I work as a Customer Laison Complaints Case Officer at a major insurance company, where I have worked for 3 years. I left school when I was 17, as I had some very bad experiences at school and wanted to see what the real world had to offer.
I now live with my boyfriend of 3 years and spend my spare time reading, writing, socialising with friends or just watching some TV.
Times are still hard and I'm trying to cope with various health problems on a daily basis but I'm working my way through things and really want to stop it from getting me down.
I dream of some day going to America and watching a real baseball game (we don't have that at all in the UK) and perhaps finding a job I find creatively fulfilling. Until then, I'm happy trying to be me and making the best of what I have.
Website: My Space
Gender: Female
Location: Dorset, UK
Occupation: Customer Liaison Case Officer
Age: 21
MSN: hottchickie@hotmail.com
Member Since: January 28, 2006
Answers: 1016
Last Update: March 5, 2009
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whats up with people saying that theyre not in love with you they just love you (link)
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There is a difference between loving someone and being IN love with them. It's hard to explain because you would need to experience both to truly understand.
Look at it this way. You love your parents and your pets. You love the clothes you wear and certain foods you eat but you're not IN love with any of that. In the same way, you can love someone you have been with for some time without being IN love with them.
The thing with love is that it can take so many different forms like that and often it can be difficult to work out exactly how you feel about something/someone. A lot of marriages and relationships break down becaus one or other person in it realises they love the person in a 'never-want-to-see-anything-bad-happen-to-you' kind of way but they're not IN love in that all consuming 'I-may-break-down-and-die-if-I-can't-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you' kind of way.
That's the closest I can get to explaining it, I'm afraid but I hope it helps.
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A friend and I are conducting this interterw with a celeb. Any advice and any advice what to ask and how it should go? I never done one before and I have the jitters(nervousness) so any advuce would be great. thanks. :) (link)
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First of all, make sure you do your research thoroughly. When I say research, you can read some of the tabloids and glossy magazines but you will need to know the truth about this person. Make sure you have as full a picture as possible, so you know what sort of person they are. It will make it much easier to relate to them.
Next make sure you know exactly what it is you intend to ask them. There's nothing worse than being interviewed by a couple of people who look blankly at each other as they try to work out what to ask next!! Have a list of prepared questions so that if nothing is being said, you know what to ask. Unfortunately, the questions you ask will depend on the person in question. For example, if you were interviewing Johnny Depp, you wouldn't be asking him a question about his upcoming tour. Sit down with your friend and brainstorm questions that are relative to his/her career. Try to stay away from the very personal questions about family/relationships/etc as most people prefer not to address things like that in interviews. Instead, stick with questions about their career and fun things like "What do you sing in the shower?"
Listen to what is being said and respond to it. Interviews go best when they are interactive, rather than like 20 questions. If they say they just got back from filming something or performing somewhere, ask them something about it.
Take a recording device. It's pointless trying to write down everything that is being said. Your best bet is to make sure you have a dictaphone to hand so that you can focus on asking the questions, then listen and review the tape at home afterwards.
The last thing I will say is try to keep some perspective on this person. Yes, they may be well known and possibly very attractive. However, you need to bear in mind that it is just a normal person who has a famous job. The media makes them something special but really, they're probably a down to earth person who gets up in the morning and drinks milk out of the carton like everyone else. Thinking of them doing normal, average, every day things will help keep you calm.
Good luck and I really hope it goes well.
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im 15 from england. i think i might be pregnant..
how much are abortions in england?!
is there any where i can get it done where my parents wont find out??
any where i can go for advice?
please dont judge me..
(link)
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The first and most important thing is to do a test and find out whether or not you are pregnant.
If you do the test and find that you are and you are certain you want a termination then your best bet is to see a doctor. If you are referred by a doctor then it will be free under the NHS.
You don't need to be concerned about your doctor finding out. Once you are over the age of 12, doctors must keep to patient confidentiality so it would be illegal for them to discuss anything about your health with anyone, your parents included, without your prior consent.
The only other thing I would say is that if you are pregnant, think long and hard about the consequences of a termination before you go through with it. It is entirely your choice but please remember that it isn't an easy thing to do. If you go through with it, take a friend with you because it isn't a good idea to go through it alone.
EDIT: Consequences can include depression, infection and if done later into the pregnancy, it can carry a risk of infertility. I've tracked down some information on NHS Online you might want to look at:
http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/articles/article.aspx?articleId=1§ionId=19806
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I've heard of things like bun up your hair while its wet and then sleep in it to have curly hair.
I want big loose curls, like those princess's hair in fairy tails type and not the kind of mature oldish tight curls type.
So is there any particular way I should twist or bun my hair with a scrunchie to get those big loose curls?
PS Dun suggest curling irons...It spoils the hair. (link)
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There are a number of ways to get big, loose curls or deep waves.
1) Hair Rollers. You need large hair rollers for this type of wave/curl. You section off all of your hair a bit at a time and, following the instructions (as these differ depending on the rollers), you curl sections of your hair almost up to the scalp and pin in place before blow drying or allowing to dry naturally. Give them a quick blast of hair spray, unpin and gently unroll the hair.
2)Curling Irons. Just like hair straighteners but they curl. You can get them in different sizes and just like hair straighteners, different heats. Again, make sure you put a little hairspray on afterwards to ensure they stay in place.
3) The cheap method, hair curling. Ever noticed that sometimes when you curl your hair a lot around a finger, it slightly holds its shape? Well this is a tried and tested method to giving curl to hair. When it's still wet, take small or large chunks of hair (depending on the look you want), curl them around your finger, loosely if you want a deep curl, and then pin in place at the scalp with a bobby pin. Do this right the way around the hair (or even just the top layer) and then blow dry on a medium heat setting. When completed, add a little hairspray and carefully take out the pins to release your hair. This should leave you with nice, deep curls.
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Ok, so I'm a female and I'm 16.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 months now. and everybody thought we would end up together. well about a month or so ago, He moved 2 hours away. and It's been really hard to deal with this. but as he's been away for awhile, things about him have started to bug me. and i feel myself starting to fall out of love with him. also, me and him have started to fight alot lately, mostly my fault. and he asked me if i was going to break up with him.. i panicked, and said no. which i don't know if i should or not. so i seriously need help. I want to break up with him but then again, I don't... i want this to work.. even though, i know eventually it won't because of the distance. so .. should i break up with him now? ..what should i do? (link)
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It sounds as though you really have already made your decision. You say that he's two hours away from you now and that you fight constantly. Although problems like these can be worked through, most couples are not able to overcome such obstacles.
Before making your mind up completely, I would recommend spending one more day, or if you are able, a weekend with him and just assess how things are between you. Spend some time really looking at him and work it out. Do you still love him? Can you maintain the relationship under the same circumstances you have been so far?
If you know that the answer is no, then breaking up with him may be the fairest decision for both of you. If you are only unhappy in the relationship, then it simply makes no sense to continue it.
On the other hand, if you feel that you may still love him, keep at it but when you are both feeling tense, try to calmly work through it, rather than arguing with each other. Maybe try writing instead, so that you can't inadvertently say things that upset each other. If after you have spent time together you know you really care about him then you need to try to work it out until you know it can't work any more.
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my boyfriend is going to propose to me on christmas (i over heard...oops!) it will then be 7 months we have gone out. Is that bad? I mean it doesnt mean we are gonna get married... (link)
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You say that it doesn't mean you are going to get married but that really is the reason you get engaged in the first place. An engagement signifies the agreement to make the permanent commitment to each other and get married.
It isn't necessarily bad but you really need to think about this one. Seven months is not a long time and while there is no doubt in my mind that some couples can be together a short time only before deciding to spend the rest of their lives together, it is a huge decision and not one you should agree to unless you are absoloutely certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will never want to be with anyone else.
Have a think and work out how you feel about him. If you know in your heart of hearts that you don't have that all consuming love for him, then you need to decide whether or not you want to accept his proposal.
