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okay so we broke up like a little over a month ago and i've been talking to his sister and she says that he has no social life since we broke up, and he's been being mean to his friends and stuff and he was doing better with me (he had a social life with my friends-guys&girls too but now they kinda don't like him cuz he dumped me). the last month while we were dating he would lie to me and tell me "his mom wouldn't let him go out" or "he had homework" and he never used to do this for like the first 6 months we were together. she says hes lazy but he still likes me. i guess what i'm saying is that i miss who he used to be...we were planning on hanging out when school is over, so my question is, do you think i can get him back the way he used to be during the first 6 months? how? things were perfect last summer and i want them to be this summer too. and please don't tell me to just move on, if worst comes to worst i know that i can. i just want to give this a shot because i do miss who he was. thanks so much. 17/f hes 17.
Well, I doubt it will be like it was before, but it sounds like something a little more serious than just relationship woes are on his mind. When a person becomes depressed, their habits suddenly change. What looks like lazy is really just sadness and lack of motivation, and it sounds like he was experiencing these things before you guys broke up.
If you guys do hang out during this summer you dont have to stick a label on your relationship. Just get together as friends at first and see how things go. During school he could be facing a lot of pressure about his future, or a bunch of other things and the summer might help him to relax a little.
Don't corner him and tell him he's depressed, but mention you think he might be getting overwhelmed with all of the changes/choices/stress, and you are there to talk.
I'm not saying he is in need of medical attention, or anything, but it is common for guys his age to go through a phase like this. After all, everything in his life is changing, or about to change, he's starting to stress over the future. There could be so many things weighing on his mind. Be a good friend and help him sort it out, but whatever you do, don't let it bring you down. If you invite him somewhere and he doesn't want to go, you still go yourself.
It is possible for the two of you to share a really great summer, but it could be that he will never be like how he was before.
My boyfriend of 3 years, "Dave" and I have recently moved into an apartment with his friend, "Bob" and Bob's girlfriend, "April".
Bob has to go to basic training for 4 months so it is only Dave and I plus April.
I have to house sit for my grandparents for a week while they are on vacation and am over an hour away from the apartment so I'm nervous leaving Dave and April alone.
I trust him, but I came over to visit yesterday and walked in the room and he was on the computer in our room (he had no shirt on and pj bottoms) while she was on the bed watching him.
I don't know her that well and it freaked me out that a stranger is in our room with my personal stuff and on my bed with my boyfriend, alone.
What I want to know is am I over reacting and should I ask him not to have her in there alone or is that too controlling?
What would you think about this?
Thanks.
I agree with the previous posters. But then, unless you are handcuffed together, April and your boyfriend are going to spend time alone, so if they want to have sex they are going to do it. The benifit to your going away is that you'll get one clear shock of it (if it happens) and not the gradual mind f*#k. I would mention (more than once) your desire to have him go with you, just to keep things on the up and up. Or, why not just go home every night? I know it's an hour ride, but why do you have to spend the night at your grandparent's house?
Most of us are pretty perceptive, and we know other members of the same sex in a minute. If you saw something in the way this chick was checking out your man, I would trust it. If he's a good man, he'll just take her attention as a nice compliment, but if they are left alone together, she could lead him into making a mistake.
ok so i have been friends and a little more than friends with this girl. for like 7 to 8 years. we have talked about dating but for some odd reason things always get in the way... right now i am in college and i see her on the weekends. which is great but its not enough time to spend with her and build a solid boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. i was offered a management position at a very well known company but the problem is that she doesn't want me to take it because then we wont see each other at all!!! a part of me wants to take the job but then the other part of me is saying that she means way too much to me to not see her... tell me what would you do if you were in my situation???
I would take the job, too. You have had a friendship/relationship with her for so many years it is likely she will always be in your life. You guys will still get to see eachother, just not as much as you would like, and the distance may very well bring the two of you closer. You will still communicate, just on a rational level instead of a chemical one.
My boyfriend and i broke up.
we broke up on sunday and it was really weird how he explained it. We broke up because his mom thought we were geting to close. He said that we could still be friends, hang out., adn go on dates. He said that we could still do everything we were doing whenever we were dating but we aren't going to be dating. He still tells me he loves me and calls me babe. BUT! he hasn't called me in 2 days nothing at all. idk what to do. he broke my heart but i still want to be his friend but not with benifits im not a slut..
