about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

I am a male, 15, and lately I've been wondering about something. There are many girls in our school and grade. I am a gentleman and open doors, get chairs, etc. for the girls. It is pretty much the same way with my friends, we are all like that. But the girls in our school keep saying they like "skaters" or "skaters are soo hot" and we really are wondering what is wrong with us. Not to boast, but all of us are good looking. The girls just keep talking about "skaters." So why is it like this, and do girls not like gentlemen or something?

Unfortunately, these girls may not have reached the maturity to realize that looks or popularity aren't everything when seeking a boyfriend. Just give it time and keep being a gentleman. Eventually they'll realize that they're missing out on some great guys by only seeking a certain type.


Keep looking. You'll find a girl who appreciates that you're a gentleman. The fact that you're goodlooking will only be an added bonus.

[view]

Well, I am about 4'10" and it is mostly legs. I have really long legs and I'm skinny, maybe about 83 or 84 pounds or so. I am under 14 yrs. old if that helps. Well it is really hard to find pants that fit right. I just want some pants that fit me in the thighs and butt and are long enough so I can atleast wash them and they will still fit really well. Because I used to wear 10 slim put they are way to short in the length. My thighs are pretty small and so is my butt. I am trying to gain weight but it isn't helping.
I just want some jeans that are long and fit nice. So if anyone can help me in anyway with that, or if you have tips that would be great!
Will rate good.

Try finding a pair that's labeled long. They're generally cut slim, but with more length to the legs. You may have to try a few different brands before you find the one that works best for you.

[view]

Ok here we go. Ok im 16 and ive made a commitment to myself that i would never have sex until i am married. Im not saying now but in the future..can i still do stuff that wouldnt be considered having sex. and is that all guys want...i mean i had a bf for 2 and 1/2 weeks (not long) and he told his friends that he was going to have sex soon. I dont know y he thought that b/c i was uncomfortable even kissing him..(he was 2 yrs older) and im just worried that in the future ill find this amazing guy and all he'll want is sex and i wont give it to him (unless we get married) is that so hard for guys to handle...will he end up cheating on me and have sex w/ someone who will give it to him? so is there pleasureable stuff that we can still do ...thats not sex?

First, I think it's wonderful that you've decided to wait for marriage. One of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn't wait. My head was clouded by love and I didn't realize the guy was only looking for sex until it was too late.


If a guy truly loves you, he'll respect the commitment you've made to yourself and not try to change your mind. There are guys out there who are willing to wait. Some may even share your commitment to wait for marriage.


Don't let anyone push you into something you're not ready for yet. If they tell you they have to have sex or they'll cheat or leave, let them go. There are ways a guy can deal with the urge without turning to another partner.


As for pleasurable things that aren't sex, it depends on your thoughts on what sex is. For some, it means actual intercourse. For others, any touching below the stomach is sex. Just stick to what you're comfortable with.


Regarding your boyfriend's remark, it might just be locker room talk and he's saying it because he's trying to keep up with the guys. I would sit down with him and see if it was just talk or he really intends to try. Personally, I think two weeks is too fast to be getting into a sexual relationship. You're still in the dating stage and getting to know each other.


Good luck.

[view]

I have two cats that are a little over a year old. a while ago one of cats have started peeing and pooing right outside the litter box. (they are indoor cats).

my question is, can you train a cat to go in the litter box even though they are over a year old? And if you can. How do you train them. I got my cats after they had been trained by another lady.

thanks for the help.

First, is there a reason you can find why they're not using the litter box? Does it need to be cleaned? Some cats are picky about how often their box is cleaned. Have you recently changed to a different cat litter? Cats have sensitive noses and will sometimes refuse to use certain litters because they don't like the way they smell. Is the litter box near their food? Most cats don't like to do their business near where they eat. Is the cat a male and, if so, has it been fixed? Male cats (and a few females as well) will sometimes mark their territory. It's less common if they're fixed. Is the box accessible but still private? Some cats prefer privacy when they go. Moving the box where it's less visible may help.