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okay..i need some help with my ankle. basically, basketball is starting up in a few days. i know known of you are doctors, but my ankle..i just don't know what it is. i am going to get it checked out, but i mentally am bothered with it. when i walk or run, it does not hurt. when i move it myself, as in twist it, or rotate it in a circle, i have pain. it's like the size of a small apple. i really don't know what this is. since it is swollen, does that mean i damaged it in some way?? i twisted it around june-july, so shouldn't the swelling have gone down if it healed?? i did the whole RICE method. does anyone have any experiences with this??
thanks!! (link)
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It sounds as though you may have damaged a tendon in your ankle. My sister is going through exactly the same problem with her ankle so thankfully, I can tell you what it was with her!
She thought to begin with it might have been broken and it was very swollen for months on end. However, the pain has now gone when she walks on it but, like you, when she turns around on it or rotates it, it hurts. When she did see someone about this, she was told it was a tendon that had been damaged and it will take a long time to heal.
The bad news is, that in my sister's case, there really was nothing they could do, although that may have been due to the length of time that had passed. I understand physiotherapy can also be very helpful when rehabilitating people with damaged ankles, so it may be that you get referred for this.
In the meantime, I understand you will want to be playing basketball and it is down to you to assess whether you think your ankle is up to it. If you believe it will be okay, then play. You could get, as suggested by the previous person, an ankle brace but given that it is swollen as well, I wouldn't recommend it personally. Instead, for now try a combination of ice packs and heat packs to try and reduce the swelling and give it a chance to heal. You're absoloutely right in thinking that the swelling should go down if it has healed, which leads me to believe it hasn't.
Keep going with the heat and ice packs until you have seen a doctor and try to stay off it as much as possible before you start basketball. I know you will need/want to practise but it's important your ankle has a good long chance to recover.
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well im 16 years old...and for over a year i have been having problems with my breats...very bad sharp pains..not like those that happen when they grow and everything..but really painfully sharp pains...and i have a couple big lumps in my breasts...and they keep gettin bigger and bigger not real fast but slowly..im scared to talk to my mom about it..and im scared to make an appointment to find out..wat do i do!! (link)
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I was 17 when a similar thing happened to me and it was terrifying. That being said, I went to the hospital for a biopsy and an ultrasound scan and it turned out it was just a fatty lump.
You say that your breasts are tender. Pain is not a very common symptom with breast cancer, so I doubt that is what it is, especially if you have had these symptoms untreated for a year.
I really don't think you need to worry too much about this but it is ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry so get yourself to a doctor for confirmation. They may want to do a biopsy and a scan but just grin and bear it because it doesn't last long.
Please do talk to your Mum about this. I know it's scary and I understand completely where you're coming from but it's much better to go through this with someone rather than alone so just take a deep breath and do it. It will be fine, I'm sure.
Good luck and please remember that if you need to talk to someone impartial, you can always send me a message.
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When i start school in a couple of days, I want to start eating breakfast (because i usually dont) so that my metabolism is faster and maybe i can lose weight. What are the best kinds of food you can eat to make that happen? (link)
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That's actually a very good question!
A lot of people rely on foods that are quick to make because they don't have time to spend ages making a breakfast smoothie or some other food.
In view of this, I ran a quick Google search on breakfast foods that boost your metabolism and it produced this website:
http://www.wellbridge.com/wellbridge/cambridge/lifedesigns.php?ID=9
It lists different kinds of metabolism foods you can incorporate into your breakfast and even lists them according to whether you're short of time, on a diet or don't like breakfasts so it should have everything you need to know!
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OK, I have this really irregular period. I have had it for 6 years, it's normally regular, but for the past week my period has been acting strange. It's so light that it discharges just a couple times a day, then stops. Process repeats for a few days then it stops for 2 or 3 days straight. Then comes back.
My regular period only lasts between 5-7 days and it's usually heavy. And my irregular period has became so irregular that it's like a random occurance and it's bugging me!!
So my parents were discussing a visit to the gynocologist. My question is, should I be recommended birth control in this situation?
And by the way, this problem has occured twice. And I'm still experiencing it now. [If that helps]
I'll need real answers and not just guesses, please.
Thank you in advance! (link)
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It's not really that it should be recommended. Although the Pill is primarily used as a contraception, it can also be used to regulate periods, control the symptoms of PMS, lighten heavy bleeding and lessen the pain caused by cramps as a result.
However, as its primary use is a contraceptive, it isn't always recommended for other uses, such as those I have mentioned above. Under these circumstances, unless the problems you are experiencing are severe (for example unless the cramps are so bad you can't move for three days), you will need to ask directly about using the Pill to help.
I know what a pain it is to have an irregular period. If you have had it for 6 years and it is still irregular then clearly it isn't going to regulate now by itself. The best recommendation I can make is that you speak to the gynocologist and explain the problems you are having, before adding you are aware the Pill can help regulate periods. They will then let you know whether they can provide this to you. If you are 16 or over then I really don't see it will be a problem, as they will be considering the fact you will be thinking of using it as a contraceptive in the future as well.
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Hi! I'm Alyssa from the Philippines..
There's this guy in school that is just my seatmate coincidentally. He discovered that I have a crush on him via FRIENDESTER! What is the best thing for me to do?? We're starting to have a gap between us. But I still want to retain our friendship. (link)
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Oh dear! You know, exactly the same thing happened to me when I was at school and it was so embarrassing that I couldn't even look him in the eye any more, let alone keep talking to him the same way.
But you know what else? The reason that gap grew between us for a while was because he liked me too. Only I didn't know it until 5 years after I had left that school and by then, it was too late to do anything about it.
What I'm saying is, if you like this guy, you should tell him how you feel upfront and get it all out in the open. Yes, it's embarrassing and it does mean putting yourself on the line but right now, maybe he doesn't know where exactly you stand and is too shy to say or do anything about it himself.
Next time you get the chance, just come straight out with it and say "I like you. I know you already know that but I had to say it. I'm sorry for the way you found out but if you don't feel the same way, I really hope that we can still be friends."
That gives him a chance to tell you how he feels about you and once you have the whole thing sorted, you will be able to work out the next step, whether you get to go out on a date together or forgetting it and moving forwards as friends.
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My last girlfriend and I were together two and a half years and I became very good with her. I could pleasure her easily and in some cases because I was good with clitoral stimulation by the mouth and hand could give her an orgasm in minutes on occasion. However, I have a new girlfriend and I've tried fingering her and rubbing her clit, but she says she doesn't get much pleasure from it at all. The most we have tried is about 5 minutes because she just gives up, but with my past girlfriend that was more than enough to give her a lot of pleasure. What can I do to give her some pleasure or make it feel good? I am really confused and am not sure what the problem is or what to try to give her pleasure. She kind of says that when im down there it doesn't really feel like anything. I could use some advice on how to make this work (link)
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The best thing you can do is listen to what she says does it for her. Sexual activity is never solely physical. A lot of it is mental and it all involves a great deal of communication.
Talk to her. Find out what she likes and then experiment. There's very little that is easy about sexual relationships so it may take a few tries but she needs to give everything a chance before she gives up. It sounds as though she has already resigned herself to the idea of the things you have tried not working before you even really got started.
Keep trying. There will be ways to pleasure her but you both need to work together to find out what she likes, how she likes it and so on. You can make it a two way thing. Spend a weekend exploring each others bodies and what does it for each of you. I guarantee that you will feel a lot happier by the end of it.
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my brother has this thing that he has to be better than me in everything i do. for example we were in a arcade and they had that basketball game where u shoot the balls and i got a higher score than he did and he didnt show it but i knew that it bothered him that i beat him in basketball.. even hate home when we are playin like horse or something he gets mad when i keep gettin them in and he keeps missing also i have been hip hop dancing for 6 years and my bro always has to try and show off dance moves in front of me even tho he cant dance that good and he's like ha i bet you cant do that and i just play dumb and say no i cant do that.. i mean its soo annoying that he has to compete in everything i can do... what should i do i mean its so dumb for a 19 year old to compete with me and im only 14 its kinda pathetic
so what should i do about it??? (link)
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Rivalry like this is extremely common in siblings, particularly when they are younger. Admittedly, at 19 years old, he should have learnt how to deal with jealousy.