Oh, the old "mother" routine. The truth is, he's got an interest in someone or something else, and he wants to be able to say he wasn't cheating if the oppertunity to be with her comes up. He's still keeping things going with you because he's not sure what he wants.
Well, you are sure of what you want. You want your man to be all yours.
Now, here's the other thing...
He isn't really a bad guy. He could have gone cheating behind your back or he could have not even bothered to give you any explanation. He just can't put how he's really feeling into words without hurting you so he's blaming it on his mother.
Whatever you do, DO NOT be the friend with benifits becuase you really want a relationship with this guy and he is only going to get away with what you let him. You can't say, "Yes, I'll have sex with you unconditionally" because then it's not like one day he's going to suddenly realize that he wants to have sex with only you. Why should he? He knows he can have you any way he wants.
You and he are not married, so he is totally within his rights to explore. Be thankful he is respecting you enough to let you know what's up. He obviously really does care about you and want to be your friend, and being your friend should be benifit enough.
hi im a 15 year old girl, 5'9 big boned. i dont have much upper body strength though. where i live theres so much violence that i need to learn to fight. so how do i go about this? what do i need to do to build upper body strength and what else would i need to do to be able to fight? please dont tell me violence doesnt solve anything, because im in the hood, im not going out looking for it, but somehow i seem to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
In fighting, it is all about heart. You should still work out, (swimming is still the best workout I know) but if you are truly not looking for trouble and someone puts you in a position where you have to defend yourself, remember this...Getting beaten up doesn't really hurt so bad, the worst thing is usually the bruised ego, but you have really won the fight if some bully starts to beat you up and all of a sudden you put up a legendary fight (no matter how clumsy you may look). Everyone will walk away like, "Damn, that girl has heart." You just keep fighting untill you make that bitch want to stop. Good Luck. Don't leave it all up to luck, though. Practice throwing a good punch.
Let's just say, girl I used to date hates me, I sometimes hate her, but I really want to bury the hatchet and at least be friends, despite the years of non-speaking and such.
How do I manage to explain my intent and actually make it heard without some kind of issue?
Make her a CD. Listen to the Eagles "Best of my Love," and "Wasted Time," Puddle of Mud, "She Fucking Hates me," (don't put that one on the CD, just listen for a laugh) No Doubt, "I know We're Cool." If you make her a CD full of songs that describe how you feel, how you have felt, and how you hope to feel about eachother, she will take a walk down memory lane, realize that yo do truly care (you took the time to make the CD). Don't put a song on there if it isn't perfect. It is better to have a CD with only three really appropriate songs than adding a bunch that don't really say exactly what you want just to fill up space.
Matchbox 20 "Back to Good"
Carol King "Jesse" (there's also another song called "Jesse" sung by a man that's good.
Don Henley "Forgiveness" (this is a good one)
Don't worry about the genre because she will be more impressed that you took the time to listen to music you wouldn't normally.
If you cheated, try "Careless Whisper," by Wham
You can even add a couple of "I Hope You Dance" songs, just to let her know you're rooting for her. The nice thing about the CD is that she won't be forced to give you an immediate reaction, and she won't be able to resist listening to it. She will go through a ton of emotions, laugh, cry. Give her some processing time (a couple of days) and call her and tell her you miss her in your life.
When I was 16 i began dating my first boyfriend that i later lost my virginity to. Just before my 19th birthday we called it quits and i became very sexually active with different guys outside of our small town. Last year i met an amazing guy that i fell head over heels for. Wanting to be the polar opposite from our friends i deliberately gave the impression that i was a sweet innocent young lady who was very reserved. It's been over a year of dating this guy and I am now 22 years of age. I've been checked for STDS and VD and came out clean. My boyfriend and I are living together and deeply in love, but he still thinks I've only been with 5 guys including himself!!! When in reality my 'number' is around double that closer to 10 or 12!!! Yuck!! I know he doesn't care about my 'number' but i know he would care about my lie and revamping. He would never meet or run into any of the men I've been with, but I cant keep my secret anymore. Should i tell him the truth and how????
