Siren_Cytherea's advice column

askSiren_Cytherea

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Hi, my group of friends are wonderful, but one of the girls hates my guts. I don't know why and am afraid to ask. We had a fight, but forgave each other and everything was great, but one random day she started being mean to me. She always puts me down and makes me look stupid. My friends are afraid to get into it because she's the queen of our group. I don't know what to do. Should I ignore her rude and hurtful behavior towards me and only me. Or should I ask her what's wrong and risk her doing something worse? P.S. We're middle school girls, and social standing is everything.

Heh. I remember middle school...
If I was in your shoes, I would yank her aside and ask her what's going on. Your friends shouldn't get into it anyway - it's between you and her. Point out to her that it's really hurtful, and you'd like to know why she seems to be intent on hurting your feelings. Never ignore something that hurts. Pain is a sign that something's wrong. (Emotionally as well as physically.)
If that doesn't work, contact me again and I'll try to help you more. =)
(Oh, just so you know, high school is way better as far as the social stuff goes, lol. I wasn't among the "popular" group until ninth grade. Then, all of a sudden, all the popular people liked me. It's weird.)
Good luck!
-Siren

Q: I was saying that my freind don't treat me same. just us we have fun and she's know me and listen to me. with her friends she seem show off..

Aha. Gotcha. Sorry 'bout my brain not working, lol.
Well, have you talked to her about it? A lot of what kills relationships (even "friend" ones) is miscommunication. Maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it. Try talking to her about it and telling her what you're thinking. Good luck!
-Siren

Q: does it hurt when u have sex? like a lot...or is it just emotional stuff that hurts? someone please tell me!!! ...lost...

p.s. im 14 year old female

I won't sugar-coat it: It hurts a LOT. More if the guy is big. If you use a lot of tampons, I hear it's not as bad because the vagina has to stretch a little to let tampons into it (It just has to stretch more for other things.) It's emotional, too, which is a reason you want to be careful of who you consent to. If it's a guy you love with all your heart, who loves you back, it will be a little better.
I mean, whatever you do, it will still physically hurt the first time. It might even hurt the second time, or the third.
Another trick, also - at least I've heard - is if you're really relaxed, it's not as bad. So try to relax. But don't rush into sex. You're 14. You're young. Stay a virgin until you find someone you're willing to share something so intimate with.
Good luck in life and love =)
-Siren

Q: i have never been out with anyone younger than me, but i thought i would give this boy a chance. i am in year 10 and he is in year 9 i know i sound young, but im really into all that romantic stuff, like kissing (like ross and rachel do in friends)and i feel like all he wants to do is get as far as he can with me, he is really really good looking and could have virtually any girl he wanted. i was out with him and his friends and they were all watching us pull and he kept asking if we could go further,(id like to say we've been going out properly for about 3 days) i really like him but i dont think he likes me for the right reasons, what should i do?

It's good that you gave him a chance.
However - the reason a lot of girls like older guys is because they tend to be more mature in a lot of ways. Girls always mature faster than boys. It's a scientific rule. I don't think he likes you for the right reasons either, and it's good that you've taken a deeper look at this and realized that.
Now, making out is fun, but that should not be all your relationship is based on. Besides, if you're in year 10, you're too young to be going anywhere near "all the way". Also, are you brittish? Just curious - I have an english friend and she's younger, but in my grade (she told me they don't have kindergarten in england, lol, which is why she's younger). So based on that, I'm guessing you're fourteen or so, maybe fifteen. You're too young to be going "all the way" or anywhere near it.
I suggest you talk to him and get him to tell you why he likes you. If it's for the wrong reasons, as you suspect, get rid of him. You sound like a perfectly nice girl - there are other guys who won't use you for one thing. Good luck!
-Siren

Q: what is an errection???

