about

I'm an 29 year old guy.
I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.

o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!

advice

so basically im having trouble deciding if i should break up with my byfriend he dosnt message me first we barley hang out and when we do we dont really talk we like kiss in stuff i dont know what to do should i stay and see where things go or dump him because honestly i dont feel like we are gonna last

If it's bad, break up. If it's not bad, then give it a little time.

In terms of messaging, match his pace. If he doesn't message you, don't go out of your way for him. Maybe he's busy, or maybe he's just not that into you (sorry if that's the case).

Only doing stuff like kissing doesn't sound right. There's a balance between no kissing, and just kissing, with a sweetspot in the middle, where you talk, and date, and do things together that aren't just kissing. It doesn't sound like you have that balance right just yet.

Look up some date ideas, and plan out some dates. If he doesn't seem interested in the date, in you, or anything but kissing and touching, then that's what he values about you. If that really is all the value you have to him, get rid of him fast.

Hopefully by going on some dates and trying to cool things down a little, you'll develop something stronger.

Best of luck - Silentone

[view]

Once I have anal sex and it didn't slipper to my vagina, am I still a virgin? (Stressed)

An anal virgin, no. Vaginal virgin, yes. Overall, it's up to you, or anyone who you discuss it together with to decide.

There are a lot of different interpretations of the word Virgin.
1 Religious
2 Psychologically
3 Hymen not broken
4 Never had any kind of sexual contact

[view]

what do guys think is the cutest thing about a girl?

Things only girls are allowed to do count high on the list. For instance ribbons, small bells, things that show your personality that are a little different from what anyone else is wearing.
-K

[view]

i don't know what to get my boyfriend for valentines day. we've been going out for almost two months, and by valentines day it'll be almost three. i reeeally like him and i don't want to look stupid. what do you get guys for valentines day? any ideas?

See my previously answered question http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=555914

-K

[view]

Female,13
Breakin it down:

Guy number 1: Cute, nice, musical, loving, lives close and alwayz wants to hang out, LIKES ME

Guy number 2: Cutish, nice, flirty(in a good way, funny and likes to talk

WHICH ONE??

Number one is older than me
Number two is younger than me

Number one Likes Me
Number two i like him

Ive described the perfect guy before: Cute, Funny, Crazy, Fun, Romantic, Loving, Lives close, Musical, always wants to be with me, and if i chose how he looked it would just be cute curly hair and blue eyes.

Guy number one is the nice one and lives close and plays guitar

Guy number two is the funny, fun to be with guy

One likes me, number two i like him,

Guy number one is excactly how i described the perfect guy in the nice way

Guy number two is excactly how i described the perfect guy in the funny way

number one lives close

number two would be hard to date because it would be another boring middle skewl thang

but i cant ever talk to number one beacause he doesnt like carry on the convo
and it drives me crazy

number two can make me laugh and he gets me

Which one should i lean more towards??
one who i can hang with and he loves me and what not like a perfect love story??

or one who can i can have fun with but not hang out so much because he doesnt live around here

Either way it would be difficult reletionships

NUMBER ONE?!? NUMBER TWO?!?

This will be one of my shorter answers.
Give the nice guy a go (number one).
He likes you, and you obviously like him a little to even consider him.
He sounds like the shyer of the two, and as such if you got to know him, he might carry on conversation better, and feel confident enough to make jokes.
Number 2 sounds like he has "jerk potential".
If you think about a relationship as "difficult", it's doomed to failure. Just let him know you like him too, and go with the flow.

-K

[view]

"If you have it [ Love ], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, It doesn't matter much what else you have...",,,or so the saying goes. You see, I am in this relationship with a different nationality and religion as I am. We are both currently in a country where we are both expatriates. We've been together for more than one (1) year now. We both love each other, we have the normal quarrels that couples have. But deep in our hearts we love each other. We're like bestfriends where we can share each other anything, be there for each other no matter what. We have shared laughter and tears. But the thing is we both know that as soon as our visa expires and we are to go back to our respective countries, that would be the end of it. We both know it, its inevitable. It was hard for me to accept it before, until now actually, but slowly I have come to accept our situation. Thinking about our "doomed fate" made me feel a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Some of you might say, "then why the heck are you still in the relationship?!?". The truth? I don't know. I guess its something you can call L-O-V-E? Pretty stupid and lame huh? Or it could be I'm scared to be alone in a foreign country where you cannot trust everyone that you meet. Or perhaps because of the special bond I share with this wonderful guy. Deep inside I know I should let go before I fall too deep-in-love and later I won't be able to recover from the excruciating ache and grief...

