|
humorist-workshop
Do guys really use excuses to turn down a girl?
The guy I asked out says he liked me too but he just broke up with his girlfriend. I just find this as an excuse because I've seen it all before where I was interested in a guy and they make excuses saying they've got a girlfriend when clearly they haven't or they just broke up with their girlfriend so I could forget about him. I asked out my ex boyfriend and he was with someone then and broke up with her so he could be with me straight away. And no, my ex didn't break up with me because he wanted a rebound, he broke up with me because we didn't see each other anymore.
Well, this guy I'm talking about hasn't shown any interest in me, if he's not interested in me, why can't he just be honest and say "I'm not interested" instead of making up lies and excuses.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Let's look at this another way. Say a guy really likes you and asks you out but you don't feel the same. Are you really just going to say 'No, I don't like you' or are you going to say something like 'I'm sorry but I don't have time for a boyfriend right now/I'm not ready for a relationship/I'm seeing someone else'? It's not just guys who use 'excuses'. I know I've told a white lie when turning people down to save their feelings. Who cares if it isn't the whole truth? Isn't it better to turn them down in a way that doesn't make them feel terrible?
The fact is, if he really liked you he would have shown more interest. Maybe this guy genuinely doesn't want a relationship so soon after breaking up with his girlfriend. Or maybe he just isn't interested. Regardless, he turned you down. What more do you want? Is forcing him to say 'Okay, I lied, I just don't like you' really going to make you feel any better?
I highly doubt that he used an excuse because he wanted to upset you. The likelihood is that he is a decent enough person to try and save your feelings, which isn't really a fair reason to be pissed off.
Get over it, move on and wait until you meet a guy who returns your feelings.
]
Probably something to do with not pissing off a girl who's got the kind of attitude where she seriously thinks she's seen it all before and knows how guys work before she's graduated high school.
Guys are not one identical stamped out model. A great many of us need time to get over a serious relationship just like a great number of girls do. He might be both uninterested in you, and uninterested in girls in general, he may be one or the other.
Why exactly do you need more than a no, anyway? Are you aware that if you go about it with the attitude that a guy has to justify not wanting to date you, that that kind of attitude makes you unattractive in and of itself? People are dishonest because they want to avoid _your_ reactions. When they're even being dishonest, which you have no foundation of proof to say whatever guy is.
The probably less than 10 guys you have interacted with in your life in a romantic capacity do not make for a compelling statistical sample of anything.
]
This is the thing: People need time to prepare themselves to move on after a relationship. That's not an excuse, it's just the way things are.
Well, unless he's a heartless jerk, that is. Of course you'd want to avoid that kind of guy like the plague...
His disinterest probably has nothing to do with whether or not he likes you. It's likely because he is getting over his girlfriend and has no real interest in anyone, including you, even if he does like you.
Give him time and space to figure out exactly what he wants.
]
It is possible that this is exactly what he meant. He likes you, but doesn't want you to be a rebound fling, which is what you would probably be if he dated you now.
If he is making an excuse, it is to spare your feelings, and maybe save his own life.
Some girls don't take a polite: "You are a great person, but I am not interested in dating you, sorry." ... very well. In fact, some women grow horns at that point, and have been known to do things like, say... set your car on fire.
Either way, you can wait a bit and ask again. When you do, tell him what I said here, and ask him not to try and spare your feelings so you know where you really stand... it will also help if you promise not to go crazy on him if he tells you something you don't want to hear. ;-)
]
More Questions: |