There is quite a spread between 8 years and 51 years. If you do not have kids and wish to leave, then you should. However, if the only thing lacking is his financial contribution and he is supportive and adding joy to your life elsewhere, then don't be quick to throw it all away. This is your decision alone and no one can make or judge it for you. Everyone has issues and imperfections...even big ones. Your neighbor's husband may bring home paychecks, but be a complete jerk. I understand about losing respect and he probably is well aware of it and that is discouraging to him. Men crave respect more than food or sex or love. Your stress and weight problems are your own. Take responsibility for yourself...you would have no one to blame but yourself if you left him, right? Start now to live your own life and quick concentrating on his weaknesses...that game is up. You are not going to use him for an excuse to your own unhappiness anymore. Ask him to go to counseling, give him an ultimatum, leave or accept him warts and all...it really makes no difference...that's right it does not matter. What is important is that you look at yourself and why you are not happy within. He has not changed...men rarely do. We set ourselves up for disappointments when we expect that they will change in ways to please us more...that is not love. Get back to me in a couple weeks after your soul-search.

If it does not come naturally...don't do it. You don't want to sound phony...yech. Terms of endearment are supposed to be personal and private. If he is special to you, then it will come or not...just the way you say his name should be good enough. In fact, most people really dig hearing their own name spoken...makes us feel really special...pumps up the ego...and guys have insatiable egos!

Wow pretty expensive gift...did he get you anything? Some guys might be embarrassed to receive something if they don't have anything to give back. Give him some warning and let him know that you got him something special. If he makes no effort to give you anything...well, he may not be deserving of your affections, let alone your money. Good luck.

No you are not at all over sensitive. This guy is either totally stupid or totally mean. Which guy would you rather date? Hopefully neither one. Two years is a long time to waste, so don't waste the next two days being with this guy. You need to assert yourself and ask him why he treats you this way or at least tell him that you don't like it and that it must change. However, unless you see dramatic results and effort being made, I would forget about him. There were a lot of lonely single men that would have jumped at the chance of going out with you over the last two years...it may take a little time to connect with one of them that meets your standards, but do not give up and do not make it impossible to find happiness by staying with someone who does not value you or the relationship. Start the new year off right by doing some emotional housecleaning and dump the expectations that this guy will ever change or improve.

You are very young, but more importantly you sound like you are not ready for a physical relationship. Also, you are smart enough to see through the "I love you" tactic and game-playing. Guys will sometimes say anything...yes anything, to get sex or as close to it as they can. Don't let him manipulate you into doing anything you don't want to do. Here is a clue that you really don't want to make out. It was not your idea. Guys have a way of pushing ahead and asking or begging or demanding things that would not occur to a young girl such as yourself as being necessary or fun. Most often the girl is anxious, scared, unsure, doubtful, and feeling tricked into these situations. You will have a wonderful sexual future with someone you choose, when you choose it...if you listen to yourself and not guys in general to tell you when you are ready. Be in charge of your own body and life. Being physical will not make any guy love or respect you...most of the time it does the opposite, especially in the younger years of immaturity. Your body is not his playground and it is never ever your job or responsibility to cheer him up or grant him wishes. What is he doing for you in your life? Make sure that every relationship you have serves your needs first...don't let yourself be used by anyone...it feels like shit.

This is not normal. You need to make every effort to contact your finance through family, friends, and the police need to be notified if you and family cannot get in touch with her immediately. What makes you think she is suddenly seeing an ex-boyfriend? Did you two argue or fight the last time you saw her. Please make every effort to make certain that she is found safely...this should be your main concern. If she wants to leave you, then let her. Be honest in sharing your feelings, but know that everyone has a right to their own mind and life.

Excellent...I have a daily look at the summary of the four to remember..worth reading!

Keep up the practicing and let them know you are serious. Ask at your school if there is a music program..some schools will offer free rentals of instruments. Never give up your goal. Tell your mom you are willing to work for the money doing chores and such. Keep a positive attitude. Good luck!

Okay I won't tackle every question, but in short I can tell you this. While it is good for you to have standards in choosing boys to date, it is not realistic to expect boys to behave like mature men. Trusting with your whole heart is something you will eventually want to do again, but experience is a great teacher and you will gain wisdom if you learn to listen to yourself. Life is a bittersweet journey and love and loss are the moments that define our time on Earth and make it precious. Your heart is precious and your love is also. Take chances that you can afford to take, but don't gamble away what you cannot bear to lose. Love yourself first and the guys that respect you and see your confidence in yourself will be worthy and attracted to you. Life is too short to dwell on our mistakes or losses beyond what they can teach us. Hold on to the good and move on...a little more carefully, but move on and live knowing you will lose some and win some and have the time of your life doing both.

First of all it is extremely rare except maybe in the first stages of falling in love, that two individuals will want sex at the same pace, or time or frequency at all times. It is normal to have one partner who wants it less than the other or just maybe not at the same time. People process life differently and sex is an agreement of two souls or at least two bodies...find a compromise. Right now you get action about weekly which aint too shabby...a lot of single people are not so lucky. Are you grateful for that? How are you treating her on a daily basis? If you are spending time in fantasy land, then you are not really appreciating and respecting her and the relationship in reality. All actions have consequences...even ones she does not "know" about have an enormous affect on the way you are then treating her and the relationship. She may want sex more than you know, but you may be pushing her away with your constant demands and complaints. Back off from any of the negative surrounding the issue and give her time and space to want you again...really want you. In the meantime, try to cool off the porn...it can become the wedge between you and what you really want. All good things are worked for...in the beginning of the relationship you worked to earn her trust, affections, respect and love. You showered her with praise and compliments, looked at her like she was an unwrapped present, someone you wanted to get to know...lately though, you have been different...it happens. Get back to earning your way in...she will be tearing your shirt off and you won't need to beg.

