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ex boyfriend
okay so we broke up like a little over a month ago and i've been talking to his sister and she says that he has no social life since we broke up, and he's been being mean to his friends and stuff and he was doing better with me (he had a social life with my friends-guys&girls too but now they kinda don't like him cuz he dumped me). the last month while we were dating he would lie to me and tell me "his mom wouldn't let him go out" or "he had homework" and he never used to do this for like the first 6 months we were together. she says hes lazy but he still likes me. i guess what i'm saying is that i miss who he used to be...we were planning on hanging out when school is over, so my question is, do you think i can get him back the way he used to be during the first 6 months? how? things were perfect last summer and i want them to be this summer too. and please don't tell me to just move on, if worst comes to worst i know that i can. i just want to give this a shot because i do miss who he was. thanks so much. 17/f hes 17.
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I agree that you should talk to him.
If he's willing to change, he'll change. But, there's not much you can do, unfortunately.
You could try hanging out with him, and maybe he'll be less uptight if you're not dating. Try new things you never tried while dating [like bowling or bike riding?].
--Jack
(17/m)
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You can not make somebody change. Maybe he has something else on his mind. I mean you should talk to him. Why did he break up with you. There could be a lot of reasons why he is acting different. Try to talk to him and just take it from there. I know what it feels like when somebody tells you to move on. Don't move on until you know what happend and if he still likes you. Maybe there is still hope.
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that pretty much sounds like what im going through right now. and honestly, theres not much you can do. both options are kinda eh...either move on, or kiss ass. treat him like a king, and let him know youre completely there for him. just dont be clingy though - spoil him. its kinda one of those things where you just have to suck up your pride, but alot of the time its worth it. and when he made excuses for not wanting to see you before, maybe you were being clingy then and he just needed space. (my guy did that too and said i was.) so what i would do is make a date for you two to hang at either your house or his, and talk. about everything thats bothering you. now guys usually hate these talks, so ease into the topic, and dont accuse him of anything. be understanding and try to see both sides; he'll be amazed you understand. i hope everything works out for you (and me haha :p) good luck! :) 17/f
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Regardless of what you do or do not want to me to say, if that's what I feel is right, that's what I am going to tell you. Lucky for you, I don't think you should move on...yet. It's worth giving it at least 1 shot before you give up on the relationship.
You need to talk to him. Tell him what you just told me and that you miss how he used to act. Let him know you still like him, and you miss hanging out with him. Help him remember all the good times you had together, and ask him why he doesn't like doing that stuff anymore. If he doesn't want to change, don't make him. If that's how he wants to live his life, you can't change his mind, and you shouldn't.
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Well, I doubt it will be like it was before, but it sounds like something a little more serious than just relationship woes are on his mind. When a person becomes depressed, their habits suddenly change. What looks like lazy is really just sadness and lack of motivation, and it sounds like he was experiencing these things before you guys broke up.
If you guys do hang out during this summer you dont have to stick a label on your relationship. Just get together as friends at first and see how things go. During school he could be facing a lot of pressure about his future, or a bunch of other things and the summer might help him to relax a little.
Don't corner him and tell him he's depressed, but mention you think he might be getting overwhelmed with all of the changes/choices/stress, and you are there to talk.
I'm not saying he is in need of medical attention, or anything, but it is common for guys his age to go through a phase like this. After all, everything in his life is changing, or about to change, he's starting to stress over the future. There could be so many things weighing on his mind. Be a good friend and help him sort it out, but whatever you do, don't let it bring you down. If you invite him somewhere and he doesn't want to go, you still go yourself.
It is possible for the two of you to share a really great summer, but it could be that he will never be like how he was before.
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It sounds like your boyfriend is struggling with a bout of depression. Whether or not it's a clinical, diagnosable depression is another thing. The only thing that really matters is how your ex is feeling. Even when he was with you, he wasn't wanting to hang out. Whether this change came gradually or suddenly doesn't really matter. What matters is that he no longer had an interest in doing the things he loved to do before.
When people get depressed their family and friends would probably often classify them as 'lazy'. That's because a lot of people with depression are feeling hopeless. They don't see any point in socializing, meeting people, or going anywhere with people they did hang out with at one time.
Did you have get a clear answer from your ex as to why he was breaking up with you and why he started making up lies in order to not hang out with you? Because he did this, but still wanted to hang out at the end of the school, it makes me think that he does miss you too.
There, of course, is no 100% guaranteed way to make him be like he was the first six months you were dating. But since you're wanting to try to rekindle things, start with first things first.
If you don't know already, find out why he didn't want to hang out any more and why he broke up with you. Even if you do already know, revisit that idea while talking to him. If he says that his feelings just fizzled out, ask him if he thinks that would happen again. Ask him what he thinks made that happen.
If it was something else, of course just ask similar questions accordingly. Don't take answers like "I dunno". If he wants to get you back, he's going to have to at least communicate how he is feeling now and how he was feeling then. If he doesn't do that, as much as you don't want to hear it, you're only setting yourself up for more heartache.
If you don't talk to him on the phone now, start doing so. Let him know what's been on your mind and let him talk so you'll know what's on his mind as well.
Take things slow. Don't just jump into a full-blown committed relationship. Start hanging out just as friends. Go see a movie. Go to dinner. Go to the skating rink/bowling alley/park. Go wherever it is that teens in your town hang out. This will be good because you'll get him out of the house. He doesn't seem to be getting out much at all nowadays. He's probably not going to want to go out somewhere where he'll see a bunch of people from school at first. So a movie or dinner would be a good place to start.
Once you guys have gone on a couple dates, see where you're at. See how your feelings are. Are you still wanting to date? Are you wanting to push the friendship further? If so, make a date to hang out at one of your houses. You'll get some privacy where you'll be able to talk face-to-face about moving your relationship along to the dating level.
In the end, you're only an individual. As much as you miss who he was, you can't make him be that again. If he is struggling with a depression, be a shoulder of support for him to lean on. He should also go to a therapist or doctor and get evaluated if he does believe that depression might be playing an active role in how he's feeling.
If he doesn't co-operate with you or you see that he's not wanting to change, you'll have to move forward. You don't really need to think about that thoroughly right now, since you're in the beginning stages. But keep in mind that you need to not let him treat you however he wants. He's not going to be able to be 'lazy' and be in a committed relationship. Relationships take time and effort. If he's not willing to put forth that time and effort, he's best forgotten. Just keep that in your mind as you make the advances towards rekindling your relationship.
In the meantime, just have fun with it. Like I said, don't move too quickly. It's hard to not get your emotions involved since you've already dated before, but try to push them off at least for the first couple dates. Don't let them play a huge role at the very beginning. If he decides that he doesn't want to put for the effort and try to start a new relationship, you'll be left heartbroken right at the beginning of summer. Just play in smooth and have a good time.
Good luck!
Darby(:
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What are the odds? I don't know. Hang out with him once or twice. Ff he's not himself, forget it.
I don't know why he became such a recluse, but the issue wasn't with you. One of the reasons he may be so keen on hanging out with you again is because he realizes what he's been missing in his life, and he associates the good times with you. So his desire to hang out doesn't necessarily mean anything as far as his feelings go, but then again, it always could.
In conclusion, I don't know your boyfriend. His behavior is strange, so I have no situation to compare that too. Basically, it's a coin toss. Worth the flip at least.
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