Siren_Cytherea's advice column

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Q: I know of an 8 year old boy who is getting allergy shots for his allergies. I would like to know why he would still have to be taking azmacort, zyrtec, singulair, and flonase for his allergies or would he have to keep taking these?

Allergy shots only do so much. If he's taking azmacort, he obviously has asthma. He may not have to stay on that for too long. I had asthma when I was little, but I sort of...outgrew it. That's known to happen. Zyrtec may serve to fill in the gaps the allergy shots automatically have. Singulair is brobably just to help keep his airways open. I take it. It works rather well. Flonase is obviously to keep is sinuses open, which shots and zyrtec don't always do. He probably won't have to take these things for the rest of his life, but he may have to for awhile longer. Hope I answered your question! -Siren

Q: I'm 14 year old girl. and I'm a little confused by stuff... at my school and with pretty much everyone I know it's not really a big deal to make out with someone you don't know or just met and I admit that I have. ALot of the time you can't really go out with anyone unless you give them a handjob or something. It seems sort of wrong to me, and it go me thinking about abunch of stuff.
When I was younger I thought that I wouldn't have sex until I was married and I realized that I don't care about that. Now I just don't know when is the right time to have sex.
Friends of mine have said that they are just going to get it over with at a party we're going to soon or that they'll do it when we enter high school next year.
I was just thinking. How do I know when the right time is for me? I don't care about losing it before I'm married or out of high school, I just want it to be right.
How do I keep myself from doing something stupid that I can't take back?

You're right in thinking that that's wrong. You seem like a very intelligent person. Wait for the right guy. I suggest you be in a solid relationship with him before you jump into anything. When it's the right time for you, you'll know. =)
-Siren

Q: My husbannd and I want our daughter to get a good education. She will be 5 in July. We can't afford to move, and there is a publice school down the street that seems ok. We were looking at private schools, but I don't drive, and would have to take her on the bus, which may not be that convient. What if I miss it, or it's late, or it's raining. My mother-in-law lives across the street,and she says it would be easier to just take her to the public school down the street. She says private school can wait till Jr. high or High School, when kids are more likely to get in trouble. Her neighbor has two girls that go to the public school and they "love it there". At first, I was judjing it by how it looked, but they have made someimprovements, and it looks pretty nice there now, so I'm going to go visit it and see what I think. My husband found a website that rates schools, and it says that private schools are not held accountable for what they teach, they can teach whatever they want, while public schools are subject to specific regulations. Can any of you parents with school-age children enlighten me on your experiences? Thanks. I would appreciate any help. By the way,not to brag, but our daughter is very bright, and I think she will do well no matter where she goes. She's friendly and outgoing too.

I may not be a parent, but I've been in both private and public schools. I'd have to say private is better. They're generally smaller and perhaps not as paranoid about safety. I went from a private school with about 500 people in the entire school to a public school with over 2200 students. I get constantly trampled in the hallways and it's...not fun. It's excellent that your daughter is bright. =) I was a bright kid, and did better in a private school. The private school I went to for eight years dealt with a lot of creativity, which is excellent for a bright child. Public schools (at least from my experience) tend to put a bit of a damper on creativity, whereas some private schools actually focus on it and encourage it. I reccomend private school - the only problem is the tuition. *Shrug* Good luck!
-Siren

Q: I am almost 13 years old and i havent started my period!! I know that you can get your period until the age of 16 or something like that but (i know this is a little freaky)what if you have hair down there? is that a sign? please help!
~help!

I got my period, like, 2 months before I turned 13. If you have "hair down there," it's just a sign of pubrity. Seriously, though, enjoy not having your period for as long as you can. It's a real pain in the...er, neck once it starts. Cramps, migranes, lightheadedness...(the first and last being symptoms of mine)...it's not fun. Don't try to grow up too fast. Also, I have a friend who got her period after she turned sixteen. Don't worry too much about it. =)
-Siren

Q: Hi, im 16 and wear a size 16/ 18, Though out my life i've been bullied and now i want to get my life back on track. I'm getting an exercise bike to use in the house and go to the gym for 2 hours a week. If and hopefully if i lose the wait how much sould i am to lose im a vegan so i ony eat friute and with the size i am it should just fall off so doctors say. But hoq much is dangerous. 10 lbs in a week? i really i want to be a size 8 in 6 montths for when i go to college i am good at exerciseing at the gym. Am i out of my reach????
please help if you've been in my sitionsion the advice is more then welcome. lots of love

