Gender:
FemaleLocation:
KansasOccupation:
House wife, Mother, Local LoonAge:
35Member Since:
July 15, 2006Answers:
3333Last Update:
March 11, 2013Visitors:
123504Favorite Columnists
karenR
DangerNerd
Razhie
isis
theymos
Alin75
hitler_the_goat
ChevyIINova
MikeCFT
Elcee
AKSherma
more...
about
I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.I'm one of the very blessed.
I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.
Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.
Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.
I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.
advice
hi, you answered my question before about going into a relationship with someone with depression.
i like this guy so much it hurts me that he doesnt want to go into a relationship because of his depression. as some one with depression - how do you think i should approach it? any tips for me? - things i should be weary of? anything will help :)
Well, you don't approach it at all. He said he doesn't want to go into a relationship with you, and you should respect that.
18/f
My family is in a tough situation.
My mom has been drinking since I was in 8th grade. It was never this bad though. Before, she would always drink and get drunk but it'd only last a few weeks until my dad made her throw it out.
Then eventually she'll start hiding it.
But now, she is drunk all day and all night for about 5 months. I left for college in another state though.
As of right now, she's been living with this other man, cheating on my dad. She's there because that guy will give her all the alcohol she wants. My dad is mad of course, but they've been married for 20 years and he loves her and cares about her and wants to help her. She's a really good lady but it's the drinking that screwed her up.
Whenever she's here, she lies all the time and just picks fights with my dad. She is still living in the past, bringing up things that happened along time ago but is no longer a problem.
Even my aunt came over and my mom was bringing up things when they were kids that bothered her.
So there are many things she has been holding onto.
My younger brother, he's 16, he's in juvi right now for running away, stealing a car, drunk driving, hit and run. She blames him for her drinking. But when things were ok with him, she was still doing it.
So obviously, if she wanted to get help, she would but she doesn't want it. She told us she knows she has a problem but she can fix it herself.
She was looking up videos to stop but she said she doesn't have enough will power.
I'm not going back to college this semester so that I can stay with my dad.
He's planning on moving so that my mom can get away from this guy because right now, that's the only way she can drink and so my brother can get away from the drugs and his friends here. But right now, we're looking to help her.
We've tried an intervention type thing but that didn't work. Some other family members have talked to her too.
She won't go to rehab and she used to go to some AA meetings but that didn't work.
I know she has to want it but there has to be something else we can do.
I can't just be patient because it's been going on for too long. She needs help or she can die.
Someone told me about hypnosis. That would cost about 1,200 if it works. We would just have to convince her to go.
My dad found some CDs online and saw good reviews.
The thing is, she needs real help and me and my dad don't know what can work.
If you know anyone who has been like this and know what helped them please let me know.
I know other people who were alcoholics but they were never this bad. No one I know has ever been in a situation like this.
Thanks for the help!
Hey, I know you are worried about your mom, and I know you are worried about the situation between her and your dad.
But listen:
You can't do ANYTHING for her. Sorry. She has to do for herself. She has to admit to herself that she doesn't have the willpower to quit, and she needs to enter rehab.
Nothing you mentioned wanting to do for her will work for her, because she has to want those things for herself. You can't want it for her. It doesn't work that way.
WHY OH WHY are you NOT GOING TO SCHOOL??
Your dad is a big boy, and can take care of himself. You can't let your mother's alcoholism cause you to put off bettering your life and preparing for your future, and you certainly can't be a saving grace for their marriage. To be quite honest, their marital problems are their problems and their business. Your dad needs to work through that on his own. I'm shocked that he would even think to agree to you putting off school to stay with him. I'm not saying he's a bad guy or anything, but perhaps his emotions from the marital problems have got him not putting priorities where they should lie.