Hi,
Well you didn't exactly ask a question, but I can see your situation.
Your visas expire, and you go home. The end, right? WHAT THE HELL? WHY? GOING HOME ISN'T THE END! Just because you go home it doesn't mean you stop loving someone, so why should it mean you stop fighting to be with them?
Why can't you apply for a visa to go to his country, or him to come to yours? Life doesn't end when you go back home. Why are you both in the foreigner country to begin with? Is there a chance you can both get visas to go back to the country again in half a year, or a year?
If you love someone, and you don't want to be separated from them, you can marry them. Countries usually offer permanent visas to expatriate partners.

-K

[view]

I'm 15 (a sophomore in HS), and I have never really dated anyone. It's not that i don't like guys (i'm a girl if you couldn't tell), because i have in the past, but they just never seem into me. I mean i don't think I'm ugly or anything of that sort, and i have guy friends, so i'm not socially awkward. Am i being very paranoid, or is this common (or both?)?

People start dating when they feel comfortable to, and someone they want to date turns up. You can't date if you ain't GOT a date! ;)

I'm 21 and I've dated one person, when I was about 18. It varies by person, and don't let any idiots stereotype you into feeling bad about yourself because it hasn't happened for you yet.

-K

[view]

I've been extremely interested (like, "Guy of my dreams" interested) in this guy in my theater department for several months now, (He actually used to be my neighbor from across the street, but I was too shy to go and talk to him) and we chat here and there, and we DO have a lot in common, and I truly see potential in us being together. However, I have absolutely no idea how he feels about me...one minute, he doesn't seem to know I exist, and the next, we're having a deep conversation...there HAVE been times where I THINK he's dropped hints, but my anxiety has prevented me from responding...I'm afraid to tell him how I feel because,
A: Being rejected sucks, but I think being the one who has to reject is even worse, and I care about him too much to put that on him. I realize that's not going to get me anywhere, but it's just the way I am.
B: I'm too darn shy, and
C: I've had experiences where guys have completely ignored me after I told them how I felt...I don't think he'd be that way, but that experience has taken a huge chunk out of my confidence level.

Anyways, I suppose what I'm trying to ask is,
1: What would be the most obvious hints a guy would typically give? (so I can avoid confusion in the future)

And 2: What can I do to prepare myself to approach the situation should I ever decide to confront him about my feelings?

Thanks everyone, I realize that was a really long post...

Hi ^_^

A: I'll re-itterate what you mentioned, and add two things:
Being rejected sucks for a while.
Rejecting someone is even worse for a while.
1: Being in Limbo sucks only a little less, for the whole time.
BUT
2: Not knowing what the answer was for the rest of your life, because you were afraid of being Rejected, or making someone Reject you sucks THE MOST, every time you think about it, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You should let this scare you more than the others.

B: Shyness is common. I'm incredibly shy, and to compound it, quite weird too. However there are various ways to work around being shy. ("Weird" is unfortunately difficult and incurable.)
The first is to think so long and hard about what I just said about "not knowing for the rest of your life", that you become absolutely determined not to end up like that. But like I've said to many people, knowing it isn't enough if you don't do it NOW. If you leave it for tomorrow, he could be gone. If you -always- leave it for tomorrow, one day he -will- be gone.
The second is an ongoing campaign to approach as many strangers as possible, to get rid of approach anxiety. There are whole books about approach techniques, but I will give you a tiny summary: Pick any person, at any time, and say anything to them, but this anything has to be justifiable. Whether it's a direct comment on the surrounding environment, a non-personal question which you need independent advice on ("Hi, my handbag strap just broke, but would you happen to know any good leather repair shops around here?"). Once you get decent at handling 2-3 line approaches, then you can attempt to start out with simple things such as that, and then use anything that comes out of the response as a hook to change the flow of conversation to something else. No need to go too far with this stuff, but shyness is something separate that needs to be slowly conquered.

C: Two possibilities here. Shy people don't tend to straight out say what they feel to other people. As such, if they do, they occasionally say it too ultra-directly, too fast, or just generally make the situation awkward. Especially if the receiver is unsuspecting, this can be like being hit in the face with a demand to either commit, or retreat. Most people retreat when hit in the face.
The other possibility is that the guys you've approached haven't shared your feelings, and don't want to torment you by trying to remain your friend, while not sharing your feelings.
You can't let this affect your confidence. It is not about you, it is about your relation with them. You remain the same, whether they want your affection or not. Confidence is about knowing who you are, knowing you are great, and being willing to impose your greatness on other people (carefully!).

If you are capable of deep conversation with him, it's very unlikely that he is completely oblivious to you.
1: Hints can be extremely original, so if you're not going to give us specific instances, I'm afraid I'm not very brushed up on generics.
2: Firstly, don't EVER use the word "Confront" to describe encounters with boys! That is what SCARY ladies do... ;)
Secondly, if you're shy, then try making your own sneaky hints. You won't feel like you're hitting on him, or full out telling him your feelings, but if you make good enough hints, he might reciprocate with some more hints of his own. If it becomes obvious there's mutual potential, shyness can melt away like morning frost. You can still "Break ice" given enough luke-warm water. Note, this is not an excuse to pretend to yourself that you are flirting with him, while procrastinating about it, and letting him drift until he disappears off somewhere else one day.

Don't lose your window of opportunity

-K

[view]

so theres this guy that i met at my friends house about a month ago, he is friends with my friends brother. hes one year younger than me but whatever. we met about a month ago at her house, it was fun we all just watched movies in the basement and slept over. I found out he liked me a week later, i liked him too. we talked online and then a month later which was last weekend i saw him at her house again, before i went though he told me he wanted to do stuff with me. we didnt end up doing anything because we were never alone. he likes this girl who lives an hour away who is a junior..its kind of weird.. but anyways,
on wednesday i got an IM from him and we were just kidding around about how it was funny that he took my phone and i kept on trying to get it from him. then he told me that i "wanted it" and he was being serious. and then he told me i should of given him a handjob and he was going to feel me up. and i said he could feel me up because i dont know, i still like him. so then he said, okay next time ill feel you up and you give me a handjob k? and okay i know this is really bad but i said okay. only because..i dont know..i want him to still like me..and i feel like if i said no he wouldnt be talking to me anymore..so i just okay. without even thinking about it..:[ and then all he wanted to talk about was getting his handjob and feeling me up and how i was going to do it and all of this stuff. and where we would do it. and then he asked what my bra size was and i dont know. it was getting annoying..he asked me if i would suck it and i told him no im sorry but i dont want to. and he said, okay im fine with a handjob:] ugh..i dont think i want to do that. first of all, we arent even going out. second of all, ive only seen him twice. third of all, he likes someone else. fourth of all, he told me he doesnt know if he likes me and he is split between me and someone else and that if i do these things with him he might be with me. fifth of all, my worst fear, is him telling all of his friends about it. and he used to go to my school, so im afraid word would get out that i did that to him and people would think im a slut...i told him not to tell ANYONE and he said yeah i promise dont worry. but for some reason i just dont believe that..at all..i sort of want to give him one because i like him and i just dont know..im also really afraid that now if i dont, hell be really let down and mad and never talk to me again. im stuck. he thinks im going to give him one..and i dont know if i want to..its a lose lose situation i mean if i dont, ill be let down by him and he wont talk to me..if i do, im afraid hell tell people..but then again maybe he wont? i have no idea. and also, thursday night he was litterally begging me for a half hour for me to send a picture of my upper chest for him. i said no i dont think its a good idea incase people find out and he just kept on saying no please im trustworthy please come on i promise i wont please. and then after i said no in the nicest way possible at least 20 times, he asked me if he could use his mouth feeling me up and i just said yeah i mean i guess and he said he would. then he texted me and told me how big he was and asked if i liked it. ugh i just feel like such a slut if i gave him a handjob. its gonna end badly, i just know it. and also this would be my first time giving one..and he knows that too..ugh i dont know what to do..i like him, a lot, and im afraid...ugh im just so afraid. someone please help me.

Short answer this time:
I only needed to skim read your question to know that this guy is bad news. Don't do anything sexual with him.

Why do you like him? Does he seem "cool"? "Dangerous"? "Fun"?

Make yourself a list of things you like about him.
Once you have a list, look at each thing, and write why you think it, and whether you have any proof, or logical reason for thinking it. It doesn't sound to me like you really know him too well.

I second the other answers. Unless you're looking for a gratuitous "lover" with no strings attached, then stay away.

-K

[view]

k so i have this reaaalllyyy good friend that used to have a gf and i had a bf so we didn't hang out that much then i broke up with my bf and started hanging out with him A LOT like almost 4 5 times per week. oh yea his gf lived in another town so they never see each toher ..anyway we became really close friends adn then she broke up with him so we started going out even more frecuently...one day we finally started kissing...then hooked up and we've been like that since almost 2 months ago and he broke up with her prolly 3 ago ...anyway ..so i once told him i didn't want us to make out anymore or go further because i really really liked him, ( meaning like if he is not looking for a relationship with me dont make out with me anymroe cause i was serious about him) and he was like we've been close friends since almost 3 years and you know i wouldnt do that to you (kiss me and all if he didn't like me ) i wouldnt be doing that to you i like you too. so that was okey..but its been a month and a half of that!!! thats like 2723 hang outs . and 2324 times making out.
and i get confused cause one day we make out and the next day we go to the movies or somethign and just hang out as friends!and kiss goodbye on the cheek..then the next day we hang out and we're making out and kisses me goodbye on the lips ..i mean like wtf is he thinkin??? i¿d prefer getting a guys opinion about this..cause he said he wouldnt hurt me or anything (like using me blabla ) and it just seems to me like he's doing it by treating me like we're dating one day and the next we're just friends then like we're dating blablabla ..like i dont know where we're standing. and i feel like i dont want to ask him cause thats what i mean when i told him i didnt wanted to hook up if this was meaningless to him i dont want to look like im rushing it to be in a relationship with me or somethign ...i was just wondering ...do you guys find this normal if you where dating someone?cause its like we're "dating " in an intermitent way i guess one day we're kissing the next we act like nothings going on like what would i do if he just all of the sudden starts dating someone else blabla or what if i wanna date soemone else? like im no t sure if im dating soemone by the way we act right now ... so what should i do?

thanks in advance

Hi, (21M)
Because your question is long, I'll break it into parts, and answer them in the order I think is most useful.

First, you say that you broke up with your bf and started hanging out with him (while he still had a girlfriend, I think)
Then three months ago his girlfriend broke up with him.
Then two months ago you guys hooked up.

Depending on what you mean by "hooked up", your times don't match.
Possibilities:
1. You were going out with him properly while he still had a girlfriend.
2. You were seeing him, but you're not calling it hooking up, because you weren't making out.
3. You guys separated from your respective girl/boyfriends around the same time, and then you guys got together a little later.

In case 3, everything is as it should be in terms of "one at a time".
In cases 1 and 2, I have a question:
If you were hanging out with him almost every day for a month, while he had a girlfriend... was it really her who broke up with him? If he is interested in you, and he did not instigate the breakup, why not?
It's possible that she found out about you, and broke up with him for that, but either way, if it was not him doing the breaking up, then I have to be suspicious of him to some extent. Did he want to keep his other girlfriend in the dark, and have you too?


With respect to telling him to be serious about the relationship, or stop making out with you:
It's not clear what you told him exactly, but he obviously responded to it, by behaving the way he is now.

Keep in mind that if you tell an insincere boy that he has two options: Just friends, or Serious relationship; and then attach two conditions:
a) Just friends = no messing around.
b) Serious relationship = Making out + potential.
Which would the insincere boy choose? My bet is on 'b', for B cautious.

"He said he wouldnt hurt me or anything (like using me blabla)" - This is worth 0. There is no way to know if this is the truth or not. Jerks who just want sex will say it to get what they want. Honest good guys will say it because they mean it.

"I dont want to look like I'm rushing him to be in a relationship" - Then don't rush things. The longer you make him chase you, the less likelihood he is insincere. On the other hand, if you make him chase you too far without any hope, even the most sincere relationship will break off in despair. Relationships about way more than making out, and I'm not talking more serious physical contact, I mean psychological support, love, all those soppy words which nobody really likes to hear about, but in the end hope are true. This is what your real question, now, is about.


For the last month and a half you say you two have been make out one day, lip kissing, and then the next day go to the movies as friends, and kiss on cheek. That sort of stuff. Like you don't know where you're standing, 'dating' in an intermittent way, but you're not even sure if you're 'dating' someone.
You don't like not having relationship certainty. Nobody does.

Before going into what you should do about it, I'll explain what's called "push/pull", or "love/hate". This is the principle that when people are secure with another person, they are happy enough. But if the relationship with the other person becomes uncertain, or looks like being lost, then it becomes important.

Imagine:
Someone you like suddenly tells you they HATE you
If a person you don't associate with says they hate you, you could easily ignore it.
But your feelings for a person you like give them much more power to make you feel crap than an normal person.
When the same person who said they HATE you, and made you feel so terrible does a backflip, and suddenly they LIKE you again, it feels wonderful. They not only take away the pain they caused you, but it goes further, it's warming, healing, relaxing, whatever you will.
BUT... then they do it again. Only now they're more important to you, because they just made you feel wonderful, better than anyone has in ages.
They HATE you again, and it makes you feel so bad you almost want to curl up and die this time.
A few days later, they call you, and the whole "push/pull" starts over again.
Repeated cycling of this type of push/pull creates a bond between people way WAY stronger than just liking someone continually for the same amount of time.
I accidentally did this once to a female friend of mine, and she's still the most reactive, closely bound friend I have. I wasn't even intending to at the time, but I realised afterwards that I'd done it, and was shocked at how amazingly effective it was at creating a bond between us.
Now, this is of course an example, but also a process, with different degrees, in different methods. He's not even telling you he hates you, he is just being passionate one day, and cold-fish the next. But it's similar. It might not be intentional. Maybe it is. The sure thing; it's happening.

In countering push/pull, when the person being subjected to it finds out, they should do something decisive to stop themselves from being manipulated. Generally that would mean either removing themselves from the pusher/puller, or affecting the relationship with the pusher/puller in such a way that it stops (without alerting the pusher/puller to the fact that they have noticed the technique.)

In your case, I suggest you deprive him of his PULL: making out. Be uncomfortable about making out, think of a good excuse, and make your lips STRICTLY unavailable to him, repeatedly.
By doing this you are not only breaking his cycle, but you're effectively stealing his PULL, and using it as a PUSH for yourself, against him. You're making him uncomfortable with the stability of his position, and forcing him to react. You can PULL later if you need to, but for a start, let's make him feel like you, let's make him wonder if he's going out with you or not. Maybe then he'll have to make up his mind.

If he's scared being serious will ruin your friendship, because of what you said to him, he could be trying to play it slow, in which case he should withstand the pushing. He will almost certainly notice something strange about the way you are acting if you change the status-quo by becoming "unavailable" to make out.
This is a chance to see how he reacts.
His reaction is the most important indicator about whether he is serious, playing, loves you, Everything.

He might ask you to talk. Be prepared for questions about why you haven't been making out. Don't take this the wrong way, but if he isn't serious, then be prepared not to be manipulated by any emotional shit that players have up their sleeves to try to salvage precarious relationships. Don't let him flick any switches in your head. Up 'till now you haven't known 100% what is going on. From now on YOU are driving, because you DESERVE to know how you stand. When either of you doesn't, it's not a fair relationship.

Final note after reading the other response: True, lots of guys won't want to approach you to talk. If you go cold, and he looks like running, maybe it's best you initiate a talk.


Hope things go well for you ^.-
-K

[view]

and I have no idea what to get my boyfriend.we've been going out since xmas eve 08. he's 17 nd im 16. please help me think of something I can do for him or give him that he would like if you need any more information just ask ill let you know. thankyou for your time! thanks in advance!

