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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
So here goes... a couple weeks ago my boyfriend was over at my house and well things went crazy the clothes were on and everything and it was like a 'dry' session if you know what I mean and well I felt uncomfortable I never wanted that and I told him to get off because that was just weird. Days later he told me he came and he's an idiot and 'm not with him anymore. SO i got my period a few days later like normal, on the day expected. But right now I have the worry that I'm somehow pregnant. Is that possible? I've done research and it says I can't and I got my period the days later but my mind keeps thinking I am. I know I can't be. How can I help my mind get over the thought? I don't want to be pregnant I'm only 15.
The Answer
You are not pregnant.
You've had you period. So you aren't pregnant.
You also basically can't get pregnant by dry humping.
Semen isn't smart. It doesn't have egg-radar. It doesn't know which way to go and doesn't weave intelligently through clothing. It moves around vaguely forwardish in liquid. If there is not enough liquid to move in, it doesn't move. If there is a dry spot, it can't travel accross it. There was no way dampness on his pants, made it through your clothing and up inside your body. That's just not realistic.
Stop freaking out. The only thing you are doing is making yourself sick. You aren't pregnant.
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The Question
14/f
Okay, so my mom thinks I am a lesbian but I am completely straight. I've had three boyfriends and my mom knows that. But she is under the impression that I like girls because I don't talk about liking guys with her. When I got my first boyfriend, My mom asked me if I liked him and I was like "well you know, we're pretty much friends but people just like the title." Of course, I did really like him and was dating him for more than the title but I didn't want to tell my mom that because things would be so awkward. Trust me. If I talked about guy I like with her, it would be SO awkward and she would keep asking me questions about it. So I know that she thinks I'm a lesbian because today she was like "who do you like?" and I said nobody. She then said "do you even know what it feels like to have a crush on someone??" and I was like no, because if I say yes she will interrogate me about it!! And then she asked what male celebrity I find attractive, and believe me there are MANY male celebrities I find attractive, but I said nobody because otherwise it would be awkward. So then she's like "well you must be attracted to girls then. What girls do you think are attractive? You're that type." And I told her that I don't like girls!!!! But I don't want to tell her who I like because it will be annoying and awkward, but I don't want her thinking I'm a lesbian either! What should I do? Thanks :)
The Answer
Ignore her. She is being a brat.
Does she actually think you are a lesbian? Maybe. But she DEFINITELY thinks that if she pisses you off, you'll tell he more about the guys you like.
She's trying to get you talking, but her approach is underhanded and nasty.
And If I were you, I'd call her on it. Tell her "Mom. I think you saying that to piss me off and trying to bully me into telling about the guys I like. That's a cheep trick and it makes me want to talk to you about guys even less than I already do."
But the other thing you need to do, is learn how to tell your mom what you want to tell her, and not anything more.
You need to be able to say "Yeah, I kinda like so-and-so" or "Yeah, that actor is cute" and then just stand strong against her interrogations. That's part of learning how to be honest and true to yourself, without being a door mat. It can feel a bit awkward, but you need to push through that, because you can't manage you mother with complete silence. She deserves a small amount of direct honesty.
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The Question
I only tested for hiv 10 months after possible exposure. My results came back negative, but i have been having this headache for about a month now & i appeared to have a flaky skin, pain aroud the umbilical & ichy rash on the neck cord 6 weeks back that lasted for 4 weeks. I once had a headache 3 months after possible exposure, where the doctor diagonised it as sinus. Then i read somewhere that sinuses is an early symptom of hiv, hence the reason of being afraid to test at the time. Could i be hiv positive?
The Answer
At 10 months, the test should have been accurate. 6 months is generally the very longest it takes to develop the antibodies the test checks for.
If you are concerned there is no harm in having another test done. HIV tests almost never give false negatives after a six month window, so go ahead and double-check it.
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The Question
I've been on this site for 4 years now and I've viewed the list only a handful of times, though I've found it always be really helpful. I originally came here when I was 13, I knew very little about relationships and how to approach situations, but I knew I had feelings/emotions toward a girl that I hadn't felt before with anyone else.. I was the best friend kind of guy, who she loved and cared about, but never pursued a relationship with because she didn't want it to ruin the friendship. We also didn't get to hang out in person very often.
