about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

Hey, I'm a freshman who wants to sign up for track for my highschool. Although, I'm not in shape and only played soccer for a couple years of my life. What should I do to get in shape? I only want to do running, not field or sprints or anything like that. But I heard you have to pick 4 areas.. what 4 areas would be good for me? thanks, ill rate

I ran track in high school and you don't have to pick 4 areas. Your school may be different but that was nothing I ever had to do. The number 4 comes from the number of events that you are allowed to do in a single meet. For example, when I ran track I competed in the 800 meter run (half mile), the high jump, the long jump, and the 1600 meter relay (4 by 8). The events that you compete in can change every meet so sometimes I would do different things. Another thing is that you don't have to be in 4 events. You could run the 2 mile and nothing else. The events that you are in is up to your coach, but you can always talk to him/her about what you'd like to do and what you think you would be good at especially since you are a freshman and it's new for you. Be open to whatever the coach wants you to do though. I found myself doing well in events that I never would have chosen myself. Don't worry about not being in shape. There's enough practice time before the first meet to prepare. It sounds like you are interested in middle distance. Events I would suggest for you would be the 800 meter (half mile) and the 1600 meter (mile). If you're good at long distance the 3200 (2 mile) would be good for you too. Again though, be open to and try everything at practice. You may really surprise yourself or you may be needed in other events sometime during the season. Good luck!

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Ok, My computer was running super-slow and so I went and checked my "Add or Remove" Programs and I had a list full of this Security Update Crap. I was so pissed and now when I try to remove it it gives me a list of stuff that has to be deleted with it. Any Information/Ideas?

Yeah, DO NOT delete the security updates. They are really important and could potentially make your computer run faster. Sorry, but you'll have to find something else to delete. I would suggest putting some of your files (pictures, videos, word processing) onto CD's. I have a lot of stuff on CD-RW's. An external hard drive or USB memory device would both be very good investments for you. Downloading and using Ad-Aware to get rid of spyware (keep it updated!) could help you. Deleting history, temporary files, and cookies in your internet options may help. Upgrading your operating system if it's an older version (like windows 95) would help. I can't think of anything else at the moment, but I'm sure if I left anything out someone else will suggest it. I hope I helped and good luck to you!

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My boyfriend and i love to have sex and well we've pretty much did every position you could think of and last night he told me that he wants to try knew things like kinky stuff......i dont want it in my butt, he dosnt want to use handcuffs so what are some really good kinky things that we could try that feel awsome?

i'll 5z if you can help plz do and as fast as possible thx

Okay first, use protection and keep in mind that it might not work. If you're under age 18 I would have to ask you to reconsider being so sexually active. There are so many risks to sex, both physical and emotional but, as always, it's your choice. Just be prepared for any and all consequences. Some things that you can use that would be considered kinky would be ice and whipped cream. Other than that I will give you a website. It's an online quiz that is supposed to determine how kinky you are and it's not insanely sexually explicit or anything like that. I think that you can get some ideas from it. I hope I helped and good luck. http://www.hotlanta.com/kinktest.htm

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My mind always fills dirty things about guys. I always fantasize about their penises like how big they have, shaved or un-shaved, fat or thin. Its about all men, young and old, known or unknown. Imagine when I talk to a man, my mind goes fantasizing about his penis, Is this sickness?
I am 15/F.

I think that's very normal actually. You're at a stage in your life when your body is still adjusting to the increased hormone levels from going through puberty. Feeling like that can get really irritating sometimes, but don't worry. It will go away relatively soon. Good luck :)

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I am a 43 year old female. My mother in law came to stay with us Christmas before last for a month univited. While here she tried her hardest to piss me off. Each time she did, I ignored it. When she finaly decided to go home our good friend and neighbor happened to be going to her home town, over 2 hours away. He offered to give her a ride home since she didn't drive...it would save us a trip. I encouraged it and my husband made the trip with her and my neighbor for comfort sake. Every since she was here she is constantly making hurtful statements to me in front of anybody but my husband. I tell my husband and he defends her and says he did not hear it or I am mistaken. We had a long discussion about it again and this time he basically called me a liar and that he has known his mom alot longer than he has known me and she would not do that sort of thing. She constantly talks bad about every one of her 5 childrens spouses and about 3 of her 5 children. He does admit that because she talks bad about them to him. What can I do to stop this painful sitsuation without divorcing my husband?

This is one of the best questions I've seen on here in a long time. Anyways, it reminds me of the show "Everybody Loves Raymond". Raymond's mother is so nice to and does everything for him, but she treats his wife, and everyone else, like crap. Raymond isn't oblivious to it though, being it's a TV show and quite exaggerated from real life. Since he is so closed to the idea of his mother being a...witch...it seems like deep down he knows it, but doesn't want to believe it of his own mother, especially since he hasn't had similar experiences with her. Let it rest for a little while, then get him thinking about it again after two weeks or so. I like the tape recorder idea. Another idea is get something like a baby monitor so he can listen from another room. Maybe even hide him in a closet or outside a window. Make it seem fun, not serious. He'll be more willing to do it that way. After he admits to himself that his mother is the way she is have him talk to her about it. She'll probably stop. If none of that works, try watching "Everybody loves Raymond", maybe you'll get an idea or two from that. Even though it's not real, I'm sure it's been built from the real life experiences of someone, or a collection of people. I hope I helped you and good luck!

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okay theres this bed thing & i meant to sit on the matress, missed and sat on this bar thing in the..wrong area. i was in so much pain i dont even know. ima girl but i totally missed & landed & it hurt so bad. i don't know if like..idk!! id feel stupid going to the gyno. er something its so embarrasing!! i was in so much pain though because i like hopped on it to juss sit down & do hw & totally missed!! what should i do??

thanks!!

A gynocologist isn't going to be able to do much for you. Most likely you just bruised your tailbone or something else in that general area. I've done it before...falling on my butt while playing basketball...and, yeah, it hurts a LOT. For days you'll feel it when you sit down and sometimes when you walk, but it will go away on its own. If, after a day or two, you feel sharp, shooting pains still, then you probably fractured or severely injured something. That would be really unlikely, but if it happens, just go see a regular doctor. I hope you feel better soon!

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OK i go to bed at 10 and get up at 6:20, which is the average ammt of sleep needed for a 14 year old girl. But somehow, i am always so tired and have huge bags under my eyes. What could that be from? I dont do any activity before i go to bed and i dont have caffeine/sugar. Any ideas?

I have an idea that I think you should try. On a Friday night, go to bed at your regular 10:00, but don't set an alarm or have anyone wake you up. See what time you naturally wake up and figure out how many hours you were asleep for. Try it again on Saturday night and if the two amounts of time are similar, that's probably the amount of sleep you should be getting. This may not work for you, but I think it's worth the try. Others have suggested going to bed earlier. I don't know your schedule or what you do in the morning, but 6:20 sounds kind of early. Maybe you should try getting up a little later? When I go to bed an hour early it does nothing for me, but when I sleep in for an hour I feel great. You could take your showers in the afternoon or evening and have everything ready to go when you wake up. I know some girls spend a lot of time on makeup and hair and such, but I don't know if you are one of them. I'm not. I get up 15 minutes before I have to leave. I'm going to have to suggest that if you do spend a lot of time in front of the mirror in the morning, that you don't for a few days. Try sleeping in a little more and see what that does for you. I hope I helped and good luck, being tired really is a bummer.

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well there's this stupid gurl who wants to fight me. she wants to fight me because i looked at her in a dirty way. that's a bunch of bullshit because i always say i to her whenever i see her and she's the one who's always giving me dirty looks! i'm not scared to fight her it's just that i don't want to get in trouble. so what should i do? should i try talking to her? please tell me what should i do?

Fighting is immature. Don't stoop to her level. Who cares if she gives you a dirty look? Anybody who does isn't even worth your time. Talking will do nothing but provoke her. My advice is to just stay away from her and ignore her. When you see her just look the other way. Maybe she was just having a bad day, who knows. If she wants to talk to you about it maturely, that's her move, not yours. She started it so she can finish it. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. If she doesn't lay off of you it may be a good idea to tell someone that she was threatening you. It would be extremely childish of her to attack you, but if she does, be the adult. Don't let her hurt you, but don't fight back. I hope I helped and good luck.

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Does the phrase "You dont phase me" mean you dont bother me?

Yeah. It's more like "I'm not affected in any way by you". A phase, by definition, is something that can or will change. When a person says that you don't phase them it means that you're causing no change in them. They're not bothered, amused, disgusted, or anything at all. A lot of the time, though, the phrase is used sarcastically so you have to be careful.

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I have a male friend who is 39 and has told me that he never wants to get married or have kids. That is fine- for him. But I've told him how someday I want to be in a proper marriage and have children. Well we were talking today and I told him how a medium had read my palm several weeks ago, and told me that I would be having 3 children, (one set of fraternal twins, and a girl). Well this is what my friend said "well you better get started right away, and you'll need to find a husband".
I thought this was a very vindictive thing for him to say. I am only 27 and told him I still have a lot of time before my clock stops ticking. I have a theory on his attitude: two years ago he told me he wanted to sleep with me. I told him I was saving myself for my future husband, and that I wanted kids. This is when I found out that he never wanted to get married or have children. (not that I wanted to be with him anyways).
So my question is, does anyone else think what he said was mean? And do you think he said it to get back at me for not wanting to sleep with him?

It sounds to me like he was just teasing you for seeing and seemingly trusting the word of a psycic. I can see how you took it the way you did, I would have too. There was a miscommunication because he doesn't understand how you feel (about wanting to have children and a loving marriage) so he wasn't careful with his words. I wouldn't worry about it too much. He had no ill intentions. If it keeps bothering you it may be a good idea to talk about it with him and get everything cleared up. I hope that you two can resolve your differences and remain friends. Good luck!

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im not sure but i think i know someone who suffers from bulimia. i really want to know. i have confronted this person about it but they just deny it. i told them facts about doing this and how bad it is for thier health but i still think they do it. is there a way to tell if they do it without confronting them and if so is there a way i can help

The biggest sign is when the person goes to the bathroom right after, or very soon after eating. Every time. This isn't a surefire way of knowing, of course, but it's a good start. Normally bulimics will "binge" too. They'll eat a ton of food before throwing up. What you need to do to find out for sure, is when the person goes to the bathroom after eating, follow them and listen. Don't say anything until it happens twice. You don't want to blame someone that's got a stomach bug of being bulimic! Remember that some people just have very high metabolism and a negative body image. Blaming someone of bulemia that isn't bulemic can lead to a lot of anger and other negative emotions. I hope I helped you and good luck.

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Ok i know it sounds totally weird because im so young (15 very soon) but my boyfriend wants to propose to me for my bday. Hes 17 and i know wont be able to get married for ages and so does he. I think hes still going to propose though. What should I do? We've been going out for 10 months. thanks xx
(Im female by the way...)

Even if you two end up getting married in the future, I'm not sure that getting engaged is something that you should do at this point in your lives. I believe that people shouldn't become engaged until they are both out of high school or any more than 3 years before they plan on getting married. Engagement is meant to be planning time for a wedding, not the next step in a relationship. Instead of giving you an engagement ring, I think that your boyfriend should give you a promise ring. That is a better "next step" for you. It's okay if he asks you to marry him, that's cute and everything, you can say yes, just don't get officially engaged. You two aren't ready to start thinking about finances or children, you're just in love and want it to show. Personally, I think that promise rings are awesome. They're cheaper and there's not so much tradition involved in what it's supposed to look like. I know a girl who's 21 years old and she just got a promise ring from her boyfriend, so it's not just for kids. The ring is beautiful, relatively expensive, and it has three pink stones in it. Just as long as it's a nice ring and not some cheapo thing, it would definitely be appropriate for you. I think that you should talk to your boyfriend about it and let him know that you aren't really ready for engagement yet, but you're very willing to promise yourself to him. You can explain the promise ring thing and I think that he will like the idea. Anyways, I hope my suggestion is appealing to you and if not, I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. :)

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THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE FOR ANSWERING THIS AND I AM SORRY IF IT IS LONG BUT I REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS.

So i have a really good friend and he has been talking about suicide all this week and he is really starting to scare me. I talk to him about how much i care about him etc. but still he said i dont think ill kill myself just now. but later i dont know. IM SO WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND! and try to have some other answer besides tell someone because i know that and i am considering it. So please any other good ideas.. ILL RATE 5'S FOR ALL SERIOUS ANSWERS

This is a really tough situation. Sadly, I've been there before. If you go running to an adult (which is the right thing to do!) your friend is going to find out and feel like you betrayed his trust. If that happens, he's probably going to be upset with you when he needs you the most. You must also consider the fact that since he's not going to do it for the time being anymore that he may just be looking for attention and sympathy. In other words, he might not really be serious. This is still, though, quite a dire situation because there's still the chance that he could be. He needs to either learn that suicide is very serious and not something to pretend about or he needs to get help. My advice for you is to keep supporting him like you have been. You also need to try to get him to get help on his own. If he won't, you should confide in an adult. Probably a counselor at your school, a minister, or other professional would be the best choice. If you do tell someone make sure that they understand that you don't want your friend to know that you told them. I hope I helped and good luck.

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im not getting into detail,but i was sick for half of monday,tuesday,and today i took a day off,im pretty recovered. (stomach virus)i was vomiting quite a bit.The thing is,i couldn't eat,and i was already skinny (naturally,runs in the family)so now im REALLY skinny,i look really awful,and i am surpirised that in only two days i became very skinny.I am trying to eat much,but i need help on some foods that will make me fatter by tomarrow.NO JUNK FOODS PLEASE.some healthy things.this whole day is to rejuvinate myself.im so upset.(im 4"7,and i was 72 pounds,and now i am i think 67)13,f.

5 pounds isn't that big of a deal. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to try to gain weight especially after you were just sick. All that junk food might make you sick again. You'll gain the weight back naturally. Trying to gain weight like that can't be very healthy. You'll be fine don't worry! I would suggest eating a lot of bread though. Bread is fattening and it's likely not going to make you sick again. Again, try not to worry. Your body will sort this out on its own. Good luck!

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I can't go to the store and stay there for hours browsing through for books ...so I need titles of books that you think are worth reading and buying. I suppose I'm into fantasy, drama, horror like books. Any suggestions?
9th/10th grade level please.

The Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan would be excellent for you. The first book is called "The Eye of the World". It's in the fantasy section and the series is popular so it shouldn't be too hard for you to find. I loved it and several of my friends do too! Good luck.

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This is probably going to sound pretty fucking wierd, but it bothers me.

Ok, Im dating this girl. Shes agnostic/athiest, Im christian, formerly catholic non denominational. Up to this point, with the exception of discussion, Ive not really had any issues with religions shit in our relationship. It doesnt bother me that shes agnostic, it hasnt bothered her that Im christian.

So, today we were talking, and I told her I was going to become a reverend in the universal life church. For those of you who dont know, its an online website where you can actually get legally ordained and become a reverend in the eyes of the law. I find this fucking hilarious, and have wanted to for a while, but never got around to it.

She reacted badly. First, she joked that she didnt want to be involved with a reverend. Then she got serious and basically made it clear that it would bother her for me to become a reverend while I was dating her (expressed so that it was clear she didnt want me to do it)

Then she tells me its "disrespectful towards my religion"

This is coming from a girl who Ive watched the jesus episodes of southpark with. Whom I have made catholic joke after catholic joke (Im entitled, I was raised in it) with and laughed with her. Whom I have had frank discussions about the real failings of certain christian sects.

And now this.

Needless to say, I reacted badly. I was, and am pissed at her, for reasons I cant really say. Given that she doesnt even have a religion (because atheism and agnosticism are no more religions than bald is a hair color) I dont see where she gets off getting on me for being "disrespecful" towards mine or having an issue with it when its not like...

Anyway. Enough impassioned speeches, my question to the masses, is what do you think. Am I out of line? Is she? Because Im going to do this, and shes not going to like it. And I dont like feeling guilty for doing things I know arent wrong.

I'm going to be honest here so please don't take what I say the wrong way. There are a few things I want to talk about. First, becoming a reverand is not a joke. It's not something you should do because it's funny or just because you can. I'm not discouraging you from doing it and frankly there's nothing I can do to stop you, but becoming a reverand is something that you need to take seriously. Yeah, it would be fun to marry someone, but come on. There's a lot more to being a reverand than that. I'm not questioning your faith or your dedication to God, but your attitude just doesn't seem right for something like that. You are what I would call a casual Christian. Nothing wrong with that, but reverands are much more dedicated than you are. The main reason I'm saying this is because you haven't tried to convert your girlfriend. Whether you want to do that is up to you, but part of being a reverand is bringing people to God. Secondly, your girlfriend has every right to be upset. Not upset with you, but upset with the situation. She's an atheist, if you two stay together for a long time, she's not going to want to be a reverand's wife especially if you're not even serious about it. To her it seems so unnecessary and immature. Atheism may not be a religion in your eyes, but it is what she believes. Thirdy, this kind of stuff should be very expected in a Christian/Atheist relationship. I know that you've gotten along and been respectful towards each others' beliefs thus far, but somewhere along the line you two were bound to butt heads over something. Try to think of it a different way. Lets say that your girlfriend was a vegetarian and you weren't. You likely wouldn't have a problem with her choice, but it would make your relationship difficult. When you went out to eat you might not be able to go to your favorite restaurant and if your relationship went as far as you two living together, what would you do for meals? What would you raise your kids as were you to have them? If your relationship with this girl is going to work you're going to have to do a LOT of talking and even more compromising. All that being said, I do not think that you should become a reverand. If the main reason you want to do it is "for fun" it's not a good idea. Sleeping with another girl might be fun, but that's not something you'd do with a girlfriend in the picture, well I would hope not anyways. If you're serious about your relationship with her, this isn't a good idea. What you need to do is decide which is more important to you. Your girlfriend or becoming a reverand. I know it's terrible to put it that way, but I think you have to. It doesn't have anything to do with religion at this point. You've both already accepted each other. I hope that you didn't take offense to anything I said, I meant none. I wish you the best of luck.

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I have a tiger barb, a teara, a rossy barb and another fish.
( i dont know the name of it.) They seem to be getting along great!
like they are all best friends! they are chssing eachother around the tank like buddys. and I looked up on websites that tiger barbs nip.
Will my Tiger barb nip? it seems like he likes all the other fish.

Normally when fish chase each other around that means that they're nipping each other. Fish don't usually just chase. However, even though tiger barbs are known to nip that doesn't mean that yours will...think of it like putting a cat and a dog together. Sometimes they get along great, but most of the time they don't. I would keep an eye on them. If they start nipping there isn't much you can do. If it gets bad you might have to give the tiger barb away or get a new tank. I hope everything works out for you and good luck! I hope I helped. :)

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I have really bad dandruff on the back of my head and there are like yellow spots on my scalp there

is there any way i can take care of this????


thanksss

There are lots of special kinds of shampoo designed especially for people who have dandruff. My sister had it really bad a few years ago and she started using Selsun Blue. It worked really well. My advice would be to try a few different kinds of dandruff shampoo to see which one works best for you. If you still have major problems with it you can always ask a doctor. Oh, and thank you for not putting this under a category that it didn't belong in. It's annoying when people do that, you definitely made the right choice. That's why they have a "Random Weirdos" or miscellaneous category! I hope I helped and good luck!

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Hi, I downloaded Grisoft Virus control yesterday, and ran a scan. It said I had two viruses, and I can't delete either of them. For one of them, under result it says "Virus identified Java/OpenStream", and under result for that one it says "Infected, embedded file". When I click it, it says "Selected object is in the archive and cannot be healed..."


Basically, my question is what am I going to do about this?

Hmm...I have AVG Free, which is run by Grisoft so I think it may be the same as yours, but I'm not sure. If it's not I'm sorry, but this may help you anyways because most virus scanners are the same. I don't know if this will work, but open it up and click on where it says "Virus Vault" on the left. On the top there's a button that is a picture of a file with an eraser in front of it. Click on that and it will delete the selected virus from the list below. If you get an error message or something I don't know what to tell you. Remember, even though the virus is still on your computer, as soon as it's recognized by your virus scanner it's "quarrantined" and can't do any more damage. However, is always good to delete them. I hope I helped you and good luck.

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im 15 and me and my boyfriend have been going out for over 5 months..we had unprotected sex but he pulled out before he came..im really worried that i am pregnant, and i could never tell my parents..i have been gettin pains in my stomach, but it could jsut be me worrying..or my period is coming..what should i do..i cant keep the baby..and im jsut really worried..is there ways i could get an abortion with out my parents knowing?..like the morning after pill

please give me some adivce what to do before i go insane

Whoa, whoa! Slow down! Just take a deep breath and try to relax. The chances of you being pregnant are very small. There aren't any signs of it (other than a missed period) until 4 weeks later. The pains in your stomach are probably from exactly what you said, your period coming or stress. Unprotected sex is never a good idea, withdrawing doesn't work, and you need to get a day after pill as others have said. If you miss your next period it's okay. You are very stressed out and that alone can cause you to miss it, however, after it's a week or so late you need to get a pregnancy test just to make sure. My guess is that you're not pregnant, you just got a little slap in the face by reality. Sex comes with a lot of responsibility and before you do it you need to know everything about it, especially all of the risks involved. Just try to take it easy and not get ahead of yourself. I hope that I helped at least a little and good luck.

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