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I'm 14 year old girl. and I'm a little confused by stuff... at my school and with pretty much everyone I know it's not really a big deal to make out with someone you don't know or just met and I admit that I have. ALot of the time you can't really go out with anyone unless you give them a handjob or something. It seems sort of wrong to me, and it go me thinking about abunch of stuff.
When I was younger I thought that I wouldn't have sex until I was married and I realized that I don't care about that. Now I just don't know when is the right time to have sex.
Friends of mine have said that they are just going to get it over with at a party we're going to soon or that they'll do it when we enter high school next year.
I was just thinking. How do I know when the right time is for me? I don't care about losing it before I'm married or out of high school, I just want it to be right.
How do I keep myself from doing something stupid that I can't take back?
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Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Trust me, you will regret a lot of things in your life whether they involve sex or not. If you're going to have sex then make sure that it's safe sex. Use a condom blah blah blah but you probably already knew that. The truth is that you won't be able to prevent yourself from doing stupid things. Have sex if you feel like it but be aware that you may regret it when you get older.
-Joce
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You're right in thinking that that's wrong. You seem like a very intelligent person. Wait for the right guy. I suggest you be in a solid relationship with him before you jump into anything. When it's the right time for you, you'll know. =)
-Siren
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The way you keep yourself from doing something stupid is... not to do it. Sorry, but that's really the only solution. If you know it's stupid, you need to trust what your brain is telling you.
You are obviously way, way more mature and intelligent than these friends of yours -- whose attitude is, frankly, pathetic. There are no absolute rules for when is "right," but I think you can probably come up with some very good guiding principles on your own. How about, for starters, when there's a guy in your life whom you know, care about, and trust completely? These guys who are apparently demanding handjobs from whoever they date -- they're not worth your time, and I get the feeling you know it.
Sex is not the hugest thing in the world, but it is very important, and it can have major consequences. Not only things like pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease -- which you should take extremely seriously! -- but significant emotional fallout. And in general, 14-year-olds, no matter how bright, are nowhere near ready to handle it.
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(I edited my answer because I accidently cut off part of it...so please just read it again).
Do not have sex until you're older. I'm guessing you've had your period already...and sex has SERIOUS consequences. I know you've probably heard this soo many times before, but you could get pregnant.
I feel the same way about these type of things (not necassarily sex per say....but all types of peer pressure) I'm afraid I might someday give into things such as cigarettes, drugs, drinking, stealing, etc. AND I DONT WANT TO! So I just stick with this thought that I DONT want to smoke, have sex until Im married, do drugs, drink, get high, whatever...I just keep these thought with me everyday and they don't go away. I know it sounds stupid...but I just think of the consequences.
There's NO WAY I could tell you how to keep yourself from doing stupid things, but just keep the thought with you. DO NOT do what your friends do just because you want to fit in. There your friends...they'll understand, and if they don't they're worthless anyway. Make you own choices--GOOD ONES!...and say no.
My cousin Rachael and I were walking down to the lake once and we were going to go swimming and sit around a little and catch some sun. I HATE my neighborhood...its full on SNOBS everywhere you turn...and they've all made fun of me at some point in their lives. They are all the popular type who make fun of you if you're not up to "their standards" or whatever mustanish thing they call it. Anyways, Rachael and I were sitting around and we were both 13 at the time and we sat around talking and all those kids started passing NASTY CIGARETTES around, and smoking them. Our backs were turned to them but they kept saying "Who wants some." (and they were talking to us too). We just ignored us and turned our backs on them and walked away. It was no big deal...they didn't FORCE us. And it feels so good to say "no" (or at least walk away or give them the cold shoulder) like that.
So just say no! And leave it at that. I don't understand why that is so hard for people. Some of them don't say no...so they end up with LUNGS FULL OF TAR! That's disgusting. Well, that's the price STUPID people pay for wanting to be popular.
And...you don't smoke now do you? If you don't, that tells you something, doesn't it?? CONGRATULATIONS for not giving in to peer pressure...you've obviously suceeded at it SO FAR.
~GL~
Make the right choices~
~*!*~GeSsYkA~*!*~
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You've answered your own question. You stated that " It seems sort of wrong" to you. If you have that idea or anything like it, then chances are good that it's not the right time.
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Look, the only 'RIGHT' time to have sex is after marriage. AND NEVER EVER BEFORE YOU'RE 18!!!!! No offense, but you have some pretty crappy friends. Never let your hormones control you, and why would you even think about having sex when you're 14???!!! Come on!!! Think things over here, consider all the conseqeunces of a such an immoral, reckless action. You're too young to even kiss a guy and you want to know when to have sex? So everyone around you really wants to, well change their minds. You can't just stand idly by while these people destroy their lives. It's your obligation to help them. And trust me, if you wait until after you're married, you'll greatly benefit.
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Only you know when that right time is, for everyone it is different. When your in a relationship for a while you truely do know when the time is right. But when its a one night stand it just happens. So you will know when the time is right for you trust me you will get a feeling of security.
Cspinoza1
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Just to get it over with?
People with that attitude clearly have no clue what the hell they are doing.
Sex isn't just sex... it is about intimacy and trust. It is about caring.
Having sex just to get it over with shows a total lack of maturity and respect for themselves.
Be smart. Make up your own mind.
and that handjob bit... are people really that fucked up these days? or are some people just gullible?
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Well definitely dont do it 'just to get it over with' thats really really.. silly. When you feel it is right then you will know. No one here can give you an allotted time or anything like that because its comepletely your decision. Think it through a lot before you decide what to do and if you have doubts then you should probably think more about it. It is your decision though and no one here can really tell you to have sex or not to but do be careful and dont make the decision to have sex on a whim or carelessly. When someone you really care about comes along, then it will feel right and thats when you can make that decision.
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