That's really what it is. He is jealous that you are so talented and because all jealousy is rooted in low self esteem and self consciousness, he feels bad about himself when he compares himself to you. The only way, in his mind, he will be successful is to triumph over you at something that you are known to be good at. However small the win may be, it will be very important to him.
Unfortunately, there will be very little you can do about this, as the problem is with him, rather than with you and he needs to realise in his own time that he shouldn't be comparing himself to his sister and that by wasting his time trying to compete with you for attention and admiration through what you are good at, he is missing the opportunity to find something he is equally good at.
For now, the only thing you can do is to let him have his little attempts at grabbing some of the limelight until he realises he needs to find his own thing. That, or you could help him try to find something he is good at. However, I will warn you that broaching a conversation like this with him will possibly spark a heated argument because he will object to being guided by his younger sister. He won't like that, no matter how well-meaning you are.
In the meantime, grin and bear it. The good news is that as he is older, he is closer to the time where he will be moving out and will have more of an opportunity to find something he is good at. When he's found it, he will completely ease off trying to steal the limelight from you. Just let him have the odd victory now and then.
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what does it mean if someone says.. "are you a lightweight or can u hold your own" in alcohol reference? (link)
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It refers to your body's alcohol tolerance before you become enebriated.
If you can drink what is considered a large quantity of alcohol without becoming excessively enebriated, you are considered able to hold your own. If, on the other hand, you can drink maybe one or two vodkas and are enebriated after that alone, you are often considered a 'lightweight'.
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what is the best kind of moisturizer for guys that have oily skin and is fairly cheap? (link)
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Just to add to what has already been said (and to support it, yes you do need a moisturiser), you need to get a non-oil based moisturiser and it needs to be specific to men, as men have a higher pH balance to their skin than women do. This should never be ignored when purchasing moisturisers. Try a Nivea Visage cream, as they are usually very good.
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hi, well today me and my friends went into this "asian fish market" store after school, like we usually do. And my friend bought a chocolate bar, and while he was opening it, he looked at the use-by date and it had allready gone off. i still have the bar, and my friend took picturs , even of the owner! what shall we do? should we report him to the health service? thanks in advance (link)
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I actually had an experience exactly the same where I bought a chocolate bar that was a year out of date and a drink that was around 6 months out of date.
Technically, a store isn't breaching Health and Safety Regulations if the old stock is marked as 'old stock' or as being out of date. In my case, it wasn't marked, so we went and contacted the store, who apologised but refused to give me my money back.
However, after this point, they put up a sign stating it to be old stock.
Basically, I think you need to do the same thing. You paid for goods that were in substandard condition and therefore, you should be recompensed. Make sure your friend keeps the chocolate bar and the wrapper and go back to the store. Let them know (calmly and politely) that you had purchased the chocolate from them and it was out of date. Also let them know that selling unmarked old stock is against trading standards regulations, if they then kick up a fuss.
If they refuse to do anything further or are rude, then you could consider taking things to the Health Service but speak to someone about this first, so you know whether or not it is worth the effort.
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ok well the thing is ive been going out with this girl for 6 months. im 15 so is she! i want to finish with her as she is too clingy and does not give me any room to breathe. the problem is she loves me more than anything and she might do something really stupid. ive also taken her virginity and is o broke up she would brand me as a user. how do i go about breaking up with her but not hurt her? (link)
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Unfortunately, if that really is the way that she feels, you can't break up with her without hurting her.
However, you need to bear in mind that if you see no future in the relationship, then the relationship HAS no future and you cannot continue it under those circumstances. I understand your concerns that she might do something to hurt herself and might think poorly of you but you cannot hold yourself responsible for her actions. If she was to do something stupid following the break up, it would in no way be solely because of that. If she was happy with her life to begin with, she wouldn't be depending on you for her happiness. That sort of co-dependency is only self-destructive in the long run.
Tell her that you care a lot about her and you've loved the last 6 months together but you don't feel the same way about her as you used to. Explain that the spark that was there has gone and it would have been unfair and unkind for you to carry on pretending that it was there, when she could be out there meeting some guy who she can have that real spark with.
Just remember to be sensitive to her feelings. That is the most you can do to try to prevent hurting her as much as possible.
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I didn't know what category this went in but anyway...
Ok so.. I have this problem, I'm not anorexic or bulimic, i guess it's kind of the other way around... I can't stop eating!!
I'm not overweight but I think I am but I just can't stop eating!! I am gaining weight like nearly everyday!!
I don't know how to stop it!! I've tried but I always think oh i'll stop tomorrow.. i'll eat healthier tomorrow but I never do!!!
I'm going away for a few days in December and I want to look really good but I just can't stop eating!! It's all junk food as well!!
Does anyone have any suggestions?? No stupid ones either!!
Thanks (link)
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It sounds as though you are a Compulsive Eater.
Unfortunately, there's no easy way to get over this, as the problem is most commonly rooted in anxiety and/or depression.
Is there something that has been bothering you? Something that has been on your mind? Are you worried about something?
Whatever it might be, you need to tackle this problem before you can expect your need to eat to disappear. Eating is a distraction from what bothers people. This is why comfort eating is popular when we've been heartbroken or lost a job or any other horrible things happen to us. However, it is a bad habit and one that needs to be broken so you need to deal with the main issue.
Until you have worked out what that is, I would recommend making sure that you rid your home of foods that are high in saturated fats and high in sugar. It's a lot harder to give into temptation when the food is no longer around. Then, every time you feel the need to eat, force yourself to walk around the block. Go for a cycle. Do some form of exercise. Exercise releases endorphines (the 'happy' hormone) and as well as making you feel a little better, it will help you to stay on top of the weight you're worried you have gained.
Just don't overdo it and go the other way!
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It seems like I always get very cold, even when I was a little kid (I'm 16 now). Not just chilly--like fingernails and lips turning blue and shivering like mad. Usually just if I'm sitting down or laying down for a while. The air around me isn't even very cold--sometimes it's even seventy-five degrees, or hotter. Is there anything I can do to change this, or is there some reason why I always become so cold? (link)
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It sounds as though you may either suffer from a condition called Raynaud's Disease, which causes parts of your body to respond to stress or the cold with numbness, tingling and so on; or you could just have difficulty with colder temperatures.
What you really need to do is to discuss this with your doctor. Although some of us here may be able to provide a rough idea of what might be ailing you, you need to speak to a doctor, who will be able to provide a formal diagnosis, and hopefully treatment.
You say you have suffered from this since you were small. That would imply it isn't just a minor cold or flu or something along those lines. It does sound like a condition. If you speak to your doctor, you should be able to get some sort of idea what the problem is and hopefully, a way to treat it.
In the meantime, when you start to have these cold spells, make sure you have a hot drink or some warmer clothes nearby, which will help.
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I missed a lot of secondary school......................and as a result have only gained a few 'G' grades in my GCSEs.(apart from a C grade at English) HELP! have i got no future? What are my options? I live in England. HELP!!!! (link)
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Please don't panic!!!!
I know that a lot of weight is put on GCSE exams. I also live in England and went through a similar ordeal. I missed three months of school due to illness and had to drop some of the exams.
There are still options open to you but what you need to do is speak to someone like Connexions, who help you work out the next step. You can take your GCSE's over if you want to but you need to do, I believe, the two years over. You could also leave school and study these separately at a college or you could do an apprenticeship through a college.
I don't know where you are from in the UK, but the Council where I live have an Adult Learning Service and there is a College nearby that help with situations like this. I expect this will be the same for every county.
Please seek some advice from Connexions, your local county council and local Colleges. Although I can't tell you specifically what you need to do next, they will be able to and they will help you find the right way to do it.
If you need to talk about it any more, please feel free to contact me.
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