When a guy gets sexually "turned on" or stimulated, blood flows into the penis, making the organ hard (hence the synonym "hard-on".)
-Siren

Q: I have this freind who we just talk and hang out and dance have fun. whenever some of her friends come she treat me little different. Like when we dance sometimes I can't dance way she dose she like she can't do it. anytime they want do something fun. and something like at store one those cart little kids riding in u know. well my freind want get in one. one of her friend ask me. then she like she wront do it. Ilike I would but i have little disbittle she know bout it. we at movies she know for 4 months I gotten Id and I watch rated r I am 18. we in car she like asking me I see rated r and dont think ur mom improve. I like OGM she knew I allow and we try go rated r movie before but we didnt go.. someitmes i try talk to her bout stuff doing on me. she dont pay much atthen she change subject all she talk bout is her ex bf whoes her friend now.. but things is all she tlak bout and brag bout her friends she act like I dont have any I do.. and saying i have meet her freinds it like she dont want me be who I am. she like want me be her or something. I try explain to her but she turn it around her way..
Girl who love her bestfreind to death but she cant get on my nerve but i hide it couse dont want make nobody feel bad

Wow, um...it might help if you worked on your grammar, typos and spelling. I'm sorry, but I seriously didn't understand a word you said. I wish I could help, but...um...yeah. Sorry...
-Siren

Q: I'm a 14 year old girl, and I constantly fantasize about older guys...sexually. I haven't done anything about it, but they're in my dreams, while I'm in school, and I've talked to some online. Is this common? Is there a certain reason why I keep thinking about them this way?

It's normal...unless we're talking, like, sixty-year old guys. In that case, it's just gross. But like 18+ guys, yeah. I mean, I dated an 18 year old when I was your age (big mistake on my part, but that's another story). No reason, really. It's just a preference. =)
-Siren

Q: BTW~ this is a question I asked earlier but I'm repeating it cuz I continue to search for more imput. *'s are additions

Hiya!
I'm Annie (13, fem, MD). There's this guy and we used to be together like last year but I gave him the dump. I'm starting to feel that it was a mistake- I mean thinking about it, I can't remember why I dumped him in the first place. It was for my own good, and I know good from bad, don't smoke straight-A's only drink a little is my description. But this guy- he's so amazing. I totally can talk to him really closely and he has all these amazing aspirations for his life. He hangs with me at parties a little but he's a little safe- no kissing, no sex, though he is a druggie. I like the fact that he has very few friends- I admire people who don't require a possie to function. SO anyway, you probably are accustomed to giving guys advice but I really hope you can help me. I need to know if he likes me at all. How can I tell? And if so, what moves should I make, like how fast should I make them, aswell? And what can I do to keep him liking me? Please help!
*muah*
***~I'm pretty cute looking, but I havee kinda small boobs. Would him being predjudice against that be a big factor in the eqation, particularly at this age? Do guys REALLY care about that?

Well if you broke up with him and you can't remember why...
I disapprove of the druggie aspect immediately, but if you like the guy...*shrug*
To know if he likes you at all, you're gonna have to ask him, honey. It's the only way to find out for sure.

as for the ***~ part, guys really shouldn't care. Besides, you're THIRTEEN. I didn't develop a solid B cup until this year, and I'm 16. Guys that really care about that are shallow idiots. =)
-Siren

Q: I used to have really good friends, they were the best friends you could ever have! But one day at the beach there was this person we met, and she was really nice to us so we got to know her really well and became good friends with her. Suddenly I find that my so called good friends have replaced me with this girl now, I can't even squeeze between them to say something. They totally ignore me completely and won't even pay attention to me anymore. I decided that I didn't need them anymore and I should go make new friends, but that doesn't seem to work either. For some reason almost everyone I meet can't accept me for who I am, and I don't want to change for them. Any advice? Thank you!