GO TO SCHOOL.
im 17 female almost 18
and im head over heels for this guy, david. him and me just work so well he is like my bestie who i can kiss and be a absolute moron with and he thinks it cute. we have been unofficially dating for over 6 months. i want to date him but he has really bad depression.. so we have been taking it slow. im now doubting if its a good idea to go into a relationship purely cause he still isnt sure its a good idea.. but i dont want to lose him and i couldnt just be friends with him.
ideas?
If you're doubting it's a good idea, then it most likely isn't. Like Karen said, getting involved with someone with depression can be... tricky. If he's on an emotional roller coaster, are you sure you want to hop on that ride with him?
I agree. It would probably be a much healthier and longer lasting relationship if you kept it on a friendly level rather than dating.
ESPECIALLY if he is like a bestie.
sooo i was datin this guy for a year , we broke up , now im heart broken and dont know how to move on ! i feel like guys dont want to talk to me because i was with this guy for a long time, i would shut down anyone who would try talk to me . and now idont know how to get back in the gaaame! what should i do ?
Well, a year is a long time to be with one person. It takes time to get over a relationship. If you don't know how to get back in the game, then perhaps you aren't quite ready?
Guys don't care if you were in a long relationship previously. If they're not talking to you, it could be because you're shutting them down when they try, like you said?
i did sex with my girlfriend but didnt cum inside her. i ejaculated my sperm outside. she missed one of his periods ...kindly let me know is she pregnant and if yes how can we opt for abortion. her last day of menstrual was 23.11.12
She needs to take a pregnancy test.
Planned Parenthood is a place to go for information about getting an abortion.
I have a pretty good idea of when it started... but, it's not that important. The problem is that it has gotten TOO out of control. I am a 22 year old female. My parents are divorced and I am my mother's only child. My dad has two other kids. My parents have been divorced since I was like 2 years old, so I never remember a life of having both of my parents. At the same time, I've always had two parents. My dad has always been there for me and loves me. He's made sure that I have never been missing anything in my life. So, whatever happened between him and my mom is separate. Yes, I live with my mom and I guess she was always the "main" parent... but, my dad hasn't exactly been this irresponsible absent person. He's always been there for me.
That being said, since I grew up an only child, I was very close to my two cousins. One is like 5 years older and the other one was only a year younger. The one that's 5 years older is 27 and has never had his first kiss, first date, or ever even had a girlfriend. He was kind of like a nerd. We thought that was the only reason why. Like... maybe he just wasn't into girls at the time. I mean... it's ok. But, now, he's in medical school, and he's not like ugly or anything. So, I highly suspect that he is gay. If he is... fine, I don't care. But, hiding it is making everybody miserable because he's really, really rude. My other couin passed away last year and he was my best friend. My two cousins would go out with my mom and the older one and her would always be whispering and laughing. When my cousin got sick, and I would go to dinner with just my mom and the older one, they would always be whispering and leaving me out of the conversation. My mom would say that she didn't want to sit next to me... that she wanted to sit next to him. A couple of years ago, the day before my birthday, the 3 of us went to dinner. They laughed and whispered the whole time and then sent out a cake for him to blow the candles celebrating his birthday, even though it is a month after mine... and mine was the next day. I really don't care about the whole birthday thing because it's stupid. It's just the principle of the situation.
I feel like Cinderella when it comes to them. Their always rude and mean. They were only ok when my younger cousin was there. He always defended me and told me that I didn't deserve that kind of treatment. Although we were very different people... liked different music, different styles, different interests, he was like my brother. I loved him and he loved me unconditionally. Like family is suppose to. Even if we argued, it was about stupid stuff, just like siblings. Not going behind anyones back and gossipping and making me feel like I'm in a mean girls high school. My mom is only that way when she is around him. Maybe people have different ways of coping and I don't really understand it. So, I don't mean to be judgemental. But, I just feel that it's strange that my older cousin didn't cry even once about the death of his brother. He wrote a comedy memorial speech for the funeral. He has never cried even one day. And this is a gay guy who cried about having to leave his parents to go to medical school.
