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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I visited a cancer patient and was wondering. I wasn't wearing a mask or anything.
The Answer
Cancer itself is not contagious.
In a nut shell: Cancer is a disease that causes unregulated cell growth. Cancer itself is an non-communicable disease (that means it's isn't contagious).
"Viral Cancer" is a real term, but it doesn't mean you can 'catch' cancer from someone. "Viral Cancer" is a causal term applied to viruses that can lead to cancer (also called an oncovirus). Not everyone who gets an oncovirus will develop cancer, but having certain a oncovirus can greatly increase your risk of getting certain kinds of cancer.
For example, HPV is a sexually transmitted virus that has been linked to cervical cancer in women. That makes HPV an oncovirus. HPV is what you can 'catch' through sexual intercourse with an infected person, but you can't 'catch' the cancer. You develop the cancer over time, having the oncovirus increases your risk of developing cancer.
If the cancer patient you visited had a contagious oncovirus, you would have been told to take the right actions to prevent infection, but it's very unlikely. Only a very small number of cancers (about 10% of cases in most recent reports I could find) are linked to any oncovirus, and most oncoviruses can't be caught just by being in the same room with someone (I'm pretty sure the most common are STIs).
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The Question
I have this guy friend im close to , we both flirt alot and are playful around eachother..Were always playing footsie and hes always trying to hold my hand.. and sometimes we actually do.. i asked him what he thought about relationships and he told me that he doesnt want anything serious because his last relationship was so complicated and it ended badly and it was just too much hurt to deal with. So i asked him why he holds my hand and acts the way he does. He didnt have an exact answer, he kept beating around the bush.. i would be like "Do you even feel anything for me? " hed be like 'I cant be in a relationship, i try my best to avoid any feelings towards anyone. " Like i dont get it, the farthest wev ever went was holding hands, and he knows for a FACT thats all its ever gonna be.. sometimes when well joke around about it,hes like im telling you no strings attached :P and like hell say things like that that makes me think hes trying to be friends with benefits, but isnt Friends with benefits more sexual than emotional? and holding hands is an emotional thing.. I just dont understand him, when i asked him what it was he told me its just different with me,, like he doesnt want anything more than a friendship but at the same time he wants something less than a relationship, its weird. Like is he at that mind state where he doesnt know what he wants? or is he just using me? and if he is just using me in what way exactly? he told me he wasnt.. he was like if i was i swear id treat you differently ( i guess he meant not in a respectful way) and to be honest hes very respectful to me. Im not naive and stupid by the way.. i know that theres a really good chance that hes just bored, but i just dont see what pleasure HOLDING my hand would do for him, can someone please help me understand this? thank you. No rude answers please im just wondering and i wanna know what i should do =/
The Answer
First off: You need to stop assuming that all men want sex all the time. Believe it or not, holding hands is pleasant, and some guys enjoy holding hands, cuddling and doing other non-sexual affectionate things. Guys are human beings just like girls. Don't assume they all want the same thing - you'll end up wrong.
But more importantly:
What do YOU want?!
He sounds like he's not entirely sure what he does want (even though he is pretty clear about what he doesn't want).
But you left out the most important part, more important than his constant dancing around and explaining and excuses: What the hell do YOU want from this?
This guy doesn't seem to be manipulating you or lying to you, and he can't be 'using you' if he is being totally honest with you.
The question is not "Why does he like holding my hand?" (because the answer to that is: He's human) the question is "Am I happy with this friendship, or do I want something different from this guy, or from someone else?"
Stop focusing so much on what he is thinking and feeling. Although it sounds like he is trying to be honest with you, you'll never know for sure what is going on in another person's brain. Instead, figure out what you are thinking and feeling. If you are getting what you want from this friendship, great, keep it up. If you aren't, ask him for it or find somebody who wants the same thing as you do.
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The Question
me and my boyfriend were watching a movie at home together. my parents were supposed to take my 5 year old sister for ice cream so i could be alone with him but they never went.so he leaned in to kiss me so we did. my little sister saw it all and yelled that we were kissing and he asked to go and left.
The Answer
She's five.
