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my husband does not believe me about his mothers mean attitu
I am a 43 year old female. My mother in law came to stay with us Christmas before last for a month univited. While here she tried her hardest to piss me off. Each time she did, I ignored it. When she finaly decided to go home our good friend and neighbor happened to be going to her home town, over 2 hours away. He offered to give her a ride home since she didn't drive...it would save us a trip. I encouraged it and my husband made the trip with her and my neighbor for comfort sake. Every since she was here she is constantly making hurtful statements to me in front of anybody but my husband. I tell my husband and he defends her and says he did not hear it or I am mistaken. We had a long discussion about it again and this time he basically called me a liar and that he has known his mom alot longer than he has known me and she would not do that sort of thing. She constantly talks bad about every one of her 5 childrens spouses and about 3 of her 5 children. He does admit that because she talks bad about them to him. What can I do to stop this painful sitsuation without divorcing my husband?
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It's great to see a mature question for a change! They're all too rare here. Although of course you have my sympathy for your situation.
Here's the thing: you could VIDEOTAPE your mother-in-law at her worst, saying the nastiest things you can imagine, and the odds are still very good that your husband would not only not take your side, but blame YOU for violating his mother's privacy.
You see, the conflict between you and your M-I-L, unpleasant as it is, is still secondary. The REAL problem is the lack of trust between you and your husband. He made that crystal-clear.
And without trust, love dies.
If you want to save your marriage, you need to go to a marriage counselor. If he won't go with you, go alone. But you really need to go. This sort of problem doesn't go away by itself.
You have my sympathy. I wish you the best of luck.
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This is one of the best questions I've seen on here in a long time. Anyways, it reminds me of the show "Everybody Loves Raymond". Raymond's mother is so nice to and does everything for him, but she treats his wife, and everyone else, like crap. Raymond isn't oblivious to it though, being it's a TV show and quite exaggerated from real life. Since he is so closed to the idea of his mother being a...witch...it seems like deep down he knows it, but doesn't want to believe it of his own mother, especially since he hasn't had similar experiences with her. Let it rest for a little while, then get him thinking about it again after two weeks or so. I like the tape recorder idea. Another idea is get something like a baby monitor so he can listen from another room. Maybe even hide him in a closet or outside a window. Make it seem fun, not serious. He'll be more willing to do it that way. After he admits to himself that his mother is the way she is have him talk to her about it. She'll probably stop. If none of that works, try watching "Everybody loves Raymond", maybe you'll get an idea or two from that. Even though it's not real, I'm sure it's been built from the real life experiences of someone, or a collection of people. I hope I helped you and good luck!
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Well im nt married but ive seen some situations as this one. Alot of men are very close to their mothers...as in your husbands case... and they always want to defend them. You have to tell him that he doesnt have to pick between you two but that he has to learn how to balance his wife and mother. If he really cares about you he will at least sit down and have a conversation with her.
Im sorry you are going through this hard situation.
Hope I helped
-Steff-
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Well i would (and im dead seriouse about this) hide a tape recorder, or a vidio camera someware the next time she comes, and hide it in the room you would mostly stay in, and you would stay on your best behavior, and let her get as low as she wants since she sounds like the stupid type =] hope this helps! (i have the same problem with my cozin, and i have yet to accuire a tape recorder.. haha =D)
cjAdvice
if u need further help, you can always email mee! =D
christine1012005@hotmail.com
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