Well, I've never been in your situation exactly, but I've been overweight. I'm not anymore, but that's a long story and I'm sure you don't need or want to hear it. The amount of weight you should lose depends entirely on how tall you are. I have a friend who's 5'8" and weighs like, 180. But because she's so tall, it's a good weight for her. I'm 5'3 and a half", and I weigh 115. Ten pounds in a week is a little worrisome...I don't think it's out of your reach. Set your mind to it, and you should be okay. Just don't try to lose too much too fast. Good luck!
-Siren

Q: Okay this might sound kinda wierd but here it goes. I have been married for 2 1/2 years and I can't take it any more. I am in love just not with my husband. I still love my ex more than anything in this world and I don't know how to deal with it. We still see eachother all the time. Him and my husband work together. I see him every day. We even had an affair. Mynhusband knew the whole time and now he has found a girkfriend and wants us to stop seing each other. He has been with her for 2 months and I am so jelouse of her. What can I do??

You sound rather indecisive. You say you're not in love with your husband, but when he gets a girlfriend (while you've had an affair), you're jealous of her. I think you need to decide, really. At least, I think that's what you said. Your paragraph is a little confusing. But, if you really do love your ex more than your husband, I reccomend you think about divorce. A marriage without love shouldn't be a marriage.

However, if it's supposed to be interpreted in the way that your ex now has a girlfriend and he wants to stop seeing you, let it be. He was your ex after all, and I say never look back. I'd never get back together with someone once the relationship was killed. Divorces and breakups are final, and should remain final.
-Siren

Q: What do you do if you know a family member is having an affair and the wife has no idea why he is ending a 30 year marriage. Do you tell her or do you keep your mouth shut and let him hang himself?

I say if the wife actually asks you if you know anything, speak up. But, if you feel that the wife needs to know what's going on, tell. This is only on a need-to-know basis. You probably don't want to get involved in this.
-Siren

Q: me and my m8 are both meeting up wt our bfz on Friday nite and they wanna finger us. this is our 1st time bein fingered. How is it menna b down below, hair,shaved!? AND wot are you menna do wen they r doin it 2 u? pull/make noises??? is it menna b wet or dry plz help !!!!
b4 friday!!!! thanx xxx

Well, I suggest you just go with what feels right. As for the hair shaved question, also go with your gut instinct. I also hear that the noisemaking is generally only in the movies. Do what feels right, as I said before. Just relax, and make sure their fingernails are cut really short. I hear it can scratch you if they aren't.
-Siren

Q: my partner and i love our sex life, but she won't give me head like she used to. before she would try to deepthroat all the time and now she only sucks enough of it to shut me up. how can i bring out the animal that she usd to be?

Maybe she's just not comfortable with the idea. But then again, I couldn't really tell you, as I can't read minds. Have you actually asked her why she "won't give you head like she used to"? If you haven't, you should. Miscommunication is a good way to kill relationships. Trust me on this and communicate with her. =)
-Siren

Q: How long does it take for a question to post? I am wondering if my recent question dissappeared again.

I have no idea...I asked one question and it appeared to post almost exactly when I typed it up and hit "submit question" or whatever that li'l buttonthinggy says...
-Siren

Q: hello im the one who wrote about the boy i like ok. i would talk to him but im way out of his league he would probably start laughing at me

Hey, that's pessimism. =P
Optimists live longer, remember that. Give it a shot. If he laughs at you, he's not a nice guy and doesn't deserve your affections. I know, easier said than believed, but seriously. If he does that, he's an asshole, and you don't want to date an asshole. I honestly don't think he'll laugh at you. If he's the cool guy you make him sound like, he won't.
Also, there should be no "leagues" in school. C'mon...if an opera singer (aka me) can date a jock (one of my exes), there's hope.
OPTIMISM!
-Siren

Q: Hi im one of your fellow advice columnist!
I'm asking this question because i'm desprete! (no offence) My mom has this hatrid for schools and so i'm home schooled but I don't get taught anything! Some of you may think this is great but I want to go to collage and my mom is excepting me have my GED when I turn 16 which is in 2 years. My mom says thats its my responsability to remind her to teach me. Its just that I don't like to remind her because all she does is give me the same stuff to that she has been giving me for the last 6 years. My mother REALLY depressed and I am having a hard time with her. this year when school starts I should be in 9th grade and in high school but I amm really scared about what to do! because if the state knew that I'm not getting any schooling they would take me away. I mean I'm getting to the point to where I'm going to tell the state. Please don't tell me tell my mother to put me in school because I have done that MANY times and trust me my mom isn't pretty when she is mad.
I have taught myself to read and write play the piano and many other things that I could learn to do in school. I am very advanced in piano and I write poetry and I have one that is published and I have storys published in magazines too. i am very good at cooking and baking. sewing.
So you see I'm not stupid but I cant go any futher now. I NEED to be in school.
I really could use your advice! i really would like an aults point of veiw on this but will take anybodys advice.
thankyou you can e-mail me at kutekrushkat@yahoo.com

