NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: Well, is it true that people who smoke lose weight.... does it stop you from feeling hungry and stuff...? Coz most of my friends who smoke are friggin' skinny...I think I might start smoking for this reason...

Smoking may make you lose weight, but I've seen a lot of really fat smokers.

Also, you may look hot and skinny, but you'll smell bad, your teeth and fingers will get yellow, and it's expensive, too! Not to mention the lung issues, the loss of sense of taste and smell, and the addiction.

You're far better off exercising more often and eating less junk food. Or even being a little chubbier. Just don't start smoking.

Q: Okay, just a random question to see if anyone has figured out the Popular guy deal. You know why they dont talk to chicks that arent in their clique even when the chicks out of their cliques are pretty, not necisarily popular but not weird just normal. They dont even give other girls a chance.

I've always wondered what makes these people popular... if they're not talking to anyone outside of their group of friends, doesn't that immediately make them unpopular?

There are a couple reasons why these guys won't talk to girls outside of their group. For one, they're wimps. Afraid of what might happen if they're caught talking to other people and *gasp* showing a sense of individuality.

The other thing is, they have stuff in common with the girls in their cliques. Namely emptyheadedness (joking). They may not see that they have something in common with other people.

Q: What doyou collect or cherish the most?

What I collect: fossils. Since I was 4. I know, it's hopelessly nerdy!

What I cherish the most is my pictures. Every photograph has so many memories attached!

Q: what does it mean if your having sex and his dick slips out? is this normal, or is it bad?
thanks soo much

It's sex. Tons of awkward things happen.

A little slippage is absolutely normal. Sometimes it means the thrusting was a little too enthusiastic, sometimes it's because of too much lubrication in the area. Sometimes it's just because Mother Nature gets a kick out of how awkward reproduction is :)

Q: A fiew years back I was diagnosed with herpes and I've grown tired of being alone and not having someone to share my interests and heart with. I find it completely pompus that sites make others like me pay to find love when we already strugle with our limitations the disease comes with.

Im asking if anyone knows of free sites to find love that decently populated with others in my situation.

I hope this isnt much to ask..

I greatly apriciate yur time.

I just did a quick Google search, and here's what I came up with:

http://www.afterh.com/ - A free networking site dedicated just to herpes positive people.

http://matchstd.com/ - A free dating site for people with all types of STIs... but it looks like you can choose based on particular STIs.

Hope that helps a little!

Q: my first boyfriend of almost 6 months recently left for a job in another country for a year..he said he wants to stay together and be together when he comes back and we talk online and stuff a lot but i'm having a really hard time dealing with this.. hes only been gone a month.. and i can't eat without getting sick, i'm crying all the time and generally depressed a lot.. i don't know what to do.. if anyone has any advice please write me back.. thanks :)

Keep yourself busy. Exercise like a mad fiend. Every time you start getting lonely, go for a walk. Not only does it have great effects on your body, it also helps you to feel better.

Find a new hobby... or three. Painting, or knitting, or collecting something. Or skydiving! ;)

Can you send packages to him? Try writing a letter a day, then sending them off in bulk. Or take short videos and send him an SD card with them on it. Or just send small gifts. Collecting them over a week or two is a nice diversion.

Make sure you keep in contact with other people. Hang out with friends whenever you can. Talk online... anything to keep you from getting lonely.

Or you could even get a pet (if you don't have one already). It doesn't have to be anything fancy; even a fish or a gerbil will do! Just something to talk to.

Make sure you're eating healthily. I had a friend whose husband went away, and she lived on cereal and ice cream for several months until I intervened. Eat a well-balanced diet and curb junk food. That stuff just makes you feel worse. Plus, cooking is a great way to occupy spare time!

Q: i smoked pot with my friend and one of her friends i didn't like it but we are gonna do it again. should i do it or not???

Boilerplate answer: It's illegal.

Other than that, if you didn't like it, don't do it again. Would you eat a food you didn't like just because everyone else was? No.

