christina's advice column | christina's Advice About Mental health | Main Page

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Website:

Gender:

Female

Location:

716

Occupation:

SAHM

Age:

27

Member Since:

February 1, 2006

Answers:

6717

Last Update:

August 9, 2018

Visitors:

288154

Favorite Columnists

Main Categories:

about

I'm Christina, and I'm 27. I tend to be brutally honest when I give advice or an opinion. I don't tell people what they want to hear but rather what they need to hear. They don't always appreciate it at first, but I usually get a thank you in the end.

I have 15 tattoos, and 8 piercings. I'm married and just gave birth to a baby boy in May. I'm currently a SAHM so you can find me taking care of my son and binge-watching television while he naps.

advice

I am 20/m. Recently, a 16 yr old dude I work w/ told me he had a female friend that had a big problem and needed advice from someone a little older that wasn't like parents old, and he thought I was nice and smart both. So I said sure, and this girl and I met to talk through her problem...except what she said shocked me and now I don't know what to tell her. She had just gotten her license and the first week she had it she was driving w/ a friend of hers when a motorcyclist hit her car. When she got out to check on the guy, his head was on one side of her car, but unfortunately the rest of his body was on the other. What on earth do I tell this poor girl?

This is a really tough issue. Unfortunately, you're going to have to tell her to report it. If she left the scene of the accident, she can get in trouble for a hit and run, so that's no good but she has to be honest.

I'm unfortunately not a licensed driver, so I don't know much about how some of it works, but she should definitely report it. If she goes along with her life without saying anything, it'll haunt her and eat at her. She's best just speaking up and telling people the truth, no matter what the consequences.

im nobody and have always been. dont want any pity . i want it done now

Nobody here is going to tell you how to kill yourself. In fact, we're going to do the opposite.

I really think you should call 911. Just tell the operator that you are having suicidal thoughts and they will send someone to you. Chances are you'll be taken to a hospital for an evaluation and they'll keep you there for a while if they deem you unsafe to be in the public or to be alone.

They will give you the help you need. Trust me, I used to feel the way you did, and I kept going even when I didn't want to. My life eventually got better. Everyone has their ups & downs but you need to stick around to really see things through. I promise things will get better for you.

I haven't had a nightmare in like years I think! But this dream I can remember vividly. I was supposed to wake up like 2-3 hours ago because I have work to finish, but I decided to snooze a little and then the dream came. First I looked into the driveway at my house and my mom's car was there. next second I look and some mysterious blue jeep has appeared! I tell my dad (who isn't even home right now.. he's in Texas) and he opens the door and talks to the guy to give our car back.. I never saw this guy, btw. I think I can scarcely recall him backing out with my mom's car though. Anyways, so I start going towards the basement.. and my dad keeps talking to the guy to give back our car. I see my dad start to back away and is just like "okay you can go!" but the intruder comes in. by this point Im really scared and lock myself in the basement. I hear the intruder come in the house and punch or kick my dad hard. Then I hear a thud. And Im freaking out. I have a little brother but he wasn't in the dream.. but I think my sister was.. I just hoped that she was okay because she's going through depression now and is on medication and didn't want her to go through anything else. I am not sure if he went upstairs to the bedrooms to check if she was there and attack her though. Anyways so I think he hears me run down the basement stairs (I regret not doing it before when he wasn't in the house yet) and he comes and tries to open the door but finds its locked. I then turn off all the lights and go to hide in the closet right under the basement stairs. The intruder upstairs says things.. like he's gonna come get me. my basement is furnished btw. anyways, my safe refuge of the closet suddenly exposes me.. which is impossible but I think my mind was thinking of the way my closet was before it was fixed up, with the holes between the wood, revealing who was hiding under the staircase. Anyways, I figured the closets were an obvious hiding spot, too. But when I hid there I was thinking of sometimes how I hide there like if I was in the basement and wasnt supposed to, cause my parents wouldn't look there. but this intruder would be very vigilant about finding me, I supposed. Anyways, so I go hide at this other spot near the air filter is.. and hide next to some beds. I hear the intruder throwing things at the door to try and open it. I hope he doesnt have a gun and that my other family members are still alive and not too hurt. Its weird because a few days earlier like not in the dream, I thought about where I'd hide if someone intruded and I was in the basement.. and it was that exact spot. Its not even the best spot.. geez, all houses need hiding spaces. like if he just walked around the bed he would have seen me on the floor. Anyways, for some reason I couldnt call 911! my phone suddenly got more complicated and wouldnt dial the right numbers. so I did the voice recognition which usually works and it dials 993 instead. how 3 sounds like 1 i have no idea. And then there was also some list which read things like "fire department" and etc.. I should have just dialed the fire department cause that was the closest thing to 911! but for all i know, my finger magically would call some other number instead. So i am unable to get help right when I hear the door blast open. I hear the guy coming down the stairs.. I am scared as f**** right then. Its hard for me to swallow.. it feels like my tongue is too big or something. and then before I could even meet the intruder (I imagined him to be some hick guy with a beard) I suddenly wake up and feel like WTF! my alarm clock was ringing since I pressed snooze.. so there's a good chance it was ringing the whole time. I feel all freaked out and then realize it was a dream.. that my dad is in texas so it cant be real. and that my mom is at work with her car. but still.. Im writing this like an hour after I woke up. I still feel a bit scared about the events.. they were so vivid. Im hoping to forget about them. But I want to know what it means so I can solve what the dream is trying to tell me.

I mean right now I feel pretty stressed out because I have midterms at school, and I procrastinate too much and haven't studied. I actually woke up this early in the morning to study a bit and do make up work (I have make up work to my eyeballs. If I don't do it before Wednesday, I'll fail nearly every subject this marking period. ughghghg. And its not because Im dumb. its because the work accumulated and I feel overwhelmed to even attempt to start doing it. I tell myself I can do it in 1 day when I know I cant. so then I feel like doing things to destress which take up all of my time - procrastination, which makes me more stressed as the days go by. the cycle repeats everyday. this whole school year has just been a big mess for me.) but here I am again.. wasting time. I dont know how to attempt to do the work.. I dont have anyone to talk to about it.. but I can't hide it anymore once the report cards come home. Oh gosh. I feel like I f***ed my life.. but I know I can fix it but Idk maybe its just laziness but this is just extreme.. it isnt just right now, I've always had procrastination issues but now its taken a huge toll on my life. Idk, maybe my dream is telling me that? i dont knowww.

Your dream is representing your stress. You're stressed about school and your work so it's coming to you as a dangerous man. It's really weird, I know. You just need to do one subject at a time. Take an hour per subject. Don't let yourself do anything else. Go to the library and take your schoolwork with you so you know you won't be distracted.

I know how you feel though. I have dreams about being murdered but they've been happening because I'm stressed. Just eliminate the stress factors & you won't have nightmares. :) I hope this helps.

I'm addicted to shoplifting. I've been doing it for about a year and a half now. It was my 2009 New Year's Resolution to stop shoplifting...but I didn't. I've been shoplifting weekly for about a year. I steal everything from makeup, jewelry, clothes, chapstick, food, pens, and headphones.

Today I went shopping with my sister (she used to steal, too, but she doesn't anymore). We went into a store and I stole two pairs of pants. Then we went to a store across the street and I stole a pair of shoes, a shirt, and two drinks. My sister saw all the stuff when we got home and told me she would never shop with me again. She's my best friend and this makes me sad. :(

I hate that I shoplift. But I also love it. I love getting new things, and I love the adrenaline rush. I know it's not worth it, and I know it's illegal. How do I stop? Please help me. And how do I get my sister to trust me again?

You are a kleptomaniac. You need to get professional help because if you don't, this will take over you even more & nothing good will come from it. Shoplifting can get you some serious fines, and maybe even jail time if they think you need it.

You really need to talk to your sister & ask her what you can do to gain her trust back. Whatever she asks of you, do it. If you promise her something, don't let her down. You really need to work at it. Show her you can change, and really put in the effort to change.

I really hope you get professional help for this. Shoplifting will land you in some serious shit if you get caught.

so im surrounded by people who cause problems in my life who are very difficult to talk to soooo....who should i talk to when there is no body to talk to??

If these people cause problems, why not get rid of them? You shouldn't have people in your life who cause you nothing but trouble. If they aren't doing anything good for you, then drop them & find people who will benefit you for the better. It's that simple.

