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Am I making the right choice? And if I am, how should I approach it?
I've been on this site for 4 years now and I've viewed the list only a handful of times, though I've found it always be really helpful. I originally came here when I was 13, I knew very little about relationships and how to approach situations, but I knew I had feelings/emotions toward a girl that I hadn't felt before with anyone else.. I was the best friend kind of guy, who she loved and cared about, but never pursued a relationship with because she didn't want it to ruin the friendship. We also didn't get to hang out in person very often.
I put my emotions aside, it was too difficult to be around her and control them without wanting more. The only solution was to leave for a while and keep it to small talk.. That was effective and I expanded my horizons, moved on essentially, but we spent this past weekend together (mind you we've only seen each other a handful of times in the past few years, something that hurts the development of a relationship). All of those feelings I had years ago immediately resurfaced, and I really started comparing it to how it used to be. We're still pretty close friends, but again, I can't control my emotions and I want to pursue a relationship. She's had a boyfriend for 2 years now and seems happy with them, but she's admitted to finding me appealing and she says she really likes being close to me. She didn't want to go further, because of feeling guilt because of her boyfriend, but there's evident attraction there and I don't personally feel like I'm being used.
I'm a busy body, I travel, I have lot going on with my hobbies, school, and job, and I'm ready to share that life with someone special and I'm tired of these feelings having to be hidden or put aside.. I want to fight for her, I want to finally be with her, but I'm just uncertain of the approach? Is it worth fighting for? Am I a joke?
I'd like some additional opinions to guide me in the right direction.
Chase
M/16
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You can't fight for someone who is in a relationship with someone else.
You may well try to grow wings. It can't be done. If she is not available, then she is not available. To even try is to invite drama and offer disrespect.
You can't imagine an appropriate approach because none exists. You aren't a joke and she isn't using you. You just really want something that - as thing stands - you are not going to get. She maybe, sorta wants something, maybe - but clearly isn't willing to pay the price and make a change in her life.
You've both been honest: You are attracted to her, and she is attracted to you.
The ONLY respectful thing you can do is make sure that honesty is crystal clear: Tell her, straight up, that you want a relationship with her and that if she wants that too she needs to be single. If she doesn't want that, you can't be friends. Because you can't be friends with someone you have these feelings about. May as well try to grow a furry little tail.
You can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. And no matter how much someone might claim to WANT to be with you, it's worthless unless they act on it. In her case, that means being dumping her boyfriend.
Tell her you want to be with her.
Ask her if she wants to be with you.
Tell her that if she does, she needs to act on it.
If she doesn't act on it (even if she says she will) take her inaction as a no, and move on for good.
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