"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
Gender: Female
Location: WV / KY / ND
Occupation: Technical Account Management
Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
Answers: 1511
Last Update: August 15, 2011
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Does anyone know how to use stickam? I just made an account on stickam.com because I know that you can watch people live and respond with text to them talking. I requested the person I want to chat with already, but I am not sure what to do to get into the chat once they go live, and be able to just respond with text. Hope I'm not being too confusing, ha. Thanks! (link)
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I have never used Stickam but I understand your issue after reading their How-To section. It wasn't of much help for what you are requesting; however, I did search around and found this nifty little link:
http://www.jjwebworks.com/stickam/howto.html
Apparently this very kind person has taken time to add step-by-step instructions on how to view your friends. It does seem a little confusing for the first-time user but I'd expect you to get the hang of it after a few times.
I hope the link helps you figure things out. I apologize I cannot give more information than that.
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I think my mom is depressed and I think she is bipolar. Im being really serious.
Im 16/f and I dont know what to do.
My 23 year old sister also says the same, I dont know what to do, I want to tell my mom to get on some medication but if I tell her, or if my sister tells her, she goes crazy, and she will flip out.
The smallest things will make her so mad.
I dont know what to do.
Please reply. (link)
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Many things can cause people to become depressed. Anger is also a natural human reaction/response so it isn't abnormal for her to be upset a lot if she is under a lot of stress or if she feels the situation is out of control.
It is very hard to diagnose someone with a mental issue if you have not been trained. I ask you kindly to stop labeling your mother as it is doubtful that you and your sister have enough training to actually diagnose someone properly. Many things may look like the symptoms of a disorder but the person may be completely find. Everyone gets depressed, everyone gets angry, every is stressed, and everyone will defend themselves when they feel they are being ganged up on or treated negatively. This does not make everyone bipolar.
If you are truly concerned that your mother may have some things she is not coping well with you may suggest she seek out a decent therapist. There is no reason why you should be telling her what is "wrong" with her because you simply do not know what is going on in her mind.
Sit down and calmly dicuss your concerns with your mother. Encourage her to seek therapy so that she can verbally express things to another adult she may be hiding from you two at home. Everyone needs an outlet in life and she may not have one so her emotions may simple be bottling up and exploding in inopportune times.
When discussing these things with your mother, be very calm and nonjudgmental. Relate to her and let her know that you understand that sometimes emotions can get the best of us and that we all need someone to turn to to express them. Make it clear that you are only looking out for her well-being and that you also understand that it's easier to talk with an older adult rather than children. Being aggressive and pressuring her to seek help is not going to be helpful.
If, after your long and calm discussion, your mother still chooses not to go then do not pressure her any more. It is only causing her more stress that she is unable to blow off, obviously. You may bring it up every so often that she needs a good friend to be able to confide in. That alone may encourage her to seek someone out that can help her sort her issues out.
It really sounds like the reason she flits out when you express the concern is because she is defending herself. Nobody likes to be told that they are not mentally fit. It is completely NORMAL for her to "flip out" when you tell her she is abnormal because she is aware that you have no idea how to properly categorize her as such.
Look at it this way, if a veterinarian kept telling you that you had a mental handicap and were a person with down-syndrome, you would get pretty upset with them--especially if they kept telling you that they KNEW what they were talking about and that you were the one that was incredibly messed up.
It is also true that many older people begin to feel depressed because of daily life. Friends and family drift off or pass away. Bills may pile up or moves may occur. The workplace can be extremely stressful. It isn't unheard of for people to become depressed because they cannot afford luxury items they enjoyed before (especially with the gas prices now).
In short, your mother sounds completely normal to me. She may just need a place to blow off some steam and get her thoughts heard.
Again, please do not label your mother with a disorder she may not have. At one point I was going to be a psychologist and it honestly is very, very difficult to properly diagnose someone.
So, in short, have a discussion or two with your mother about her seeking stress relief. Do not classify her as something if you haven't been properly trained to.
I hope that I've been of help and your mother does find a way to cope better. If you have any more questions, feel feel to ask me! :)
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so i'm going to the obgyn next friday to get birth control, and i am deathly afraid. my mom has basically told me what they do, and i'm not sure if she's just trying to scare me.
so what do they exactly do when you go get a check up to get birth control and is it really painful? (link)
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A papsmear is usually an annual thing for all women. It's best to start having the tests when you begin having periods but most women tend to wait until they become sexually active.
Pap smears can be incredibly uncomfortable. Some women experience pain while others go through it like a breeze. It really depends to on the person and how skilled the doctor is.
In my personal experience, they are very uncomfortable and I have been known to cry during the procedure. I know that it's something I need to do each year to make sure that I am healthy so I continue with my check-ups. The procedure doesn't last very long at all and ensures that everything is working properly and is healthy so I endure it.
In short, the doctor will take a urine sample from you first to run a pregnancy test, usually. After taking your blood pressure and asking you a few questions regarding your sexual status (be honest, they've heard it all and are not allowed to inform anybody else of the information you provide them).
They then usually send you to a clean room to completely undress and lay on a table. The table has foot rests for your heels. You will be instructed to position yourself in a manner that is helpful for the doctor to work at. They will let you know how to lay and such. You may feel uncomfortable and embarrassed at this time but it is fairly normal and the doctor has seen plenty of naked bodies.
Your doctor may do a breast exam on you to begin with. He/she may also listen to your heart and lungs and press on your body and ask if you feel any pain anywhere. The doctor will then simply look at your vaginal area for signs of infections or visible STDs after switching on a very large, bright light at your vaginal area and gloving up. They may ask a couple of questions while doing this.
The doctor then will separate the walls of the vagina with a speculum. The speculum is a slender metal (or plastic in some cases) instrument that looks somewhat like a duckbill. It may be warmed or lubricated before being gently inserted into your vagina. With the speculum in place, they can visibly see your cervix.
Your clinician will then insert a special swab, brush, or stick to wipe off cells from inside the opening of the cervix and from the outer part of the cervix. The cervix can be very tender and this scraping can cause some bleeding and discomfort. It is not unheard of for this scraping to cause your legs to twitch.
The doctor will next place two gloved fingers into your vagina while their other hand gently presses on your lower abdomen. This identifies the size, shape, and position of your uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. It can also let them know if you have any masses growing or any abnormalities.
The doctor may also do a rectal exam at the end of this procedure. Not all doctor's do this but it is no big deal either. They simply slide a finger or two into your anus to feel for masses and to check the back of your uterus.
The more you relax, the smoother things will go. It's okay to ask questions throughout the entire thing and your doctor already knows you are nervous so they are prepared for all sorts of things. If something is painful, it completely acceptable to inform the doctor about it.
I hope the doctor's appointment goes well and you are healthy.
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okay so on about thursday i was with this boy. And me & him kinda had sex without protection.. he for real wasn't sticking it in all the way and it was only in there for about 5 pumps..you know? well i was scared for a bit. then on tuesdayy i was going to the bathroom and i wiped and there was pink on the toilet paper. not alot but there was pink. so i thought i got my period. i was so relieved and happy. so i put a tampon in and went to sleep. when i woke up there was a little pink on the string but nothing on the tampon. it just went away, i'm having all the symptoms of being on my period though. i've been real hot tempered,major cramps,headaches and everything. can you tell me whats going on? did it even come in the first place? is it cause i'm stressed? idk please help.. and try to do me some good and not make me worry. i'm only 15 and i have a GREAT life. please HELP.
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It really sounds as if you simply tore your hymen since the bleeding was not actually coming from an internal source (the blood being on the string but not the tampon).
The hymen (or "cherry" as many younger generations refer to it as) usually has a small hole in it as it is. A hymen is made of very thin tissue and it is fairly easy to tear or stretch. It's located at the entrance to the vagina so, actually, it isn't inside of the vagina. The hole is there to allow menstrual blood to escape the body and is usually too small to accommodate an entire penis to enter the vagina.
