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Wow.
Okay. My Aunt (she's 46, drinks, smokes, single-mom) is putting my 16 year old cousin on Accutane. She claims my cousin has severe acne, but I promise you, she's not even close. She has about one blemish a month. & I've tried telling my aunt how dangerous Accutane is & everything (if you don't know what I mean by dangerous: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location).), but she won't listen. The problem is, my cousin can't tell her she doesn't want it, because my aunt is usually drunk by the time she gets home from school & my cousin doesn't want to deal with her like that + my aunt would have one of her little 'fits'. I don't know what to do. All I know is that Accutane's dangerous, my cousin does NOT need it, my cousin won't stand up for herself, & my aunt won't listen to what me or my mom tell her. Any suggestions on what to do?
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I understand that you are simply looking out for the health of you cousin. This is a very nice and thoughtful thing to do and I'm very happy to see that you are caring about others.
Something you need to realize is that some people will do what they want to do regardless of information you may provide them with. A lot of people have it set in their minds that if something is being used and the government allows it then it is completely safe. This may also be a matter of the mother feeling that she is the only one that truly knows best for her daughter.
It might be helpful for you to direct your aunt to some informative sites about the dangers of accutane. It may also be helpful to present print outs for her to read at the tips of her fingers. If she drinks a lot and is unable to focus clearly then you may want to suggest pointing out some parts to her that show how dangers the product is.
When someone discusses such a thing with another person they need to relate and not come off as a know-it-all. It is easy for people to become intimidated by others when someone presents them with information they should have known but weren't aware of. In talking with your aunt, try your best not to be forceful with her disuse of the product. Watch your wording and simply suggest that she not use the product because you are concerned for the health of your cousin.
It also may be a good point to talk with your cousin about the product. If her mother is not knowledgeable of the dangers then she is, most likely, not informed either. You may be able to reach the daughter if you come at her in the caring manner (and non-aggressive way) I suggest above. Provide her some information and let her know that her mother mentioned the use of the product and you became concerned. It probably isn't wise to suggest she does not need treatment for her acne because it is already in her head that she does. Simply try to HELP in this case but not prevent what her goal is.
It may also be helpful to provide them both with information on alternative methods. You may suggest they look into alternative methods before making a dead-set decision on what method they will choose to try out first. You may want to note the acne situation by saying, "She does have some light acne but I'm not sure if it's severe enough to need such harsh chemicals."
If your cousin does not want to use the product after discussing with her and providing the information, then empower her to be truthful with her mother about it. You may need to help her rehearse some things or may need to give her tips on how to confront her mother about the situation. Be very supportive and positive about her expressing her desires to her mother. Again, aggression is not the way to go so encourage her to have a normal discussion with her mother about it and not something that may be perceived as teenage rebellion.
In the end, you need to research for them and bring the information forward because they probably aren't aware that any other acne treatment is actually effective. Try to find some things that other people wrote claiming that a treatment was helpful for them. If possible, find before and after photos.
In the end, she may not listen but know that you took the time to show care to another human being. By providing all necessary information and communicating as much as you are able to then you have been a help. Even if they choose to go with accutane, you did bring it to their attention that there were other ways to deal with the issue.
I hope I've helped you out in figuring out how to bring this matter to your aunt's attention.
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