self interests, but -hello- that is something we are guilty of from time to time. The real growth as a human being comes when you realize your behavior is less than what you want to be and you strive to make an adjustment.
Based on what you have detailed in your question, the best advice I have for you is this: It is very easy to fall into the trap of seeing and "knowing" what is best for another person and then being frustrated and even hurt or insulted when they do not listen to or follow the path suggested by our "brilliant insight into their lives".
Everyone is on their own journey in this life. When it comes to our loved ones, we can counsel them, give our opinions and sometimes flat out hit them with the cold hard truth of their situations; but, ultimately, the best way to love someone is to support them, even when we don't agree with their decisions.
There are exceptions to this advice, of course. If a loved one is putting themselves or others in danger with their actions or decisions then certainly more than support may be required.
As far as your "terrible attitude" (as you put it): a bad attitude is an easy thing to fall into and is all about your perspective. When things annoy you, it's easy to look around your world with annoyed eyes and everything else will seem annoying too. As silly as it sounds, if you make an effort to see the positive aspect of even the most annoying things, when you look around at everything else in your life, you just might start to see the positive part of more and more. Your overall attitude will then begin to shift and your first reactions and responses will start to be ones that you can be proud of.
It's a process and you are not a perfect being - you are a human being. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Ok im 14, 15 in 2 weeks, is it normal that i still hwear a 34A? Everyone of my friends has bigger boobs than i do and when im around them i feel like i dont belong and when were around guys they arent looking at me just because i dont have big boobs. Are they just taking longer to grow. or have i stopped growing and this is how theyre going to stay?
Thanks. =]
At your age, it's hard to say for sure if your breast size will increase. It certainly is possible that you will continue to grow; however, it's also possible that you may be destined to be a 34A.
I know that it's difficult when your friends have bigger chests and get more boy attention because of it, but getting ogled by boys because of your boobs isn't all it's cracked up to be. Your larger chested friends might be getting more looks, but that doesn't mean they'll be getting more boyfriends or having more relationships.
The thing to remember is that there is nothing more attractive than a girl who is confident with her body (no matter it's shape or size). You may not be blessed with large boobs, but I'm sure there are other things you have been blessed with. Don't concentrate on what you don't have, take a good look at yourself and focus on what you DO like about you.
When I was your age I waited and waited and waited to "get" my boobs and in my case, 34A was as big as they ever got. I won't try to tell you that it didn't bum me out quite a bit when I was younger, but truly it never was that big of a deal. You are lucky in that these days there are lots of cute tops, camisols and specialty bras that really help accentuate the smaller chested body.
The bottom line is that in the grand scheme of things, smaller boobs don't really have the negative effect on your life that it seems like they will. Be positive about yourself, be proud of your body and no matter what size your boobs end up being you'll be happy. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
to start im 13/f
well you see in school like about a week ago... i had my best friend give my boyfriend a note.. when she came back she said my x was saying that it was over with me and my boyfriend.. so beleiveing my x.. i wrote my boyfriend another note saying that it was over.. (i didn't want to be the one getting dumped here!) anyway... my boyfriend said that he wasn't going to dump me.. and i felt really really guilty... and i regret that i dumped him because i really really loved him!
but... that day he asked another girl out! (desperite)
my friends have been telling me all kinds of stuff about him like he comes to school high.. and while we were going out he was cheating on me.. (thats what my friends say)
i was just wondering.. should i tell him how i feel and that i realy love him and miss him or should i just wait to see what happens after he dumps this slut?
please help! thanks!
Well I am sorry that you are hurting over this. I know that it seems easier to be the dumper instead of the one getting dumped, but next time, if you really like someone you shouldn't let your ego get in the way of your happiness. However, I understand what you did and why you did it. It sucks to be hurting over someone breaking up with you and have to deal with everybody around knowing all about it. Just realize that this was the easy way out and it didn't end up so well for you.