You don't honestly believe he gave you his real number, do you? It is nobody's business how many people you have been with, and this is not a lie, it's more an expected fib. I'm sure he's already added three to your claim of 5, so he thinks you've been with 8. Why quibble over the other 2?
my mother is constantly talking about my father and me because now she knows we talked after he malested me ....my dad says that i can runaway and come live with him but i am scared but on the other hand i want to get away from my motyher although i love her ahe is a pain in the a@! so im not sure if i should goim torn i have not seen my dad in almost three years and since i have not seen him i have not seen my brothers or sisters tell me what i should do please
Before i lose my mind!!!!!!
I just want to add my HELL NOOOOOO!!!
If your dad wants to build a relationship with you, he can build it in the therapists office. He has a lot of proving to do before I would be in the same room alone with him.
As for your brothers and sisters, invite them to come and visit you at your Mom's.
Hey, give your mom a break. It's not easy to be a good parent, but I can tell you, if your angry with her because she is keeping you in line, she's doing her job and it's all because she loves you more than anything else in the world. Take her bitching as a compliment.
Well I will give everyone the short story cause this is a very complicated situation. My wife and I got married at 19, joined the military, had a child at 22 and having been living a very happy and healthy marriage for 7 years. We own a home, are finacially comfortably, have all the materialistic things that one would want in life. And we also have a 3 year old daughter, and planning on more children. Also are families are very close, and our mother's became best friends. Basically we have achieved the "American Dream." Recently my wife has started to feel like she missed out on something. We reached the ultimate goal in life, but she feels that she maybe got there to fast. Grew up to quickly in a sense. Well I am a good husband and have always treated her like a queen. We never argued and had a very good sex life. I always strived to give her everything she wanted. Well My wife recently moved out of the house to have some time to herself to think about what she wants. To leave me and go experience some of the things she feels she missed out on, or stay married to me and try and get through this crisis together. I love my wife unconditionally, and hate the thought of losing her. She knows that I am willing to do anything to make our marriage work, but she is so lost and confused about what she truly wants. I cannot lose her but feel she is slipping farther and farther away from me. She tells me she still loves me, but she isn't sure if she wants to be with me. I know that's not a good sign, but I will continue to fight until she tells me it is over. If she leaves me to go out and date or other things of that nature whe will lose me. Even thought I am almost positive at some point she will realize what she is missing is that great and will come crawling back to me because of how perfect we are together and how amazingly I treat her. But I won't be able to wait for her to realize that. If she seperates from me, then I will have to also move on. I am trying to prevent this from ever happenning. If anyone has gone through this or has some advice on what I should do, please help. I am desperate here and I just want my wife back.
I hate to say this, but 9 times out of 10, when one partner leaves the marraige with the "I just need space thing," it is because they already have their "space" in mind. It takes a lot for a woman to head out of her home. I can also tell you this. She probably will come back. But not until one of two things happens.
1. She decides she doesn't want to be with the other person.
2. She feels comfortable in telling you about it.
You say you love her unconditionally, but there really is a condition, right. If she is with someone else, you won't have her back. You say one thing, but you mean another. You are giving her freedom to explore, but not really. This is where her distance comes from, because it is very likely she wants to REALLY explore.
You have to be realistic with yourself. If you honestly feel that you wouldn't want to be with your wife if she has been with another person, move on. This will either cause her to pick. If she has any question in her mind about being with you she will come running back once she sees you pulling away.
Another thing. You may decide that you really and truly love this woman and will take her back no matter what. If this is the case, you have to really let her go with no conditions. Though I would let her know that you are going to be getting some when you can, too. She is legitimately going through a life crisis, and sometimes people act completely out of character when they are so confused.
You can also decide that you want her back, but you don't want to know if she has been with anyone else; in which case, continue doing what you are now.
I haven't had a boyfriend for 2 years since my last big break up. A few hook ups here and there, but nothing serious with anyone I really liked. Well, things are progressing with a crush I've had for years. We were cuddling on the couch last night, and my problem is that I haven't stopped thinking about him all day. I promised myself I wouldn't, but I texted him this afternoon and asked him to hang out again tonight. I don't want to rush things and ruin everything. How do I keep myself from overwhelming him too quickly?
Overwhelming HIM too quickly. You're doing a good job of overwhelming yourself. Let all of these good feelings be just what they are-good feelings. Don't worry. If he is spending time cuddling with you he is already serious.
I have small bumps on the sides of my clit.
I've looked up pictures of herpes; it doesn't really look like herpes. I have had unportected sex about 5 days ago though.
Could it be a rash from shaving or something related to that?