If your boyfriend can't handle the fact that five year olds exist, and do things like this, then he's not a very sensible or respectful guy.
I get that you were both embarrassed, but she's five! She doesn't get that. She doesn't know what she did was wrong, and you probably can't explain it to her.
All you can do is laugh it off, and hope your boyfriend is smart enough to get over the embarrassment and laugh at it too. There is nothing to be done about it.
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The Question
my name is Rachel and I was checking out this dating site and the guy gave me his number and i gave him mine I had no idea that he was only 17 and i am 23 is it illegal in the state of Georgia for a 23 year old woman to date a 17 year old kid because if it is i am not going to prison for a 17 year old kid.
The Answer
In Georgia the age of consent is 16. That means, at 17, he is legally able to consent to having sex with you.
But really, even if it legal for you to have sex with him, do you really want to date a teenager? You're even calling him a kid.. Just tell him you aren't comfortable with the age difference. It's okay to turn someone down.
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The Question
How can I find out someones I'd number? There contact number is 0762836629 and there name is justin. He was sexually abusing me and is false accusing people. The one person he false accused asked me to get his I'd number so he can report it to the police
Thanks x
The Answer
I don't know what country you are in that you need an ID number to report someone.
Even if you didn't know WHO had committed the crime, you could still report the crime to the police. So, tell the police everything you do know. His name and phone number might be more than enough for the police to find out the rest of what they need.
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The Question
Are evil rituals and putting spells on people real too?
The Answer
They are real in the sense that some people believe in them, or practice rituals or spells as part of their religious practice? Sure.
Are spells real in the sense that people can get cursed, or be made to fall in love, or get sick? No. There is absolutely zero evidence that anything like that works, or could ever work. It flies in the face of everything we actually know about how the universe works.
If someone ever tells you that you've been cursed, ask yourself which is more likely: that magic words or invisible deamons are causing the kinds of problems that everyone deals with sometimes in life, or that the person who is telling you are cursed is is trying to get your money, or make you behave a certain way?
In most cases, you'll find people who say you've been cursed will either recommend you join thier faith to remove th curse, or pay someone to remove it. Those aren't 'curses'. That's just normal human coercion and scamming.
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The Question
I hope you can help me with this.
I have been friends with my BFF for probably 16 years. She is my nephews mother. She used to be with my brother. He started abusing her and using drugs. It took her a long time to leave him. Even after they broke up I stuck with her she was the one that was wronged. She lived with me for a while until moving in with her mother. 4 years ago she met someone they got married. I was the moh in her wedding. We were the best of friends. We did everything together. I accepted her new husband. After a while there were things he would say or do that would piss me off but I kept my mouth shut. He's a very controlling person. There were several times he'd say rude things about our other friends and even their children. Again I kept my mouth shut. We decided almost a year ago to go to Florida together with our kids. As soon as we got there he started being an ass. Just being mean to us and it having to be his way. So while we were down there it was also my birthday. The day before we were at the resort clubhouse. The kids were swimming and my husband and gets were at the bar. I had bought tubes for the kids. I had my son she had hers and his nephew. So ok no biggie I don't mind paying the $7 each we are on vacation.
