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ending friendship
I'm 19/f. So, I have a best friend whom I have been besties with for a few years. Last year, however a dire change came over my friend. We didn't hang out much because she lives far away and I realized some changes in her...for the worst. Here they are:
1) EXTREMELY negative (she can turn something as happy as a wedding into a negative situation) Her entire outlook on life is cynical. Which is hard to deal with when I'm such a happy, chill girl.
2) She is sensitive. I'm talking better not make a joke or she's crying. (She once started crying because someone did something she asked them not to during a board game!!!!!!)
3) She is very stubborn and loves to be argumentative...ABOUT ANYTHING!!!! REALLY!!!!
4) She is selfish. REALLY selfish. I think she is so blinded by her negativity that it'd be impossible for her to realize this.
5) She is entirely oblivious to her problems. People have told her these things, she will not listen. She goes to a therapist---she has hated all of the therapists she's ever had!--she pretty much hates everyone, anyway. I actually thought she hated me when I first noticed the change.
She needs better help, or SOOOMETHING. IDK. Anyhoo, I have put up with her psychoticness for the past year pretty quietly. I have avoided her as much as possible and zoned out on her phone calls, because I know anything she has to say is negative and I really don't want to hear it. She is entirely oblivious to these issues. Others have tried to talk to her, but she is very stubborn and won't listen. It's sad but I want to end this friendship. Apparently nothing else can be done to help her and she lives closer now and I would really like to make a clean cut and get her out of my life, because she puts a big damper on it. No matter how I do this, she is going to flip out, possibly go suicidal. I'm the only one she has to tell things too. I'm the only one who puts up with her. It's hard to say, but I hate who she has become. I really do. She is absolutely horrid. She takes meds and sees a therapist. Nothing else can be done. How can I end the friendship? Also, I want to do it by making her realize who she really is. Please, ANY advice? Don't say I'm leaving her at a bad time and I should be there because I've tried, and in the process I've put up with a lot of stuff, including being treated badly. (How could a person like her treat anyone otherwise?)
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Being around negative people can absolutely have a negative effect on you, so I applaud you for realizing this relationship is detrimental to you and wanting to make a clean break. There must be a mutual benefit, a balance, to every relationship for it to be healthy and that is clearly no longer happening with your friend.
In fact, losing you as a sounding board, may be the catalyst she needs to take an honest look at herself and decide to make changes. However, no adult is ever responsible for another adult, so whatever she decides to do (or not do) when you end your friendship is not to your credit or your fault.
If you decide to talk to her specifically about ending the friendship (which is your decision to do or not), I suggest that you limit your conversation to examples pertaining to you directly and not about all her behaviors in life in general. For example, instead of slamming her about being negative to and about everyone, you could say that it's too hard for you to be around negativity anymore because it brings you down and you can't have someone else effecting you that way. You see, it's not about judging HER, it's about watching out for YOU. Even if she is upset or angry about it, nobody can legitimately be mad about you taking care of yourself.
Remember that everyone has their own path in this life and yours is not always going to mirror those around you. Try not to judge her too harshly since it sounds like the path she's on right now is quite a dark one, but kudos to you for not letting someone else drain your own personal positive energy.
Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
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