Plus, it's an expensive habit and an unhealthy one. Something you want to avoid :)

If they question you, tell them you have asthma and it made you sick. Or tell them you're high on life. Or just tell them to jog on... because it's your business what you put in your body.

Q: 14/f

Ok so now everyone is talking about college and what we are gonna do after high school. I want to go to college but I don't know what to do. My grades suck. I've tried so hard to get them up and that brings me down. Biology and Math are the worst for me. The rest I'm fine. I know I don't have to decide like right now. I have lots of time but I want to have some sort of an idea. I use to want to be a vet but that would take alot of work. I doubt I'd get into a 4 year so I was thinking maybe a community then over to take 2 more years at a university or something. That's what I've heard from some people. I'm afraid I won't amount to anything and maybe later in life I will change my mind about what I want to be and stuff. So do you think I'll be able to make this? Thanks so much!

First off, as you said, you don't have to make up your mind yet. You still have at least 2-3 years of high school left, right? And even then, nothing's set in stone.

Instead of focusing on what you're bad at, look at your strengths; and not just your scholastic strengths. So you're not good at biology or math... that just means that you shouldn't do anything in the physical science field. What subjects are you good at? What are your personal strengths? If you're really good with people, maybe you should go into business, or even teaching.

What are your interests? That's the most important part. Not only should you do something that will keep a roof over your head, you should do something that you enjoy. So keep that in mind.

If you can, focus what classes you take on your strengths. Can you avoid taking a lot of biology or math courses? Then do so. It'll help raise your average, and you'll get more out of it.

No matter what you decide, you will amount to something. Everybody is equally important, whether they're a doctor, lawyer, accountant, or pizza delivery guy! The important thing is to be happy.

Q: At a recent school function, I met a new group of friends visiting from another school and we all still talk. The other day, I was informed at school by somebody that one of the boys in my new group of friends likes me, and people think I like him too. Now, this boy is nice, has a good sense of humor and we are friends, but I do not see him the same way. My problem is that for whatever reason, I only find myself romantically/sexually attracted to my own Caucasian race and the boy is not Caucasian, so I do not find myself romantically attracted to him. People now think I am racist, which is simply not true! My mother assures me that it’s a matter of personal preference. I can justify that I am not racist, because I have multiple friends that are from races other than my own. My attraction to only Caucasian men is not something I chose, it’s just the way I am. Kind of like if someone was gay. They don’t choose to only be attracted to men, it’s just how they are. Is it wrong of me to feel this way?

I am almost 16 years old, and a female.

Is someone who prefers blue eyes and blonde hair a racist?

No. It's a preference. Calling someone with a preference for certain looks a racist is like calling a homosexual sexist!

You just like certain looks. He's not your type. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, don't worry about it.

Q: I've looked all over the web for an answer, but i can't find anything.
On the bottom of my foot, the skin is pitted, like swiss cheese, and moist and decaying around the ball of my foot. It's NOT athlete's foot, I've tried creams and powders for that, and it causes an odor so bad I have to change my socks periodically throughout the day.
I can't see a doctor right now because my I am temporarily without health insurance,
but it's been here for about a year, now,
and it's driving me crazy.
Has anyone experienced anything like this, or found an answer as to what it is?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I know you don't think it's athlete's foot, but it really does sound like it. My boyfriend had it recently, and it's taken about 5 weeks to clear up. It looked just the way you've described and everything.

You can't just use the creams or powders once; you have to use it twice a day every day for 4 weeks. Clean your feet twice a day, and wear clean, dry socks all the time. Yes, the powders smell, but it's really important to keep up use, or else the fungus will become resistant. My boyfriend's using the Dr. Scholl's spray powder.

If it still doesn't go away, you may need to take oral antibiotics, but it's worth a shot to try the drugstore remedy first.