So we then all come together and eat. In the mean time my husband paid their $80 bar tab. So when we eat I get an order of fries my husband and son get wings. Total it was like $18. So when the bill comes we throw in $20. The next day is my birthday. Kerri and I decide we will go to magic kindom. Leave at 5 come home get dressed go out to eat for my birthday then go back to magic kingdom for fireworks. Well her husband yells why the F did we even come back. I say because that was our plan. So we are at a sushi place. The sushi I want comes as an appetizer. My husband the same and my son a meal. The rest of them all got meals as well. So the bill comes It was like $150. I put our $60 in and bobby her husband starts yelling and cursing this is bullshit you did this shit yesterday not paying. I was like add it up!! He still is cursing. I'm like ok what about the bar tab you left Jeff with or the tubes I bought for everyone. So at this point I'm crying. Kerri takes me to the bathroom. She's apologizing. Saying she doesn't know why he acts that way. We go on our way. The rest of the vacation was akward. One night I heard him yelling at her. So the day we are leaving we are stopping at the outlets. I've already been through a bottle of pepto my stomach was so upset by all of this. So I say you guys go to the outlets I'm going to Walgreens. So he was driving. He pulls up in front and we get out of the car kerri is standing in the van. I say bobby I'm taking the car to get pepto. He's just sitting there yelling get out get out. She says to him she's going to Walgreens. He is still cursing and takes off with the doors open and her standing. So I call my friend lorrie crying telling her what happened. I'm sitting on a bench. He walks by with her and my son and nephew. When he walks by he spit at me and it landed by my foot. I stand up walk away crying more,still on the phone, tell lorrie what happened and then my son runs up to me and says mommy bobby just spit on you. So I decide to get our luggage and take a cab to the airport. After that I have not spoken to him. I've seen him at different social settings but that's it. My friendship with kerri changed. We have hung out maybe 4 times since then and just text. We've always gone to Atlantic city once a year and go to concerts together but since then we haven't. So they announce Justin timberlake is going on tour. We have seen him 7 times its always been our thing to do. So the day before tickets go on sale she stops by and says bobby wants to go. I'm like ok have fun you can't expect me to be around him. And she's like I know what am I supposed to do? I say I don't know I'm not telling you to do anything but I'm hurt that the thing we've always done together we can't do anymore. How are we supposed to still go on with this already broken friendship. He has never apologized to me and my family. If he did we wouldn't be having this discussion now. She said he said he was going to but she told him not to. I find that hard to believe. So she left. He then texts me Kerri's upset I apologize. I say thank you hover it is hard for me to accept when it's so long overdue. You ruined my families vacation. So I then text her and say ok I'm willing to move forward and forget. If you want me to be around him I need to know what to do. If he makes ride comments about our friends or is just a dick. Do I keep it in and eventually blow up or do I say something right then and take the chance of you being mad at me. So a day goes by and I get a response from her saying I dk what to do. I told you I don't want to lose you. So here I've been crying all day night morning day and I get this text. I'm now upset that all of this time passes and I get a generic response. So here I am 3 1/2 days later. I've cried everyday now I'm feeling angry. I'm angry that she even asked me to go into that toxic situation with him. And I'm angry that he knew what him going was going to do to us and he doesn't care. She has no backbone and will never stand up to him. And I'm angry I've lost my friend. I don't know where to go from here? I am 33
The Answer
I understand it's difficult to loose a friend. It's entirely worthy of shedding some tears and grieving for.
But you need to recognize that she is entitled to place her relationship with her husband above her friendship with you - even if he doesn't deserve it.
You are right that his behavoir was horrible. You'd be entitled to refuse to be in his company again.
Those two facts mean your relationship will never, ever be exactly the same as before. You are going to see less of her.
You are going to have to build a different kind of friendship, probably one that doesn't involve your families, which means you wont see each other as much.
So, don't hang out with her and her husband. Even with some lame text apology I wouldn't choose to be in that man's company after the way he behaved, but also don't try to plan a getaway together while things are still raw and confused. If you want to be friends with her, you are going to have to make peace with the fact that she loves him and is going to take his feelings into consideration. If you both want to be friends, then start to figure out what they means now, rather than holding on to what it used to mean.
If you can accept that any friendship you have now will never be the same as before, and that she is going to make choices that you don't agree with, then maybe you can make something new work. See movies, have lunch, or go to local concerts just the two of you, and don't involve your family or children for a while.
And the next time she does something like has her husband come to a concert instead of you - remind yourself that it's her right to make those sorts of choices, and that if that you can't live with them, then you need to end the friendship. Continuing the friendship right now will need to include some respect for her choices and her marriage, even if you don't respect the man or want to be anywhere near him.
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The Question
I'm a 23 year old female, working and studying. I've been with my boyfriend for 6years and we recently got engaged. I have had feelings for other men throughtout this relationship, but I never did anything about it. I went away for a few months and met this guy from jordan - we started seeing each other and now he says he love me etc. I don't want to give up what I have with my fiance, but at the same time I want to run away with this other guy or sometimes just run away on my own and disappear. If I do, I'm sure I will lose my family and friends, because he is another nationality.I'm a very pessimistic person - so I don't believe either of them when they say they love me no matter what. I believe all people are bound to be cheaters, might be becuase of my past.my fiance is more than amazing though. He loves me no matter what I do or say. He wants to provide for me - and he knows me inside and out.everyone LOVES him and say I'm the luckiest girl alive. I have clearly landed jackpot with him - but why am I still reaching out to other guys...? At this moment: reaching out to this guy.I don't want to say too much about myself as it may give away who I am. So I will just say I'm from a conservative part of the world and English isn't my first language.
The Answer
It's perfectly normal to be sexually attracted to other people, even if you are loyal and committed to your fiance.
Being attracted to someone else doesn't have to mean you relationship is doomed, or that you don't love your partner enough - it just means you are a human being with a healthy sex drive.
Cheating is wrong, of course, and you know you should stop.
However, it sounds like there is a lot more going on here. You some more generally unhappy with your life, and your plans for the future. Are you looking forward to married life? Are you excited by the life you are building together? Do you and your fiance have the same ideas about what that life will be like?
What is feeding your dissatisfaction with your life? Is it money stress? What do you want that you aren't getting? More education, more friends? Why are you trying to create a crisis in your relationship by reaching out to this other guy?
We don't have the answers, but until you figure them out, you shouldn't get married. I don't think your issues necessarily mean don't love your fiance, but they do mean you have some work to do before you can enter into any relationship honestly.
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The Question
My daughter and her boyfriend of six months are very unhappy with the fact that his mother will not except my daughter in anyway. She said that if my daughter comes into her house, she will walk out. She puts my daughter down in conversation with her son and the rest of the family. Her son has given my self and my husband permission to talk to her about the situation. What should we do, what should we say? We need advice on how to handle this! We don't want to make it worse.
The Answer
I agree with Ninja. The best thing you can do for them is not get involved directly, but be supportive and give them both your sympathy and advice.
If this boy's mother can't give you daughter basic respect, then why would she listen to anything you have to say anyways? You'd only be meddling and it will make things worse. There is nothing you can say that she wont find threatening or insulting, and it's most likely to provoke her to even more inappropriate and cruel behavoir.
The only reason you should get involved is if she threatens your daughter or is violent towards her. In that case, you should call the cops.
You don't offer your daugher's age, but I would think that if she is old enough to date, then she is old enough to accept that some people just wont like her, and that some people are just bullies. If this woman is openly hostile or cruel towards her, than she shouldn't be spending much time in thier home. This will put more onus on you as a parent to let the young couple visit in your home, and have other places to be together.
If she and her boyfriend are young teens and he is dependant on his parents, he may not be able to stand up for her in quite the manner he would if he was an adult. It takes a lot of maturity and confidence to stick up for your partner to one of your parents. However, that doesn't mean it's your place to do it for him, not even if he gives you permission.
You might suggest to him that he speak to another family member who has observed his mothers behavoir and ask them to help him express how rude and cruel it is. You might advise him to draw the line at name-calling, and to point out to his mother when she crosses that line (most people can awknowlegde that calling someone names is not okay).
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The Question
I think you all suck major balls. I've been trying to find a painless way to kill myself for the past 2 hours. If someone wants to kill themselves then they probably have a very good reason for it so why don't you fuckers just give some fucking answers instead of the FAKE bullshit like "your too young to die" or "You have so much to live for" or "think about how your hurting your loved ones" in most cases what the hell makes you think we HAVE loved ones??? I'm so fucking sick of seeing those bullshit answers and i'm not even the person asking it on the fucking forms. If you can't answer the question then don't say anything at all! for me, as i'm sure it is for most, it is NOT for attention. It's to die PAINLESSLY. We don't give a fuck about how wonderful YOU think life is. The worst one i've seen yet is someone who has an illness and is in pain 24/7. no one could even help that poor soul end it. FUCK you all for not helping. FUCK YOU. go die. You are the reason for suicide. You are all stupid. I hate you. FUCK YOU ALL. You are NOT showing compassion you are being fucking HEARTLESS.
The Answer
No one is required to tell you how to off yourself.
People act in accordance with thier own consciences, and thier own ability to reason. No ethical person is going to feel comfortable telling a total stranger how to kill themselves, and no reasonable person is going to believe that a person asking on an annoymous website has legitmate and sensible reasons for wanting to end thier life - a reasonable person will ansume the questioner is mentally ill.
Yes, there are emtpy-headed and shallow responses to sucide questions, and there are also questioners who VALUE those platitudes. There are also well considered advice, and deeply compassionate pleeds for a person to reach out for support for thier mental illness, and there are questioners who value that advice (and you have heard from some of them here).
But regardless of that, who the fuck are you to demand other people respond to you in a way that goes against thier reason and thier concience? Who are you to demand silence from others when they are moved to speak on a subject they feel deeply about?
I don't know where all your hate is coming from, but it's not a reasonable, ethical or mentally sound place. You should find a way to address that. It'll be far more interesting and rewarding than death.
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The Question
hi i am a boy from India,i have a girlfriend of age 20 and i have a age of 21..she is a girl who i love the most i want to live my life with her and i could say that i am the best lover in this world i loved her and loving her that mush til now.. but now days i hate her because she often fighting with me and hurting with her behavior ..she is not like before she used to care me well but no she hating me and talking harsh and often my girlfriend getting tensed for everything she don't like me to advice in anything but i want to advice..she may choose wrong path so i fear in everything to care her and advice her..i used to advice about her dressing and to reduce her angry and temper even i have changed myself for her but still she is not changing her and hurting me in words i am much much worried about it ..she always say that i am restricting her nu ..i don't know what to do now i am unable to sleep unable to eat its been guilty for me every day..i have said many times to her to reduce her anger but never she tried not only with me with her family also ..and i used to say not do a thing but she is doing it which is not good for her..yesterday she used a word that i came and fall in love with me is stupid and she is sufferings with me like that ..she saying am not much talented in anything like that but i hope i give my best in everything still what i have to do..she said me to leave my anger i left,she asked me not to restrict her i did.. only in dress i used to restrict only if awkward but now she don't even want me to open my mouth...are we should live together or not :( ...her words sometimes kills me i don't know what to say ..each and every second i will be thinking of her only but now i feel why should i do it even though now i am doing it to care her and to celebrate her birthday in grant manner which in three days :(
The Answer
You are not happy. She is not happy.
She is angry with you and you are angry with her.
She wants to live her life differently than you think is best. That is okay, but it means you cannot be together anymore.
Do not move in together.
You need to find someone who wants the same things from life you do.
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The Question
I babysit his two boys, who are incredably sweet kids. Anyways, he asked if I wanted to have dinner sometime, just us. I am attracted to him, and he is really nice, it just never crossed my mind because of the age difference. I'm probably gonna give it a shot either way and just see how it goes, but I was wondering what someone who isn't involved would think. Is it a weird age difference or situation, from your perspective? Just curious really.
The Answer
Here is what is wierd, and not okay:
You can't date him AND keep on babysitting his kids.
You can do one, or the other, not both.
Doing both would be unproffesional and unkind the children. It could lend itself to unnecessary disruption and confusion in thier lives. If you break up, they will suddenly and without understanding (and possibility with a lot of negativity) need another sitter. If your relationship does go terribly well, you'll need to be 're-introduced' to them, and better there be a pause between babysitter you and dad's girlfriend you.
Otherwise, it's not unsual to date someone that much older than you, but it does come with some risks. Some older men (and, women) date younger people in order to better hide thier bullshit - younger people might not catch the warning signs quite as fast, especially since the older they get, the better they are at hiding it or making the irrational sound reasonable. You want to be extra on gaurd agianst controlling or manupulative behavoir that is dressed up as though it's just experience talking. You want to make sure that you both can make decisions and have opinions with equal weight in your relatioship. It may not be fair to say, but it is true: There are sometimes a very good reason that an older person is single. Lord knows I dated a few guys in thier 30s who were single for reasons that became pretty obvious after a short while.
So have fun, but pay attention. As in any new relationship, go in with eyes open.
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The Question
Is it ok for me to have sex at eleven
The Answer
Not really, no.
Sex comes with physical and emotional risks you aren't prepared to handle - I don't expect I can convince you of that - but more importantly than that: It's not okay for anyone else to have sex with you right now.
If the person is even a year older than you, they might find themselves in legal trouble. You are so young that in some areas, having sex with you would be considered pedophilia. Your partner could find themselves labeled a sex offender for life.
So, if for no other reason, having sex at age 11 is not a good idea. It can ruin someone's life.
Most states and counteries have Age of Consent laws that say you can legally consent to sex at some point between age 14 and 17. You should find out how old you need to be where you live. That's the age at which the goverment acknowledges that you are old enough and competant enough to consent. Before that age, your partner can get into a lot of trouble.
If someone is pressuring you to have sex with them, you should talk to an adult - it doesn't have to be your parents - but some adult who can give you some read advice.
It's okay to be interested in sex, but you have your whole adult life to actually have it. If you rush yourself, you are much more likely to get hurt, or in trouble.
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The Question
In high school,I have this attractive, 30 or maybe a bit younger something English teacher who wears dresses,skirts and heels and she always crosses her legs nicely when she sits down. She also seems to want to chat more with her male students. Is she trying to be flirty and get the attention of her male students?
The Answer
We aren't mind readers, but I highly doubt it.
Your evidence is that she dresses well, and that she crosses her legs the way you have to cross your legs when you wear skirts and dresses. Oh, and she chats with her male students.
Not exactly convincing.
Most people aren't going to risk their jobs (and possibly go to jail) over flirting with their students.
Also, most women in their 20s aren't going to be the least bit attracted to teenage boys.
You might wish she was interested. The other males in her class might approach her or chat with her more than usual because they wish she was interested. She most likely isn't.
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The Question
Okay, so I found out in October I was pregnant by my boyfriend at the time. He didnt want the kid and he claims he fell out of love with me, a few days after I told him I was pregnant. We live together so one of us couldnt just move out right away. But he emotionally moved out. He started taking other girls on dates and wouldnt take me on dates. Wouldnt talk to me. Basically only came home late from work to have sex sometimes and then sleep, and pack a duffel bag of clothes for the next few days he would be whereever...avoiding me until he wanted sex again. This went on until February 1st, when I moved out. Enough is enough! So this one girl he's been dating things shes hot shit or something. She found my email address, and emailed me, asking me who I am and why my email is in my boyfriends contact list. I replied saying, "I'm his pregnant girlfriend, I live with him, he's leading you to believe he's this awesome guy but I bet you you don't know anything about him." To this she replied, "I can see why he doesn't dig you, since your hair is hideous, and you're mentally unstable. Don't blame him for wanting someone better. Just because YOU had unprotected sex, you're crying and whining to strangers online. Luis and I are glad he will not be wasting any more time with you."
Like wtf? What kind of woman is this? I don't know how she could think that my pregnancy is 100 percent my fault. Why is she not holding Luis (my ex) accountable? Why would she want a guy who exhibits these qualities? She must be naive to think she can change a person. I'm not even a contentious woman, and he left me. What he is doing to me is a shitty thing to do, abandoning his pregnant girlfriend when the relationship gets tough.
The Answer
Get off your high horse.
You lied to this girl for your own selfish purposes: You are not living with him, and he broke up with you months ago. Doesn't matter that you both choose to kept on having sex despite the break up - you also both knew the relationship was over.
You tried to cause drama by lying about your connection with your ex boyfriend. You could have been totally honest with her and simply said, "I'm his pregnant ex girlfriend." but you didn't.
Yeah, she's a drama queen who called you names and wasted her time going through his contacts. What she said about your pregnancy is both nasty and stupid. Who the hell knows why she likes him, or what she sees in him. We can only guess.
So what. You are free of him and of her. You don't ever have to respond to her, or speak to her. You can take the high road and leave her totally out of it. She's nothing to you unless you join in in the drama (like you just did).
Just be grateful you are out of the bad situation you were in with your ex. If this girl also brings him drama, well, clearly he has a type.
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The Question
I've been feeling very sick these days (from the beginning of January onward) and experiencing some strange symptoms. I went to my GP and he said that probably I'm just being paranoid and the symptoms will go away on their own but it seems that they are just worsening as days roll by.