View this question: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=555914
The question has some good ideas, and I answered it with some ideas of my own.
You could also search Advicenators for other people who've asked the same question.

[view]

Okay so I realize it's a little early to be worrying about Valentine's Day gifts but I really want to do something big this year and I need to start thinking of ideas now. My boyfriend is nineteen years old and I am making him a Valentine's Day gift basket. I'm also cooking him dinner. The basket can be as small or as large as it needs to be, depending on how many things I can think to put in it. Basically I'm looking for additional ideas on what to put in it besides what I already have and any other not too expensive gifts. For the basket I'm already making him heart shaped chocolates, a card, a poem, a framed picture of me and a photo snapbook of about twenty of our pictures. I would like to do a little coupon book for him as well with coupons for cooking his favorite dinner, my treat to the movies, etc. and any ideas on that would be helpful as well. Thank you so much =)

Well seeing as you're thinking about it this early, you have a chance to innocently suss out what he would like, but isn't conscious enough of to go out and buy himself. A bunch of small, insignificant seeming cheap stuff can often mean a lot if it is the right stuff.

One thing about getting presents from girls:
As long as they are not unusual and repulsive, in relationship terms, the monetary value of the contents hardly matters. What matters is how the present relates your feelings towards the boy, and is relevant to your interpersonal connection. If he ever said that he likes a ribbon you tie your hair with, or the perfume you wear, then make sure you tie a bow for the basket with a perfumed ribbon.

Another thing that melts me is knowing something took time. I recently received a novel in a different language, which a female friend of mine had annotated for me, to enable my reading of it. I had jokingly asked her months beforehand to do so, but was never seriously expecting anything of her. Just the fact that it must have taken her AGES makes me feel valuable.
In that respect, how are you at craft? Is there any chance of writing/painting the poem onto the picture frame, and spending time decorating it intricately?

The coupon book is a good idea. I would suggest you make a few special coupons which go at the back. One for a kiss. One for a hug. One with a question mark. You decide what the question mark ends up as. It doesn't have to be "the obvious", maybe you could write him a love letter and give it to him if he ever plays the question coupon, or figure out something ridiculous to do which is sure to make him smile. Make sure he knows that these last coupons are special. He can use them at any time he wants, whether or not you are pissed off with him, but only ever use them once. If you want to go for symbolistic flair, you could glue match sticks to these three, and the igniter side of a match box to the back of the book of coupons. If he wants to use any of the last three coupons, it must be struck.

Depending on what kind of guy he is, there are some things that guys aren't allowed to have unless given to them by a girl. For instance, bath products, or a teddy named after yourself. It can be nice to be "feminised" by a girl once in a while.

Lastly, you should try to think of a romantic way to deliver the basket. If you have access to his bed, and a florist/garden full of roses, you could put the basket in the middle of his bed surrounded by rose-petals. Be creative about it.

Valentines is hardly about the gift. It is about the person giving the gift, and the effort they go to, to give part of themselves.

Have fun
-K

[view]

is there any good way to tell someone you like them without straight up saying i like you? i think it would just be random, and i'm 18 and have never told ANYONE ive liked them before but i've decided i need to tell this boy. i've liked him for three years now !! its a confusing situation but i just dont want to be random about it so id like to know how people have told others they've liked them, and how it worked out :) thanks!

Hey,
first off, I would like to thank you so much for even considering being the first to make a move towards a guy. Girls just don't do it, and it's unfair.

But to answer your question:
Don't try! There is no safe way to 'tell' a guy you like him.

How well do you know him? You say you've been onto him for 3 years... what kind of relation do you have with him? Please tell me you're not his "friend".
I agree that he needs to find out that you like him, because if he doesn't find out soon, he will be gone while you are sleeping, dreaming about telling him.
What I disagree with is the word "tell". It is blunt, and really should only ever be used when the other person already knows, or suspects what they are being told. The exception to this is when people have been deceived, and are being "informed" of how they really stand.
So if we rule out telling, we have every English teacher's favourite word: "showing".

Flirt with him.

(being careful not to overdo it and become stalkerlike) I'm not exactly the king of flirt myself, so I will leave it up to the thousands of questions on flirting that have already been answered to give you advice on that one.

In this case flirting is like a game of scrabble. As you lay out your innocent words, like "nice" "haircut" "would" "you" "care" "to" "dance", and add to your score, he will hopefully start to notice your presence, just how interesting you are, and if he's clever, he'll know you want him to dance.

Just once more I'll say: If you are too direct about things, there is an immediacy and requirement to respond, sometimes in unpredictable and unfavourable ways (and also plenty of players willing to "reciprocate and manipulate"), yet if you tangibly hint at things, and wait until he is used to the idea, perhaps even wishing something would happen between you, and then play the card of directness, then you are much more likely to achieve a positive response. At the same time, you'll elude a lot of players, who are just in for the quick-card.

If you've already been flirting, and it just doesn't seem to be going anywhere, try a review of your flirting techniques, take it further, or if you think it's time, play you card simple. Get him alone, say "(name), I want you to know. I like you." best not to expect an instant answer.

Good luck,
Hope he reciprocates

[view]

how can you tell when a guy SINCERELY likes you or if he's just trying to butter you all up so that he can get what he wants if you know what i mean. we kinda have a history. im 17 hes 18, and a good friend of mine whom ive known since the beginning of the school year. we liked each other, nothing happened, so that fell apart. his ex who is one of my friends found out i liked him and said all he wanted was sex.. but then she changed it to no they had a bad break-up but that he was a good guy and wed be cute together. now he still likes me, has admitted his feelings and were kind of "talking/dating" but i dont know. i said no when he asked me to be his girlfriend over the wknd.... he knows my xbf of 1.5 yrs who i broke up with in november sexually assualted me, and he knows that his best friend played the nice guy card to try to take advantage of me as well, then ditched me and started drama when he couldnt get any, which my guy couldnt stand and wanted to kill him for.. that ordeal basically ruined their friendship. anyway.. i want to think hes not like that.. he says hes not.. and he hasnt tried anything. his other best friend who is a girl and also kind of a friend of mine said shes been hearing that he just wants to go out w/ girls to get sex but she doesnt know if thats true.. but at the beginning of the year she said she knows for a fact hes a virgin. i dont know what to think !?!?! after his friend and my x im convinced that thats all guys are after so i have ZERO trust in them but i just dont know? any signs that i can tell or anything? i just wanna be sure ... x

Hi,
Go out with him and get to know him better. If he's just trying to butter you up for sex, then let him, but don't have sex with him until you trust him enough. That could be a long time, I guess.
Guys who are just in it for sex will usually just give up if they don't think they're going to get any in a 'reasonable timeframe', and try to find someone easier to trick.
Sex is all Some guys are interested in. It's unfortunate that those guys are the ones who give us a bad reputation, and nobody notices when a guy isn't just out for sex.

-K

[view]

I asked this question before but no one really helped so i am gonna ask it again =P

there is this kid i REALLYYYYYYYY like!!!!! and we are REALLY good friends.

he likes someone else =\
which is my 1st problem

and also whenever we talk on aim our conversations are so boring and awkward and its like uhhh now what do we talk about in awkward silence
on aim i cant rele joke with him cause he takes things seriously
but in person he is CRAZZZYYY!! and he ALWAYS comes up to me to talk to me and say hi but then it happnes again we are just standing there in awkward silence like, not knowing what to say to eachotherr

soo yeahh idk if someone can help, but ifff you could that would be greatt (=

Hey,
The #1 easiest thing to talk about is yourself. Accordingly, to make it easy for him to talk, and interesting for you, you should ask questions about him. There's no way you can run out of questions to ask him about himself, because the only person who knows everything about him is (himself).
If nothing else, it will give him the impression that you're into him.
Things like what his dreams are, who his first crush was on, why he's doing the subjects he is at school, what colour hair he likes, movies, music is always a good topic.

It all seems like small-talk, really, but I've come to a the conclusion that if it weren't for small-talk, people would know very little at all about one another.

-K

[view]

Hi Im almost 15 and I havent had aboyfriend yet it may be becuz I am fat but I was wondering if I willl ever have one I feel so lonely and confused That all my friends have had one and I havent!!

plzzzz tell me why im so unwanted!