I put my emotions aside, it was too difficult to be around her and control them without wanting more. The only solution was to leave for a while and keep it to small talk.. That was effective and I expanded my horizons, moved on essentially, but we spent this past weekend together (mind you we've only seen each other a handful of times in the past few years, something that hurts the development of a relationship). All of those feelings I had years ago immediately resurfaced, and I really started comparing it to how it used to be. We're still pretty close friends, but again, I can't control my emotions and I want to pursue a relationship. She's had a boyfriend for 2 years now and seems happy with them, but she's admitted to finding me appealing and she says she really likes being close to me. She didn't want to go further, because of feeling guilt because of her boyfriend, but there's evident attraction there and I don't personally feel like I'm being used.
I'm a busy body, I travel, I have lot going on with my hobbies, school, and job, and I'm ready to share that life with someone special and I'm tired of these feelings having to be hidden or put aside.. I want to fight for her, I want to finally be with her, but I'm just uncertain of the approach? Is it worth fighting for? Am I a joke?
I'd like some additional opinions to guide me in the right direction.
Chase
M/16
The Answer
You can't fight for someone who is in a relationship with someone else.
You may well try to grow wings. It can't be done. If she is not available, then she is not available. To even try is to invite drama and offer disrespect.
You can't imagine an appropriate approach because none exists. You aren't a joke and she isn't using you. You just really want something that - as thing stands - you are not going to get. She maybe, sorta wants something, maybe - but clearly isn't willing to pay the price and make a change in her life.
You've both been honest: You are attracted to her, and she is attracted to you.
The ONLY respectful thing you can do is make sure that honesty is crystal clear: Tell her, straight up, that you want a relationship with her and that if she wants that too she needs to be single. If she doesn't want that, you can't be friends. Because you can't be friends with someone you have these feelings about. May as well try to grow a furry little tail.
You can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. And no matter how much someone might claim to WANT to be with you, it's worthless unless they act on it. In her case, that means being dumping her boyfriend.
Tell her you want to be with her.
Ask her if she wants to be with you.
Tell her that if she does, she needs to act on it.
If she doesn't act on it (even if she says she will) take her inaction as a no, and move on for good.
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The Question
Ok I know that's a question asked by a lot ot females but my ex ryan and I were together 4 years we have a beautiful little girl together afew months ago I left him cuz he didn't appreciate me he said he was going to change but still hasn't I'm with him almost always but when he gets a text or call from any other female he makes me leave I feel like his "if I don't have anyone else around" girl it hurts so bad he even kicks our daughter out for a female I also have another guy but he knows about ryan he loves me ane has been trying to get me to forget about ryan and be with him I just don't know what I should do should I give up on a 4 year relationship or keep trying?
The Answer
There is no relationship left here if you and child come second to his booty calls.
By the time you have to ask yourself "Should I get back together with my ex?" the answer is almost always No.
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The Question
Hi(male and gay,26),well I'm a self-confident 26 year old gay boy,I'm very happy with who I am and the way I am as well,I have a boyfriend,even though he says to love me with all his heart,he hasn't presented me to any of his relations yet and we've been dating for over two years now,I'm like his secret relationship,nobody who knows him knows anything about me,not even a cousin of his,what can I do?Because I know for a fact that he really loves me and so do I,but I would like a true relationship,I mean I'm not a criminal,I'd like to adopt children in the future,to live in our very own house and even to get married one day,but he keeps saying that those are privileges that are meant to be for straight relationships,I know I should dump him,but I love him very much,it sucks!I wish I didn't,thanks in advance;)
The Answer
You know you should dump him, and that is the answer.
He DOESN'T want a full, honest relationship. He's told you that. He doesn't want to be honest with his family. He doesn't want the 'privileges' of having an actual relationship, because he seems to honestly believe that because you are both gay, he can't have an 'actual relationship' with you.
You love him, and he might love you too. But he's told you straight up that he can't share love with you the way you want him too, and that he can't be a loving partner for you.
Stop living in the closet with him. Make a clean break.
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The Question
Hi, I'm 14/f.
I masturbate on my stomach. I don't like to do it on my back because I just can't reach orgasm. I've tried countless times, and it never worked so I just flip over.
Is it bad to masturbate on my stomach?
Is it bad to masturbate really roughly?
Thank you in advance for your answers, it really means a lot!
The Answer
It's fine to masturbate on your stomach.
It's fine to masturbate roughly - as long as you aren't hurting yourself - causing any cuts, scrapes or soreness. If you are being THAT rough, you need to practice greater self control, and scale back.
Also: If you are masturbating in only one way, you are training your body to reach orgasm in that very specific one way. This can cause problems when you want to have sex with a partner. It's nothing to be too concerned about, but it is something to keep in mind. Mix it up. You don't always have to make it about the quickest orgasm. And don't be afraid to be honest with your sexual partners about what works best for your body.