1. I have noticed that I bruise easily these days and I have seen some pinprick bleeds on my arms and legs.
2. I have also been catching colds and other infections more than normally.
3. I have fever, fatigue, night sweating, chills and have lost my appetite. My GP thinks it's just influenza.
4.I have a feeling of fullness below my ribs, have bone and joint pain and too many nosebleeds.
Can anybody please give me some advice regarding this problem? Should I see another doctor?
The Answer
You should see another doctor.
None of us are doctors.
If you aren't satisfied with your doctor's response, you should see another.
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The Question
Iam a girl and I broke up with my ex girlfriend over 3 years ago. We remained friends but it was awkward for both of us cause we still had feelings fire each other even though we were in relationships. She hugged me real tightly.for about 5 secs last time I seen her. What does it mean??
She is in a relationship and has her girlfriend name tattooed on her twice.
We no longer speak because she is super emotional. I told her Iam engaged and she seemed happy but she really hasnt talk to me since.
Recently my birthday passed and she hasnt told me happy birthday.
But she told me she was taking her girlfriend out
on my birthday as a Valentines day gift. And she said she was going to propose to her girlfriend on her birthday. It doesn't bother me at all cause I even offered to help her ring shop and told her I work at a Jewlery store and can get her a discount on rings.
So why is she treating me so badly? We broke up years ago and she seems happy. Her girlfriend is 10 years older than her and they made a beautiful couple. I don't get why she treats me so badly
birthday as a Valentines day giftbbirthday
The Answer
It means she doesn't want the same friendship as before.
Lives change. Both your life, and hers, are changing.
Your are exes and you knew that your friendship was awkward and strange. The friendship wasn't going to continue on in the way it was.
Maybe there was a better way for her to handle it, but regardless, she doesn't want the same friendship you wan anymore.
Accept it. She is treating you 'badly' so much as she is treating you appropriately - as an ex girlfriend who she is still casual friends with, not a bestie. Let it go.
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The Question
I found out my boyfriend is uncircumcised. BUT he doesn't believe me he's never let me see it flaccid now. hes 27 and he never knew this! he's always gotten an erection before we've had sex. when i saw the foreskin covering his penis when it wasn't erect i tried to explain it to him but he denied it and said it wasn't because it's just extra skin. he doesn't understand and i don't want to hurt him i want him to know and be proud of who he is i still love him regardless i just don't know how to handle this
The Answer
Does it matter?
This really isn't worth getting into any fights over.
Your boyfriend was clearly really uncomfortable with whatever it was you said to him about his penis.
It's possible he was teased when he was young, or is just generally uncomfortable about how his penis looks. If he has ever watched much porn (and really, how many guys haven't?) he's probably only seen circumcised penises. He may really not know what is going on with his body - he may have even feared for years that there was something wrong with him!
You can't fix that for him right away. That's going to take some time for him to deal with.
Guys can be just as insecure and frightened when it comes to their body as any woman, so back off a bit. YOU know it's not a big deal, so don't treat it as one. You can't make him be proud of it, but you can help him see it's not a big deal by not making a big deal of it.
I understand your desire to educate him, but I'd also back off that for a least a little while. No 27 year old guy wants to be told he's an idiot when it comes to his own body and it would be nearly impossible for you, his girlfriend, to educate him on foreskins without it coming across that way.
So, the only thing you should say, if anything, is to apologize if you gave him the idea there was anything wrong with it - you were just surprised 'cause you hadn't really noticed before - you can even play it off like you were the dumb, unobservant one. Let him know that you know it's totally normally. He can ask if you if he wants to how you know, or what you know - if he doesn't, then drop the subject. He'll come back to it (or he'll use Google, or ask a doctor) at some point. It's not like not understanding his foreskin is going to cause him any trouble or illness - his ignorance is more embarrassing and stressful for him than it is dangerous. It's okay for him to figure out his body on his own timeline.
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The Question
Just had our one year anniversary like 5 days ago...
I just got back from out of town this weekend and I really missed him, sending him texts/pictures; I thought we were at a good place before I left but when i got back today he was busy playing video games and acted like I wasn't there or mattered. I told him he was annoying me so I didn't talk to him and I planned on going to bed but that didn't happen. I ended up taking a cab to a friends house because I didn't want to be around him, he didn't really stop me...does he not care about our relationship? I left his house before I could even call the cab so I walked to the nearest gas station. He appeared there a couple minutes later but where was he when I was walking out the door? He didn't say much besides why don't i just go back and go to sleep and stop being irrational. Cab came just in time and I left so here I am wondering what i should do..
Here's some background info about our relationship:
on/off relationship for the past year
had 3 breakups/breaks
he's jobless, car-less and is always broke
i feel like i support him most of the time
we're both in college and graduating in may
SO my question is should we just break up?
The Answer
Do you want to break up?
You guys have been on and off for a year. It sounds like you may live together already. You are both coming towards a big change in your lives (Graduation) and neither of you seem interested in talking about - anything - at all.
We can't judge a relationship from this one little snippet of an event. These things don't happen in glass jars - there was a lot leading up to this. Does your boyfriend have a video game habit that is destructive? Is he depressed and trying manage that? Did you tell him you wanted to do something for your anniversary when you got home or did you just expect him to figure that out on his own? Did he know you were dropping by that night? Did you ask him to stop playing video games and hang out with you? Did you suggest something economical that you might be able to do together?
It takes two people to make something work - you've told us clearly that your boyfriend wasn't doing that work last night, but you haven't really told us that you were trying to make it work either. You left. Which is fine, but it's not a solution.
So, it's really up to you - Do you want to break up? If you don't even want to bother fighting with him, then maybe it is time to call it quits all together.
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The Question
Hello. I am a 16 year old teenager who spends all her time with this one girl Lily. Lily is my best friend in the whole world, and I am very open about everything with her. Lily on the other hand does not tell me very much, but she always tells me that is just the way about her and not to take it real personally.
In the beggining of this year, Lily started Hanging out with this Lesbian in the year above us, Jessica. At first, it was just group plans, but than they started hanging out alone together all the time,and Lily really started to wanting to always have plans with Jessica.
Because of this, I was getting a bit concered that Lily was possibly a lesbian, just still in the closet about it all, but i didn't have to much prove besides a few texts Jessica sent Lily about her sexulity so I kinda just let things play out. Finally, my other best friend Marcus couln't handle it anymore, and Lily found out that Marcus and I both thought that she was a Lesbian.
Lily flipped out, said of course she isnt and just because she hangs out with Jessica all the time does not makes her gay.
So After that, I kinda just ignored the situation. Jessica and Lily don't talk now..and its been about 3 months.
Then. last night. I was given the opportunity to look at Lily and Jessicas facebook messages. all of them. Lily was sleeping and I was alone on her computer. I'm not proud of it, but I read every message. I so badly needed closure.
Basically, I found out that Lily had been dating Jessica for over 2 months, is actually a lesbian, and told Jessica I wouldn't accept her if she came out.
Which btw, is not true. Gay or straight, doesn't matter to me.
Whats keeping me up at night is the fact the I know all of this information. I know Lily must feel so alone always hiding in the closet, and as her best friend I so badly want to confront her about it.
Only thing is, how do I confront her about me knowing if the way I know was by being a huge and total snoop? I would loss all her trust!
Please Help... I really cannot wait another minute
The Answer
I think the other columnists are right: Leave it alone.
You made a mistake, and the way to fix it is not by 'confronting her', it's by keeping the stuff you shouldn't know, to yourself.
The only other thing to do is to let Lily know plainly that you'd accept any of your friends, gay or straight, and then not to pressure her to disclose. Although Lily might be saying aloud "I don't think you'll accept me." she might have other reasons for choosing to keep this relationship to herself, and those reasons deserve respect, whatever they are.
Sexuality is not a black and white thing. Lily might be confused and not ready to speak to anyone about what is going on with Jessica or how she feels about it. So back off. When she is ready to talk to you, she will. Until then, be respectful and don't gossip behind her back - that's the kind of thing that will only make her less willing to speak to you about what is going on.
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