Question Posted Thursday November 18 2004, 12:24 pm
My sister has been acting really bad lately. She recently has moved in with my aunt and is going to a Private School very close to my own home. I am only 19 and my sister put this idea in her head that she can come stay with me. And I can drive her to school in the morning. This is not going to work out, I told her. She is 14 years old. My mom said it was ok and so my sister asked me. I do not like this at all. I can barely provide for myself let alone try to take care of her. Me and my Boyfriend live together and we are young so we definatly like our privacy. I can not believe my mother wold think that this would be acceptable. Now I am a nervous wreck. It makes me so mad they would try to put that much responsibility on me. I tolded them that. What do I do now?
I'm sure that your sister is VERY excited about this idea as it would provide her with a very lenient living arrangement where there would be no true authority figure to control her actions. What fourteen year old wouldn't jump at that opportunity? Because she is so excited about moving in with you and your boyfriend, you might have some trouble convicning her that it's not the best environment for her and not really fair to you. I suggest that you talk to your mother and your aunt again, relay your concerns to them and ask that they be the ones to inform your sister that she cannot move in with you.
If the adults in your family are not willing to step up and do the right thing by you (and your sister for that matter) then you might be forced to stand up for yourself. As much as it might hurt your sister's feelings, you must set your boundaries and maintain control over your life. You can explain to her that the two of you are at different stages in your lives and that your apartment is not an environment suitable for a young high school girl. You can also point out that having her move in is not necessarily fair to your roommate/boyfriend either.
Certainly, there are times and situtations where circumstances would dictate a true need for you to take your sister in and care for her; however, this does not appear to be such a time. You've been put in a bad situation and unfortunately, fourteen year old girls generally don't understand anybody else's perspectives but their own, but remember that she won't be fourteen forever. She might initially feel betrayed by your unwillingness to allow her to move in, but in time she should come to understand your side of things. As a compromise, you could offer to allow her to spend time at your apartment on the weekends, or every other weekend. Then, you would be showing her that you do care about her happiness and want to help better her situation even if not in the way that she currently expects you to.
Regardless of how it is handled, don't feel bad about standing up for yourself in this situation as it seems that you are the only one looking out for you. Best of luck.
SoNuLiCiOuSsS answered Thursday November 18 2004, 2:55 pm: Tell them that you would love to have her move in with you... however, your not capable of takin care of a 14 year old... tell them that you are always busy & rarely home... so you won't really be able to look after her... she could be gettin into trouble while she's home alone... overall its just not a good idea... she's better off at her aunts house... [ SoNuLiCiOuSsS's advice column | Ask SoNuLiCiOuSsS A Question ]
buckems answered Thursday November 18 2004, 2:36 pm: You need to tell your mom that you are 19 living on your own and she is not your child. Tell her you have no porblem having her over every once and a while but not all the time! Hope i help [ buckems's advice column | Ask buckems A Question ]
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