It sounds like you already know what you need to do based upon your feelings and the facts of the situation. You need out of this relationship in a safe way. Start calling on others for support in your decision. The police can escort you out and have an officer present when you get your stuff if you feel threatened by him and his weapons. Enlist the help of friends and family...stay with someone until you can get your life together. It does not matter who leaves...so if he refuses, you are still better off to give up the place. Better lose a place then your life and freedom to find real companionship and love.

Your dad should know what is going on between his so called friend and his daughter...I am suspicious that he is really unaware, but a good dad would not approve of this. The almost 40 year old man you are with is most likely committing a serious crime against you. You have zero, zip obligation to this guy's son. Technically you are both children and you are not in any position to play mommy to him, just because you are playing girlfriend with his old pervert dad. This guy is a selfish loser if he is doing what you say and taking advantage of your youth and inexperience. Even when you turn eighteen, the age gap is enormous and he already has shown incapability as a man to prey on his friend's young daughter. You have been taken advantage of my dear and need to stop allowing it immediately, before you wind up pregnant or worse, stuck with an std from this old fart. I imagine you are not thrilled with my advice, but since you may not have a parent's protection right now, someone has to tell you the truth for your own good. Please listen...someday you will look back and be glad you did.
"Statutory rape is the crime of sex with a minor under the age of consent (AOC), the age at which individuals are considered competent to give consent to sexual conduct, but past the age of puberty. It is a generic term; states use many different statutory terms for the crime, such as "sexual assault", "rape of a child", "corruption of a minor", and "carnal knowledge of a minor". Statutory rape differs from forcible rape in that overt force or threat need not be present. The laws presumes coercion, because a minor is legally incapable of giving consent to the act."

Hot steam, and witch hazel. Clean your face using a soap free facial cleanser, one for blackheads specifically is best, easily found at a drugstore or grocery store. Use pretty warm water to clean with..the cold will close your pores and not clean your face or remove the cleanser. Keep a bottle of witch hazel in the fridge. Dab on with cotton pad or cotton ball after cleansing and prior to facial lotion or make-up. Clean face twice a day, never sleep with make-up on (if you wear it) and don't touch or pick at your face. Drink lots of water eat healthy foods and get exercise...flushes toxins out and keeps skin healthy.

Have someone deliver a wrapped present or goody basket with little treats inside and a card inviting him to be your date for the dance. Do it quickly before someone else asks him!

Confidence is the key to almost everything, but you'd better be able to back it up, too. It is a matter of sincerity and not being an imitation of the real deal. Believe in yourself...your authentic self and be okay with your human weaknessess as well as your strengths. Confidence is not about thinking you are better than others or perfect by any means. It means you are good with your self and comfortable in your own skin...the world is a better place for having you in it.

Don't mention it again and don't have a big reaction if anyone else does. However if someone does call you out on this, you need to be honest. A simple upfront "I am sorry" will suffice. Don't be repeating this mistake and you will be fine. Everyone has made this loose lips mistake before, and you will get past it.

Sometimes love just is not there, but sometimes it is a game of push and pull...or up and down like a see-saw. So, if you have been pushing him or pushing for more than he is giving, it is what may be causing him to pull away and leave you hanging. Back off for a while...just give him enough space to come back to you and then eventually he will.

You are probably more trustworthy than they give you credit for in a lot of situations, but that does not mean they don't have a point. Who we hang around has a profound effect upon our character, reputation, and life. It may be that they will never trust you if you are friends with people they don't trust. Maybe this can be remedied by having your friends over and get to know your folks more. If your parents get to know and like your friends, it will go well for you. However, it you are worried that you can't bring these people home and know your parents won't approve, then maybe you should face that your parents could be right about their influence upon you. Good luck and remember that a true friend is someone who adds to your life and well-being, not someone who drags you down.

I don't know if this is a coincidence or if you asked twice, but I will give you the same answer I just gave someone else.
It is not your job or within your power to fix him, but you can help to protect yourself. Stay away from him when you feel any threat of danger. Report his violent actions immediately to your local authorities. No one, not even a love one has a right to hurt you. Would you let a stranger get away with this? It is not in his best interest either to let him off the hook...it will only enable him to continue or worsen his behavior. Have a heart to heart talk with him about his actions and the affect it is having on you and your relationship with him and ask him to get counseling or at least leave you alone. Try to avoid him if he is not cooperative in leaving you alone and getting help for his temper. Do what you can to avoid provoking him in any way. Talk to your family about this problem and make an action plan before something terrible happens. This is a serious problem and not something to ignore.

It is not your job or within your power to fix him, but you can help to protect yourself. Stay away from him when you feel any threat of danger. Report his violent actions immediately to your local authorities. No one, not even a love one has a right to hurt you. Would you let a stranger get away with this? It is not in his best interest either to let him off the hook...it will only enable him to continue or worsen his behavior. Have a heart to heart talk with him about his actions and the affect it is having on you and your relationship with him and ask him to get counseling or at least leave you alone. Try to avoid him if he is not cooperative in leaving you alone and getting help for his temper. Do what you can to avoid provoking him in any way. Talk to your family about this problem and make an action plan before something terrible happens. This is a serious problem and not something to ignore.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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