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The Question
I don't understand. I was talking to 2 of my Indian friends today, and they said that they and their parents are against it. But I don't understand how they're okay with having interracial friendships, but interracial marriage crosses the line, because of the different cultures. If people of different cultures can get along, what's stopping them from getting into a relationship, if they're attracted to each other? How can you be a true friend to someone else if you look down upon someone from their culture? That's just racism.
I asked what if the guy was PERFECT in every single way, even grew up in India with indian culture, but didn't have Indian ancestry, and it was still a no. That just seems stupid to me. Even if the guy didn't have Indian culture that doesn't mean you two can't fall in love, and make things work. Heck, just because a guy is Indian doesn't even mean you'll necessarily work together. If the love was true, and not just based on looks, they'd be able to overcome cultural differences they face. They can't be THAT different from each other, in terms of life style and views, otherwise why would they want to get married?
One of my friends said something about the two families needing to get along, and to "stick to her race" cause of fear of backlash from society, from dating out. But I don't understand why two families from different cultures can't get along just the same (Indian families aren't the only ones that are big and very family-focused, among other things. I relate to my Indian friends, because I come from an African family, so I get the whole "being a foreigner" thing, "ethnic food" and am more understanding of their other issues, but I feel like they feel like I don't understand at all), or why you should care about society thinks, if you're in a relationship that makes you happy.
One of my friends even admitted to having a crush on a Korean, but why should she, if she only thinks it's fit to be with another Indian? And it's like they get offended by Indians in interracial relationships, and Indians who have some "white" ancestry in general. Personally, I'm black, and I'm attracted to all races of guys.. I mean an attractive person is an attractive person. And of course, having common interests, in a way. Being from different cultures doesn't necessarily mean you have different interests, I have friend around the world and can talk to them like anyone around where I live. people aren't THAT different from one another, especially when there's similar interests
It bothers me that people let race get in the way for no reason. I love my friends "of the same African culture" just the same as my friends "of different cultures". I tend to have more shared interests with people of different cultures, actually, so I wouldn't be surprised if I end up in an interracial relationship in the future. It just bothers me that people try to bash them, when none of it even matters, cause we're all humans, we're technically not even different races.
I don't get the concern over the children, too, cause I've grown up in 3 different cultures (in 3 different continents!), and I'm just fine, so I don't see why that should negatively impact a child. I want to teach my children to see themselves as humans, not by "races", and acknowledge the cultures they're being brought up in. there's no need to worry about if they're "black" or "white" or "asian", or etc. those terms are obsolete. I mean I acknowledge that people look different but my parents never taught me to really care much about race, so it's just shocking to me how divided our world is over nothing.
I just want to somehow show this to my friends cause it's something I feel strongly about, but idk how. I mean I'm not saying that they MUST date someone who's not indian, but I want to get them to realize that it's not wrong if they felt an attraction to someone not indian, and wanted to date, or possibly marry them. I've heard about some people getting disowned for marrying out and I think that is just ridiculous. The child was only worth who they married? And even if the person was great in every way, race alone makes them inadequate? What kind of love is that?
but I mean idk, at the same time I don't understand arranged marriages (I get parents suggesting that two people should try dating, but I don't get why people should be forced together, even if they hate each other, cause I've heard of such a thing occuring. I wouldn't want a love story like that, if their relationship ever even develops into that special kind of love) so I guess I have a lot to learn about Indian culture (geez, but even India has MANY different cultures. next time I see them I'll ask if it would be okay to marry another indian with a diff culture..)
I don't get the whole "preserving Indian culture" thing either. I tried telling my 2 friends that they're more than Indian now since they've spent most of their formative years in America, but it's like they dont want to acknowledge that they've been influenced by the life here, when whether they like it or not, they have been. I don't see why it's wrong for cultures to mix, for cultures to change. culture should be individual, whatever make you happy you know. and parents should support whatever makes their kid happy and healthy
The Answer
You are right. Your friend's approach is irrational, it is prejudiced and it's not necessarily best for their future children.
However, the same ways it's right for cultures to shift and individuals to make choices - your friends are entitled to make a stupid choice, for irrational reasons, just because it's important to them and they want it that way.
The best thing you can likely do for them, is encourage them to respect and value themselves, and believe in their own ability to choose what is best for them, and not to restrict or narrow their lives and experiences. Remind them that they can share their own beliefs, values and culture with ANYONE, not just their children, or someone from a similar background. Remind them that partnerships aren't about what looks best to those around the individuals, but what works best for the individuals involved.
It IS ridiculous for parents to pressure or disown a child for choosing a romantic partner of a different race - but it's also real. It does happen, and it's a real concern and worry for some young people. It's okay, and understandable for your friends to carry those fears and anxieties.
So, instead of fighting with them over the issues of race and culture, remind them of their own strength and ability to make good choices. They might still really want a partner who is of a similar culture to them - and even if that value is silly and irrational, even if you disagree and are right to disagree - this is one situation where what is important to them, what they feel works for them, what gets them to closest to the life they think they want, trumps any reasonable argument you can offer.
So don't argue. Support, encourage and respect their ability to choose well.
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The Question
I have been with my boyfriend since a year and 3 months. Why our relationship tends to be difficult at times, is the distance between us, seeing as we skype everyday, with 10, 000 km between us (and a 3 and a half hour difference).
I love the boy very dearly and am very vocal about it. Unfortunately, he isn't. Often times, I feel like I need to hear compliments or sweet words to feel loved and to be able to go to sleep happily. I know relationships don't revolve only around that, but fact is, that IS all we have. Well, except for jokes, understanding and all the basic stuff (that don't get me wrong, I treasure dearly). But as a girl with past relationships (and a broken heart), I know what I want from a man. And HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT. First, I tried hinting at it, but he ignored that. Since we are very honest to one another, I told him flat out, say these things to me. I feel happy then. He didn't do it. Then, I made the mistake of yelling at him. All the more, he didn't do it. So then I left it, and all he does nowadays, is her plays with his phone and plays with something or another and then just rattles off an: 'iloveyouyourebeautiful/cute'. -that's it. When I have just earlier, told him how much I adore his smile, the way he looks ble ble- all the cheese of the world.
Fact is, we have had a fight, were I told him to say these things to me (once again) and he compared it to me not having had UNPROTECTED SEX. -he says if I want that, then he wants UNPROTECTED. -I said flat out: NO, because I am scared. He said I'm being silly. -I decided to teach him a 'lesson' and didn't speak to him for 3 days. Finally, today he apologized many times via email. So I came to him on skype. -After a while of him only picking fights with me, instead of apologizing, he told me that he apologized only in a 'MOMENT OF WEAKNESS'. One lead to another, and I told him, how this means so much to me, for the millionth time. He just stared and said, that what I want is 'STUPID'. I yelled at him. And I just looked all shocked. All energy was drained out of me. What more can I tell this boy?
Finally, it all ended with all my emotions coming gushing out. All the times I chases after him, all the times I have apologized for the smallest of things, when he can't respect this ONE wish.
It all came out in a long sentence. 'I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU. YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME. -You BROKE MY HEART'.
-While the hating part is a lie, the heart breaking isn't. I feel ridiculous. Also, I know that most girls would have dumped a boy for verbally forcing them into unsafe sex... But on the other hand, I know he loves me. -what now?
The Answer
Stop dragging it out and break up.
It's not working. You two aren't compatible.
He doesn't understand. After 3 years he probably isn't going too wake up one morning and see things your way. You also can't find a way to understand and feel appreciated without a very specific kind of verbal appreciation.
Neither of you are willing to compromise, so you aren't compatible.
Lots of people love one another, but aren't able to behave in loving ways towards one another.
End it.
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The Question
my boyfriend and i of 2 years (i'm 20 and he's 23) have had this problem before. going into a relationship with him, i kind of expected this to happen (he's in a local popular band, he's extremely good looking, tattoos, etc., so girls eat him up and from his past he's told me about he didn't mind the girls so much either).
well the first time, i saw he was texting an ex of his. from what i could see of scattered conversation, he must've sent a photo of his face on time because she commented on how he looked sad and he said he just woke up (ALSO, we live together, so he had to have been doing this right after waking up next to me. i think that's kind of messed up). he also one time sent her a close up picture of him in his cat shorts (it's a joke amongst our group of friends, there these funny shorts he'll wear sometimes) so it's not like a crotch shot or anything, just a close up of the pants and a bit of his leg, but still, why send that to her? and there was also a message about getting together to drink sometime, i cannot recall if he mentioned it or her but i remember the other agreeing anyways, so it still bothers me. well this eventually came up in the air and he just calmly explained he did not think it was that big of a deal, he doesn't think of things like that being bad and shady and he didn't even plan on getting drinks with her, he was just saying that to be nice. now, my boyfriend does for the most part have some lack-of-common-sense innocence about him at times, so i kind of brushed it under the rug and took it as he really was just being dumb about it.