signed
not stupid

You are definitely not stupid. Wow, you have a lot of talents. Cooking? Baking? Sewing? Yeah, I can sorta sew, but I can't do anything food-related aside from cooking noodles. I regret to say that I'm not an adult, but I am good at advising people. Alright, have you tried just sitting down with her and calmly explaining that, though you appreciate all she's doing (even if you don't - a little white lie never hurt anyone), you feel like you'd get more out of life if you were to go to a school? Now you know she hates schools, but she must love you. She undoubtedly wants what's best for you - most (not all, but most) parents do. Make sure you never use the word "you" when talking to her. Never say "I know you don't want me to go to school, but I think you should let me," or anything like that. My suggestion, to fix that sentence, would be something like "I think I should be allowed to go to school next year. It would help me so much, and I really want to learn," or something like that. Just remember, if she gets pissed, keep your cool. If you want more help, or someone to talk to, feel free to IM me (SirenCytherea), or e-mail me at DemonIre1024@hotmail.com. Good luck! ^_^
-Siren

Q: Why is it that every time I talk to my mother on the phone she somehow steers the question towards the fact that I'm not married? I thought she was all proud of me for being a tough independent woman but that all flies out the window when the subject of love comes up. My boyfriend and I are in no hurry to get married, and this is like a personal insult to her or something. I don't get it.

I sort of had this problem...but it was more of the "Brandon likes you...go out with him! He's a nice boy." and I'm sixteen, so I'm not old enough to be married. It really is a mother thing. My mom wanted me to be independent, but then wondered why I didn't have a boyfriend. *Eyeroll* Have you asked your mom what you just asked us? She would probably be better at explaining this than us, since we have no way of getting into her head. However, I suspect she just wants to see a wedding. It's good that you and your boyfriend are taking your time. Go with your instincts, and if you haven't asked her this question, I suggest you do so. It'd probably clear up a lot. After all, miscommunication is a BIIIIIIIIIG killer of all sorts of relationships, including familial. =)
-Siren

Q: hey any of you people out there know how i can start an affair i am in my mid 30 so i am old enough my boyfriend is 50 we get along ok but no sex i gotta have it im going crazy from not having it dont no one worry i will use protection i dont want no diseases and no im not a slut either so dont no one say i am but if you must know i have an extremely high sex drive is all i just wanna find a willing participant if i can and all i wanna know is how i go about finding one if anyone knows thanks gave a good day

Grammar. Spelling's good, though.
Oy. No, no, no!
Affair? Don't hurt your boyfriend. Break up with him. It's better to kill the relationship than to lead the poor guy on. If you want sex that badly, start a new relationship with a new guy who will give you what you want/need. If you don't, and you have an affair, you'll regret it. I can almost guarantee this. All humans have consciences. Yours will kick in when it registers that you're cheating on your boyfriend. Please, for your sake, and the boyfriend's, break off the relationship or reconsider having an affair.
-Siren

Q: at a school dance, i was a little depressed because i had just broken up with some jerk. my friend set me to slow dance with another guy, but it doesn't feel right. what is wrong?

You probably still like the guy you broke up with. Even if you were the one who broke it off, and you're certain you hate the jerk, believe me, your subconscious still has attachment issues. It happened to me. I broke up with this one idiot who was driving me crazy and wouldn't leave me alone, but couldn't find anyone else to get a crush on. I hated him, he drove me crazy, but I still sort of liked him. It sucks, doesn't it? Give it some time. Even if your conscious mind is over him, your subconscious will cling. It'll let go after awhile. =)
-Siren

Q: I'm 5'3& 1/2 weigh 165lbs, and would like to be 135 at least. I'm a mother of a 4-year old, live in a small apartment where the only room I can exercise in is the livingroom, and it's carpeted, and hard to do aerobics on. Can anyone recommend a good exersize mat? What's bothering me lately is that on top of all that, my face is getting rounder, and my chin is starting to sag. My mother is overweight and her chin is like that too, so I'm afraid it's hereditary. Is there anything I can do to firm this area up? I think that I'm reasonably attractive but I used to be so skinny in high school and my 20's and sometimes I get so depresssed that I'll never lose this extra weight. Most of it is in my middle, stomach, and thighs. I feel that nothing really looks good on me. I also crave junk food and I would like some advice on a sensible easy diet that doesn't require a lot of expense to get my weight under control, and don't forget about the chin thing. Whew! I need help!

Well at least you can spell!
I can sort of relate. I used to be overweight. I reccomend yoga mats. I've heard they're good. Just for the sake of knowledge, I learned hereditary traits two years ago in Biology. Double chins are not hereditary. My dad has, like, 8 chins and I have one, I'm happy to say. Well you probably won't get as skinny as you were in high school, especially after having a child. If you crave junk food, eat gum. Sugarless bubble yum is actually very good, and blows very large bubbles. It's fun. As I said, I used to be overweight, and I used this trick. Every time you crave junk food, pop a piece of bubble gum into your mouth. Keep a few different flavors around the house, and keep chewing it even after it loses its taste (which is why I reccomend sugaless bubble yum. The lack of taste in that is tolerable. Juicy fruit works, too. or spearmint.) Or eat hard candy, but make sure not to bite it. When you lose weight - you will, be optimistic! - your chin(s) will diminish. Also, celery is good, or anything veggielike and crunchy. I think Almonds work this way, too, but don't hold me to it. I've heard it takes your body more calories to digest the celery than the calories actually in the celery, so you burn calories just by eating celery. Weird, isn't it? I thought so...Optimists live longer. Just remember that. =)
-Siren

Q: i find myself always in the wrong, adn my finace never hears me out and makes me feel so horrible, i dontfeel like mysefl and if i cry its wrong

Alright. Point one - this guy is being a complete asshole to you. As my friend once put it, however, "no man is worth a woman's tears, and the right man won't make her cry."
This seems to apply very well to your situation. Now, because it's your fiance, I know it must be hard to think about breaking up. If you agreed to marry him, he must have done something right, correct? No one can always be wrong. It's not logically possible. Since I see he never hears you out, I assume you have tried talking to him. Have you tried telling him "you need to listen to me right now." Just be agressive. If you have tried that, I seriously think you should call off the wedding. If he makes you feel as horrible as I think he does, he doesn't deserve you. Think about it, really. This sounds like an emotionally abusive relationship, and those are more harmful than physically abusive. Think about calling it off, honey. No one should treat you like that. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." At least, I think she said that. Try to talk it out. If it doesn't work, kill it, as hard as it may be. Good luck. I hope everything works out. =)
-Siren

Q: My best friend is trying to hook me up to his girlfriend's step-sister, and tells me she likes me but also isn't sure wether or not she wants to go out with me. We've met twice already, and we talk for hours on the phone, but we seldom get any private time so that i can really get to know her and to show myself to her. How can i convince her to give me a chance in this situation without weirding her out or making her angry?

I suggest you, on one of your neverending phone conversations, tell her you'd like to get to know her better, and tell her your reasons. For instance - "You know, [insert name here], I'd really like to get to know you a little better. I mean, we never really get a chance to talk when there are no distractions around, and you seem like a really nice person. How about [insert fun (but not date-like) activity here]?" I wouldn't suggest a movie. You can't really talk during those, and your aim is to get to know her better, right? Just give her a little speech. She shouldn't be weirded out by that. Hey, if a guy I sort of liked but didn't know too well called and gave me that speech, I'd be like putty in his hands. Good luck, Romeo! =P
-Siren

Q: 1)when did i get a good paying job?
2) i will settle down my life in india or abroad?
3)iwant to settle in euprope can it be possible?, (i am indian, my qualification is 10+2, diploma in materials management and computers, working exp=12yrs in indian industries).
4)wot about my financial ststus throughout my life?

Well, I'd be able to answer these if I was psychic. Unfortunately, as much as I'd love to be psychic, I'm really not. I can analyze dreams and predict things, though...if you have a vivid dream and you want that done, ask me in my advice column. *Shrug*
-Siren

Q: At school no guy likes me!!every time i ask one out they say no .what do i do??

please help

I have a few friends in this situation. Just be patient. You will find a guy. Or maybe a girl. *Shrug* (no, bisexuality is not gross or anything. I have a few bi/gay friends, and they're perfectly nice, normal humans.) There's someone out there for everyone. Hell, I found my guy in math class. The most unlikely place in the world...To summarize my random digressions...be patient. You'll find someone. Maybe do some after/out of school activities. There are loads of ways to meet people. ^_^
-Siren

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren