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I Dont Understand..
I have this guy friend im close to , we both flirt alot and are playful around eachother..Were always playing footsie and hes always trying to hold my hand.. and sometimes we actually do.. i asked him what he thought about relationships and he told me that he doesnt want anything serious because his last relationship was so complicated and it ended badly and it was just too much hurt to deal with. So i asked him why he holds my hand and acts the way he does. He didnt have an exact answer, he kept beating around the bush.. i would be like "Do you even feel anything for me? " hed be like 'I cant be in a relationship, i try my best to avoid any feelings towards anyone. " Like i dont get it, the farthest wev ever went was holding hands, and he knows for a FACT thats all its ever gonna be.. sometimes when well joke around about it,hes like im telling you no strings attached :P and like hell say things like that that makes me think hes trying to be friends with benefits, but isnt Friends with benefits more sexual than emotional? and holding hands is an emotional thing.. I just dont understand him, when i asked him what it was he told me its just different with me,, like he doesnt want anything more than a friendship but at the same time he wants something less than a relationship, its weird. Like is he at that mind state where he doesnt know what he wants? or is he just using me? and if he is just using me in what way exactly? he told me he wasnt.. he was like if i was i swear id treat you differently ( i guess he meant not in a respectful way) and to be honest hes very respectful to me. Im not naive and stupid by the way.. i know that theres a really good chance that hes just bored, but i just dont see what pleasure HOLDING my hand would do for him, can someone please help me understand this? thank you. No rude answers please im just wondering and i wanna know what i should do =/
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From the way you describe this guy's actions I do not think he is using you. I think he is not sure what he wants - which might also be as bad as if he was using you, because you will probably never get what you want out of this - which I assume is a relationship with him.
He does not sound like a bad guy, but if you like him as more than a friend, I think you should consider not seeing him anymore - because you might be the one getting hurt in here.
Best,
Diana
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First off: You need to stop assuming that all men want sex all the time. Believe it or not, holding hands is pleasant, and some guys enjoy holding hands, cuddling and doing other non-sexual affectionate things. Guys are human beings just like girls. Don't assume they all want the same thing - you'll end up wrong.
But more importantly:
What do YOU want?!
He sounds like he's not entirely sure what he does want (even though he is pretty clear about what he doesn't want).
But you left out the most important part, more important than his constant dancing around and explaining and excuses: What the hell do YOU want from this?
This guy doesn't seem to be manipulating you or lying to you, and he can't be 'using you' if he is being totally honest with you.
The question is not "Why does he like holding my hand?" (because the answer to that is: He's human) the question is "Am I happy with this friendship, or do I want something different from this guy, or from someone else?"
Stop focusing so much on what he is thinking and feeling. Although it sounds like he is trying to be honest with you, you'll never know for sure what is going on in another person's brain. Instead, figure out what you are thinking and feeling. If you are getting what you want from this friendship, great, keep it up. If you aren't, ask him for it or find somebody who wants the same thing as you do.
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