but then, monthssss later, i got curious in seeing if he was still being dumb, and checked his facebook which is bad i know, but still. i got curious and found a conversation between him and this girl that basically conisted of him asking for boobs pics, he'd send photos of himself, she asked him to come over (though it said she lived in canada, so?), etc. i got so upset, shaking, crying that i just ran downstairs and outside and he ran out after asking what was wrong, where all i could do was yell at him to go upstairs and answer her back. he looked confused and went upstairs and just came down and started going on about how embarassing it was, that was an old conversation back from the days when he was kind of a manwhore, blahblah, he swears it was old. i rebuttled that there was no year in the date of the conversation, like how normally if it was the past years, it'd say november 8th, 2011, august 10th, 2010, etc. it just said september 2nd which means it was current, this month. he came back and said he re-added her (i checked his facebook, they became friends a couple months before this conversation, i have no idea if they were facebook friends previously like he said) so it just brought back up the old conversation, he doesn't know why there was no 2011 or older on it. once again, i let it slide, feeling stupid for freaking out. though i did go through old conversations of my own and if it was 2011 or older, it did say that. so in my gut i feel like he might be lying, but when i was still upset about it days later and couldn't stop thinking about it he got mad at me and told me he's said all he could say about it so he doesn't know what i want him to do. so i just shrugged it off.
NOW, this is once again months upon months later cause at this point we've exchanged "i love you"s for months now and we've never said that to anybody before, and i know for him that's something meaningful and he means it because he's had a bad past and issues with trust of his own with women, and he wouldn't say it if he doesn't mean it. but anyways. i just checked and he had nothing in his actual messages, but i went to his archives and there was about 15 "hi"'s to a bunch of different girls. most didn't respond, but the ones that did, some said that he'd have to text them tomorrow, they were going to bed (and there was no number in these conversations so already had it, im assuming?), he called one girl doll and she called him babe and gorgeous man and she talked about her maybe going on a jog in the woods somewhere and she wasn't sure if she'd be allowed and he replied with that she probably would, he's been there before nobody seemed to mind (which was a harmless comment until he said:) but you're pretty anyways so i'm sure they won't mind watching you jog. some girls sent him their number and there was no reponse on his part unless deleted, but now i WHO KNOWS if he has it, if he just texts those ones. not me and it's extremely unsettling.
like these conversations aren't horrific, but still if we've had spouts over this in the past and he knows it upsets me, you think he'd stop even bothering to conversate with girls (and these girls are the kind he always says are sluts and just stupid people he wouldn't bother to talk with). but the "babe" and "doll" comments bother me cause right after i read these i was just sitting near him in a room and he kept calling me "doll" and it was just grossing me out.
then this morning i was texting someone and he made a comment about it being another man and i was kidding and hinting and said,"yeah, he's a "GORGEOUS MAN"." and he got mad and said girls have done that to him before (he always goes on about how he knows if a girls being shady, so he's gotten mad at my actions before even though i tell him who all my guy friends are and i don't even talk to any of them anymore cause it bothers him, my boyfriend's paranoid).
do i have reason to be upset? suspecting? i feel like i somewhat do, but i just feel so dumb, whenever i confront him and he just makes it seem like it's no big deal. in my head it seems so much more than that. i just think if he's been cheated on (i know he would never pyshically cheat on me) multiple times and he knows what looks shady, etc. then he should know that what i think he's doing looks shady and that he should respect that and stop messaging girls.
The Answer
After reading ALL of this, I can only see three things your guy has done.
One. He has maintained a civil friendship with an ex girlfriend.
Two. While in a relationship with you, he got bored online, said hi, and and chatted with people who happen to female about entirely harmless things, including the kind of tame compliments that it's nice for one human being to offer another.
Three. He might be a bit of hypocrite if it was you doing similar harmless things with guys.
Do have reason to be upset? Yes. IF he wont acknowledge these sorts of conversations are normal and healthy AND accept that you'll have similar conversations with other people - who might be male people - then his hypocrisy should be upsetting. But instead of being upset, you should just do what he is doing, and have respectful friendships with the opposite sex anyways, instead of denying yourself the basic human need of 'having friends' because it ticks off your immature boyfriend.
Should you suspecting him of cheating? Based on what you've said here, no. You have a habit of over-reacting big time. What's worse, it is seems to be you, not just him, who is struggling to make room for friends and acquaintances of the opposite sex in your lives. You are both being shady, because you are both trying to pretend that you aren't grown up enough to have friendships with members of the opposite sex without it somehow leading to cheating.
That's incredibly immature, and destructive, and it's not true either.
If you don't think he's grown up enough to have conversations with other woman without wanting to cheat - then dump him. If you don't think that of him, then respect his friendships and his right to speak to whom he chooses.
And demand the same for yourself, and your friends.
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The Question
Im 16 and female, A few months ago I split with my boyfriend of 4 months. He had a reputation but he was my first love and I lost my viginity to him and we were really happy, we had issues but what couple doesnt and he could be a prick at times but still we were okay. Then one day we split over something so stupid but it really hurt me. I wanted us to work again although us splitting up was a mutual decision. I asked for us to try again but he refused and I moved on and got over him. Eventually he asked for me back and said he missed me, we got back on it and starting having sex again. But it felt wrong and he wasn't being serious so I dropped it and gave him a chance friends or lovers and he picked friends. Then a few weeks later he comes asking to be friends with benefits and do it one last time, I was over him and trying to get with other guys, but the other guy I wanted to meet up with always left me standing waiting for me to text him to meet up when we'd made arrangements so I'm still talking to him. I felt distressed and agrred to be friends with benefits but I want a relationship, i hope this benfits thing will turn into one again but I know it might not ao I don't know what to do wait for this lad to take me or go off with my ex for friends with benefits, its not what I'd usually do but I'm a teen and confused anyone help? even to tell me what to do about the other guy would help.
The Answer
FWB can turn into relationships, but your FWB arrangement will probably not.
FWB relationships work with both people are honest about what they want and need, and are getting a good deal of what they need. When someone accepts a FWB relationship when what they really want is a relationship, it's dishonest and destructive.
End it with your ex. Learn to be okay even if no other guy seems to be interested in you right at the moment.
The best thing you can do about this other guy - is not still be sleeping with and hung up on your ex. You can't control what he feels, but you can control yourself.
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The Question
I am a female, in my 20's, married, and work in a male-dominated profession. My job requires quite a bit of travel, and sometimes the jobs have long hours and are physically intense. This often leads to the crew having a few drinks at the end of the day. My husband has an extreme jealousy streak, and recently told me of all the men I work with, he is most jealous of my immediate supervisor. He (hubby) knows I love him, and he trusts me, but he doesn't trust the guys I work with. The last job, just myself and my supervisor were on the crew. After a few beers, we were calling it a night and heading to our respective rooms. My supervisor then asked me if he could kiss me! Shocked - I said NO and went straight to my room. I called my husband to tell him goodnight (like I always do), but I did not tell him what happened. The next morning my supervisor apologized, and we finished up the job, over the next few days, without any afterwork beers. I don't want to do jobs alone with my supervisor again. I don't want to go above his head and tell someone higher up what happened for fear they might make me file a sexual harassment claim.
How do I go about making sure we don't get scheduled alone together on a job again? Should I tell my husband what happened, and risk him wanting me to quit my job (or worse, alter my carrer plans in this very hard worked for and difficult to break into profession to something less male-dominated)?
Please Adivse!
The Answer
Normally, I believe in complete honesty between partners - or at least - an explicit agreement for less than complete honesty if that is what both partners want. But if you know your husbands reaction is going to be controlling and very close to abusive (and yes, if he thinks or intends to MAKE you quit or change your career - that's abuse) then I don't think you need to tell him.
What you might choose to do, is speak to your supervisor. He had the good sense to apologize. He had the good sense to not bring it up again. If you tell him that you don't want to go over his head, but are uncomfortable and would appreciate it if HE would do whatever he can to make sure you don't travel alone with him again. He'll likely feel he has to take your considerations into account.
I can't help but underline one thing I've read here though: Your supervisor was rude, and made a major error. He apologized, and corrected it. You don't seem to be afraid for you safety with him, you are afraid of your husband. Your husband appears to be controlling and fear of his reactions is dominating your life.
The man who frightens you, is the man whose behavoir is a larger problem.
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The Question
Just heard about this, so I'm clueless. Tried looking it up on the internet, but I can't find anything to answer my questions.
What happened to him? Whats the big deal about it?
It said something about uncivil justice?
Thanks!
The Answer
What blr51697 said is almost completely wrong... (Well, they've edited it now and it's much closer to correct.)
Trayvon Martin was a 17 year old boy who was shot and killed walking home from a convenience store.
A man named George Zimmerman saw Trayvon and thought he looked suspicious. Zimmerman called the police and they were on their way. The police told Zimmerman not to chase Trayvon, but Zimmerman did chase him - armed with his gun.
Some people have said that Trayvon attacked Zimmerman when he caught up with him (I'm not sure I buy that, and even if he did, I'm not sure why it's wrong for a 17 year old who is being stalked by an adult with a gun to punch that adult, but it's perfectly legal for an adult to follow a teenager who has done nothing wrong, and shot him dead because he got punched.)
What we do know for sure is that Zimmerman shot Trayvon and killed him. When the police got there they didn't take Zimmerman's gun (which would be standard practice even if the death was in self-defense), and they didn't take Zimmerman in for drug testing (as is required by law when someone shoots another person). They also didn't check Trayvon's phone or contact his family in a timely manner. They let Zimmerman walk away because he claimed he acted in self-defense.
So there are three big issues:
One: The concern that Zimmerman acted based on Trayvon's race, and was suspicious and followed him because he was black. This isn't so much a legal issue, as a moral one, and a issue for the community.
Two: The concern that Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law means that what Zimmerman did isn't illegal at all, even if Trayvon didn't punch him.
Three: The way the local police handled the investigation has also caused a lot of concern.
"Civil Justice" can mean a few things, but basically it's the issue of the rights of private individuals, and the laws and procedures that should be followed when those rights are challenged. People don't say "Uncivil justice" much - that doesn't really mean anything. But if someone did say it, they probably just meant they felt that Trayvon's rights (or his family's rights) as a private citizen had been ignored when Zimmerman acted as he did, and the police mishandled the case.
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The Question
hey my dog angus ate 2 reeses peanut butter reeses will he die i am scared!!!!!!!! the were the small ones and he is 2 and a half and weighs 18 pounds and is a mini snuazer
The Answer
Probably not die. You might want to Google the number of an emergency vet clinic just in case, or even call them and ask for advice.
There is surprisingly little chocolate in Reese's really. Put him outside for an hour or two and keep an eye on him. If he wants to eat grass, let him. Most dogs are smart enough to try and throw up things that are upsetting their stomach.
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The Question
I am 19, from Singapore, I am kinda having some difficulty talking or getting to know girls. I tend to get very nervous around them. All my friends refer me as the crazy, funny guy. I can come up with a lot of jokes when I'm with my guy friends ( I have a lot of guy friends because I'm an engineering student ) but my jokes suck when I'm with... lets say a girl that I find attractive. Guess I'm not very confident. One more thing, every girl that I wooed/chased seemed to be very interested at first but after a while, they seem to lose their interest? I don't really know because they don't tell me. All they say is that I'm a nice guy and they don't wanna hurt me? WTF is that supposed to mean?! I need to know what you guys think about this. Thanks! :D
Btw, I tried cheesy pick up lines and I think it just doesn't work with Asian girls. They will all be like "WTF is his problem? Crazy ass muda.." You get my point.
The Answer
You are not very confident, and it sounds like you are also coming across as pretty vulnerable and emotionally high-maintenance.
Of course, I can't possibly be 100% accurate from a thousand miles away based on only this question, but here is what I see.
When a girl seems interested at first, but after a while drifts away - you've moved too slowly. You need to ask 'em out once you are confident you are both interested. If you sit in the friend zone for too long, you get stuck there.
If a girl says she 'doesn't want to hurt you' then you are wearing your vulnerability on your sleeve and reading as desperate. She is frightened off because she doesn't want to be responsible for your self-confidence. Against common wisdom, most girls don't want to be the center of a guys world, and are scarred off by guys who they think might treat em that way.
So, buck up. You don't have much confidence. Lots of guys don't. Fake it till you make it. If you've known a girl for a few weeks and think she might be interested, ask her out. If she says no, be gracious and friendly about it. Remember that being honest about your feelings is different than looking to others to take responsibility for your feelings. We are all of us insecure and looking for affection, but none of us want to feel like we might destroy somebody if the relationship doesn't work out...
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The Question
my boyfriend and i have been together for a year
weve only started fighting the last couple of months, and its always over the same thing...or the same person i should say.
basically when i first started talking to him before we were dating he was sleeping with his best friend and another girl.
anyway since the day we started dating, neither of these two girls have been happy with the outcome. and for the first couple of months they backed off.
however one of them, the one that used to be his best friend, has been texting him and wanting to meet up with him and stuff....
i dont trust her, shes a very very shady girl. shes in love with my boyfriend and has gone through dozens of guys trying to find what she had with my boyfriend, but nothing compares to him.
ive had NUMEROUS people ring and call me and warn me of this shady girl and her behaviour, but i suspected most of this already. especially since she slept with him 2 days after he got out of a 5 year relationship a year and a half ago. Ive never been able to deal with there friendship because i know its not innocent on her part.
i hate going on facebook and seeing her calling him babe and saying how she misses him and everything when she doesnt even say that to her 'boyfriends'.
then tonight, i log onto facebook to see a picture of her all cuddled up against my boyfriend. way to close for comfort for me. They seriously look like a couple, and he wont even get couple photos with me.
it doesnt help her caption reads " the one that means the most
The Answer
Newsflash Hun: This 'friendship' was never innocent on HIS part either.
You might want to consider breaking up with him, if you can't handle this friendship, and HIS behavoir in this friendship.
'Cause lets be serious: The bigger problem is not that she cares for him, wants a close friendship with him (and maybe wants a relationship that is too close). The bigger problem is that your boyfriend isn't shutting it down, establishing respectful boundaries and have a friendship with her that respects the fact he has a romantic relationship.
If you can't respect how your boyfriend is choosing to manage his friendship with this girl, break up with him.
If you can't be happy with how the friendship he feels is acceptable, break up with him.
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The Question
I am a Scorpio and it describes me pretty well and explained a lot haha. But I looked at my ex bf's sign and that explained him well to. It seems to fit almost everyone but I just want to make sure because there is this guy I like and our zodiac sign are perfect for each other and his zodiac sign says a lot. DO you know if they are legit or not? Thanks!
The Answer
Zodiac signs are legitimately entertaining, but have no direct relationship with who we are or how we relate to others. Horoscopes are bullshit.
I could go into all the ways that our the modern 'zodiac' in newspapers is a complete bastardization of the actual Hellenistic and Babylonian astronomy, and all the ways horoscopes appear to work, but are simply mind tricks, but it's probably best you just watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haP7Ys9ocTk
Horoscopes are an interesting neurological phenomenon, but they don't mean anything. The only 'truth' in them, is the truth you THINK you see in them.
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The Question
My boyfriend says 143 to me, I find that insincere, true or false?
The Answer
It is an numerical representation of "I love you". Mostly used on pagers before text messaging was as common as it is now. It's an abbreviations, like most abbreviations, it it casual and noncommittal language.
We can't judge your boyfriend's sincerity, but if you don't find it cute or flattering, tell him so, gently but clearly.
I doubt very much he is trying to annoy you with it. Accept it in the spirit it is offered, or ask him to stop using it.
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The Question
I'm a 31 year old working professional with a one year old. My husband is really good looking, charming, flirty by nature and in sales. A year ago he told me about this hot female client of his who hit on him. She asked him to meet him on the weekend at her cottage to pick up some contracts and openly hinted she wanted "more". He never acted on it, told me about it and even avoided her on BBM.
Yesterday I was on his phone and noticed her name in a text MSG. Ofcourse I read it. In it my husband joked that she could give him company on the phone until his next meeting. She told him not to text and drive as he could get pulled over. He replied "it would be fun if you pulled me over ;)". Then he said "..don't respond with "no comments" remember this is all fun and games"
They carried on a little and the text MSG ended. I think he's trying to close a deal with her company but Im still so mad about this since he iniTiated it with a person who already had bad intentions of cheating. I don't know if I should confront him or continue reading his texts to see how this plays out. He's still being sweet and loving with me.....but I'm still soooo mad! Advice??
The Answer
Talk to him.
Continuing to read his texts only layers more deceit and resentment onto your relationship. His behavoir in a few text messages doesn't necessarily mean the end of your relationship: But continued spying, anger and distrust does spell the end between you too.
So don't let it go down that road. Tell him what you found, and why it worries you.
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The Question
I have a friend named Jarmond. I found out he likes me about a month or two ago. He won't stop calling me. Texting me. Telling me he loves me. Talking bad about my boyfriend. Saying how much he wants to kiss me and be with me. Always tries to hang out. Touches me all the time. Ect. What can I say to him to give him the hint that I do NOT like him nor wanna be with him. He's starting stuff with me and my boyfriend trying to brake us up and I'm very annoyed!! Help!
The Answer
Don't "hint" and don't try to spare his feelings: You have to tell him the complete truth.
You don't feel that way about him.
You don't like what he is doing.
You want him to stop and go away.
Say "Don't touch me." in a loud, clear voice.
Get a teacher involved if he wont stop touching you.
Don't try to be too nice. He'll interpret that as permission to continue. Being clear is more important than being nice. Tell him to take a hike.
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