Cause it's not too itchy and it doesn't hurt.
Please help me.
It is probably a rash from shaving. Put deodorant along the outside, it helps with the razor bumps. By the way, you can get herpes and crabs from protected sex because the condom doesn't cover the infected area.
Now, what's this about unprotected sex? was it really worth it for all of the worrying you're doing now? Herpes are the least of your problems. For the few minutes you got out of it, which probably wasn't much because you were already worried about having unprotected sex you got....
A sloppy mess dripping out of you for the next half hour.
worries about pregnancy for the next month.
Not to mention all the other nasty little bugs that crawl around in sexual juicyness.
Worries about AIDS for the next six months.
Hepetitus B (don't know how to spell)
alright. i think that i was sexually abused by my dad. ive heard that when youre younger you can block out bad memories without knowin that you did.
i remember certain things, like him stickin his tongue in my mouth when i kissed him. and i didnt think it was bad so when i kissed my mom i did that and she was like 'dont ever do that!'
and he told my mom 'wow her boobs are gettin big!'
and he'd also come in to the bathroom while i was takin a bath until i was 8 or 9
ever since i was maybe 4 or 5 my vagina lips have been pretty stretched out, and i have no idea why.
so my parents got divorced for their own reasons, and i was always scared to be with older men even with friends (like my youth group leaders from church or other friends dads) and i could never find a reason why.
plus, when i saw my dad for the first time in a year recently he was like 'wow youre hot, but im just an old man to you.'
i finally got in touch with my half sister from his side that i havent talked to in years. and i asked her what he was like with her, and since her mom and my dad got divorced she doesnt remember livin with him but she said, 'i visited him sometimes, but i think that that story should be left between him and i...'
and she hasnt messaged me back yet. and now shes a lesbian.
does it sound like i was sexually abused as a child? because for some reason i really feel like i have been
I think the boobs comment is pretty normal. Every father freaks out a little about his daughter getting boobs.
I don't think your vagina lips are "stretched out," because of sex. They come in all shapes and sizes, and I don't want you to be under the impression there is anything wrong with your vagina. Believe me when I tell you that vaginas can stretch big enough to put a football through and go back into shape.
I don't know what kind of health insurance you have, but if you could see a counselor and dig a little deeper, you may come up with an answer. I do not want to say you have not been molested, but I know it is common for young girls who don't have a close relationship with their father to ask themselves the very same question you are.
As for the toungue kissing thing, that is probably some innocent daddy/daughter thing that he thought was cute. I remember I used to like to give a sucky kiss to my babies earlobes.
Talking to a counselor might really be good for you to help you get over some of the anger you have towards your dad. It sounds like he wasn't really there for you, so you have every right to be angry, but there is also probably a lot of pain inside you, too, and that should be his burden to bear, not yours.
I wouldn't discuss my suspicions with anyone but the counselor. You don't want to seriously freak your mother out unless you know for sure.
I think your sister is feeling the same way as you, angry for his absence, and rather than say to you, "dad is an asshole, he wasn't there for me," she chose to say what she did. Her feelings are betweeen him and her, and if she thought there was a possibility that he molested you because he molested her, she would have tried to reach out to you and let you know you weren't alone.
this guy, A, and my mother recently reconnected from high school together. (theyre in their 40s now.)
hes always here, hes become close with our entire family to sleep over here on our couch, but almost every day when i come home from school, his truck is in our driveway. him and my mother used to date when they were in high school. she said he was her first love. she only does things she normally doesnt do when he's around, like, go to the beach, order in pizza, or ride his fcking motorcycle. hes a nice guy, im not denying it, but its just that this connection bothers me because my dad is supposed to be the only guy in my moms life (.. in my point of view.) hes not the jealous type, and he knows theyre friends, but it just bothers me. i dont want to end up with the parents with the cheating mother and the depressed father. i love my dad and i dont want him to be third wheel all the time wiht my mother and A.
what do you think of this..? am i overreacting, are they just friends, ?
You are going to have to stay out of this one. Your Dad can take care of himself, and I know you think he is getting walked all over, but in my opinion, your dad is being a true gentleman by even allowing (I know that's not the right word) your mother to hang out with her exboyfriend/first love. If your mother were to cheat on an awesome guy like that, it should be her you worry about.
I don't know if you have talked about how you feel with your parents, but a conversation with your father might help you to be OK with it.
But, before you go running to spill your guts, think about this. Is your father really the wonderman you see him for? Did he pay much attention to your mom? Did he make her feel special and put a smile on her face? Every person deserves to be in a relationship that fullfills their needs. I know you are young and you want your parents to always be together because you don't even want to think about all of the bullshit if they were to get a divorce, but you also have to think about your parent's happiness. It sounds like no matter what happens, the two of them are going to be there for you.
Your options
1. say and do nothing.
2. talk to your dad
3. talk to your mom.
4. talk to both of your parents together
5. arrainge for the fucking motorcycle to get mysteriously out of commision
Be prepared for something you don't want to hear, but also, be prepared for your parents to tell you they love eachother and they are perfectly OK with life.
14/f
This is probably pretty easy to solve but I just want reassurance...
Sorry that it's long!
So, I confessed to this guy. I'd liked him for a while, but I absolutely never showed it so we were just casual friends and all that, texted each other. He's got a girlfriend already so it was stupid of me to even say it but I had to. It was bugging me so much whenver I was with him that I couldn't stand it. I told him I liked him.
In the end I kinda freaked out and rushed off telling him to forget the whole thing and was a total spaz. He said it was really really unexpected, almost to the point of freakin a person out, because I'd liked him for so long and said nothing.
He said I was still his friend, but... I'm wondering... maybe....if he said that just to let me off easy. We weren't really close friends, so it's not like losing me will have a huge impact on him.
He's not texted me for a couple days now, after the confession, though he always did before. even if it meant texting at like 1 am.
My friend had said some things to him about how his comments kind of hurt me a little bit, so I wonder if maybe HE'S trying to give ME space too, or what. (I deleted him from my phone temporarily so I wouldn't be tempted to talk to him before he was ready. I'm really, really trying to think of his feelings in this more than my own.) She did some digging around for me without my asking like, "Why'd you find it so creepy? do you think Mady is nasty or something?" (they're pretty good friends, so it's reasonable that she'd be able to dig like that.)
and he said, "No". Well, that's a LITTLE encouraging. He had no clue I was there, so why lie? I went over to her place yesterday for a few hours and while there she texted him and she said whenever the conversation turned to me, he got real quiet.
That, on top of it being "kinda weird" doesn't really calm my fears about our friendship recovering.
What should I do? Just......... wait it out? and, if he doesn't get back in touch with me all summer, maybe give him a smile and a wave at school this coming fall, and if everything seems ok strike up a convo like nothing happened?
what can I do to not think about this so often, too?
I would call him (talk, not text) and say, "It wasn't fair of me to put you in such a bad position. I know you have a girlfriend, and it's not fair for me to lay something like that on you. I know I wouldn't want someone talking like that to my boyfriend. I am attracted to you, but not enough to steal you from someone else." You will throw him way off course. He will be like, "wow, this chick has class." It will make him really respect you because he will know you're the kind of girl who expects her man to be HER man, despite your sudden lapse in judgement. He will get to thinking about you. When you talk to him, stick by your word. Don't mention a thing about liking him, or say negative things about his girlfriend. Just be his friend for now.
I'm 25/Female and stuck! I'm in a serious relationship, but still haven't completely gotten over my first relationship back in high school. That guy and I don't talk anymore, but he constantly visits my website, so I know he's at least thinking of me too. My question is, is it a bad idea to make contact with him, or am I setting myself for more trouble by just being silent? I guess it depends if you're practical or whimsical, and I'm a little of both.
I wouldn't get into contact with him unless you feel completely comfortable talking to him in front of your boyfriend. It could possibly be that your ex is kind of your "go to" guy whenever you start feeling unhappy in a relationship. If you ever really want to be with a person, don't start sneaking behind your current boyfriend's back because if you and the guy you're cheating with do get together, he's always going to know in the back of his mind you're a cheat. Plus, rebound relationships are always hellfire painful in the long run.
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be and will be at the right time. He is just checking in to let you know where he is if you need to reach him, and it ain't bad having a decent guy in your back pocket.
Hi,
I am 18 years old. I have known this guy for more than a year. He is turning 22 soon. We started hooking up right away but we were never in relationship. We see each other almost every weekend but only at night just to have sex. Last week he asked me to hang out and it was not even 7 pm but i said No. I believe now he thinks that i am just using him for sex and he knows that i hook up with other guys besides just him. I know I would never have sex with anyone else but I am not sure if I like him. I get jealous all the time I see him around other girls, but it works out because I always with other guys too. Is there a way this can turn into a real relationship? How can I do that?
I think the best thing to do is to say something like this to him, "hey, you know, I'm cool with how our relationship is, but I'm beginning to wonder if there might be the potential for something more. Don't take this as a marraige proposal, or anything, but I'm not giong to hook up with anyone else besides you, and I want you to know that." Then, really do it, just to see how you feel, even if it's only for a month. Only thing is, if you do start having sex with someone else you have to tell him because it's not fair to lead someone to believe they are the only one if they're not. Then, it will be his decision if he thinks you're the girl he wants to take it farther with. He will respect you for your maturity and non-game whatever his answer is. His answer will tell you alot about what's going on in his head. If he says nothing, don't assume the negative, he may just need time to chew, but in order to save your sanity, assume he is having sex with other people. If he tells you he's not ready for a relationship, tell him, "it's not about you, it's about me." This way, if he rejects you you can blame it on personal growth. If he tells you he's not going to sleep with anyone else, either, you will have to start really thinking seriously on whether you want him to be yours.
Oh yeah, if you decide to talk to him about this, you run the slight risk of your relationship changing, one way, or the other. He could totally back off, but I think it is unlikely unless you all of a sudden start acting like a spaz.
I am a 52-year-old woman married to a 54-year-old man. Last year we "semi-retired" from well-paying corporate jobs to become long-haul truck drivers. The intent was to see the country, spend time together, and sock a lot of $$ into our retirement fund. Over the course of the past year my husband has stopped bathing, dental care, etc. He is attractive, witty and the love of my life, however, I am finding it revolting to be near him and he thinks it's my problem. Am I missing something here???
Positive reinforcement. The more you complain, the more he is likely to rebel and think you're a nag, although I must tell you, you are completely right. Sometimes, when our partner doesn't take the time to take care of themself, we can take it personally. Kind of like, "he doesn't care about me because if he did he would bother to make himself look nice." Part of it is probably just good old rebellion against the rat race. He had to keep up appearences in the corporate world, so now he's on strike. Whatever the reason, it isn't fair to you and you have every right to be upset. I know you're not his mother, but what would you say to a two year old to get him to do what you want. Spice it up a little and try it with your husband. Compliment him when he cleans up, and ignore him when he doesn't. Another idea is to purchase products that make cleaning on the road as easy as possible.
I have three children; Two boys and a girl. My oldest is 5 1/2 while my youngest just turned 1. I have a great marriage. We have been married almost 12 years. We have a little home in a nice suburb. My kids get along really well. I have a pretty happy life.
Before my husband and I got married we both discussed having 3 children. He is the eldest of 4. I am an only child. We both wanted a big family. At this point we should be just enjoing what we have made of our lives. Now that my daughter has just turned 1 my husband has made numerous comments about wanting another baby. Just a few weeks ago my 5 year old crawled into my lap and asked when we were going to bring home another baby. He loves his baby sister so much he wants another one. I asked what if he had another baby brother. He responded that would be okay too. So now that the bug has been put in my ear about it, I can't decide what to do.
My problem is my pregnancies gradually got worse with each one. I had joint problems that in my 3rd pregnancy required me walking intermittently on crutches toward the end. I am not the kind who particularly enjoys being pregnant. They were fairly uncomfortable and I was so happy when my 3rd was born because I "Never have to go through this again". I don't really want to go through child birth again. I don't want to deal with the recovery process again, all the blood work, the epidural, the doctor visits. We are incredibly responsible parents so if we did decide to have another I would "suffer" through all of this because it isn't about ME, it's about the health of the baby. I guess I want another baby... but I don't want to HAVE another baby.
The other issue we have is we have several friends who have children with "issues". Two have autism, one has something "like" cerebral palsy but has not actually been diagnosed with this, etc. We have been quite fortunate that I never had a known miscarriage and our kids are all healthy. Would we be tempting fate? My husband's sister has 5 kids who are all healthy but that doesn't mean we would!
Is there anyone out there who has several children and had this dilema of whether or not to have another? What did you decide to do and whatever that decision was, do you regret it or happy about it? I am a religious person so I have prayed about it. This was recent so I am still waiting for my answer. I thought while I was waiting I would get input from other women (or men too) who have been in this situation.