I thought that this nighmare was over. But, supposedly, my mom has been talking to him over the phone. Yesterday, he was just randomly texting me and telling me that I was a demon, a bitch, and a whore because I was quitting my job to go back to school. He never worked a day in his life until he graduated college. And I'm not even quitting my job entirely. I'm just going to work part time. But, I'm quitting the full time job so that I can do well in school. He told me that my mom is his second mother and he feels that I don't appreciate her enough... when I'm the one whose been supporting her so that she doesn't have to work for 3 years. He even took the liberty to meddle in my personal relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and he has been an exemplarary boyfriend. He just starting sending me text after text saying that all those comments were things that my mom said about me, and he agrees.
In a way, I believe him and I don't. I am suspicious because of the secrecy that they share in their relationship. But, at the same time, I doubt my mom would say anything about me. I'm so hurt and I feel that I no longer want them in my life. I don't know if my mom is guilty... but the remote fact that she could even SEEM guilty saddens me. I wasn't even home when this happened. I was out having dinner with my boyfriend. I obviously defended myself. I told him never to call me again. I told him that I had not been feeling well these days. That I was starting to think that my life was pointless and having doubts about going back to school. To never call me again because he was making me feel worse. Within minutes, he went crying to his mommy, whose a psychologist, and she called my mom and told her she was going to baker act us both because I was suicidal. I never said I was going to kill myself OR had a suicidal thought. I am just overwhelemed by family issues and just thought that my life was pointless. I shared that with someone whose supposedly my family. I wasn't even home!!!!! I wasn't arguing with anyone or anything.
So, should I believe my mom that she has nothing to do with it? Should I continue living in my house, with my mom and grandparents? I know if I stay here, I'm going to fail school. I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone else. My dad could try to help me find a place to live, I guess. I don't know what to do.
Thanks
Have you considered talking to your mom about this instead of just trying to decide whether or not she said these things?
Show her the texts. Gauge her reaction. That might give you a good idea of whether or not he's lying.
It sounds like you need to communicate some feelings with her about how she behaves when your cousin is around. You're right, she shouldn't treat you that way, and she shouldn't behave that way when he's around. That's pretty childish to do all of this whispering business when you are ALL adults sitting down to a dinner together, to be honest.
You shouldn't have to feel this overwhelmed, and you shouldn't have to be made to feel like going to school and BETTERING YOUR LIFE is wrong.
Communicate with your mom. You did a good job of communicating with me, and I'm a complete stranger. Surely you can tell her how you feel about all of these things you have bottled up inside.
Go to school. Your future will thank you for it.
Hey everyone! I have this mood problem and I don't know how to stop! I don't wanna see a doctor and I am completely fine well when I'm at school I can't stay positive I try to but I'm always negative about school and confidence I wanna be happy I have way to much worries in my head I have this voice that talks in my head negatively most of the time I just want it to go away. sometimes when I stop worrying I start thinking positively I went through depression in the past. When I think negative I get this attitude but when positive I'm happy. my happiness doesnt last that long anymore my mom and everyone I know are amazing and nice to me. Except for my dad he divorced my mom 3 years ago when my depression was bad. I dislike my dad he doesn't care about my family hes a selfish person but that does not effect me or mom we just want to him away from us as possible. Yeah Sure i wish my dad was different but he's not i don't mind it as much any more but all I need is a way to make money to help out my mom with out leaving my house I can't drive I'm only f17 I mean i can drive but it will take a while till I get my permit well thats I'm gonna go
Have advice for me comment bye
You should consider going to a therapist about your mood problem. They can help figure out what exactly is going on, and if it is something medical, they can refer you to a doctor who specializes in mood disorders.
Trust me on this one- Don't go to your family doc with mood problems. They don't specialize in that area, and often misdiagnose and mistreat mood disorders. That happened to me for many years before I was properly diagnosed and treated.
As for an in-home job, I can't help you with that one.
long story .
so in freshmen year i started in this highschoool and i didnt know anybody! except my cousin . me and her were very close .one day i had found out this boy caLled me cute ! nd i told her, the boy who called me cute was her exboyfriend ! :o but they only went out for a day in the eighth grade . she used to like him alot .one of her bestfriends went behind her back and dated this guy secretly for five monthes ! my cousin forgave after along time . soo my cousin didnt want me talking to this guy at all. but he messaged me onfacebook . i probily shouldnt have messaged back . but as time went on i too startted to date him secertly :( so my cousin found out shee go mad at me , didnt talk to me . i only lasted with that guy for almost two months. he was a loser ! finaly aftr soooooooooooooooo long ! she forgave me . we were cool for a minute. then she stop talkn to me i didnt understand . i told one my friends to ask her why and she said my cousin heard a rumor tha i cheated onn that guy ! i didnt cheat ?!, but idont know what to do , ? she wont talk to me .
Wait... Why did you secretly date this guy knowing your cousin wouldn't approve? That's not what you do to those you love and are close to. Can you honestly blame her for being angry and not wanting to talk to you?
As for the rumor, the only way you'll be able to straighten that out is when she decides to start talking to you again. Only then can you explain to her that it simply isn't the truth.
Have no worries, she WILL get over it. Before you know it she will have chilled out about it and be talking to you again in no time.
Next time, don't date guys your friends or cousins are hung up on. Stand in their shoes a minute. It would make you feel pretty shitty if you found out someone you thought you could trust did something like that to you.
Okay?
I loved this guy for three years. He never noticed me like that, but we've gotten close as friends, and I've always helped him whenever he had girl probems (he must've dated 3 girls in the three years I've known him). On this year, I told him how I felt and he kissed me! Shocker! I didn't tell my parents a day later, and they chewed me out for it. Long story short, they won't meet him or let us date 'cause he's "not a Christian." He kept fighting it for a week, but I told him to give up. I told him we should chill out...but then I kissed him. Now he says, "go with the flow. There's no such thing as drama." I'm so afraid of losing him to his ex, and making things difficult. I guess my question is...will he wait for me?
If he cares about being in a relationship with you, then the ex shouldn't pose a problem. You can't help the rules your parents make, and I'm sure he knows that.
Okay a lot of this involves being on a swim team so if your not sure what I'm saying sorry about that!!!
Okay there's this kid on my swim team who really dislikes me almost to a hating point. I actually used to look up to him when he swam butterfly. Well as we both got older I became faster at him in butterfly and I am years younger than him. Our coach would kinda taunted him about it but oh well. But the other night at practice I went home sick becaude I wasn't feeling well. So this new girl that was coaching the summer swim asked if I did that a lot and I don't. That was rare and he told her YES!!! My friend told me he said this and I am so mad!!! I haven't done anything to him. He also tells his friends stuff about me in their lockeroom when he doesn't even know me. (I'm the only girl on the team) He has barely even talked to me even though we've been swimming for years. I just can't believe him. I'm in awe. I really am!
You are not only the only girl on the team, but also younger and faster than him.
Perhaps he's jealous of your talent, maybe even intimidated by you? Those negative feelings can make a person's attitude really ugly.
My boyfriend and I are about to get engaged, live together, and are talking marraige.
I found out hes recently been looking at w4m casual encounters on craigslist. (I found this out by accident). I asked him about it, and he said that it was just like porn and harmless. He has also upped his porn watching lately, though our sex life hasnt suffered.
He is stressed/depressed, and he also says its stress relief.
However I think theres a difference between porn and real women on craigslist, especially since he has replied to these before he met me.
He said he'd try and stay away from those sites, but then I found out he'd gone on them again.
Hes apologized, and said it was just looking.
This whole thing has shaken my confidence in us and though we've been discussing it and I know hes planning to ask me to marry him, now I'm not so sure I should say yes.
What do you think? I know he isnt currently cheating on me, as hes with me whenever hes not at work, and when hes at work he calls me from the work line, he gets no lunch breaks, etc etc. Hes off at 9, home at 9.15.
Going to couples counseling before marriage might help you both work through this.
The guy I asked out says he liked me too but he just broke up with his girlfriend. I just find this as an excuse because I've seen it all before where I was interested in a guy and they make excuses saying they've got a girlfriend when clearly they haven't or they just broke up with their girlfriend so I could forget about him. I asked out my ex boyfriend and he was with someone then and broke up with her so he could be with me straight away. And no, my ex didn't break up with me because he wanted a rebound, he broke up with me because we didn't see each other anymore.
Well, this guy I'm talking about hasn't shown any interest in me, if he's not interested in me, why can't he just be honest and say "I'm not interested" instead of making up lies and excuses.
This is the thing: People need time to prepare themselves to move on after a relationship. That's not an excuse, it's just the way things are.
Well, unless he's a heartless jerk, that is. Of course you'd want to avoid that kind of guy like the plague...
His disinterest probably has nothing to do with whether or not he likes you. It's likely because he is getting over his girlfriend and has no real interest in anyone, including you, even if he does like you.
Give him time and space to figure out exactly what he wants.
i like this guy we flirted then kiss then when go to the sex part it was weird,after that day onward he didn't even try to touch me even if we spend so many days in bed,he always call me,chat with me introduce me to kiss friends but no more romantic moves,when i make moves he just give me reasons not to do them, i like him what should i do,but 1 thing he is white and i am black.
What does it matter that you are white and he is black? Sounds like he's being a jerk, and that has nothing to do with his race. That's just a personality flaw.
My advice? Move on.
im getting fucking fed up my voice sounds like shit like its been happening since i was 12 i started sounded like a whale mom saying its puberty but its not im bout to be 14 im a fucking girl im getting pist off
Well, some people can sing, some can't. That's just a fact of life, no matter how much it upsets you. If that is the case, you just have to come to terms with that.
Besides, you should sing because you enjoy it. We do things better when we're just doing it for enjoyment.
Interesting fact, though:
Most women hate the sound of their own voice.
That includes their singing voice.
So my mother has been struggling with depression ever since I could remember. I've always been pretty sympathetic about it because I have struggled with depression at one point in my life, but thankfully I have over came it. I always ask my mother why she is sad and she never has a straight answer. I can only imagine why she is unhappy. She works at a waitress at a crappy job, she has absolutely no money, tons of debt, and she is currently the head of her pitty party. She has never really had a charmed life, but she always provided for me and my sister. I am 20 years old and my sister is 21 and we are trying to start our lives and move out. My mother is not too happy about it. She wants us to help her pay for bills and when working a minimum wage job 30 hours or less a week, there isn't a lot of money to give and not a lot of money to keep for myself. I really want to move out but my mom makes me feel terrible for leaving her. She is 57 years old and expects me to take care of her. She tells me that she has taken care of me my whole life and now it is time for me to take care of her. Mind you, I have two older sisters in their late 30s who are more than financially stable and are not willing to help her. I am only 20 years old! I should not be the one who has to support her. I love my mother more than anything in the world and that is why it is going to be hard for me to leave her. I give her all of my money and do everything I can to make her happy. My 21 year old sister doesn't care to help pay the bills but she thinks she can live in our house and not do a thing. She is moving out and my mom doesn't care because she knows she has me still. I don't want her to depend on me and I need some help. My sisters refuse to help us and I just need to get out of this situation. Should I leave and get on with my life or should I stay and struggle to make ends meat to try to make my mother happy? I just don't know what to do. If i left and something happened to her, I would feel terrible but staying home is holding me back and bringing me back into my depression. I don't want her to be unhappy, but i also do not want to be unhappy. What should i do?
Don't take this the wrong way, but your mother is full of shit. Her responsibility to you is to see that you become a productive member of society.
You need to move out and make a life for yourself. PERIOD. It is unhealthy for you to stay there and take care of her.
Stop paying her bills. Stop taking care of her. She is a grown woman and can take care of herself, depressed or not. If something happens to her, it would be her own fault. It would suck, and you'd feel bad, but it would be in no way your fault, nor your responsibility.
Good grief, did her parents live with her from age 20 and demand she care for them? No! She went out, made her own life, had her own family!
You are entitled that same right.
You live your life for you, not her.
how does sex feel like ?
is there a feeling you can compare to ?
It's not something that can really be described, so no, there isn't a comparison I can think of.
Hello :) I have taken test that determines mental disorders and I resulted to be OC and vave an ADD. Also, I also think likewise. Help please? :) Where can I get help? How cam I overcome this?
You can't get help without seeing a doctor or psychiatrist and actually getting diagnosed. Unless, of course, you want to take the home remedy route and try to cope with it naturally, then you just ask advice from people who also do that.
i dont know what to say. but i have thought about death a few times. but this time is diff im not scared like before all i want to do is fall asleep and never wake up my life is a liveing hell. it started at age 19 two girls lied about their age i was put on sex offender site it destroyed me now at 31 i cant take care of my family. .i got hooked on pain meds cause they made me feel good about gvlife. i have been so ashamed of my
Answer to this is on the second half of this question...
(Below)
like i was saying i have been so ashamed of myself that i hqve have treated my wife badly now she left me. she and my boys was my only reason to live i have had a chip on my shoulder and told my wife i hated her. ...i truly love her with all my jeart i just dont want to run her life no more when she could have a normal guy. she and my boys are four hrs away it hurts so bad the pain is the worst i cant stand it i want it over with i lost my family im a total looser i cant deal with this i need it to b over...if u have any advice please email me. its ericm8896@aol.com. im suffering and cant go on i love my family so much but pushed them away now my wife hates me her family hates me...she was my world i just wanted her to be happy. and i was so ashamed that i was meanto my wife thr best thing to ever happen to me i lost her and my boys. why go on
YOU GO ON...
To Redeem Oneself:
To restore the honor, worth, or reputation.
You owe that much to your kids, don't you think? They want their father, no matter what his past problems with the law or pills. Not just any father will do.
You say all of these people hate you. Think maybe that is because you hate yourself so much? Perhaps you see that hate reflected in your own eyes? Maybe you have a lot of shame, anger, resentment, sadness festering in your heart like a bad infection?
Guess what?
THERE IS...
Hope:
The feeling that what is wanted can be had.
You just need some real help to get your head screwed on straight. Seems you had a very hard start in your adult life, and have taken some shady paths. Help is there for you, you just have to want it and go get it. Not going to the clinic doctor to get more pills help, but going to a psychiatrist or mental counseling and getting your mind some help.
Get your mind right, man. Then go about getting back into those boys' lives. They want you there, believe me.
I was just put on water pills (for weight loss) by a medical center. I must take them with a diet pill he gave me and a B12 shot. I am only planning on taking this combination of medications for ONE MONTH, and today is my second day. My concern is, can i have really bad effects from this water pill even if im only taken it every other day for one month? I'm afraid that the long term effects will not be worth it. Also, I was told to drink a gallon of water a day and eat lots of potassium, i know that is true but is there ANYthing else i can do to prevent harming my body while taking these substances. I've read about 12 different columns on the bad effects, though i'd like to hear from someone with some expeirence. Should i drink electrolytes? and is it natural for it to make you pee a lot?
Thank you!
If you are looking for someone with experience in this, I am not that person. I do have excellent advice for you to follow:
Speak to your pharmacist about these medicines. Your doctor doesn't know drugs like the druggist, and they can tell you what to expect, what reactions you may have, what effect the combination of the different pills may have, and any short and long term side effects.
Your pharmacist knows exactly what you are putting into your body and what it will do. Even if you are taking over the counter medicines, they are the most qualified person to get information from on drugs.