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i dont know what to think?
how can you tell when a guy SINCERELY likes you or if he's just trying to butter you all up so that he can get what he wants if you know what i mean. we kinda have a history. im 17 hes 18, and a good friend of mine whom ive known since the beginning of the school year. we liked each other, nothing happened, so that fell apart. his ex who is one of my friends found out i liked him and said all he wanted was sex.. but then she changed it to no they had a bad break-up but that he was a good guy and wed be cute together. now he still likes me, has admitted his feelings and were kind of "talking/dating" but i dont know. i said no when he asked me to be his girlfriend over the wknd.... he knows my xbf of 1.5 yrs who i broke up with in november sexually assualted me, and he knows that his best friend played the nice guy card to try to take advantage of me as well, then ditched me and started drama when he couldnt get any, which my guy couldnt stand and wanted to kill him for.. that ordeal basically ruined their friendship. anyway.. i want to think hes not like that.. he says hes not.. and he hasnt tried anything. his other best friend who is a girl and also kind of a friend of mine said shes been hearing that he just wants to go out w/ girls to get sex but she doesnt know if thats true.. but at the beginning of the year she said she knows for a fact hes a virgin. i dont know what to think !?!?! after his friend and my x im convinced that thats all guys are after so i have ZERO trust in them but i just dont know? any signs that i can tell or anything? i just wanna be sure ... x
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You can't tell for sure. You can only trust your gut, keep your eyes and ears open and learn from your mistakes.
However, you could certainly make things easier on yourself by telling him where you stand on this whole issue up front.
Tell him something like "Look, I like you, but I'm not going to sleep with you. I'm not interested in having a sexual relationship right now and I don't know when I will be. So if you are waiting to get laid, you need to met someone else."
Don't tell him you are thinking about it and don't tell him when you think you'll be ready agian (even if he asks) just tell him a gentle but firm 'This isn't going to happen'.
Remember that even good guys want sex, get arroused and have it on thier minds. They can't really help that. The difference between good guy and snakes is that the good guys are respectful and don't let thier desire for sex posion thier relationship.
You still wont know for sure, but you'll feel stronger and in more control if you lay down the rules firmly before you begin to date.
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Hi,
Go out with him and get to know him better. If he's just trying to butter you up for sex, then let him, but don't have sex with him until you trust him enough. That could be a long time, I guess.
Guys who are just in it for sex will usually just give up if they don't think they're going to get any in a 'reasonable timeframe', and try to find someone easier to trick.
Sex is all Some guys are interested in. It's unfortunate that those guys are the ones who give us a bad reputation, and nobody notices when a guy isn't just out for sex.
-K
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