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my mom's new GUY friend (she's married).
this guy, A, and my mother recently reconnected from high school together. (theyre in their 40s now.)
hes always here, hes become close with our entire family to sleep over here on our couch, but almost every day when i come home from school, his truck is in our driveway. him and my mother used to date when they were in high school. she said he was her first love. she only does things she normally doesnt do when he's around, like, go to the beach, order in pizza, or ride his fcking motorcycle. hes a nice guy, im not denying it, but its just that this connection bothers me because my dad is supposed to be the only guy in my moms life (.. in my point of view.) hes not the jealous type, and he knows theyre friends, but it just bothers me. i dont want to end up with the parents with the cheating mother and the depressed father. i love my dad and i dont want him to be third wheel all the time wiht my mother and A.
what do you think of this..? am i overreacting, are they just friends, ?
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I would say that your worries are with good intentions, but I wouldn't get too worried just yet. She hasn't given you any reason to believe she's cheating on your father, so there's nothing wrong as of now.
However, if you have GOOD reason to believe she is getting involved with him, talk to your dad and let him know your reasons, so maybe he can look out for himself.
--Jack
(17/m)
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what goes on between your dad,mum and her friend are their problems not yours.
They are adults, they are mature.
It's understandable it annoys you. I'd wonder why doesnt she do this stuff with my dad?
Just think about your mum. She's finally reconnecting with her first love, a good friend - who she really got on with. She wants to relive the memories, make new ones and enjoy her life - including those who made her who she is today.
It may bug you, but you're mother can take care of herself, and you're father can too.
What problems they have are their to sort, and your dad doesnt have a problem, then it shouldnt matter to you, should it? You're dad can trust her, so should you. Be happy she's reconnecting with someone who reminds her what it felt like to be young, back when she was young.
If you want to get some sort of persepctive on the situation or reassure yourself nothing is going on, best bet, talk to your mum. Just ask her about him, and find out how happy she is to have a good friend back in her life, you'll learn it means a lot to her, which should mean a lot to you too. I am sure your mother wont get angry, if you are unwary about what is going on, just talk to her and get some insight about how she is, and what's she's been up too.
You're mother and father are probarbly just fine, your mum and dad might not be as overwhelmed or excited as they are with other friends, because they have been together for such a long time, the novelty has worn off, they dont have to remind eachother how much they appreciate eachother ALL the time. Remember, this is a new friend in her life, it's something new - she is bound to be overwhlemed.
I am sure things are fine. My mum has really good guy friend, there's nothing of it. Trust her, as I amm sure she is learning to trust you
Sage :)
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You are going to have to stay out of this one. Your Dad can take care of himself, and I know you think he is getting walked all over, but in my opinion, your dad is being a true gentleman by even allowing (I know that's not the right word) your mother to hang out with her exboyfriend/first love. If your mother were to cheat on an awesome guy like that, it should be her you worry about.
I don't know if you have talked about how you feel with your parents, but a conversation with your father might help you to be OK with it.
But, before you go running to spill your guts, think about this. Is your father really the wonderman you see him for? Did he pay much attention to your mom? Did he make her feel special and put a smile on her face? Every person deserves to be in a relationship that fullfills their needs. I know you are young and you want your parents to always be together because you don't even want to think about all of the bullshit if they were to get a divorce, but you also have to think about your parent's happiness. It sounds like no matter what happens, the two of them are going to be there for you.
Your options
1. say and do nothing.
2. talk to your dad
3. talk to your mom.
4. talk to both of your parents together
5. arrainge for the fucking motorcycle to get mysteriously out of commision
Be prepared for something you don't want to hear, but also, be prepared for your parents to tell you they love eachother and they are perfectly OK with life.
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It is understandable how you feel. If this happened to me, I would mostlikely feel the same exact way. Its natural to have that instinct in yourself to not want your mother to be around another person all the time, especially a guy. I think that you and your mother should take some time to go somewhere together, privately; this way you can talk to her, and tell her how you feel. Be sure to talk to her open mindedly, put yourself in her shoes, even though she might be spending too much time around A, it is good, and healthy for her to have friends, including A as one of them.
Also, when there is a situation like this where another non family person "intrudes" a little bit, it is important to regardless of the new comer, spend quality time alone. Maybe it would be a good idea for you, your mother, and your father to also spend some nice quality time together.
Friends are good to have, but remember that your family will always come first, especially in your case, because it seems like you have a really tight relationship with both of your parents.
Good Luck, let me know how the talk goes! If you have any other questions, or just want to talk, you can message me on my advice column:
xosodapopx3
i really want to help you.
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Your mom is more than entitled to have male friends. Just because someone gets married doesn't mean that they have to stop being friends with people of the opposite sex! It is both normal and healthy for both married partners to have friendships outside of their relationship. The sex of those friends doesn't matter.
For instance, I'm nearly married. I'm friends with mostly men, due to the nature of my major. Does that mean that when I get married I have to give up all my close friends? I'm also very close friends with my first love still, and my fiance has no problem with me hanging out with him.
Your mom is not having an affair; that much is pretty clear. Your father trusts her, and you should too. If your father was worried, or if she was sneaking around, then there might be cause for alarm.
Your mother is happier because she has a close friend, just as I'm sure your best friends make you happy. My best friend is my fiance, but both of us need relationships outside of ours to stay sane.
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