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being pressured into giving a handjob..
so theres this guy that i met at my friends house about a month ago, he is friends with my friends brother. hes one year younger than me but whatever. we met about a month ago at her house, it was fun we all just watched movies in the basement and slept over. I found out he liked me a week later, i liked him too. we talked online and then a month later which was last weekend i saw him at her house again, before i went though he told me he wanted to do stuff with me. we didnt end up doing anything because we were never alone. he likes this girl who lives an hour away who is a junior..its kind of weird.. but anyways,
on wednesday i got an IM from him and we were just kidding around about how it was funny that he took my phone and i kept on trying to get it from him. then he told me that i "wanted it" and he was being serious. and then he told me i should of given him a handjob and he was going to feel me up. and i said he could feel me up because i dont know, i still like him. so then he said, okay next time ill feel you up and you give me a handjob k? and okay i know this is really bad but i said okay. only because..i dont know..i want him to still like me..and i feel like if i said no he wouldnt be talking to me anymore..so i just okay. without even thinking about it..:[ and then all he wanted to talk about was getting his handjob and feeling me up and how i was going to do it and all of this stuff. and where we would do it. and then he asked what my bra size was and i dont know. it was getting annoying..he asked me if i would suck it and i told him no im sorry but i dont want to. and he said, okay im fine with a handjob:] ugh..i dont think i want to do that. first of all, we arent even going out. second of all, ive only seen him twice. third of all, he likes someone else. fourth of all, he told me he doesnt know if he likes me and he is split between me and someone else and that if i do these things with him he might be with me. fifth of all, my worst fear, is him telling all of his friends about it. and he used to go to my school, so im afraid word would get out that i did that to him and people would think im a slut...i told him not to tell ANYONE and he said yeah i promise dont worry. but for some reason i just dont believe that..at all..i sort of want to give him one because i like him and i just dont know..im also really afraid that now if i dont, hell be really let down and mad and never talk to me again. im stuck. he thinks im going to give him one..and i dont know if i want to..its a lose lose situation i mean if i dont, ill be let down by him and he wont talk to me..if i do, im afraid hell tell people..but then again maybe he wont? i have no idea. and also, thursday night he was litterally begging me for a half hour for me to send a picture of my upper chest for him. i said no i dont think its a good idea incase people find out and he just kept on saying no please im trustworthy please come on i promise i wont please. and then after i said no in the nicest way possible at least 20 times, he asked me if he could use his mouth feeling me up and i just said yeah i mean i guess and he said he would. then he texted me and told me how big he was and asked if i liked it. ugh i just feel like such a slut if i gave him a handjob. its gonna end badly, i just know it. and also this would be my first time giving one..and he knows that too..ugh i dont know what to do..i like him, a lot, and im afraid...ugh im just so afraid. someone please help me.
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Sweetheart...
You gotta say no. You need to figure out how, because you SHOULDN'T be saying yes to stupid ass little boys who want sexual pleasure from girls they don't know.
Alright. Lesson 1. Any guy who asks for naked pictures of you doesn't deserve them. DO NOT LET PEOPLE TAKE NAKED PICTURES OF YOU!
Lesson 2. TRUST YOURSELF. Have you noticed how you don't want to do this? Have you noticed how you have bad feelings? Thats because you are actually intelligent enough to realize this is a bad idea. Why in Gods name are you not listening to yourself more?
Lesson 3. This guy is creepy. Learn from his behavior. Normal guys do not act like this. He only does it because other girls are stupid enough to let him get away with it. You are not these other girls. You are better than that, and you realize it somewhere deep down.
Guys are supposed to have to work to get laid. There are many reasons for this.
If a guy doesn't have to show himself to be a decent guy in order to get with you, often he won't be a decent guy. Guys don't mature as quickly and being hard to get forces them to grow up just a little bit (which is a very good thing)
Its also because guys don't value what comes too easily. All your friends, all the stupid teenagers who think "hooking up" and one night stands are the vogue are teaching stupid young boys that you don't have to do anything or be anything special to get sex. Which also teaches them that sex isn't anything special.