But, if you need someone to talk to, you can e-mail me anytime. I'll listen & try to help the best that I can. If you need my e-mail, just inbox me.

i keep dreamin about pot. smokeing it, dealing it n the side effects. im tryin my hardest to refrain but its soo hard i wana yet i dont wana. what can i do to convince myself i dont want it?

Think of all the braincells you'll save and how much better your memory will be without it.

my mom left for an hour so i smoked alone in my room.
i didnt realized it smelled until 30 mins later when i got up to go to the bathroom. i sprayed deodarent and went into bed. just as i was shuttign my light off my mom came home. she came in my room and i was fake sleeping. she asked my why it smelled so i told her i sprayed deodarent bc i didnt shower. (bc i just got a haircut) and she didtn believe me. shes like i know it smells like marijuana.
i denied it and kicked her out. she left and i havnt left my room since. it is 11:30 am and i am so scared to leave my room and face her. what do i do? i already denied it and i dont want to come clean to her because this is the fourth time she caught me!!!! yes i know im an idiot and stupid so spare me the repremanding comments. please just help me out or tell me what to do! my mom thinks weed is like heroin. im scared to even look at her because shell say somehting to me.

Stop smoking weed. That way, you don't have to smoke inside your mom's house, ruin your braincells & lungs, and so you don't have to keep getting in trouble.

Give up the habit altogether & things will get better.

where is the best place to smoke weed in your house so it wont smell or linger on?? i need a place where i dont need to spray perfume.

If you're living with your parents, nowhere. If you live alone, wherever the hell you want.

Your question gives me hints that you still live at home though. Just don't smoke in your parents house.

I recently seen a tv show law n order which i love oliva the detective went under cover to a prison and was almost raped.

I was raped three times and just watching that episode brought back my memories does it ever get easier? I just feel helpless and alone since i watched it

You've been raped 3 times & have never received any type of help for it? How have you been living this way? Did you get checked for pregnancy, STDs, etc? You really need to get this stuff documented because if you ever wanted to sue, it'd be extremely difficult to win with no evidence.

But that's besides the point right now. You need to seek therapy. Things don't get easier until you get the help that you need. The sooner you see a professional therapist, the sooner you can come to terms with what has happened and move on with your life in a positive way. Leaving this alone and not doing anything about it will only make it worse. It will deeply affect your relationships with people, men, and it could completely ruin your sexual experiences in the future. Make sure you get yourself some therapy.

And if you happen to ever be raped again (let's hope not), make sure you get yourself checked at a doctor and that you contact 911! Rape is a serious matter that shouldn't be left alone.

what is so bad about pot?

It can:

Ruin your chances of getting a job.
Kill your brain cells & ruin your lungs.

It really hurts your memory.

my name iS Rachel and I go to a mental health center 5 days a week monday through Friday but anyways here is my problem they let us smoke at the center and there are a bunch of people that smoke and I don't mind giving out ciggerates once in a while and everybody gives them back to me except this one girl who lives in a group home and I understand that she only gets $31.00 a month out of her social sucurity check but it never fails she always asks me for at least 6 or 7 smokes a day and I know she can't afford to pay me back should I mention it to a staff member or would I be a snitch?

Either say you don't have too many cigarettes left or don't smoke around her.

The staff isn't gonna do anything about it.

14-f

im 5'6 and 104 pounds... am i fat??????????????

No, you're not fat.

I'm so depressed.I can't bear it anymore. I've donea lot of research but it's not helping me.

What's other ways I can treat/better my depression without anti-depressants or therapy.

There aren't many ways to treat depression without getting help from a professional from it. Not getting treatment for depression can often times be dangerous. I would suggest that you seek therapy because it's very hard to get over it without the aid of a professional.

i smoke so much

is there a reason ?

i love the feeling but could it be more?

am i depressed?

You could possibly be depressed, but I've never seen that as a main cause for smoking marijuana.

Usually people do it for leisure, for medical reasons, etc. You could be doing it for some other reason, but that's for you to figure out because we don't know you.

Please dont tell me other wise. I want so badly to be happy and live a long healthy life but honestly everything I have done in my life makes me so unworthy of life. I know I need help but I dont trust anyone with this problem. I go to doctors for help but theyre hopeless and take for ever, Im unabled to open up to absolutely anyone. I want it all to end so bad RIGHT NOW!!! I hate myself I hate my life. Im making everyone around me miserable.

Your question immediately stuck out to me.

I understand that help sometimes takes a long time to get, but that doesn't mean you should stop pursuing it. Keep seeing the doctor. It isn't hopeless. It may take a little bit, but you'll eventually notice a change.

Life isn't worth ending. Chances are that everything you see as a problem can be fixed. Problems are temporary. Death is permanent. There is no coming back from it.

Please keep seeing the doctor. I guarantee you will see a change in yourself.

I just can't stop having sex. It's awful. I seem to wake up every morning with a new woman in my bed. Sometimes more then one. I always use a condom, but the thing that bothers me is I'm homosexual. Why can't I stop having mad sex with women?

Welllll...

Either you're bi-sexual, OR you're sleeping with women to cover up your true sexuality from your loved ones.

My mother is a narcissist and used to abuse me emotionally and psychologically. I just came to college a few weeks ago hoping to heal somewhat from that by being in a different environment. However, my roommate has similar issues with her mom, and when she calls her on the phone I can hear a lot of their conversation. It brings back memories and makes me feel the feelings all over again and it is very uncomfortable. I don't know how to make myself feel better when instances like this arise.

When I found out that her family was like mine, I thought it might be nice because we could share our experiences. We did that once, and I didn't even say a lot. But I started panicking and my hands were shaking. I had to go to the bathroom and calm myself down.

If anyone has any advice on any of these issues, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

You need to seek professional help. Like Matt said, most schools offer free care for that. If your school doesn't, I'm pretty sure there's someone you can ask about it that will get you the help that you need.

Maybe your roommate can go with you. If you guys have similar problems, it wouldn't help for the both of you to get some help. Until you can get to someone (I suggest doing it ASAP, though) rely on each other for support.

I lack decent communication skills, I'm very shy, I don't like making eye contact or smiling at people, and I have difficulty making new friends and creating relationships. Such tasks as dating are very difficult for me and I'm only 21 years old. It feels like I'm never able to talk about things other people are interested in. I tried examining myself with a DSM book and I think I might have "Asperger's" but I don't know for sure since I haven't seen a doctor about these problems. Where can I get help?

I don't think what you've described is Asperger's. I think it's more Social Anxiety than anything. However, we're not doctors & that is who you need to contact. I'm pretty sure they'll say it could be something along the lines of social anxiety, but since I'm not a doctor, I can't say for sure. That's what it sounds like though.. see a doctor ASAP so that you can be treated.

my sister is in A LOT of stress.
dealing with family, boyfriend, school, a bunch of things.
anyway to help her out?
or to give her a hint of telling her how to help?
shes tried meditation and incense, stuff like that.
but she says its not working.
please help!
thank you!

I would suggest that she get a journal whether it be online or a regular notebook for school. Writing down feelings can really help one feel better. She can also try talking to you. Why don't you tell her that if she needs to talk about anything that you're there to listen? If she prefers an online journal, here are some sites:

www.tumblr.com
www.livejournal.com
www.xanga.com

She can also try going out & having time for herself. Tell her to go to the mall & walk around. Maybe go shopping with her if you guys have money. Shopping & hanging out can help take her mind off of it. If she drives, I suggest she go for a drive & clear her head. She can also try walking alone on the beach or something. :)

Im always deppresed and I want it to stop. I cant aford theropy and I refuse to take pills. Any ideas?

Depression is a serious medical & mental issue that needs to be taken care of. There is a way to get therapy that is affordable. There are mental health clinics that give discounts to people who can't afford the normal price of therapy. It goes by income most of the time. Usually if your income is very low, they just give it to you for free altogether. Chances are they'll try to prescribe you something because they can't always help you every second and the pills can help you until your next session. You can't ask for help & then refuse the only known methods that will be given. That's a little ridiculous.

In the meantime, get yourself a journal. Everytime you feel sad, go write in your journal. I can guarantee that writing your feelings down will help you sort them out & it'll also make you feel a lot better. I did that when I was younger & suffering from depression, and it really helped me. :) You also need to surround yourself with positive things. Being around the negative will never make you feel any better. You can also try turning to a friend when you feel sad. Friends can usually be of good help, even when they don't know what you're going through. The fact that they're just listening is comforting.

I definitely suggest that you go to a mental health clinic though. Depression can kill you if not treated and it'd be a shame to lose your life over something that can be helped.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>