Good. Never, ever change to gain anyone's approval. Someone once said "If you go out trying to find a friend, you may find that you fail. But, if you go out trying to BE a friend, you'll have a lot less trouble." Or something along those lines. You will find people who appreciate you for who you really are. I notice you didn't say "everyone" - you said "almost" everyone. That means there are people out there who do care! You don't have to have thousands of friends...just a few who really care. =) Good luck with all this!
-Siren

Q: You know what woman have every month . Well mine is late . I'm a virgin, but I am so worried . My dad won't stop sweatin me , and he knows I be at home or at school . I don't get out much . What should I do ? I can't stand this . He's (my father) has nagged me until now it's starting to bother me . I know I shouldn't worry if I haven't done anything wrong, but has anyone ever went through anything like this before .

It depends, really. If you're young - by young I mean still in your teens, - your period is still probably regulating itself. I mean, I'm sixteen, i've had my period since I was twelve, and they're still not regulated. It could also be a result of stress. I've heard that makes them late as well. =)
-Siren

Q: My bfs the best and we have sooooo much in comon and i wanna be with him forever but is it tru tht oppisites attract if so thn y did we find each other i belive in everything happening for a reason and tru love evenmore but if this is tru
i want show that itz a wrong saying because we are together 4 ever am i wrong to make people think this but itz my opinion am i wrong

That's good that you have a lot in common. I suppose some opposites do attract, but it's not necessarily that way all the time. My guy and I have so much in common, it's ridiculous. We've been together over five months.
You are not wrong at all. Opinions can never be wrong. It's like the fact that the only stupid questions are the ones left unasked. Good luck in life and love! =)
-Siren

Q: how did i become a moderator for this site

Beats me, same way I did? Answer a lot of questions? Lol
-Siren

Q: my friend always touches me on the wrong places like my ass or my breasts n i dont know if he does it on purpose or not. he likes to jump on me n when i am laying its like he is trying to have sex with me but i tell him to stop and sometimes i think if i tell the teacher he is going to get mad or something. the thing is he broke up with his girlfriends for me n every1 thinks he likes me but i dont like him that way hes like a realli good friend but i dunno what to do

signed CoNfUsEd GuRl

Have you sat down with him and told him that you know he likes you, but you don't feel the same way about him? Somewhere in there, I suggest you add the fact that you don't like the way he's always touching you in those places. I mean, if a guy that liked me that I didn't like did that to me, he'd get one hell of a black eye. Lol - Good luck!
-Siren

Q: does it hurt when u have sex?

If you're a girl, it hurts the first couple of times. I hear, though, if you're really relaxed, it doesn't hurt as much. If you're tense (and tight) it hurts a LOT. It doesn't hurt the guys at all. Hope I helped!
-Siren

Q:
Oh my gosh! I think I am in love...please don't be harsh on me people. I cry about him all the time. I'm just so confused. I liked the guy for about a year, and I'm only 14. This isn't some middle school lust, or infatuation or a crush...this is the real thing. I'm so scared becasue I'm going to high school next year and...oh my gosh...he may not be in the same school because there's TON of different schools in this town. I love him...and I don't know what to do. Please help. I have it bad...and it's breaking my heart. What are ways to ask him out...he doesn't seem like the guy that owuld like little corny things. Please help me...anybody? I'm sorry, I'm just babbling adn I'm probably mispelling some words...but I care deeply for this boy. It's something I just can'r erase from my heart. Please help me...I'm EXTREMLY SHY! Seriously...I have no clue what to do...it's social anxiety disorder...

I don't want to talk to a friend about this...they won't believe me if I say I'm in love (even though they witness the way I talk about him)
Please somebody help...anything to....I don't know...Don't mind me...I only have a month and a half left, and I probably won't ever get the courage to ask him out anyway...GOSH I'M SO STUPID!

Okay, first of all, you're not stupid. This happens all the time. You may care about this guy a lot, and you can call it whatever you want - Love, lust, infatuation - but don't tell him the way you feel, exactly. If it's one thing guys can't handle, it's the "L" word. Well, most guys, anyway. If you don't wanna lose him, here's my advice: One day, work up your courage, and just go up to him and ask him if you can talk to him for a minute. Once you open your mouth, just SAY it. You seem like the kind of person who, once you start talking, you can't stop or you'll lose your nerve. That's how I am. Some things, (over IM) I have to type as fast as I can, and hit the enter key really fast so I can't back down. I think this might be something you have to just get over with. So just take a deep breath and ask the boy out. Just - whatever you do - don't use the word "love." Good luck, honey! If you need more help, I'm SirenCytherea on AIM. This kind of stuff is my specialty. =)
-Siren

Q: i can't figure out why i can only think of him and only him and why it is he calls me when ever i am about to do somethign i might regret later does that mean he can feel the love or he's feeling his own love shining through

Well, to me it sounds like this boy cares enough about you to stop you from trying to do something you might regret. That's good. As for the fact that you can only think of him, it sounds to me like you have a huge crush on this boy, not far from infatuation. I'm not entirely sure what you're asking me, so if this wasn't helpful, clarify a little. I hope everything goes well with you two. =)
-Siren

Q: there are these two gurls that like me but i am going out with one of them but i like like them both and i don't now wat to do signed,confused guy

Okay. Honey, you need to make up your mind, but whatever you do, don't flirt with the one you're not going out with. That's just asking for your girlfriend to get pissed. Either you have to decide which one you like better, or break up with your girlfriend. Sorry to say it, but seriously. If you can't decide which one you like better, it's better to not be in a relationship. Good luck!
-Siren

Q: There is this girl at my school whom I really like but she thinks I am a loser of some kind. I really want to ask her out. What should I do?

First of all, may I congratulate you? Yours is the best grammar I've seen the entire time I've been on this site. Sorry, I'm a bit of a grammar freak. Lol.
Anywho. Ah, the classic "I like her, but she thinks I'm a loser...help!" scenario. Been there, done that, only with a guy. Don't suggest it as a date. It helps to know your age, but I'll do my best. Were I in your situation, I would suggest the two of you go out for coffee, or something, and get to know each other better. Not in those terms, obviously. Something like "you know, I think you're a really interesting person, and I'd like to get to know you a little better. Wanna meet up for coffee some time?" Just be charming. Girls like that. =)
-Siren

Q: Some people think teens are depressing
But im not im just expressing
My thought and feelings
Bout people and all the killings
But what about all the news
About drunks filled with booze
So if a lil poem is bad
then what about the sad
Look at this pity war
Is it me or is this for
someone to be put in history
For what
......a mystery?

It's interesting. I'd try keeping a rhythm, not a rhyme. Rhyming is cool to me because no matter how hard I try, I can't rhyme in poetry. Lol. Rhythm is more important in poetry than rhyme is. Keep that in mind. =)
-Siren

Q: Greetings, it's me, the advicenator_admin. Lately I've been receiving more requests to have people monitor the site for unsuitable content. Some people would rather give bad advice. I haven't cared much before, I mean, annoying questions are a problem because everyone reads those, but not everyone reads every advice column so who cares how bad it is? I look at advice columns like your own websites... unless it's really hateful, I see no need to try to ban people. Plus, so far when a columnist joins and decides it's funny to slam everyone and be mean, they've gotten sick of it after ten questions or so. No need to pick a fight when they're dropping out anyway.

What do you all think? Should we ban people with really awful columns? Not display columnists with really low ratings? Ignore everything, and just let the site run free? I want to know what everybody thinks.

Well...
I joined awhile ago because advice is what I do. I wanted a chance to help people other than my friends. When I saw some answers like "No ur stupid," it just PAINED me. Not only is that...well, frankly, stupid advice, it's hurtful. (Not to mention that the grammar is just...ouch.) I mean, even if people do it for their own amusement, and though it's not directed at me, I take offense to it. I'm not the kind of person that's usually bothered by these things, but some people are, and I'd hate to see people get hurt by idiotic messages like that. I mean, sometimes the littlest thing can bother someone a lot. Plus, some people here actually want to give advice to people who actually need it. When some people just give out random idiocy like that it gives the rest of us a bit of a bad name. So, essentially, the moral of this rant is: I say ban people with really awful columns. *Shrug* Just thought I'd give my opinion.
-Siren

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren