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Huge Family Problems
I have a pretty good idea of when it started... but, it's not that important. The problem is that it has gotten TOO out of control. I am a 22 year old female. My parents are divorced and I am my mother's only child. My dad has two other kids. My parents have been divorced since I was like 2 years old, so I never remember a life of having both of my parents. At the same time, I've always had two parents. My dad has always been there for me and loves me. He's made sure that I have never been missing anything in my life. So, whatever happened between him and my mom is separate. Yes, I live with my mom and I guess she was always the "main" parent... but, my dad hasn't exactly been this irresponsible absent person. He's always been there for me.
That being said, since I grew up an only child, I was very close to my two cousins. One is like 5 years older and the other one was only a year younger. The one that's 5 years older is 27 and has never had his first kiss, first date, or ever even had a girlfriend. He was kind of like a nerd. We thought that was the only reason why. Like... maybe he just wasn't into girls at the time. I mean... it's ok. But, now, he's in medical school, and he's not like ugly or anything. So, I highly suspect that he is gay. If he is... fine, I don't care. But, hiding it is making everybody miserable because he's really, really rude. My other couin passed away last year and he was my best friend. My two cousins would go out with my mom and the older one and her would always be whispering and laughing. When my cousin got sick, and I would go to dinner with just my mom and the older one, they would always be whispering and leaving me out of the conversation. My mom would say that she didn't want to sit next to me... that she wanted to sit next to him. A couple of years ago, the day before my birthday, the 3 of us went to dinner. They laughed and whispered the whole time and then sent out a cake for him to blow the candles celebrating his birthday, even though it is a month after mine... and mine was the next day. I really don't care about the whole birthday thing because it's stupid. It's just the principle of the situation.
I feel like Cinderella when it comes to them. Their always rude and mean. They were only ok when my younger cousin was there. He always defended me and told me that I didn't deserve that kind of treatment. Although we were very different people... liked different music, different styles, different interests, he was like my brother. I loved him and he loved me unconditionally. Like family is suppose to. Even if we argued, it was about stupid stuff, just like siblings. Not going behind anyones back and gossipping and making me feel like I'm in a mean girls high school. My mom is only that way when she is around him. Maybe people have different ways of coping and I don't really understand it. So, I don't mean to be judgemental. But, I just feel that it's strange that my older cousin didn't cry even once about the death of his brother. He wrote a comedy memorial speech for the funeral. He has never cried even one day. And this is a gay guy who cried about having to leave his parents to go to medical school.
I thought that this nighmare was over. But, supposedly, my mom has been talking to him over the phone. Yesterday, he was just randomly texting me and telling me that I was a demon, a bitch, and a whore because I was quitting my job to go back to school. He never worked a day in his life until he graduated college. And I'm not even quitting my job entirely. I'm just going to work part time. But, I'm quitting the full time job so that I can do well in school. He told me that my mom is his second mother and he feels that I don't appreciate her enough... when I'm the one whose been supporting her so that she doesn't have to work for 3 years. He even took the liberty to meddle in my personal relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and he has been an exemplarary boyfriend. He just starting sending me text after text saying that all those comments were things that my mom said about me, and he agrees.
In a way, I believe him and I don't. I am suspicious because of the secrecy that they share in their relationship. But, at the same time, I doubt my mom would say anything about me. I'm so hurt and I feel that I no longer want them in my life. I don't know if my mom is guilty... but the remote fact that she could even SEEM guilty saddens me. I wasn't even home when this happened. I was out having dinner with my boyfriend. I obviously defended myself. I told him never to call me again. I told him that I had not been feeling well these days. That I was starting to think that my life was pointless and having doubts about going back to school. To never call me again because he was making me feel worse. Within minutes, he went crying to his mommy, whose a psychologist, and she called my mom and told her she was going to baker act us both because I was suicidal. I never said I was going to kill myself OR had a suicidal thought. I am just overwhelemed by family issues and just thought that my life was pointless. I shared that with someone whose supposedly my family. I wasn't even home!!!!! I wasn't arguing with anyone or anything.
So, should I believe my mom that she has nothing to do with it? Should I continue living in my house, with my mom and grandparents? I know if I stay here, I'm going to fail school. I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone else. My dad could try to help me find a place to live, I guess. I don't know what to do.
Thanks
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Have you considered talking to your mom about this instead of just trying to decide whether or not she said these things?
Show her the texts. Gauge her reaction. That might give you a good idea of whether or not he's lying.
It sounds like you need to communicate some feelings with her about how she behaves when your cousin is around. You're right, she shouldn't treat you that way, and she shouldn't behave that way when he's around. That's pretty childish to do all of this whispering business when you are ALL adults sitting down to a dinner together, to be honest.
You shouldn't have to feel this overwhelmed, and you shouldn't have to be made to feel like going to school and BETTERING YOUR LIFE is wrong.
Communicate with your mom. You did a good job of communicating with me, and I'm a complete stranger. Surely you can tell her how you feel about all of these things you have bottled up inside.
Go to school. Your future will thank you for it.
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