As far as whether you should pursue a reconciliation, I would have some hesitations if I were you. You say that according to your friends, he cheated on you while you were together. Why would your friends lie? If he was cheating on you before, he will cheat on you again. You deserve to be with someone who will respect your relationship. If you think that your friends are lying to you about him cheating, then you should probably look for other friends (but that is a whole other subject). Also, if you have reason to believe that he is involved in drugs then it might be better that your relationship ended when it did.
You didn't mention how long you had been together but it sounds like there were a lot of potential pitfalls in the relationship (cheating, drugs) and I also wonder why your ex boyfriend is spending time and effort messing with your new relationships. It could be that he wants a chance to be with you again. I obviously don't know anything about that situation, but I just thought I'd point out the possibility.
Your most recent ex-boyfriend is dating someone else now and declaring your feelings to him is bound to stir up some trouble for you with her as well. Since your situation with him was less than solid, it might be best just to leave it alone for awhile and see how things shake out naturally.
Because I realize that at thirteen it is almost impossible to follow your head and ignore your heart, I will leave you with this. If you decide that you can't bear to be without him; tell him you want him back and he wants the same thing - be careful! Pay attention to what is going on in his life and if you start seeing indications that he is a druggie, a cheater or a liar - move on! You deserve better than that. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I just started a construction type job and I am the youngest, the smallest, the least experienced, and one of only two women on the crew. I do not have the size or strength to do the heavier stuff so the other female and I do small jobs to make it easier for the men to do large jobs. I pull my weight and the boss is satisfied with me. But the guys are being awfully condescending, perhaps unintentionally, but still annoying. They do things like pat me on the head, arm or back and tell me what a "good little worker" I am. I really resent it, but I don't know how to tell them so without making them angry with me. Should I ignore them (the job only lasts for another few days) or tell them to quit somehow, and if I tell them to quit, how do I do that and still maintain good work relationships with them?
If the job only lasts for a few more days, I suggest that you just ignore it and continue doing the best job you can.
However, if you just cannot stomach another minute of the condescending behavior you might try giving the offending person(s) a taste of their own medicine. Without being rude or mean spirited, you could find ways to treat them the way they treat you and when they don't appreciate it (just like you don't) you can smile and light heartedly remind them that you are only giving back to them what they are dishing out to you.
Keep in mind that the construction world is male dominated and most of these guys are used to only working with men. Trust me, you may prefer how they are treating you now to how they would treat you "like one of the guys".
Most likely if you keep doing a good job, you will earn and keep their respect and in time you will probably develop the instincts about how to win them over and even wrap them around your finger. Best of luck to you,
Kind wishes,
My boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 months ago. We went out for 2 and a half years (I am almost 21 and he is 22). I thought I was over him but I realized I still love him. He says he doesn't love me in a romantic way anymore, just as a friend (we are still best friends, the breakup was mutual). We had broken up because we argued alot, but never about anything serious. I realized now that I love him still and I want to get back together with him. We had something great (and we still do) and he even says it was the best two and a half years of his life. He says he doesn't want to be with anyone right now but nothing much has changed since we broke up (we hang out all the time and everything, we just aren't intimate). I want him back so badly because he makes me so happy, he can make me laugh when I am sad. I don't know what to do. I can't get over him (I don't want to either, I want to be with him again) because I love him so much and it hurts to think of him with someone else. What should I do? What do you think about the whole situation?
This is a very tough situation to be in and I know that it hurts to be so close TO someone and not be as close WITH them as you want to be.
You mentioned that you are still together all the time, just not in an intimate way. It's possible that your ex-boyfriend hasn't really had an opportunity to sort through his feelings. I suggest that you let him know how you feel and then tell him that you think it would be best if you didn't spend so much time together for awhile. This will give him some time to see what his life is like without you by his side and perhaps he will remember his romantic feelings for you. It will also give you an opportunity to move on a bit yourself and grow a little as an individual. The first time you were together was riddled with arguments, so you shouldn't want to jump back into things exactly as they were before anyway.
I know the idea of time apart is not appealing to you because you care so deeply for him, but the status quo sounds like it's difficult for you also. Time apart should help you both to find clarity on your feelings for each other. I can't promise that you will like the outcome but it beats being stuck in the "friend rut" that you are in now. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,