I didn't have one (girlfriend) until I was 19. Sometimes things just don't happen fast. If you feel lonely, you should try to just make some more friends, that's how you end up knowing people and meeting really special ones who you want to go out with/want to go out with you.
Also, you say "I am fat" in your question. I'm not saying that you are, or are not, because I don't know, however you making that statement gives me the impression that you personally think this is a detriment that would make guys not want to go out with you. There are two ways around that; find a guy who doesn't care about extra weight, and don't be shy because of it, because that's how you end up not getting to know people; or, try to lose it.

Not having a boyfriend or a girlfriend isn't particularly about being wanted or not, it's about finding someone who matches you. Sometimes that's trickier than it sounds, especially if you're as strange as I am ^_^.

Good luck
-K

[view]

14/f
I recently told my friend ( a guy, we will call him A ) that i had a crush on his best friend. ( we will call him F ) so A says to me that he will talk to F about me and see if F likes me too. A couple of days later, he tells me that F knows that I like him. Then a few more days later, and A tells me that F said he likes me but doesn't want a girlfriend right now during summer.

well, my question is- does this seem like he actually likes me? or is just being poliete and trying to say no he doesn't like me? i know it seems really silly, and obvious, but i just want to make sure thats the truth.

Hey,
I'll add a bit to what solidadvice4teens said, but I don't think it's completely suited to your situation. I agree with what they said, it's just it sounds from your question that you were just sniffing things out, rather than actually being serious about asking him out or anything, in which case asking a mutual friend might be best. If you want to ask him out, yes, do it yourself.
The thing I will add is that asking a mutual friend might be risky for other reasons; such as A has feelings for you, and is trying to keep you from finding out that F is crazy about you, in order to try to have a chance with you himself.

If there's none of that going on, and what A told you is the truth of what F said to him, then F probably really does like you, but just has short-term reasons for not wanting to become attached at the moment. I wouldn't want to stereotype, but guys don't tend to much about as much being polite by putting things off as girls do. By talking to his friend, he would be removed enough from you to feel like he didn't need to be polite about saying whether or not he liked you.

-K

[view]

17/m If i'm a virgin, how long will i last my first time

Depends on your personal habits. Frequent, short-time masturbation conditions you to ejaculate quickly... not a good thing from the other gender's point of view. As a counter-point, in general, twice-weekly or more frequent masturbation lessens your risk of prostate cancer significantly, so it's not necessarily to be avoided.
If you don't masturbate, you might last longer, however you may be more excited about the first time, and ejaculate sooner. It depends on the person. I suggest if you're worried about it, that you invest a small amount of time reading about the man's side of oral-sex, because it will probably lead to greater satisfaction for any girl you sleep with.

-K

[view]

I have a feeling that this guy, who knows I like him, might diss me in the middle of the school cafeteria... dont ask why i know this.
What should I do when this happens? Any tips?

and pleaseee don't tell me to confront him earlier or anything, i know the public humiliation is coming.

Hi,
You could try having something to fire back at him. First, you've sort of got to think of what he could possibly say or do to try and humiliate you, and be prepared to completely blank it out. If he succeeds in humiliating you, there's nothing you can do during, or after, that will have any effect.
On the other hand, a cup of (hot coffee might be a bit much :) cold water or milk in the face might be fun to do. Of course, this should probably be done smiling.
Apart from that, don't you have any dirt on him? Get ready to fling it at the right moment. But don't rush and stumble over your own tongue. Perhaps practice quietly at home ^_^.
Luck!
-K

[view]

I wanted to know why do some boys act mean and nasty to certain girls after they break up. Like they start saying "What are you looking at?" They also start talking about that girl and they don't speak no more or even look the girls way.

Because some boys are the real deal (A-holes). They get pissed off if the girl initiates the breakup, most likely because they found out that the guy was an A-hole. They also get mean after they initiate a breakup, usually after they've used you, because they are just mean, generally nasty people.
It's the same with all nasty people really, just with a breakup thrown in. People like that are usually only 'nice' when it suits them.
-K

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker