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My wife is confused
Well I will give everyone the short story cause this is a very complicated situation. My wife and I got married at 19, joined the military, had a child at 22 and having been living a very happy and healthy marriage for 7 years. We own a home, are finacially comfortably, have all the materialistic things that one would want in life. And we also have a 3 year old daughter, and planning on more children. Also are families are very close, and our mother's became best friends. Basically we have achieved the "American Dream." Recently my wife has started to feel like she missed out on something. We reached the ultimate goal in life, but she feels that she maybe got there to fast. Grew up to quickly in a sense. Well I am a good husband and have always treated her like a queen. We never argued and had a very good sex life. I always strived to give her everything she wanted. Well My wife recently moved out of the house to have some time to herself to think about what she wants. To leave me and go experience some of the things she feels she missed out on, or stay married to me and try and get through this crisis together. I love my wife unconditionally, and hate the thought of losing her. She knows that I am willing to do anything to make our marriage work, but she is so lost and confused about what she truly wants. I cannot lose her but feel she is slipping farther and farther away from me. She tells me she still loves me, but she isn't sure if she wants to be with me. I know that's not a good sign, but I will continue to fight until she tells me it is over. If she leaves me to go out and date or other things of that nature whe will lose me. Even thought I am almost positive at some point she will realize what she is missing is that great and will come crawling back to me because of how perfect we are together and how amazingly I treat her. But I won't be able to wait for her to realize that. If she seperates from me, then I will have to also move on. I am trying to prevent this from ever happenning. If anyone has gone through this or has some advice on what I should do, please help. I am desperate here and I just want my wife back.
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look man this happend to me with my girlfriend she felt weird around me beacause she felt like she wanted something else but you have to understand to let her go for what she wants and if you two seperate (hopefully god forbids)she will probably rEALIZE THAT she wanted more from you and make her think about your children how will they mature knowing theyre parents are not together will it give them the wrong idea? maybe theyll problably do the same so man try to prevent it because if you want to be happy then you have to be with her
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Hello there. Sounds all to familiar to me! My hubby and I married at ages 16 & 17. He has had times when he felt he missed something. He probably did. No doubt he did! He has never moved out but it has caused many a long discussion. I am talking weeks worth.
Her moving out is not good. However, don't give up! Write her long letters. Its much easier to let her know your deepest feelings that way. You won't be interrupted or side tracked by questions or her thoughts.
Her moving out DOES NOT mean she is seeing someone else. It is possible of course, but not necessarily true. If she is, it doesn't have to be the end. It would take forgiveness on your part, but if you love her and want her back, it can happen. It can even make the relationship stronger. So do not believe that it is an ending.
Talk. Do not let communication break down as long as she is giving you some hope. Don't let it drag out forever either. You should decide together just how long you are expected to wait for her to make a decision. When time is up move on.
Any other questions feel free to ask...married 34 years and still hanging in there together!
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I hate to say this, but 9 times out of 10, when one partner leaves the marraige with the "I just need space thing," it is because they already have their "space" in mind. It takes a lot for a woman to head out of her home. I can also tell you this. She probably will come back. But not until one of two things happens.
1. She decides she doesn't want to be with the other person.
2. She feels comfortable in telling you about it.
You say you love her unconditionally, but there really is a condition, right. If she is with someone else, you won't have her back. You say one thing, but you mean another. You are giving her freedom to explore, but not really. This is where her distance comes from, because it is very likely she wants to REALLY explore.
You have to be realistic with yourself. If you honestly feel that you wouldn't want to be with your wife if she has been with another person, move on. This will either cause her to pick. If she has any question in her mind about being with you she will come running back once she sees you pulling away.
Another thing. You may decide that you really and truly love this woman and will take her back no matter what. If this is the case, you have to really let her go with no conditions. Though I would let her know that you are going to be getting some when you can, too. She is legitimately going through a life crisis, and sometimes people act completely out of character when they are so confused.
You can also decide that you want her back, but you don't want to know if she has been with anyone else; in which case, continue doing what you are now.
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19 is very young to marry, and now your wife is wondering if she's missed out on something by committing to a certain life so young. I don't think this is at all unnatural, however, that doesn't ease the pain for either of you at this time. You two need counseling. Go see a professional or a pastor and marriage team through your church/house of worship. Don't demand she go. I'm not a fan of either party in a strained marriage moving out (I don't think you can work on being a couple while apart), but tell her thoughtfully that this is important to you and you're willing to give her the space she needs if she's willing to attend a weekly counseling session with you. This marriage can be saved. I believe she (and you) will regret it down the road if she at least doesn't try this. This may seem like an impossible situation right now, but couples have survived worse. Your wife needs help to deal with what she may feel is the loss of her youth, and also to see what she's gained as a wife and mother. I hope she will agree to go to counseling, if for no other reason than you've been a good husband to you and she at least owes you that much, but if she doesn't, go by yourself. You'll need help to deal with this situation and all the emotions it brings up. Please don't try to deal with this all on your own. There's no shame in asking for help, as a matter of fact, its a sin not to, for your sake, and the sake of your daughter.
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