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Interested, but extremely confused and afraid...
I've been extremely interested (like, "Guy of my dreams" interested) in this guy in my theater department for several months now, (He actually used to be my neighbor from across the street, but I was too shy to go and talk to him) and we chat here and there, and we DO have a lot in common, and I truly see potential in us being together. However, I have absolutely no idea how he feels about me...one minute, he doesn't seem to know I exist, and the next, we're having a deep conversation...there HAVE been times where I THINK he's dropped hints, but my anxiety has prevented me from responding...I'm afraid to tell him how I feel because,
A: Being rejected sucks, but I think being the one who has to reject is even worse, and I care about him too much to put that on him. I realize that's not going to get me anywhere, but it's just the way I am.
B: I'm too darn shy, and
C: I've had experiences where guys have completely ignored me after I told them how I felt...I don't think he'd be that way, but that experience has taken a huge chunk out of my confidence level.
Anyways, I suppose what I'm trying to ask is,
1: What would be the most obvious hints a guy would typically give? (so I can avoid confusion in the future)
And 2: What can I do to prepare myself to approach the situation should I ever decide to confront him about my feelings?
Thanks everyone, I realize that was a really long post...
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Hi :)
Ok, so I am assuming you two are semi-friends or acquaintances? That's a good start. Sometimes people take time to develop feelings for another person while other people can develop them quite quickly.
Usually guys are pretty obvious. If he talks to you a lot, stares at you often, or tries to hug you a lot then he probably does like you. Personally, I would wait a bit until I knew the guy better, just to make sure you can still be friends even if it doesn't work out. Let him come to you. If he seems too shy to ever be the type of guy to say anything, then you will eventually have to face your fear and tell him. I know this can be very scary but it's better out than in. Having a secret crush is simply annoying! Haha you only live once right?
What I did, was try and wait for the guy to make the move. It wasn't working out at all. He was completely shy and it seemed like he didn't like me when he actually REALLY did. But he would never put it out there, so I had to take the initiative. I told him one day over aim (lame I know) and he responded well. So next time we hung out I kissed him and eventually....he asked me out. Some guys are just super shy so sometimes you have to face your fears and go get what you want. Anyways, I don't think you should listen to your past experiences of how things could go wrong, because you can't live in fear forever. Life is about action. Go get him girl! hahaha
good Luck<3
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Hi ^_^
A: I'll re-itterate what you mentioned, and add two things:
Being rejected sucks for a while.
Rejecting someone is even worse for a while.
1: Being in Limbo sucks only a little less, for the whole time.
BUT
2: Not knowing what the answer was for the rest of your life, because you were afraid of being Rejected, or making someone Reject you sucks THE MOST, every time you think about it, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You should let this scare you more than the others.
B: Shyness is common. I'm incredibly shy, and to compound it, quite weird too. However there are various ways to work around being shy. ("Weird" is unfortunately difficult and incurable.)
The first is to think so long and hard about what I just said about "not knowing for the rest of your life", that you become absolutely determined not to end up like that. But like I've said to many people, knowing it isn't enough if you don't do it NOW. If you leave it for tomorrow, he could be gone. If you -always- leave it for tomorrow, one day he -will- be gone.
The second is an ongoing campaign to approach as many strangers as possible, to get rid of approach anxiety. There are whole books about approach techniques, but I will give you a tiny summary: Pick any person, at any time, and say anything to them, but this anything has to be justifiable. Whether it's a direct comment on the surrounding environment, a non-personal question which you need independent advice on ("Hi, my handbag strap just broke, but would you happen to know any good leather repair shops around here?"). Once you get decent at handling 2-3 line approaches, then you can attempt to start out with simple things such as that, and then use anything that comes out of the response as a hook to change the flow of conversation to something else. No need to go too far with this stuff, but shyness is something separate that needs to be slowly conquered.
C: Two possibilities here. Shy people don't tend to straight out say what they feel to other people. As such, if they do, they occasionally say it too ultra-directly, too fast, or just generally make the situation awkward. Especially if the receiver is unsuspecting, this can be like being hit in the face with a demand to either commit, or retreat. Most people retreat when hit in the face.
The other possibility is that the guys you've approached haven't shared your feelings, and don't want to torment you by trying to remain your friend, while not sharing your feelings.
You can't let this affect your confidence. It is not about you, it is about your relation with them. You remain the same, whether they want your affection or not. Confidence is about knowing who you are, knowing you are great, and being willing to impose your greatness on other people (carefully!).
If you are capable of deep conversation with him, it's very unlikely that he is completely oblivious to you.
1: Hints can be extremely original, so if you're not going to give us specific instances, I'm afraid I'm not very brushed up on generics.
2: Firstly, don't EVER use the word "Confront" to describe encounters with boys! That is what SCARY ladies do... ;)
Secondly, if you're shy, then try making your own sneaky hints. You won't feel like you're hitting on him, or full out telling him your feelings, but if you make good enough hints, he might reciprocate with some more hints of his own. If it becomes obvious there's mutual potential, shyness can melt away like morning frost. You can still "Break ice" given enough luke-warm water. Note, this is not an excuse to pretend to yourself that you are flirting with him, while procrastinating about it, and letting him drift until he disappears off somewhere else one day.
Don't lose your window of opportunity
-K
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