It is rare but some females are born with an imperforate hymen--or a hymen with no opening. A doctor will do a simple surgery to create a hole in the hymen of these newborn females so that blood from later menstrual cycles does not back up into the body.
Anyway, since women have a small hole in their hymens anyway things can go into the vagina and, obviously, come out of the vagina. This being said, if a guy got his semen on your vagina in some fashion then there IS a chance of pregnancy to occur.
Any time a guy's semen even remotely comes in contact with your vaginal fluid there is a chance of pregnancy. It only takes one sperm to fertilize one egg and they are created to do whatever it takes to accomplish fertilization.
Engaging in sex means always taking the risk of becoming pregnant since no contraceptive is 100% effective. Obviously, you're completely aware of this fact since you are concerned over a possible pregnancy. It also puts you in a very vulnerable state for years to come. You should always, always, ALWAYS use some form of "protection" to lessen your risks of pregnancy and STD/STI transmission!
I am truly so very concerned for you at this moment. I feel I should give you some more information so that you can become more knowledgeable and be able to continue your "great" life that can so easily be ruined in a few seconds. Please listen to what I have to say. Please take some time to watch out for the health of your body.
The media is telling younger and younger generations that sexual activity makes them famous, popular, attractive, wealthy, well-liked, and feel-good. This is not true at all and if you and your partner aren't educated enough about sexual activity then it's pretty much a waste of time and can leave you with emotional insecurities.
Having sexual relations is a major thing. It puts you in a very vulnerable state. You are risking STD/STI transmission and possibly pregnancy along with emotional, physical, and mental hang-ups to develop. If something bad goes wrong then you're stuck with that feeling for your next sexual encounters.
Just because your hormones and the media are telling you to do it, it doesn't mean it's right and acceptable. If something bad happens, things get out of hand, or you catch something from the activity you cannot magically pretend it didn't happen. We should make it a special point to choose careful who we give it to.
It takes only one sperm to fertilize your one egg. They are designed to do everything possible to ensure reproduction. Your body also does just about everything it can do to make sure the sperm can successfully fulfill their duty. Because of this, you are fertile every day of your cycle, including the days you are on your period. The only time you are more fertile than usual is when you are ovulating (when the egg has been released from the ovary and begins traveling down the fallopian tubes).
Then there is always the risk of pregnancy. No matter what birth control method you use (even if you use two) it isn't going to be 100% effective on preventing pregnancy and STD/STI transmission. A baby takes a lot from a woman's body during pregnancy and if your body isn't mature enough to handle it, it can really be rough. In addition, if you don't have good support from your partner then you're left holding all of the bags. You'll have to figure out what to do with the baby, decide if you can raise it and how, and give up any future goals you have so that you can focus on the child. A baby takes 100% of your time, energy, money, and emotional support 100% of the time.
It's even tougher if you don't have a life-long partner to help share that huge responsibility. What's even scarier about that is that men and women today are just up and leaving their children with their partners to handle the responsibility all alone. This means people need to be pickier on who they reproduce with and stop sleeping with any thing that crosses their path even if they claim to love them. Making children isn't hard, it's raising them that gets complicated.
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child.
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
Here are some serious facts you want to consider on pregnancy:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you completely infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.
A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. This means that many mothers pass on things to their unborn babies. I'm sure none of us would like to find out 20 years from now that we had contracted HIV/AIDs and that our baby has it too now because we passed it along.
Here are some amazingly scary facts about STDs currently that you've be really surprised at:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
..and here's some photos of SOME STDs (graphic photos of mostly males, you have to click on links to choose which ones you want to see though so if you click here it isn't going to pop up a bunch of photos). It's important that you check these photos out so that you know what STDs can do to a person's body, just in case you experience problems in this area:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
And here is just something simply for you to read and think about. I read it and thought it was pretty neat and gave some good points:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm
I know what it all comes down to is that it's your life, your body, your decision, and possibly even your mistake. I am really concerned for your well-being though. It is best to keep yourself informed and well-educated. Please sit down with your partner and discuss the possible outcomes of your sexual activities together. You may also find it helpful to view the above sites with him so that you're sure he is just as informed as you are.
Now, you may want to drop by your local store (Wal-mart, Target, various pharmacy, etc.) and pick up a pregnancy test. You need to have a late period by a few days for the test to be able to show up accurately. If you're truly concerned (since these sort of tests can show a false negative--and no, there is no false positive) you may want to make an appointment for a pregnancy test in your local clinic. A lot of women experience late periods after losing their virginity because they begin to stress over a possible pregnancy, thus delaying the period a few days so you may want to give it a few days past your regular cycle date before panicking.
I hope you become better informed of your body and what you've been doing lately.
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What are some reliable sites exclusively for selling college dorm supplies or websites that have sections that have all dorm stuff in (like bed bath and beyonds shop for college section http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/btsHome.asp?order_num=-1) (link)
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Many stores have sections for dorm furniture. Some can get really price but there are some stores, like Wal-Mart, that claim to have lower pricing. Here are some website that I found selling dorm supplies:
Target:
http://www.target.com/Dorm-Furniture/b?ie=UTF8&node=13379861
JC Penney:
http://www.jcpenney.com/products/Cg13383.jsp
Wal-Mart (not sure if the site is working any longer or if they are doing maintenance):
http://www.walmart.com/backtocollege
Overstock.com:
http://www.overstock.com/search?keywords=dorm&taxonomy=&SearchType=HP_Header
Linens-n-things:
http://www.lnt.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=2726142&clickid=topnav_Dorm07
Bedding and bath:
http://www.beddingandbath.com/i?store=specialty&id=1100545747&sid=XP1210338468M8
Dorm Buys:
http://www.dormbuys.com/
Just Dorm:
http://www.justdorm.com/
PBTeen:
http://www.pbteen.com/index.cfm
You can click this link for specifically dorm room items:
http://www.pbteen.com/stylehouse/dormcentral/content.cfm?cm_re=85HPA-VA-_-COL4-_-DORM-RMS
I also suggest that if you are looking for specific products for cheaper prices you may look at ebay:
http://www.ebay.com
They have many items that you may be able to find new or barely used for your dorm. If you're unsure as to what you're looking for exactly, here is a website that lists a few of the top items you will need, including some suggests on each piece:
http://furniture.about.com/od/bedroomfurniture/ss/dormfurniture.htm
...and here is a list of items to bring and not bring:
http://www.mnu.edu/campuslife/resident/dorm_supplies.php
I hope you're able to find what you've been looking for!
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Okay. My Aunt (she's 46, drinks, smokes, single-mom) is putting my 16 year old cousin on Accutane. She claims my cousin has severe acne, but I promise you, she's not even close. She has about one blemish a month. & I've tried telling my aunt how dangerous Accutane is & everything (if you don't know what I mean by dangerous: http://www.natural-acne-treatments.com/accutane-side-effects.), but she won't listen. The problem is, my cousin can't tell her she doesn't want it, because my aunt is usually drunk by the time she gets home from school & my cousin doesn't want to deal with her like that + my aunt would have one of her little 'fits'. I don't know what to do. All I know is that Accutane's dangerous, my cousin does NOT need it, my cousin won't stand up for herself, & my aunt won't listen to what me or my mom tell her. Any suggestions on what to do? (link)
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I understand that you are simply looking out for the health of you cousin. This is a very nice and thoughtful thing to do and I'm very happy to see that you are caring about others.
Something you need to realize is that some people will do what they want to do regardless of information you may provide them with. A lot of people have it set in their minds that if something is being used and the government allows it then it is completely safe. This may also be a matter of the mother feeling that she is the only one that truly knows best for her daughter.
