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step mom
Ok, me and my step mom dont "exactly" get along, she gets all pissed off at me because i forget to make my bed, or leave somthing on the floor (in my room) and she leaves all these stupid little notes saying "do this do that, we all live in the same house you know!!" and im trying my best to not yell back at her... i mean she ALWAYS yells at me, and i usually end up crying after ive gone into my room away from her... but i need help, because i know one of these days i wont be able to hold back and ill end up screaming at her... and thats definetally not like me unless i get over the top pissed off!! ill rate 5s to any1 who can help!
13/f
signed,
hoplessly traped
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Hi.... Well first let me say, talking about your issue with your stepmom is the first and biggest step you could take. I congratulate you!
I feel it would be good if you could see how each of us are simply a 'product' of our childhood years or the environment we were brought up in. For me, it was a Dad who was always putting me down, verbally and emotionally. It scarred me for years until I realized he no longer had power over me. Today, at the age of 61(it's my bd today!), I realize I have to forgive him and move on with my life or I won't have one very much worth living.
So, your stepmom is simply trying to control you, because when she was small, someone(s) did that to her. She of course doesn't see it that way, but you can! So when she rants and raves, simply smile at her and go with however she wishes it..... for now and usually a smile disarms the most intense anger or manipulative intention. I know it's not easy.... just see her as an adult child reeling in the dysfunction that she grew up in.
Tell her you love her, afterall I believe we are here to love each other, and will do your best to please her. Let her know you are always doing your best.... how can she ask more of you? Let her know you appreciate what she does for your family and for you. Offer her little surprises, just for no reason.... love is a wonderful tool.
I know the situation isn't good....sometimes it's not good with one's real parents either. But I can you're strong and you will get through it..... and when you've take all you can take, take a few moments and take a walk or put on headphones and listen to some relaxing music.
And if you have a good friend at school, share some of this with him/her and ask that they keep it confidential. In turn, perhaps they will share some of their problems with you. I remember having a very good friend in school and it helped me alot.
If you want you can email me.... my name is Salanda and my email is salanda@localnet.com... good luck to you! And please remember, you are a beautiful person or spirit on earth and you came to earth to fulfill and purpose..... just learn to explore yourself and life and look for the signs that will guide your way to fulfilling your soul's mission to earth! Have a really great new year!
Salanda
sa-lawn-dah
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your step mom is trying to be a good mom in the best way she knows how even if it is annoying so maybe you should try talking to her about it tell her about how you feel and if she has any heart at all she will try and work with you and if she doesnt she deserves what she gets hope this helps hun good luck!
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Hi there! A way to avoid any conflict is by do what she says (the she wount scream at you because there wouldn't be any reason to) Im not saying its right for her to scream at you because screaming isn't a option!! But just try your best to always to remember to do your bed and pick things up from the floor... best advice, get in her goodbooks by being trying to be really nice to her... maybe make her breakfast one morning, pick a flower from the garden, and write her a letter saying you are going to try your best to remember to make your bed everyday ect. ask her if she can respect you by not screaming at you if you do forget and just to remind you and when she does remind you leave everything your busy with and quikly go do it... she will soon relise that your only human and you do forget sometimes and she will see that your really trying and she will begin to try to be really nice to you too!
I hope I helped!
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Dear Hoplessly Trapped
I know you don't want to hear this, but you are still a minor, and as long as you live under your parents house, you have to follow their rules. That doesnt mean though that you should have to put up with any verbal abuse.
I am on your side. I am 27 and have a real ass of a step dad. But fortuneatly for me, I live on my own and don't have to put up with this tirant. But whenever I visit my mother, he always yells at me for something. I think I would have a breakdown of some sort if I did have to live with him.
So this is what you need to do. Have you ever heard of a family intervention? Well it's basically like having a staff meeting, except it's not work issues being discussed, it's your family issues being discussed. Talk to your father and just say " I've been having some issues with (step moms name), and I would really like it if I could have you both present at a meeting tonight. This will gain the respect of your father being you are being mature about this, instead of you going off on a screaming tantrum,
When you are all seated at the table, calmly let your step mom know that you are trying your best with the cleaning, and want to help her with the chores, but that it hurts your feelings when she is constantly yelling at you and leaving notes. Tell her you want to make a comprimise: that you will try to do your best with the cleaning as long as she shows you some RESPECT and doesnt yell at you anymore.
I think that this will totally blow them both away that a 13 year old would have the maturity to be so responsible.
If this would make you feel better, get a written contract.
Let me know if this helps!!
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maybe you can try telling your dad about how you feel about her. and how she makes you feel. maybe he'll talk to her or something.. or you can even try having a talk with your step mom.. and say its really frustrating me that your always yelling at me and stuff. tell your step mom or dad how mad you get about it. i hope everything works out though..
hope i helped
♥
manda
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Hopelessly Traped, My first impression is that you are a peace keeper and you show respect for your elders, I commend you for this. It has been my experience that most step moms are in a power struggle. They have to show how much power they have because you were your daddy's little girl long before she ever entered the picture. She feels threatened by you and she is acting like a rabid animal in the wild trying to protect her position within the pack. You are handling it right by trying to keep the peace but try to use reverse phycology with her. Start trying to be a friend to her...ask her if she wants to hear your new cd's or go rent a movie with her. Let her know that you aren't going to steal her position within the pack...not in those words though. Try to build some trust with her and she may lay off. If you need to talk privately let me know and I will email you my address! OK! Sue
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