One last thing to add, I am going to be 31 this summer and while I still feel quite young in almost all aspects of life, I am starting to feel a bit old to be having babies. I realize I haven't hit that "danger zone" of 35. I just don't know if I am wanting another baby because I actually WANT 4 kids, or if I want another baby because I am hormonal about my last baby being 1, almost walking, turning into a real little kid and no longer a "baby".
I have given birth to 5 sons and 2 daughters, though my fifth child, and youngest daughter passed away from SIDS when she was two months old. After she died, I went on to have two sons. I'm not so sure if it is tempting fate to have many children, and to be honest with you, if given the choice to erase my daughter and the pain of her death (which literally drove me crazy for over a year. At first I was just numb, but later on I was hearing voices, as well as an obsessive compulsion with checking on my kids. I had to wake up several times in the middle of the night to make sure they were all still breathing, I made every person whose home they went into put new batteries in their smoke detectors, etc.) 14 years later I would choose to have known her and experienced all I did. I guess that is my way of saying that no matter what happens, we all grow and learn from it, even if it seems like there is no getting through it at the time. I think the more serious issue is the fact that you really don't want to have another child right now. Your daughter is only one, and who knows how you will feel next year, or the next. I have known perfectly happy, well-adjusted women who have have had a child when they weren't into it, and they have fought with the mental anguish of having an irrational resentment towards the baby.
You are a 31 year old woman who has delivered three healthy children, so there is no reason why you can't wait until YOU are ready for another child, if ever. There is no invisible line at 35 that makes unhealthy babies.
On a positive note, anything after three kids doesn't really seem like much more work, meaning the transition from one child to two children is incredible, from two children to three children is a bit of a challenge, but not life-changing, but from three to four is a piece of cake.
I love having a big family, and most people who have big families will tell you the same thing. Kids who grew up with lots of siblings usually wouldn't want it any other way.
In my opinion, you have at least two more years before it might be really challenging, and that is only because of the age of your youngest. If you have a child when your youngest is three or under it isn't so much of a transition, but if you have a new baby after your youngest has gained some independence the shock can be really alarming. All of a sudden you've got this new baby when you have just gotten used to being able to take your eyes off of the old baby for five seconds.
I guess my point is-don't stress over doing anything right this minute. Talk with your partner about how you feel, he sounds like he is a very perceptive, comforting man.
Maybe if you discuss how you feel with your husband you will be able to come to a few realizations about exactly what your concerns are. It could be as simple as your husband keeping an eye on the kids a couple of hours a week so you can get out of the house to volunteer or go to school.
how do you know if you are in love with someone?
i cant stop thinking about him. and cannot ever stay mad at him even though he is a jerk alot of the time.
and i think that its only one way..im feel more for him than he does for me...ALOT more.
Real love isn't about how you feel about a person, it's about how that other person makes you feel about yourself. You know you're in love with someone when you see them and you can't stop smiling....When something happens, good or bad, and you can't wait to talk to them about it because you know they are going to celebrate your victories and help you accept your losses.
after a guy comes in me it comes out when i stand up is it suppose to do that? does that happen to everyone?
also,i was having sex with a guy and i queefed it was really embaressing . do guys think that its disgusting?
Everyone else is right about the condom thing, but let's assume you are in a committed relationship.
A good way to get rid of what is left is to go to the bathroom. This way you're not walking around with the little gift he left you in your underwear.
As far as queefing. Every single guy in the world has experienced this, and sometimes I think they even do it on purpose just to embarrass us. Women do this for two reasons.
1. As you get excited your vagina elongates, bringing in air, so believe it or not, when you queef it tells him you are excited.
2. The in and out action lets air in on the out and pushes air out on the in.
Queefs are just about the worst sounding, wettest, loudest, least sexy noise in the world, but it is really more embarressing for the woman, the man could really care less. Certain positions make it more likely, though. Doggy style is the absolute worst. You on top is the least.
There are excersizes that won't make them go away completely, but can make the muscles stronger, which benifit both partners. It is called the keigel (not sure of the spelling) and all you do is pretend that you are stopping the flow of your urine. Hold it for a few seconds, let go, and repeat. This excersize not only makes your vaginal muscles tighter and stronger, but if you get in the habit of doing them on a regular basis they can even make labor and delivery easier.