It might be helpful for you to direct your aunt to some informative sites about the dangers of accutane. It may also be helpful to present print outs for her to read at the tips of her fingers. If she drinks a lot and is unable to focus clearly then you may want to suggest pointing out some parts to her that show how dangers the product is.
When someone discusses such a thing with another person they need to relate and not come off as a know-it-all. It is easy for people to become intimidated by others when someone presents them with information they should have known but weren't aware of. In talking with your aunt, try your best not to be forceful with her disuse of the product. Watch your wording and simply suggest that she not use the product because you are concerned for the health of your cousin.
It also may be a good point to talk with your cousin about the product. If her mother is not knowledgeable of the dangers then she is, most likely, not informed either. You may be able to reach the daughter if you come at her in the caring manner (and non-aggressive way) I suggest above. Provide her some information and let her know that her mother mentioned the use of the product and you became concerned. It probably isn't wise to suggest she does not need treatment for her acne because it is already in her head that she does. Simply try to HELP in this case but not prevent what her goal is.
It may also be helpful to provide them both with information on alternative methods. You may suggest they look into alternative methods before making a dead-set decision on what method they will choose to try out first. You may want to note the acne situation by saying, "She does have some light acne but I'm not sure if it's severe enough to need such harsh chemicals."
If your cousin does not want to use the product after discussing with her and providing the information, then empower her to be truthful with her mother about it. You may need to help her rehearse some things or may need to give her tips on how to confront her mother about the situation. Be very supportive and positive about her expressing her desires to her mother. Again, aggression is not the way to go so encourage her to have a normal discussion with her mother about it and not something that may be perceived as teenage rebellion.
In the end, you need to research for them and bring the information forward because they probably aren't aware that any other acne treatment is actually effective. Try to find some things that other people wrote claiming that a treatment was helpful for them. If possible, find before and after photos.
In the end, she may not listen but know that you took the time to show care to another human being. By providing all necessary information and communicating as much as you are able to then you have been a help. Even if they choose to go with accutane, you did bring it to their attention that there were other ways to deal with the issue.
I hope I've helped you out in figuring out how to bring this matter to your aunt's attention.
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Can you take a shower or bath on your period..?
Because you think that it would turn red because of the blood..?
SO can you..?
Thanks in advance! (link)
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It is completely possible to wash while on your period. If you do not wash you will smell of old blood, which is kind of equivalent to a rotting corpse if you think about it.
It is really recommended that you actually shower while on your period. Preferably you should up your normal daily shower to plus one during the days of your period. This means that if you usually take one shower a day then you should take two (one in the morning, one in the evening). This is is really for odor issues as blood can leave a strong scent behind that is unpleasant to most people.
It is also possible to actually take a bath while on your period; however, be knowledgeable enough to know that the blood will continue to come from your vaginal area. It is a fact that the blood will continue to flow during a bath which means it will actually be all over you, only dispersed moreso in water so it isn't as visually noticeable. In my experience, bathing while on a person tends to leave an odd odor behind all over the body and is conflicting to the whole "wash" thing the bath is intended for. However, I will say that the idea of sitting in water during any day of the month that is going in and out of your vagina and rectum does not sound appealing or cleansing to me.
I would also like to note that the bath water does not actually turn red; however, you may be able to visually see the blood coming from your body at times. Yes, the blood stays in the water and will disperse all throughout it. Essentially this means you would be bathing in your own fluids. A shower is really the way to go during this time of the month, in my opinion. Also, just as a note, you may experience a bit of drippage in the shower as you wash the area but be aware that it is completely normal and safe to wash it down the drain.
When you are washing, make sure to cleanse your vaginal area thoroughly with water. Try not to apply soap to the vagina as it can cause imbalances and infections. You can apply soap around the actual vagina and scrub off the dirt and such but try not to get the soap INSIDE. You should rinse very well to bring the dried, dead blood off your body so you may want to use a washcloth to reach all of the little areas and to help pull the dried parts off. Don't scrub so much that it hurts, of course!
In addition to your daily washings, you may also want to purchase flushable wipes that you can wipe your skin off with when you go to the bathroom. Many women carry wipes with them and wipe the skin area (again, not inside of the vagina) to lessen the odor that they may be experiencing. Women should realize that they probably cannot smell their own odor during this time as they are accustomed to it and they should take extra precautions as to not make anyone feel ill when they are around others.
In short, yes, you should definately be washing during your period. It won't hurt you in any way :)
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so im not going to tell everyone the whole story. just cut to the chase. When I lost my virginity, I bled. just like everyone told me i would. but then that guy broke up with me. he got what he wanted so yeah. but I had sex with my new boyfriend after a year of dating. then we broke up for a week to just take a break. well...he got a new gf and I was so devistated I went to my best friends house and we were in this broken down trailor just listening to music and dirnking a little. but I had a little too much, and made a move on him... we ended up having sex.. I bled again. what does that mean? BTW my bf realized he needed me and we got back together. me and my best friend are still best friends. but seriously, is something wrong with me? he texted me when I got home and told me that there was blood... if I bled the first time, why did I bleed again? I had had sex with my boyfriend plenty of times and never bled with him.. i know I sound like a whore but I need to know... [all the 3 guys i have slept with were virgins so I know I dont have an STD or something] (link)
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There are many reasons as to why you may have experienced vaginal bleeding during intercourse.
The hymen (or "cherry" as some younger generations refer to it as) usually has a small hole in it as it is. A hymen is made of very thin tissue and it is fairly easy to tear or stretch. It's located at the entrance to the vagina so, actually, it isn't inside of the vagina. The hole is there to allow menstrual blood to escape the body and is usually too small to accommodate an entire penis to enter the vagina without stretching/tearing. Sometimes the hymen is so elastic that it can permit a penis to fit into it. It usually loses this elasticity with age. It is also possible that it was not completely torn from previous sexual experiences and you tore a bit more recently.
There is also the possibility that you were not lubricated well enough. Many women experience this problem if they do not take time to properly prepare for sexual intercourse, which is why foreplay is usually important for women. It's also possible that alcohol consumption altered your body's ability to produce ample lubrication.
Chlamydia and gonorrhea both are very easily (and commonly) transmitted and cause bleeding after/during sexual intercourse. It is possible that your past partners have not been completely truthful about their past sexual experiences and have picked up an STD/STI previously. Younger people tend to feel the need to lie about previous partners so please do not completely dismiss the possibililty.
Vaginal yeast infections and/or bacterial infections can cause bleeding after/during sex. In these cases, you honestly need to seek a health care provider so that you do not risk major damage to your reproductive areas. If you suspect you may be experiencing either (some syptoms include itching and burning, burning while urinating, cottage-cheese like discharge).
Here is a link that lists the most common reasons as to why women experience bleeding after intercourse, it may be very helpful for you to educate yourself on the possibilities for the future:
http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/menstruation/a/bleedaftersex.htm
I hope that you seek out a doctor to check your health just in case something may have gone wrong. It's honestly better to be careful than to pretend your symptoms didn't exist. Please don't blow off the bleeding as normal because it really isn't all that normal and I'm sure you're aware of it.
Please be pickier about your sexual partners. Sexual activity is a very big thing and if things get out of hand one experience can leave you with a load of mental and physical hang-ups for the rest of your life. Your health is always at risk when engaging in such activities.
If you feel that you are sounding whorish then maybe it's time for you to take a step back and realize how you have been degrading your body. People who feel whorish feel that way for a reason. I suspect you know you've been treating yourself lowly and know that have been degrading yourself. Please reconsider sexual activity for awhile until you've gotten some things figured out in your head. Nobody should have to look back years down the road and feel like they "sound[ed] like a whore" to anybody.
I hope I've helped you with finding out the cause of your bleeding. Please make a doctor's appointment to ensure you're in good health.
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sometimes i get a random bump like.. right at the tip of my vagina. what is it? (link)
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[EDIT TO ADD IN: I don't mind about the low rating at all so this isn't about it; however, I read through your previous questions and it seems that you had been sexually active at one point. Now, maybe you don't consider fingering and such sexual activity but you can definitely spread disease that way. I am truly sorry I upset you with trying to look for the best interest in your health. I hope that you have a healthy body and you don't shun away decent advice because you don't want to fess up to previous activities you engaged in that may have put you at risk for something serious. It really, truly is best to make a doctor's appointment. The bump is NOT normal, other women do NOT experience this, plain and simple. Please get yourself checked out.]
It can be a number of things, like it was said below. My first thought was a possible herpes outbreak, actually. It is possible to get a bump there from shaving; however, it is unlikely you get it on the actual "vaginal" part and in the same area all of the time.
First thing is to stop touching the sore. If it happens to be something contagious then there is no point in possibly spreading it around yourself or onto other people. Even if it's just a skin infection, by bursting the lump it may spread the infection to other areas and you may increase the severity of it. Wear loose clothing so you do cause anything to rub against it more than it needs to. You probably also want to keep the area clean and dry--try using a soap for sensative skin areas and wear a pantyliner to cut down on moisture.
Before and after coming in contact with the sore remember to wash your hands thoroughly. There is no reason you should risk putting more dirt into the wound. There also no reason you should risk spreading it around to the surrounding skin or other places on your body.
Secondly, if you have been sexually active in your past then it could be a number of things. You do not currently need to be sexually active to be having an outbreak of an STD. Also, some people do not experience symptoms of their STD/STI for weeks, months, or even years. One sexual contact automatically puts you at risk for a whole bunch of possibilities.
It is also possible to contract the herpes virus from contact with things other than penises. You can contract herpes from unwashed hands, mouths, and other areas of another's body that may have come in contact with your vaginal area. The person does not currently need to be experiencing an outbreak to be able to pass the virus along to another.
Two things really come to mind on the STD matter and those are one of the strains of HPV that cause genital warts (by the way, Gardasil only helps to prevent four kinds of HPV while there are hundreds of strains so you ARE at risk even if you had the series of shots), and the possibility of genital herpes. Here is a link that shows photos of genital warts and of genital herpes:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
You can take a mirror and try to examine the sores with that and see if they look similar to any of the sores in those photos. Many of the sores look different so you may have one or the other and not experience the same visual signs.
Thirdly, it happens to be in some cases that parents give their children genital herpes. If the mother has an outbreak during delivery then the baby may contract it from her. Many children are born with STDs and aren't even aware of it because they have lived with the symptoms their entire lives. There also have been cases in which parents have changed their baby's diaper without washing their hands first and transmitted the virus to their infant.
Anyway, I suggest you make an appointment with your gynecologist as soon as you can so that they can swab the area and test for some things. When you call for an appointment, let them know that you have a sore on your vaginal area that you feel should be checked out and, hopefully, they can make time for you very soon. Even if it is not an STD then they may still be able to prescribe something to get rid of these things you're having to deal with.
I hope things go well and you are healthy.
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ok so i'm a 17 year old female and i'm still a virgin. I've had like several opportunities but it just wasn't right timing. I think I'm finally ready to have sex and I want to lose my virginity to caleb. how in the world do you bring that kinda thing up in a conversation? like how do you ask someone if they want to have sex with you? i'm not a slut so don't think that. it's just the timing feels right.
one more thing more for the guys.... is it really all about sex with you guys? just wondering. like... if an opportunity presents itself do you just take it?
i wanna know how that works cause i definatly dont wanna be turned down..... (link)
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Oh, dear...it honestly seems as if you are giving into the peer pressure and media crap that you've been forcing to swallow down for years. I hope I am able to help you out!
Yes, I know it's your body and your decision. I am only making you aware of a few things that you may have slightly overlooked. I am simply concerned for your well-being.
Sex is a major thing though and you should be picky about what you do and who you do it with. You should not be in a hurry to lose your virginity. It's a very scary activity (you're naked and vulnerable in MANY ways during sex) and we're all pressured to do it in some way.
If you have sex and something goes wrong then you will be scarred for the rest of your life. If things get out of hand, pregnancy occurs, you're hurt in some way, or you contract a STD from the activity you cannot take it back. You will have to carry that onto each and every partner you have after then.
Married couples simply do not have the problems that other sexual partners do. Also, giving your virginity to your partner on wedding night shows a huge amount of love--to save yourself for that special day, for that special person. Married couples never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.
You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.
A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. Even if your best friend is a virgin too it doesn't mean he may not have something--babies can be born with STDs.
Along with the risk of sexually transmitted disease/infections is the risk of pregnancy. Having a child is a huge responsibility and NO "protection" is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy (or STDs, as a matter of fact). Having a child (or children in the case of twins) means being completely selfless. You have to support the child financially and emotionally. You have to tend to another human life every minute of yours.
For some shocking STD facts, check this out:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
Here is also a link of photos of various STDs. Most of the photos are of males but there are a few female photos in there. Some are very scary. Don't worry about many photos popping up when you click the link, they're behind other links so you can choose which ones you might want to check out:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
It's even tougher if you don't have a life-long partner to help share that huge responsibility. What's even scarier about that is that men and women today are just up and leaving their children with their partners to handle the responsibility all alone. This means people need to be pickier on who they reproduce with and stop sleeping with any thing that crosses their path even if they claim to love them. Making children isn't hard, it's raising them that gets complicated.
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child.
Here are some facts about how much a baby costs within the first year of life; you should really check it out just for future issues as the knowledge could come in very handy:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
The media feeds us a bunch of stupidity now. We're told that if we use condoms or the pill that we won't get pregnant or have STDs. The media tells us that we should be having sex with as many people as possible to become popular, famous, attractive, and overall liked. The media says that if we love someone that we should have sex and prove this love with that is not at all what we should be doing. We're told that we should give into our urges and that everything will be alright since we can throw away the consequences.
You should really sit down with the person you choose to engage in sex with and discuss this matter. Look up some photos online together of what STDs have done to people's bodies. Discuss financial responsibility and emotional support you would have to provide if there happens to be a life created from the activity. Think of the POSSIBILITIES and make sure that you're truly ready to handle everything that can come from having sex.
You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. Anyone can have sex. Lots of people have sex with each other every day and don't have the slightest bit of care for their sexual partner.
Here is a link about some things you should think about before engaging in sex. Even if you're dead set on losing your virginity, it's still really interesting to look at. The site really makes you think about things you overlooked before:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
Aside from that issue, the issue now arises with what you feel guys are truly like. Any self-respecting guy that was worth anything in this world would not just have sex with anything walking. I hate to say it but making yourself into a piece of meat does make you slutty. You are worth more than to offer yourself to be used and if the guy was actually a decent human being he wouldn't take such an offer.
Honestly you should think about the situation you're considering putting yourself in. Personally, I would never want to be intimate with someone who would take anything off the street. Good, decent guys are not all about sex, I promise.
You sound like you're going through a rough time right now with your self-acceptance. Know that you are worth more than sex. Your virginity should be cherished. Your body is not a toy and you shouldn't lend it out for other people's enjoyment. Please reconsider putting yourself into this position.
Trust me, one night of sex can really screw you over, especially when it entails losing your virginity. You set yourself up for so many mental and physical hang-ups it's ridiculous. Please protect yourself from going through heart-ache and future sexual issues.
I hope that I've helped you open your eyes to a couple of things and informed you of facts you may have overlooked.
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Hi ,
How can I be more woman like ?
How can I be more femenine ,I don't know how to behave when I am around someone I like.
Grew up with a bunch off guys ....
I don't want to look very shy but on the other hand I don't want to look innocent (I am ,I really don't know much about guys)
Help
Have a date soon !!
(link)
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I understand you have a date soon but I did find something that is very interesting online that you may want to look into purchasing for future dates. Apparently it's to help women learn how to be more feminine--here is the link:
http://www.rexanne.com/ladies-learn-femininity.html
As you can see by reading some of the links at the bottom, the program actually helps you to learn good posture and poise, voice and speech, etiquette, and even style. This really does seem like the best option for you if you plan to change your current self and simply become more lady-like.
Here is also some tips on how to become more feminine that I was able to find from wikihow:
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Feminine
I want to add in that you may need to alter your language. If you swear a lot then try your best to cut down and stop. Even words like "crap" aren't very lady-like so try to become more aware of how you speak and alter it if needed.
Be aware of how you dress. Wear nicely fitted clothes that cover you well but do not engulf you in fabric. You don't have to show skin--as a matter of fact, the more skin you show, the more you may look hookerish rather than womanly.
Make sure to bathe before the date, washing your hair and body thoroughly. Remember to apply deodorant and brush your teeth. A thought that many women tend to overlook is the way they smell. If you wear perfume out the make sure it goes well with your soap and deodorant. Also remember not to bathe yourself in the perfume as it can be rather overwhelming. (Also, do not over-apply make-up! The most natural look is honestly the best!)
In regards to other parts of the date: do not stuff your face with food, nobody is in a race at dinner or lunch time so try to avoid large bites as well. Avoid eating anything that could get messy and sticky if you're not use to being more "proper" with foods. Try your best to not slouch when you're sitting in a chair--press your back against it and press your feet against the floor.
Avoid folding/crossing your arms too--it gives off a vibe that tells the other person that you're very uninterested and unhappy, but try not to put your hands in your pockets too much either. Just practice keeping your arms by your sides (it feels a little awkward at first, but actually looks completely normal and you will get use to it).
Try your best not to bite your nails or do any other nasty habit you have mastered. If you find yourself in the middle of such a thing then simply avoid continuing it without making a scene and jerking away.
Practice smiling when not in discussion. People view others that are smiling as happy and interested in them. The more you practice smiling constantly, the more natural it will look. People who smile a lot seem warm and friendly so make sure you give off that impression.
Here is also a good link on how to improve your manners:
http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Good-Manners
Anyway, that's really all of the tips I'm able to give you at the moment. I hope all goes well on your date and alter yourself to your liking :)
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so last night i peed out some blood.
is this normal or what? whats wrong?
16/f
sexually active (link)
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No, it is not normal to pass blood when urinating. This usually is a sign of something going completely wrong in your body somewhere. You most definately need to make a doctor's appointment as soon as possible to get checked out. You need to be treated right away!
The correct name for blood in urine is actually called hematuria. Many things can cause this such as UTIs, bladder infections, kidney infections, kidney stones, and a couple of STDs/STIs (namely chlamydia and gonorrhea). Because of the risk of something sexually transmitted, you need to have a full STD/STI screening when making your doctor's appointment.
Chlamydia and gonorrhea can really hurt your body severely if left untreated. Sometimes there are little to no symptoms so please do not rule out these possibilities. If left untreated, serious illnesses such has pelvic inflammatory disease, complete infertility, and brain deterioration can develop.
Blood in the urine can be caused from an urinary tract infection or from a kidney infection. You will need to see a doctor if either one of these happens to be the case because you need an antibiotic.
Pain from a urinary tract infection is usually felt in the pelvic area and is accompanied with a burning sensation when you urinate. The blood is due to the fact that the infection has irritated the lining of the bladder and it bleeds into the urine.
Pain from a kidney infection is usually felt in the lower back on one or both sides of the spine below the ribcage. Bladder infections left untreated can develop into kidney infections.
You need to go to your doctor as this will not clear up on its own. Also drink plenty of fluids such as water and cranberry juice. Left untreated things can only get worse from here. I encourage you to seek medical attention as soon as possible.
I hope things go well at your doctor's visit and you are treated before anything gets worse.
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i was wondering if you can get pregnant if you have your period and have sex. (link)
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You can get pregnant at any part of your cycle actually. Yes, there is chance you could have been impregnated if you had sex while on your period, even at the start or end of it.
There is a common misconception that if you have sex while you are on your period that the blood coming out of you will push all of the sperm out. The thing is, the sperm are made to do everything they possibly can to reach the goal--your egg. They are designed to be able to "swim against the current" so that they can make it upward into your uterus and tubes.
Now, if the egg has already been expelled it sounds as if there wouldn't be a problem; however, there is always another one on it's way and the sperm will fertilize it in while it's still in the fallopian tubes if they can make it. Sperm can live in your body for days (5 - 7 in normal conditions, longer if excellent conditions).
So, yes, there is a chance that pregnancy could occur. There is ALWAYS a chance pregnancy could occur. You should always be using some sort of "protection" to lessen (they don't prevent) pregnancy and STD/STI risks.
On another note, you ovulate roughly midway through your cycle. So, if you have a normal 28-day cycle you ovulate 14 days into it. For three or four days there you are at your most fertile state. However, if your cycles are abnormal then it's doubtful you'll be able to figure out when you're ovulating; although your internal temperature and discharge would tell you a lot (you expel more sticky discharge for these days).
To make it a little more clear, you are pretty much equally as fertile throughout your entire cycle, only when you ovulate you are a little more fertile than usual. There isn't a time when you are not fertile or less fertile than usual.
Anyway, back to discharges:
1. Before ovulation- There will be a small amount of (mostly) clear discharge.
2. Closer to ovulation- Discharge is wet and sticky. It is usually white/lightly cream colored. There is usually some mucus but it isn't as stretchy as it will be during ovulation.
3. At ovulation (roughly midway from your last period)- There will be a noticeably larger amount of discharge lasting a few days. It resembles stretchy egg whites. You are most fertile here (high risk pregnancy) and sperm entering your vagina will be able to survive slightly longer than other times.
4. After ovulation- Discharge is sticky but not as stretchy. Mostly clear, dwindling back to the "before ovulation" stage.
Many things can change the discharge you experience so it's best to not try to figure it out that way, to be honest. If your periods are irregular, you take hormonal birth control, have been taking an antibiotic, have been under a lot of stress lately, and many other things can all cause your discharge to change.
Anyway, a woman can get pregnant at any point in her cycle. It is always best to practice safe sex to reduce these chances if you are going to engage in such activities. It may also be a good idea to get yourself completely informed before participating in sex ;)
Here is a link about pregnancy costs to know about:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
Here is a link that has some really freaky STD facts:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
Here is a link to photos of STDs you should research:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
And here is just something simply for you to read and think about. I read it and thought it was pretty neat and gave some good points:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
You would probably need to wait until your next period is due before a pregnancy test can show up correctly; however, you can also make an appointment at your doctor's office to get a pregnancy test done and it should show accurately even before your period is due.
Better to be informed and knowledgeable of something in case something goes wrong--you won't be caught off-guard then! Take some time to get yourself informed before jumping into things.
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Heres the deal,
my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 months now. Shes 20 and treats me wonderful but there is one problem, she never trusts anyone im with and is really sensitive. She says she trusts me but not them, but I feel thats equivalent to not trusting me. She always needs reassurance! How much do you need for being an adult? Also she always asks if im breaking up with her, and it drives me to the point where im about to say yes. Shes on prozac for her emotions but I dont think it always works. Don't get me wrong, I love her, and I know she loves me, but I constantly tell her she needs to stop and we have in depth conversations about it. I feel like ive gotten no where. I need help :( (link)
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It sounds as if your girlfriend has some inner issues she needs to deal with. There are many possibilities as to why she is reacting the way she does; some of the possibilities are:
1. She's been hurt in her past and she feels it will always happen this way. Many people develop bad hang-ups from past relationship issues.
2. Someone she was very close to was hurt by their partner (ex: Father left mother) and she fears it will happen to her too. She may not even be aware of her own fear if this is the case.
3. You have been unfaithful and she is aware of it (not necessarily to her either; if you had a previous relationship and you were unfaithful and she found out it could be something she is dwelling on).
4. She has such a poor self-image of herself that she fabricates reasons as to why you will leave her. This also probably comes from past experiences and you will have to gather a lot of information to understand and help this issue.
Communication is key really. Open the lines and sit down with her to discuss what is going on in her head. Agree that she will discuss any little negative thought that comes into her head as soon as it pops in there. The sooner you know about the feelings, the sooner you can reassure her. The more time she dwells on the thought, the more severe it's going to become.
After you get an idea of what has happened and why she thinks the way she does, you can work on improving that. I'd probably start off by reassuring her that you are different from the other people that have acted badly in her past. She really needs to be aware that you are not them and this whole ordeal is offending you.
She needs to realize that you love her, and that people who love you do not hurt you. Be prepared for tears and screaming if you two get into some deep past of her that is overwhelming. Encourage her to detail everything so you can understand the way she thinks.
You may need to alter your behavior if it's extreme. If she honestly feels like you're spending more time with another person then you should talk to her and consider cutting down the time with the other person (not cutting the person completely out though). Adjust yourself to altering some things but let her know that there is nothing to worry about. Never completely discontinue something that truly is not bad as she needs to realize that you ARE trustworthy.
Let her know how all of this makes you feel too. She needs to know that her behavior is destructive to your relationship. You may even want to include the part about feeling like breaking up sometimes because of strain on the relationship. Let her know that you really need her to put a conscience effort into changing her habits and communicating about her thoughts more to you. She needs to know that you NEED her to improve because you love her.
Anyway, like I said, before anything can be solved you will need to sit down and communicate about this a lot. This will be a long process, most likely. She sounds like she has a lot of issues that she is needing to work out.
I hope all goes well with you and your girlfriend. Remember to communicate as much as possible about every thing that comes into your heads.
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is it more likely to get pregnant if you start your period while having sex? and your not using a condom?
or is it just like any other time? (link)
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You can get pregnant at any part of your cycle actually. Yes, there is chance you could have been impregnated if you had sex while on your period, even at the start or end of it.
There is a common misconception that if you have sex while you are on your period that the blood coming out of you will push all of the sperm out. The thing is, the sperm are made to do everything they possibly can to reach the goal--your egg. They are designed to be able to "swim against the current" so that they can make it upward into your uterus and tubes.
Now, if the egg has already been expelled it sounds as if there wouldn't be a problem; however, there is always another one on it's way and the sperm will fertilize it in while it's still in the fallopian tubes if they can make it. Sperm can live in your body for days (5 - 7 in normal conditions, longer if excellent conditions).
So, yes, there is a chance that pregnancy could occur. There is ALWAYS a chance pregnancy could occur. You should always be using some sort of "protection" to lessen (they don't prevent) pregnancy and STD/STI risks.
On another note, you ovulate roughly midway through your cycle. So, if you have a normal 28-day cycle you ovulate 14 days into it. For three or four days there you are at your most fertile state. However, if your cycles are abnormal then it's doubtful you'll be able to figure out when you're ovulating; although your internal temperature and discharge would tell you a lot (you expel more sticky discharge for these days).
To make it a little more clear, you are pretty much equally as fertile throughout your entire cycle, only when you ovulate you are a little more fertile than usual. There isn't a time when you are not fertile or less fertile than usual.
Anyway, back to discharges:
1. Before ovulation- There will be a small amount of (mostly) clear discharge.
2. Closer to ovulation- Discharge is wet and sticky. It is usually white/lightly cream colored. There is usually some mucus but it isn't as stretchy as it will be during ovulation.
3. At ovulation (roughly midway from your last period)- There will be a noticeably larger amount of discharge lasting a few days. It resembles stretchy egg whites. You are most fertile here (high risk pregnancy) and sperm entering your vagina will be able to survive slightly longer than other times.
4. After ovulation- Discharge is sticky but not as stretchy. Mostly clear, dwindling back to the "before ovulation" stage.
Many things can change the discharge you experience so it's best to not try to figure it out that way, to be honest. If your periods are irregular, you take hormonal birth control, have been taking an antibiotic, have been under a lot of stress lately, and many other things can all cause your discharge to change.
Anyway, a woman can get pregnant at any point in her cycle. It is always best to practice safe sex to reduce these chances if you are going to engage in such activities. It may also be a good idea to get yourself completely informed before participating in sex ;)
Here is a link about pregnancy costs to know about:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
Here is a link that has some really freaky STD facts:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
Here is a link to photos of STDs you should research:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
And here is just something simply for you to read and think about. I read it and thought it was pretty neat and gave some good points:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
You will probably need to wait until your next period is due before a pregnancy test can show up correctly; however, you can also make an appointment at your doctor's office to get a pregnancy test done and it should show accurately even before your period is due.
Better to be informed and knowledgeable of something in case something goes wrong--you won't be caught off-guard then! Take some time to get yourself informed before jumping into things.
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Well, me and my boyfriend had sex like 3 or 4 days ago and he told me he got off in me, twice, 'cuz we had sex twice that day and that he got off in me both times. well, he said that he's had sex before with like 3 girls and he's got off in them and they didn't get pregnant. He says that he thinks he may not be fertile, but I'm just scared that there may be this chance that I could be pregnant. If I am, my parents would absolutely kill me. What are some of the syptoms that you get right after you get pregnant..like food cravings?.. things like that? is there a big chance that I could be pregnant. answers asap will be appreciated very much!!! (link)
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First off, you and your boyfriend need to sit down and research some things about sex before engaging in any more of these activities. You have put yourself in a situation that you may not be able to handle and I am truly very concerned for your well-being. Please sit down with your boyfriend and look through some of the things I link below and discuss what I add in this response.
It is always better to be well-informed so that if anything negative arises from a sexual encounter, you are able to deal with it. I'm truly very, very concerned that you've put yourself into this situation.
First off, there is no way to tell if your boyfriend is fertile or not unless he has gone to a doctor and has given them a semen sample to test. Believe it or not, many women become pregnant and do not realize it because they have a miscarriage due to stress or hormonal birth control--they just think they have a slightly heavier than usual period. This being said, your boyfriend could have impregnated each of his previous partner and neither party had any idea of it.
Even if your boyfriend has gone to the clinics and had semen samples tested (in which they pretty much count how many sperm has been ejaculated), there is still a possibility that he can impregnate a woman. I know two men who were told by doctors that they would never become fathers; however, both are now fathers--one of them even got a woman pregnant the FIRST TIME they had sexual intercourse.
If your partner is indeed infertile then he needs to be seen by a doctor because it usually indicates an underlying health problem. Sometimes it can be as simple as a birth-defect, sometimes it can be from a STD/STI that has gone untreated for a prolonged period of time. If it's an old STD/STI that has reeked havoc in his body then be aware that you also need to be tested for it as it is highly likely that you have probably contracted it.
Repeated Chlamydia or gonorrhea infections are most often associated with male infertility. Such infections can cause scarring and block sperm passage. Human papillomaviruses (HPV), the strain specifically causing genital warts, may also impair sperm function.
Each and every time you have sexual contact, you are risking so many things of your body. Engaging in sex means always taking the risk of becoming pregnant since no contraceptive is 100% effective. You should always be using some sort of "protection" to lower the risk of pregnancy.
Right now there is a high risk that you are pregnant. Sperm usually live in the average female body between 5 and 7 days. From the time of ejaculation until all of the sperm die inside of you, you are a risk of becoming pregnant.
It takes only one single sperm to fertilize your one egg. They are designed to do everything possible to ensure reproduction. Your body also does just about everything it can do to make sure the sperm can successfully fulfill their duty. Because of this, you are fertile every day of your cycle, including the days you are on your period. The only time you are more fertile than usual is when you are ovulating (when the egg has been released from the ovary and begins traveling down the fallopian tubes).
Then there is always the risk of pregnancy. No matter what birth control method you use (even if you use two) it isn't going to be 100% effective on preventing pregnancy and STD/STI transmission. A baby takes a lot from a woman's body during pregnancy and if your body isn't mature enough to handle it, it can really be rough. In addition, if you don't have good support from your partner then you're left holding all of the bags. You'll have to figure out what to do with the baby, decide if you can raise it and how, and give up any future goals you have so that you can focus on the child. A baby takes 100% of your time, energy, money, and emotional support 100% of the time.
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child.
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
Here are some serious facts you want to consider on pregnancy:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you completely infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.
A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. This means that many mothers pass on things to their unborn babies. I'm sure none of us would like to find out 20 years from now that we had contracted HIV/AIDs and that our baby has it too now because we passed it along.
Here are some amazingly scary facts about STDs currently that you've be really surprised at:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
..and here's some photos of SOME STDs (graphic photos of mostly males, you have to click on links to choose which ones you want to see though so if you click here it isn't going to pop up a bunch of photos). It's important that you check these photos out so that you know what STDs can do to a person's body, just in case you experience problems in this area:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
I know what it all comes down to is that it's your life, your body, your decision, and possibly even your mistake. I am really concerned for your well-being though. It is best to keep yourself informed and well-educated. Please sit down with your partner and discuss the possible outcomes of your sexual activities together. You may also find it helpful to view the above sites with him so that you're sure he is just as informed as you are.
Now, you may want to drop by your local store (Wal-mart, various pharmacy, etc.) and pick up a pregnancy test. It is really too early for the tests to show up accurately but you can have them around if your period is late. If you're truly concerned (since these sort of tests can show a false negative anyway--and no, there is no false positive) you may want to make an appointment for a pregnancy test in your local clinic.
I hope you become better informed of your body and what you've been doing with your boyfriend lately.
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hi well this is about me & my boyfriend.. we both have trust issues..but weve been dating 7 months so we trust each other with everything..but im very paranoid bout him going thru my phone..bc, well my parents split up & now my mom & i are dirt poor, & i cant afford my phone. so, im REALLLY not proud of this, but i send this guy..pictures..& he pays my bills. so he text me last night saying "hey sunshine" & my bf saw it..& he kept asking who that text was from & i was drunk so i said idk then i deleted it. & then he saw i deleted it..& now he says he doesnt trust me anymore bc of me not telling him (he doesnt know about the pics..) & i feel so hurt bc he doesnt trust me anymore (but i would feel the same if the roles were reversed) but i dont have any money and i dont consider it cheating bc idk this person, theyre on another coast, & i have NO feelings for him. but it kills me inside whenever i do it & i want to regain my bfs trust but i just dont know what to do..about any of it..please help?? (link)
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There are so many things to be said with this question, I fear I won't touch all of them.
I'd like to also point out the prostitution aspect of all of this. Now, if we take the word "pornography" and we input that into an online dictionary, this is what we get:
"The explicit depiction of sexual subject matter, especially with the sole intention of sexually exciting the viewer."
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/pornography
...and now we take that into consideration when entering the word "prostitution" into the same dictionary:
"Engaging in sexual activity with another person in exchange for compensation, such as money or other valuable goods."
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/prostitution#English
...we get a very surprising outcome. It seems to me that you are taking pornographic photos for this man that will cause him to feel sexual desires toward you in exchange for his financial ability to pay for your phone bill. This sounds much like a form of prostitution to me.
Taking sexual photos of yourself so a man can get his jollies and will pay your bills counts as sexual activity for me. It also sounds as if you may have talked suggestively to this man--which is way, way wrong and I'm sure you're well aware of it. It is not right to even allow a strange man to refer to you in such intimate terms (yes, "sunshine" is implying that you are closer than just friends).
You claim that you have no feelings for the man that is currently paying your phone bill.
Prostitutes rarely have feelings for their customers, who pay their bills as well.
You claim that he is on the other side of the country and this alone proves that nothing of the sort was going to go any further.
Prostitutes regularly service customers from other sides of large cities that they never travel to--not counting customers that come by when they are visiting the area.
Having feelings for the man or not, you should have feelings for your boyfriend. Your boyfriend has every right to be upset and you should definately understand his lack of trust in you now. It shouldn't have been any surprise to you that you were breaking trust when engaging in such activities with this bill-paying man.
Next, if you're so very ashamed at your current financial situation and you absolutely must have a cell-phone then why haven't you picked up a job? Even a part-time job should be able to pay for your cell phone bill and doesn't require you to degrade yourself.
Save your money. Cut down on regular purchases of make-up, clothes, and luxury foods. I'm also sure that if you and your boyfriend go on dates then there is money involved somewhere. Cut down on date expenses and save the money for the cell phone. If you talk with your partner about it, he may be willing to chip in and help (that is, if he actually keeps you around after this stunt you've pulled).
While looking for an actual job--do odd jobs around the neighborhood for some extra cash. Mow lawns, walk dogs, babysit, elderly-sit, or maybe even sell crafts. I'm sure if you have time to chat up a guy and send him photos of yourself so he pays your bills then you have some extra time left when you cut him out of your life.
Cut down on your cell-phone usage! Instead of chatting for an hour, cut things down to half-an-hour if possible. Let the person know that you are talking with that you're unable to stay long--it's understandable in these busy times. Don't make calls unless you absolutely need to. Maybe switch over to a cheaper plan if available. If at all possible, use a land-line when available.
In regards to what is considered cheating or not, you have not been a faithful partner to your boyfriend. You can completely demolished what trust your boyfriend had put into you. You have shared an intimate side of you to a strange man for money to pay a bill. In defining "cheating" this is what we get:
"An act of deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition."
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cheating
...and to "cheat" means...
"To violate rules in order to gain advantage from a situation."
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cheat
...in conclusion, you have cheated on your boyfriend very much. You have tricked him into believing you would remain faithful and that you would not allow just anyone access to your body (even just seeing it nude). You violated relationship rules on this to gain something--your cell-phone bill being paid. You posed as a good girlfriend who truly cared about her boyfriend his emotions when in reality you only truly cared about getting your own wants.
Come clean with your boyfriend. He deserves to know your dirty secret. Be honest and tell him the truth of the matter. Don't bother sparing any details either--he needs to know it all. You might as well tell him everything you can and hope that he can forgive you for this enormous betrayal. Communication is key in all relationships and you had clearly decided that your partner was not worth communicating with. You will be extremely lucky if he remains with you.
Believe it or not, you not only hurt yourself and your relationship but you've done a lot of damage to your boyfriend. He will now have to carry the burden of having an unfaithful partner. He may have his self-esteem damaged from your actions--that he was not good enough to come to when you were in need. You cannot do much more damage to the guy if you tried.
You really need to stop what you're doing and re-evaluate your situation. Ask yourself some important questions:
1. Would it really kill me to get a job?
2. Would it really hurt to go without cell-phone service for a little while (a month) while I found a job to support such habits?
3. Was trading my body and betraying my boyfriend for meaningless, material items worth it?
4. Am I so selfish of my own desires that I have no problem hurting the people who are dearest to me?
5. Does a cell-phone really mean more to me than others' emotions/feelings?
6. How can I turn my life around and make this situation into a learning experience?
Stop degrading yourself. You are worth more than this. Chances are, the man will end up posting your photos on the internet or showing his buddies that live by him. Internet photos alone can break a career in acting, modeling, government positions, etc. You have placed yourself into one of the lowest spots you could have and it's time to pull yourself back out. A few cell phone calls do not equal up to how much your body is worth.
Cut off contact with the man. Let him know that you do not want him to pay your bills any longer (you are completely able to do this yourself) and that that you find it unacceptable to continue communicating with him. You then need to block his address and forget about him while you work on your relationship with your boyfriend. If the man tries to pay the bill again, do NOT allow it! It is extremely wrong to accept the money--send it back to him if you have to, call your provider and tell them not to accept money from his account any longer, do whatever you have to do to take responsibility for your own material items.
I hope that you realize what you've done is very serious and you are able to overcome what has trailed along behind it.
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I've just realized something. I think I have something against Hispanic guys. All the relationships that I have been in with Hispanic guys I found the guy to be too clingy, no mind of his own, and ALL of them have kissed me on the first date, extremely sensitive and take offense easily thinking everything is "their" fault.
The Hispanic guys I'm talking about are the ones who were raised by parents who bring the culture into their household (whichever it may be: Mexican, Brazilian, El Salvadorian, etc).
An important thing to note is that I have nothing against Hispanic girls (I have many girl friends who are of that nationality)
I just can't stand Hispanic guys as boyfriend material.
Am I racist? Should I be worried?
PS. I really truly honestly don't mean to offend anyone. (link)
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I don't think you're racist at all. You are simply making observations about a race from your personal experiences and applying them to your lifestyle. If the characteristics don't fit with you then it's perfectly acceptable to steer away from the sort of people who may contain these sorts of things.
I think a lot of stereotypes are actually quite right. There have been multiple studies done that show that a person tends to believe his/her own racial stereotypes. I feel this proves most of the stereotypes to be true--especially when the race itself believes them to be.
It is also a fact that people tend to be attracted to one specific race more than others. This usually is from the person's upbringing--who they have been around and what they have gathered from interacting with various types of people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.
It's a fact that black communities have a notably higher crime rate than that of other communities. This being said, a person living in such communities may observe blacks being aggressive, cruel, and hate-filled toward others. The person may then apply this to other situations because the majority of blacks they have encountered have had these negative aspects. This may enforce a physical attraction to another race and may make them feel less attracted to the African-descendant race. This does not make the person racist, as it is completely natural. It simply shows that the person is trying to seek out the best mate possible for their personality and such.
Take something else into consideration other than race for a moment. Say you have met and interacted with fifteen convicts. You notice that they are all not very truthful, less-hygienic than average, and physically aggressive towards others. This may make you feel less attracted to people you find that have spent time in jail. You may also apply this to dating situations and inquire if a person has been imprisoned in the past so that you feel you can get an idea of what sort of personality they have. It doesn't mean that you hate these sorts of people, it simply means that you are looking out for the well-being of yourself and possible future children.
People gather information all of the time about others. It is natural to gather information based on physical aspects. It is natural for all humans to make theses sorts of observations to find what sort of mate will make the best offspring. This is really true for lots of things like race, weight, height, body-build, etc. It is completely natural to seek out a mate without negative aspects.
I hope I've helped you clear things up in your own head and can understand why it is okay to feel the way you do.
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is it wrong to touch a guy's pants in that "area" [not like a handjob because there were clothes on] after knowing him for a few weeks? i kissed him a few weeks ago and then this happened yesterday.
honestly do you think its slutty? and if it is how can i kind of put the sexual stuff on hold an just focus on getting to know him better?
thanx (link)
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I think you know if it's slutty or not and you really need to reach inside of yourself to discover this.
Obviously, it feels very wrong to be doing this or you wouldn't have been concerned about being perceived as a slut. From here, you should take the time to decide if you want to do the right thing and discontinue this activity or if you want to disregard your gut feelings and pretend it is acceptable behavior.
It is a fact that when people feel slutty/dirty/whorish they reach out to people they feel will accept their actions and tell them that they are not doing anything wrong. The fact that you are questioning this tells a lot and I hope you do understand that. I also want to note that just because someone here claims it is not slutty behavior does not make it alright--YOU know what is really going on. To put it simply, your conscience is screaming at you.
I also want to note that you include the phrase "getting to know him better" which implies that you obviously are aware of your lack of personal communication between said boy and yourself. Yes, you always should just simply focus on getting to know a prospective mate before engaging in sexual interaction. You obviously have been jumping into some things you are not well-prepared for and your conscience knows it.
When you interact sexually with a person without getting to know them at all then it does put a stigma on you. The person will perceive you as sexual and empty. They see that you will make them feel good physically but have nothing else to really offer them. Most, if not all, of these sort of relationships burn out quickly.
You may need to clearly express this problem to your partner. Let him know that you know it is wrong that you have been touching his genital area and are going to discontinue so that you two can work on the emotional and mental parts of the relationship before the physical part. If your partner disagrees, pressures you to continue sexual contact, or simply gets upset then be aware that he is only in the relationship you two share for sexual gratification.
So, yes, it is slutty behavior. Yes, you should work on getting to know the guy better. Yes, you should start listening to your conscience and following what you KNOW is right and not what the media and your peers try to feed you. Yes, if you are questioning your actions then they are, most likely, very wrong and you should discontinue them.
I hope you do what is clearly appropriate for you and take steps to work on yourself and the right parts of your relationship with your partner.
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I have just found out that my father is cheating on my mother.
This isn't the first time.
My mom came very close to catching him but things were okay after some time and now its happening again.
I was going to use the phone,and when I turned it on,I heard my dad saying the groses thing[if you know what I mean]
I can't believe it!!
My moms been wanting to have another baby for like 5years and now my dads cheating.
I can't stop shaking.
After what happened the last time I know I CANNOT tell my mom.
But what do I do,I can't let this go.
See,when I was a few days old as a baby the women who gave birth to me abandoned my and my dad.When I was 3 my dad married my mom[step mom]and she's been there for me as a mother ever since.
If she found out she'd probrably take my little sister[shes 6yers old]and leave.Then I once again won't have a mother anymore.And I can't let that happen.
So what do I do? (link)
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I know you really don't want to hear this (as you've said it isn't an option of yours) but the right thing is to tell your mother as soon as possible.
It is important that your mother knows because, most likely, your father is not going to tell her. Many people will claim that they will tell their partner about their infidelity as soon as they figure out the words but do not go through with it. Talking to your father is not your job in this situation--this is your parents' issues. Your only job now is to let your mother know that you've encountered a problem.
Your mother needs to know as soon as possible everything that you overheard on the phone and how it came to be overheard. Be as detailed as possible as to what you heard and what exactly you were doing. She may need some comforting and some courage so help her figure out how to approach your father if needed. If you're truly in fear of her abandoning you, then you need to express these concerns to her very clearly.
You definately need to realize that it is not your duty to work your parents' marital problems out. It isn't your place to hide things from either parent but it is not your place to confront a parent about their issues. You can, however, allow them to be made aware of a problem--which is what you need to do with your mother. Your parents will have to discuss it and work on matters some more.
You also need to realize that them having a child will not help this situation at all. They need more communication to help figure out why your father is doing this to your mother and the family and how to have him discontinue. It is unlikely that your mother is going to suddenly abandon you without trying to communicate with your father about the situation; although, it is likely that she may take some time away to figure out a plan of action with these issues.
Nobody likes to be lied to and nobody likes to have things hidden from this. This will really tear your family apart the longer it goes on. Your mother needs to know soon so she can begin working with your father about this issue. Many couples seek counseling to help open the communication lines when things like this come about so you may want to throw that out there when you express your concerns to your mother.
I am sure you love your mother and are grateful that she is in your life. This is a time in which you need to be as helpful as possible and tell her about what you've uncovered. Express your concerns to her, tell her your opinions, and help her figure out a good plan of action.
I hope all goes well with your family and things get settled in the right manner.
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