Q: Okay we're supposed to summarize the first quarter of our book and then it says "Theme: in the first quarter of the novel the author is trying to say that:" and "Theme shown through setting:"

I don't know HOW to come up with a theme from my summarization but i did summarize so if you could just read through this and help me somehow, I'd really appreciate this:

Christopher John Francis Boone, an autistic 15 year old boy who lives in Swindon, Wiltshire, comes across his neighbour’s dead poodle (Wellington) with a garden fork sticking out of his body in his neighbour’s front yard. Mrs. Shears, his neighbour, comes across him holding Wellington and believes that he killed him. She calls the police and Christopher is taken to the police station after hitting a police officer (he does not like to be touched) and his dad (Ed Boone) bails him out. Ed runs a business and does heating maintenance and boiler repair. Christopher tries to solve the mystery of who killed the black poodle to clear his name. Siobhan, his teacher and friend, gives him the idea of recording his adventures in a book; therefore he is the narrator of the story. As the story progresses, Christopher shares that his mother, Judy Boone, died two years ago. He also mentions interesting things to know such as prime numbers, stars, a simile, metaphors, slander, spazzer, and Red Herring between the storyline. The reader learns that he is gifted at math, detests the colours yellow and brown, likes red, has a dream of becoming an astronaut, and relates well to animals, especially to his pet rat Toby. Despite his father’s wishes, Christopher uses logic to start off his investigation by going around his neighbourhood and asking questions (which is very hard for him to do). His efforts seem useless until he arrives at the home of Mrs. Alexander, who gives him a clue by mentioning Mr. Shears, Mrs. Shears’ ex-husband.

Thanks! You don't have to give me a direct them because that would just be unmorally cheating but it would be very nice to explain it to me or to give me a topic =]

I've read this book! It was great :)

A theme you might use could be coping... Christopher uses various coping skills to deal with his autism, both ones that he came up with and ones that Siobhan helped him with. His father also copes with the mother leaving by pretending she died.

That's all I could think of for the moment. If I think of anything else, I'll tell you.

Q: Well, no one had really explained the fact that hair grows back darker and thicker after you shave it...

Anyways, I had some annoying hair on my stomach that was sort of embarrassing, so I shaved it every so often when I would get desperate before swimming and would be wearing a bikini or something. And now it's grown back really noticeably, and I really really HATE it!!! PLEASE tell me what to do! I've heard that you can bleach it, but what product should I use that i can get at walmart? and could it do anything weird to my skin or anything like that? I'm going to be working at a camp all summer, so i'll be in my bathing suit A LOT, and i really don't want to worry about it. HELP! (thanks!)

There are great wax strips you can get at Walmart. They're not too expensive, and they work really well. If you're concerned about pain, it stops hurting after the first few times. Plus, it makes the hair grow in finer after!

Q: This is specifically for people who have dyed their hair (preferably at a salon).

I AM A HAIR DYE VIRGIN!!!! who has always wanted to dye her hair
But my boyfriends mom just informed me that her hairdresser (who did hair for contestants in the miss usa pageant!!!!) does her hair for free (she does his taxes or something) and that he could do mine for free also!

So the question is;

Did it KILL your hair? If you only did it once. Like, how does your hair feel? I don't want my hair to be stringy. How long does it take?

Any advice is appreciated! (FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE DYED THEIR HAIR!)

A few suggestions from someone who has made some mistakes...

Don't dye your hair black, even if it's a semi-permanent. Black does not come out, and it's a pain in the behind to remove.

I would suggest a semi-permanent dye for your first time or two. It starts to fade within a month or so, so you don't get crazy roots like you do with regular dye. Because nothing looks nastier than contrasting roots.

If you are going lighter and don't know if you want to keep it that way, try highlights the first time. That way, they look fairly natural growing out.

Have fun!

Q: I was wondering, AM I AN ALCOHOLIC?

Well, I've been noticing my weird behavior this days. And i really wanna know if i have a problem.

I love partying and drinking.

I love jack daniel and black label. I also drink wine sometimes but i drink beer more often.

I miss school sometimes because of my hangovers and for not sleeping well.

I don't communicate with people like before, i barely answer my phone, it's weird that i have new friends i don't talk to anyone.

I sometimes drink alone in my room, and sometimes i pass out.

i drink literally everyday, not drunk but even having at least 3 or 4 beers.

I do homework while drinking. I drink at school sometimes.

Sometimes i'm dying to get home from school to take a drink.

I hang out with friends more often than before, like i never stay home if i dont need to.

And when i say hang out, i mean chilling at a friend's house just drinking, and others smoking up hash.

I spend all my money on drinks. I would drink and not buy food.

And i've noticed that i drink more everyday to get my head fixed like the night before.

It's bothering me, the need for my drinks and everyday i woke up and go like "CRAP i did not do that yesterday" , or sometimes i just don;t remember some parts.

I got kicked out of a concert for picking a fight with a girl (im a girl), IT WAS embaressing

I made out with zillion of guys when im drunk.

I LOVE DRINKING, i love it's advantages but i can't deal with it's disadvantages, and my lifestyle is shit right now so i can't ask for help from doctor/parents, and if you're gonna suggest a close friend, EVERYONE DRINKS but not as much as me and my close friends.

Any kind of help.

You definitely have an alcohol abuse problem.

Drinking is fine... in moderation. Having a few drinks with friends is fine, but blacking out is not, whether you are alone or with friends.

If you can't talk to friends or family, then I would suggest looking up a community resource. Many cities have addiction hotlines, and that may be of help to you. You could also try a system like Alcoholics Anonymous.

For now, avoid drinking. Instead of an alcoholic drink, make yourself a cup of tea. If you're going out with friends, get pop and pretend it's alcoholic (if you're afraid they'll make fun of you).

Find something that makes you as happy as drinking does. A sport, or a hobby. If you keep yourself busy, you'll find there's less temptation.

It's great that you've pinpointed your problem now (I'm assuming you're still fairly young). Alcohol abuse leads to all sorts of health problems, and the sooner you stop, the sooner you start preventing them.

Good luck!

Q: im a jr. in high school in the u.s. and i wasnt born here so im kinda not legal here. lol. i want to go to collage in Canada. how can i apply and are the schools the same thing as here. i want to go to a school in Alberta, Canada. oh i already talked to my school counselor she wont help. she doesn't really understand what im talking about!

Schools in Canada are a little different.

Instead of the college and junior college ranks, we have universities and colleges.

Universities are where you get your degree. At colleges, you get a diploma. Depending on what you want to go for, make sure you pick the right kind of school!

In Alberta, there is no standardized application system like there is in Ontario (where I'm from). You apply through the schools themselves. Go to the website of the school, and check under the registrar's office link.

Were you born in Alberta? If so, you may be eligible for subsidized tuition.

Q: So...My boyfriend and I had sex the other night. I got off birth control about two months ago and now if somethin happens, hes pressed on getting Plan B. I took it the other night (feb 7). We had sex again last night and he wants to get it again. He never came inside me...and Im supposed to start my period in a few days! I already ovulated this month according to the ovulating calander (they said anywhere from the 21st tul 29th) so i dont think i could get pregnant...but would you suggest I go out and buy the Morning After Pill??

Thanks for your help!

Yes, you should take it.

Then, you should go and get a box of condoms. Or go to the doctor and get a shot of Depo Provera. Or birth control pills.

Plan B is, as I'm sure you know, very hard on your body. It's fantastic as an emergency contraceptive, but not made for everyday use.

The best bet is to be protected all the time.

Personally, if you're not going to try to have children for a while, I'd suggest Depo. It's a needle once every 3 months, you don't get your period, and it's more effective than the pill, since it's mistake-proof.

Q: I am a 22 year old female. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and everything in our relationship is good except he has a problem with my sexuality. It is REALLY hurting the relationship. I feel as if sex is more of a chore then anything else. We still have sex a good amount, but not as often as he would like. And he knows I do not enjoy it (dispite my acting haha). It's not that sex feels bad or anything, it actually just doesn't feel like anything at all. I can enjoy myself sexually by myself, but have never really gotten pleasure out of sex with any of my partners in my life. Maybe I am masterbating wrong, therefore my boyfriend cannot get me excited? I know that I am supposed to tell my partner what feels good to me, but I don't even know where to start. Nothing really feels that good.

This problem has really been wearing down on me and my relationship lately and I could really use the advice. Thank you for your time!!

First off, you need to talk to your boyfriend. I had to go through this same discussion (twice) with mine. Basically, he seems to feel that if he wants sex, you should be having sex, whether you want to or not. Tell him that sex should not be a chore for you, and that if you're not in the mood, no deal. That way, you're only having sex when both of you want to. If he complains, tell him he's got a perfectly good hand to work with in the meantime.

When you do have sex, you don't have to be totally hands off on yourself. Have you tried doing what you do when you masturbate, while you're having sex? Works wonders, plus he gets the added benefit of watching.

Also, try breathing differently. Match your breathing depth and pattern to your... uh... rhythm, for lack of a better word. It helps you to connect more to the experience.

Good luck!

Q: Hey. Last Monday it started to hurt at the end of peeing
& today my mom took me to the doctors
I apparently have a reall bad bladder infection
Like I guess theres blood and puss in my pee

Today now when I pee it feels as of a giant rock is in my pee part?
& it makes me want to scream it hurts so bad

I need to take some kinda pill three times a day for the next 10 days
Is there anything I could do in that amount of time that would also help to lessen the pain?

My doctor just said to take those pills and drink alot of water

14-F

HELP QUICKLY PLEASE

Good news! The pain should go away within a couple of days with the antibiotics you're taking.

Some pain relief tips: try taking a hot bath. Also, you can take Tylenol (don't take aspirin, as it can cause a serious reaction in people under 18).

If you want to speed up the process, try drinking lots of cranberry juice. Just make sure it's not sweetened, or a cranberry cocktail. The real stuff is kind of bitter, but it is proven to help with infections. Another home remedy you can try is Vitamin C. 1000 mcg/day helps acidify urine, which makes it less hospitable to bacteria.

Q: Ok so i wanted to be a photographer, but everyone is telling me it has no money and i'll suffer. Well than i wanna be a cop or a person off of like law & order. but ppl said that has no money either.. idk what to do. i really wanna do photography but will it be a bad choice or not. please help me i'm begging please!! thank you ver much

With either of those career choices, you're not going to be extremely wealthy, but you'll survive.

The average salary of a police officer is between 40 and 60 thousand a year; not that bad at all!

The average salary of a photographer is lower; about 24 thousand. However, if you start a business, the sky's the limit!

What's important is to find something that you enjoy, that will allow you to live the life you want. So don't let other people make the decision, because money isn't everything!

Q: Hi everybody. This is a question for any NAVY girfriends/wives....my boyfrined is in the NAVY, well, at basic and sea school right now, and I know that it's going to keep us physically apart for stretches of time. I love him and I miss him, and just to clarify, I'm not going to leave him because I don't get to see him. Okay, so my question is, how do you girls stay SANE while your boys are gone? How do you get through the seperation? I love and want to marry my current boyfriend, and I know that it's just going to get worse from here,as far as being apart from him because of his career in the NAVY....so how do you do it?

My fiance is in the reserves and goes away for months at a time, so I feel your pain.

Can he receive packages? I know that with the Canadian military, they can get packages once a week. A friend of mine looks all week for things she can send to her husband; chocolate bars, DVDs, PSP games, things like that.

Try to keep busy. Pick up a new hobby, or just surround yourself with friends as much as possible.

It's really hard, but it is so admirable that you are both doing your part in serving your country.

Good luck!

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.