When a guy asks you to send a picture of yourself naked, you say "No". If he asks again, you tell him that if he asks you that again you will never speak to him again. If he continues, actually never speak to him again, he isn't worth your time. If a guy asks you after barely having talked to him for sexual favors like blowjobs, hand jobs, or anything involving taking off your clothes and proceeds to ask about it alot, you should likewise not talk to him anymore.
If this is his focus, he isn't someone you want to know. Even if you dated this guy, started having sex with him, you'd be pressured. At the very least he'd probably try to still get naked pictures to show his friends (which is what guys in high school do). I don't care how much or what he promises, his friends will see the pictures.
I did it. I had a distance relationship and she sent me nudes. My best friend saw them. I didn't think about how she'd feel if she knew or how I was betraying trust, I was just so stoked that I had naked pictures of a girl I actually knew that I felt I had to share with someone who would understand how awesome it was (which means another guy). Yeah, I was an idiot and a selfish jerk when I was a teen too. Most guys are/were.
Thats one example, but even if its not naked pictures its still going to be exploiting you, because if a guys first and only focus is sex his willingness to go through the motions of dating won't mean he's any more invested in you. The guy you spoke of, if you went out on dates with him you'd still be constantly pressured and you'd either break up or give in within a month, I'd bet.
Don't let guys take advantage of you (as this one is obviously trying to do). You are better than that, and you shouldn't be shy or hesitant about saying no to people who act this way. Its your body and your right to say who gets to do what to it. The next time someone asks you to give them a handjob and you aren't dating him and already want to, say "No" and back it up. Stand up for yourself more.
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The good thing is, you know it's wrong and you're simply finding a way out of the mess you have partly created!
Quite simly, next time you guys talk, no doubt he will bring up the sexual side of things and you can just say;
"I've changed my mind. I don't want to do anything with someone I'm not dating"
No ifs, no buts.
and if he doesn't like it, it just goes to show what an idiot he really is and that you should:
just
stop
talking
to
him.
He's OBVIOUSLY going to use you and noone deserves to be treated like that.
He's bad news. Don't get yourself involved.
Find someone who will like you for YOU. Not what you can give them.
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Short answer this time:
I only needed to skim read your question to know that this guy is bad news. Don't do anything sexual with him.
Why do you like him? Does he seem "cool"? "Dangerous"? "Fun"?
Make yourself a list of things you like about him.
Once you have a list, look at each thing, and write why you think it, and whether you have any proof, or logical reason for thinking it. It doesn't sound to me like you really know him too well.
I second the other answers. Unless you're looking for a gratuitous "lover" with no strings attached, then stay away.
-K
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One thing I realized when I read this was your repetitive use of "I just don't know". Here's a tip relating to most sexual things in your teen years; if you don't know, it's probably a bad idea. You shouldn't have to give this guy a hj for him to like you, he should like you because of your personality. If you give him one and he decides to date you, it'll only be because of what you do with him, and not because of who you truly are. Which means he'll try to pressure you into more things and you will probably end up getting hurt. Also, if you do it, he will most definitely brag to his friends about it. That's just how people are, period. They like to brag. So people will know if you do it, and that will totally ruin your reputation. If you're afraid of turning him down, don't be. He shouldn't be asking for all of this anyways, it's very disrespectful. You want to experiance your first sexual encounter with someone you like and someone who actually likes you for you. Just tell him you changed your mind and that if he wants to be mad at you, then go ahead. If he stays mad, then he's too immature and that just proves he didn't like you to begin with. I hope I helped and I hope you make the right decision!
-Jessica 14/f
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i personally think this guy isn't worth your time. instead of actually getting the chance to know you, he's talking about handjobs and sexual things. you need to ask yourself what it is you like about him and if its worth it. just because you said you would give him one doesn't mean you absolutely have to, tell him you didn't think about it and if he doesn't talk to you anymore just because you didn't give him a handjob, then just let him go, hes not even worth it and you should find someone who actually appreciates you and talks to you from their heart, not from their dick.
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