It should be possible to retrain your cat to use the litter box. What I always did was restrict the cat to a certain area (the bathroom worked well for me) and put the litter box in the room with it. When they go where they're not supposed to, say "No!" and then take them to the litter box. When the cat uses the litter box, praise it.


If the cat continues to have problems using the litter box, you may want to consider a trip to the vet. There may be a medical reason (for example, a bladder infection) why the cat is not using the litter box.

[view]

how can i get my dog into modeling? like everyone always comments on what i beautiful dog she is and she is very photogentic (yes i am a camera whore) and i would love to get her involved in doing ads for like petco and places like that. like not calendar modeling (although that would be nice) i believe she has the skills to get into it and shes almost a year old a very well trained. I dont want to get her an agent or anything fancy like that. how do i go about getting her into modeling?

You could try visiting your local pet store and pet supply stores to see if they would be interested in using your pet in their advertising. Another option is contacting an advertising agency (usually in bigger cities) and asking them where they find animals for their work. A last option is contacting a local pet club if your community has one. Good luck.

[view]

my father,65 on retirement in 1998 had loaned 2 million rupees to a relative's firm by cheques but no legal documents were prepared as the amount was loaned in good faith.the understanding was that a 18% interest will be paid yearly and the principal amount will remain intact.over the years some amount was paid but never equal to the full interest amount .it was assumed that the remaining amount is credited with the principal amount.as on date the amount stands at 3 million rupees.

money stopped coming over the last one year inspite of repeated reminders.ultimately last month when asked to refund the full amount,the relative refused to give any more money back henceforth siting finnancial constraints.as there is no other source of income,my father is facing poverty.

my father has no proof of payment except the dates and the serial no. of the cheques paid.is there any legal way by which he can recover his money

Was anyone else witness to their agreement? If so, it may help to prove the loan was made and the payment agreement. The bank should be able to pull up a copy of the original check your father wrote or at least verify it for you. I would suggest consulting a lawyer. They can better explain your options and how to pursue them. Good luck.

[view]

i have the flu, or at least thats what i think i have. the worst pain i am feeling right now is my sore throat. dose anyone know anything that can stop it? i can have losenges or tyleol-like medicene, for some reason they dont help me. what do you recomend and what do you use when you are sick? thanks so much!
~Ank

Try a cup of hot tea with honey and lemon. The warm tea relaxes the muscles while the honey soothes and the lemon helps it to heal. Whenever I get a sore throat, I buy Hall's Daily Defense cough drops. They help soothe the soreness and the vitamins in them seem to speed recovery time. As old-fashioned as it sounds, sometimes a bowl of steaming chicken noodle soup helps. One last thing you might try is a mint steam. Check your spice rack for mint or purchase some from the grocery store. Put the mint in a pot with some water and bring to a boil. Remove from heat, lean over with a towel over your head and breathe in the steam for 10-15 minutes.

[view]

THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE FOR ANSWERING THIS AND I AM SORRY IF IT IS LONG BUT I REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS.

So i have a really good friend and he has been talking about suicide all this week and he is really starting to scare me. I talk to him about how much i care about him etc. but still he said i dont think ill kill myself just now. but later i dont know. IM SO WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND! and try to have some other answer besides tell someone because i know that and i am considering it. So please any other good ideas.. ILL RATE 5'S FOR ALL SERIOUS ANSWERS

When someone admits to suicidal thoughts, it's usually a cry for help. Since you're already considering telling someone, I'll not say anything on that. Try to keep your friend's spirits up. If he's sitting home moping around, get him outside into some fresh air and new activities. Remind him of all the things he'll miss if he takes that step, not to mention how hurt you'll be to lose him. If he's told you the reasons behind these thoughts, try to help him find a less drastic solution. Encourage him to talk about his feelings either to you or a trusted adult.

[view]

I have this friend, who told me that she thought she might like this guy, and added him to her 'list' of guys. There were maybe 3 guys that were on her list of people she could potentially like. I knew all of them, and found out that one of the guys was in my homeroom and one of my classes. I was supportive of my friend's feelings for all the guys on her list, and kept away from them, but I found myself sort of attracted to this one guy. I started to like him, and my friend found out. I felt (and still feel) horrible, and apologized in person, over aim, over the phone and i wrote a really long letter, but she ignored me every time. She also brought a bunch of my other friends into it and they took her side, and pretty much stopped talking to me. they were my four best friends, and now they hardly even look my way. i don't know what else to do, so i've sort of just...given up. but i couldn't help it, i felt terrible, and tried really hard to make it up to her...is it so much my fault that i deserve to lose those friends?

by the way: i'm a freshman in high school, girl, 15.

I think your friend is out of line here. You can't help who you like and it's ridiculous to expect that you should. It's common for friends to share an interest in the same type of guy. My friend and I often crushed on the same guy in high school, but it never caused a fight between us. I can't see what she's mad about. From what you've said, even though you liked the guy, you didn't do anything more than that. She should respect the fact that even though you had feelings for the guy, you put them aside so as not to hurt her feelings.


[view]

im not sure but i think i know someone who suffers from bulimia. i really want to know. i have confronted this person about it but they just deny it. i told them facts about doing this and how bad it is for thier health but i still think they do it. is there a way to tell if they do it without confronting them and if so is there a way i can help

My sister had an eating disorder so I can tell you what caught my attention.
~Poor self image related to weight. People with eating disorders generally think they look fat, even when they don't. This goes beyond the normal "I could lose a couple pounds" that many people say.
~With bulimia, they may eat huge meals, then immediately go to the bathroom to purge.
~Excessive use of diet pills and/or laxatives.
~Excessive exercising. While exercise is good, if they're pushing theirselves to the point of exhaustion, it signals a problem.
~Dental problems. Since stomach acid is highly corrosive, it will begin to decay the person's teeth.
~Frequent weighing. My sister go to the point where she weighed herself nearly every hour.
~General poor appearance and health. Since their bodies aren't really getting the nutrients it needs, it will begin to show with frequent illness, pasty complexion, general tiredness, etc.


If this person still refuses to admit they have a problem, you may need to tell their parent or another trusted adult. Left untreated, eating disorders can lead to disasterous results on the person's health. The person may be mad at your now for telling, but in the long run, they will hopefully come to appreciate the fact that you were looking out for them.

[view]

I usually sleep really well, but last night I didn't fall asleep until 2 o clock in the morning. I don't know why. I think it might've been because I was talking to this one guy and I really didn't want ot sign off and go to bed but I had too. So i was thinking about him and stuff and I couldn't sleep.
Does anyone have anything that might help me sleep?

Something I've found to work when I can't sleep because I'm thinking too much is writing it down. It helps me to get the thoughts out of my head. You can also try a relaxing bath or a cup of warm milk. I wouldn't suggest trying a sleeping pill unless your doctor recommends it.

[view]

OK i go to bed at 10 and get up at 6:20, which is the average ammt of sleep needed for a 14 year old girl. But somehow, i am always so tired and have huge bags under my eyes. What could that be from? I dont do any activity before i go to bed and i dont have caffeine/sugar. Any ideas?

Your body may need more than what's average. Try going to bed a little earlier and see if that works. If you're still tired after adding some sleep, you may want to consider visiting your family doctor for a checkup. Excessive tiredness even when you're getting enough rest could be a sign of an iron deficiency.

[view]

I got sick yesterday morning, and i stayed home from school today because of it. I have a really bad scratchy sore throat. Like those ones where you constantly have to cough and your throat feels dry and scratchy. Thats' what I have and I want to know how i can get rid of it asap because I have a dance to go to tomorrow night. Anyway have any home remedies I can try? Thank-you..

Try a glass of hot tea sweetened with a little bit of honey and add a squirt of lemon juice. If you have any zinc lozenges with vitamin C, they may help as well. Halls Daily Defense is what I always use.

[view]

I am going to have someone live here and i dont have room for another bed in my room. Im 15 female and so is she and i dont like regular bunk beds. My problem is that futon bunk beds, when the futon part is used as a regular bed, theres a part in the middle that is painful to sleep on. And i really wanted a futon bunk bed becuase it seemed like the perfect thing to use becuase i need one full sized bed for my full-sized very expensive comforter. What should i do? People with experience are very much helpful too! Thanks!!!!!!

If the mattress is thin, you might consider purchasing one of the thicker ones. Try to find a store that has them set up so you can actually try it out.


Another option is using a padded mattress cover or eggshell mattress. It can be put on when the bed is in use, then put away when it's not needed.

[view]

I know that my boyfriend is going to officially propose to me (19/f) sometime soon. He told me he bought a ring and that he's waiting for the right time to give it to me. I'm okay with the fact that he told me, I'm actually pretty glad about it. You see girls in the movies all the time that are pressured into going along with engagement. I think it was really respectful of him to talk about it with me, it's just that I'm not quite sure how to act when the time comes. Obviously I'll be happy, but since I'm probably not going to be surprised should I sort of pretend to be? I tend to show very little emotion and I think it might hurt his feelings if I don't appear to be happy or surprised or SOMETHING. I want it to be really special. Can anybody help me out here?

Since you already know he's planning to propose, I don't think he'll be upset if you're not really surprised. However, when he shows you the ring he's picked out (if you haven't saw it already), that may come as a surprise. Just tell him yes and give him a big kiss or hug.


I knew my hubby was planning to propose and even went with him to pick out the engagement ring I wanted. My surprise came when he actually proposed because of the way he did it (long mushy story I'll not get into).


Congrats!

[view]

My best friend Shianne has now screwed me over 2 times. It seems every time I tell her I like a guy, she offers to "help me with them" and she always ends up giving them her number, and dating them behind me back!! But she doesn't even tell me until the day after they start dating!
She did it with a guy named Steven, and now Brandon. Then whenever she breaks up with them, she expects me to not like them anymore, and to not want to date them because "friends ex boyfriends are off limits to other friends."

What do i do?!?

Should I really consider her my BEST friend if she's done this to me two times already?

Should I wait to see if she does it again?

I honestly don't know what to do, and I'd LOVE for some honest suggestions.

-Thank you so much!-

Honestly, I wouldn't consider her a friend at all, but that's just me. Deliberately doing something you know will hurt a friend is a no-no in my book. I would suggest sitting down with her and calmly explaining how it hurts you when she goes after guys that you've mentioned you like. If she continues to do it, I would consider either dropping her as a friend or at the very least, stop letting her know who you're interested in any more.


As for the "no dating friend's exes" rule, I would ignore it. She seems to have missed the "you don't swipe a friend's man" rule. Since she only went after these guys after you mentioned you liked them, I would consider them fair game.

[view]

my friend's boyfriend has been harassing me since last year. He keeps doing things to my locker such as smashing a banana on it, putting tape all over, writing all over it, leaving long notes, putting signs with names such as boob girl or b***h etc. He would also spread all these rumors about me and call me all of these names. when my friend tells him to stop he refuses and he said that he wants to hurt me. she wants to protect her boyfriend from being suspended and she is trying to stop me from telling the GLC. He has been doing the same things to other people but they are too afraid of him to speak up. I really want to tell the GLC and take action but would I be doing the right thing by doing that even if I probably won't be friends with her anymore? also, I know that the GLC won't believe me since I don't have enough evidence to prove what he is doing to me. what should I do in this situation?

The fact that he said he wants to hurt you throws up red flags. I would definitely tell someone before his behavior gets any worse. I'm not sure what the GLC is, but chances are, they have to investigate your complaint whether they believe you or not. If you could find someone to back you up or tell what he has done to them, it may help.


As for your friend, I think it's a chance you'll have to take. Hopefully one day soon, she'll realize what kind of guy this one is and understand that you had to protect yourself. I hope for her sake that the day comes soon since this guy appears to have the characteristics of an abuser.

[view]

May of 2004 I had a case of bacterial meningitis. Well, I'm starting to have the same symptoms again and it's worrying me. Is it possible to get Meningitis more than once?

Since there are various strains of bacterial meningitis, it may be possible for you to get it again. If you're having symptoms, I would suggest contacting your doctor ASAP. If your family doctor wasn't the one that treated it before, I would highly recommend letting them know that you had it before. For more information on meningitis, I recommend the website below.
http://www.musa.org/

[view]

I have a horrible sleep pattern. It never used to bother me much, but now the realization of how much it can hurt my body has kicked in. I really want to change it, but it's really hard for me.

12:00AM/1:00AM - 5:30 AM
SLEEP

6:25AM - 2:17 PM
SCHOOL

4:00PM - 8:00 PM
SLEEP

Then the whole cycle restarts. I really want to change, but changing a pattern completely out of nowhere is very hard to do. Any advice? I would like to start sleeping around 10:30 or 11:00, but since my body is so used to how I sleep now, those times are too early for me. Plus, I also have a lot of homework and fitness I need to fit in too. Help, please??

I would start by slowly moving your bedtime back and reducing the time you sleep in the afternoon. For instance, today only nap from 4 to 7:45 and then go to bed at 11:45. Do it for a couple days, then move back another 15 minutes, ending your nap at 7:30 and going to bed at 11:30. Keep moving back at 15 minute intervals until you get to a bedtime that allows you to get the sleep your body needs at one time. By doing it gradually, your body will react to the change better.


I would also suggest doing your homework and fitness program as soon as you come in from school. By doing them first, it allows you to have time to relax before bed, which should make it easier for you to sleep.

[view]

This is probably going to sound pretty fucking wierd, but it bothers me.

Ok, Im dating this girl. Shes agnostic/athiest, Im christian, formerly catholic non denominational. Up to this point, with the exception of discussion, Ive not really had any issues with religions shit in our relationship. It doesnt bother me that shes agnostic, it hasnt bothered her that Im christian.

So, today we were talking, and I told her I was going to become a reverend in the universal life church. For those of you who dont know, its an online website where you can actually get legally ordained and become a reverend in the eyes of the law. I find this fucking hilarious, and have wanted to for a while, but never got around to it.

She reacted badly. First, she joked that she didnt want to be involved with a reverend. Then she got serious and basically made it clear that it would bother her for me to become a reverend while I was dating her (expressed so that it was clear she didnt want me to do it)

Then she tells me its "disrespectful towards my religion"

This is coming from a girl who Ive watched the jesus episodes of southpark with. Whom I have made catholic joke after catholic joke (Im entitled, I was raised in it) with and laughed with her. Whom I have had frank discussions about the real failings of certain christian sects.

And now this.

Needless to say, I reacted badly. I was, and am pissed at her, for reasons I cant really say. Given that she doesnt even have a religion (because atheism and agnosticism are no more religions than bald is a hair color) I dont see where she gets off getting on me for being "disrespecful" towards mine or having an issue with it when its not like...

Anyway. Enough impassioned speeches, my question to the masses, is what do you think. Am I out of line? Is she? Because Im going to do this, and shes not going to like it. And I dont like feeling guilty for doing things I know arent wrong.

I think it may be the fact that you consider it "hilarious" that is rubbing your girlfriend wrong. She may think you're doing it more as a joke than actually being called to serve that way. If you're truly serious about becoming a reverend, I would suggest sitting down with your girlfriend and explain your reasoning. I would also consider looking towards a more traditional path to becoming a reverend, for instance seminary school. I think it would help to show your girlfriend that you're serious about this. Good luck.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker