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I'm 21, he's 31.
I babysit his two boys, who are incredably sweet kids. Anyways, he asked if I wanted to have dinner sometime, just us. I am attracted to him, and he is really nice, it just never crossed my mind because of the age difference. I'm probably gonna give it a shot either way and just see how it goes, but I was wondering what someone who isn't involved would think. Is it a weird age difference or situation, from your perspective? Just curious really.
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If you were 11 and he 21 their would be a huge problem but that is not the case. You are both adults and if there is an attraction there you should follow your instincts.
If anyone finds the difference in your ages a problem it is there problem not yours. Ten years difference in age is not a huge difference. For one thing he is more stable in his work life and better able to afford the better things in life than say someone your own age. But that would and should not be the only reason to pursue a relationship with him. That should be an added benefit.
Then their are his children to consider. You are their baby sitter and they are attached to you. IF the relationship doesn't workout how will this effect them. Will you still be able to sit for them or will the breakup be of the type where you can no longer stand to have any contact with him. If his children are young which I would guess they are this would be a major disruption in their lives as well.
In this instance it is not the age difference that should be at the top of the list of concerns but the dynamics of the whole arrangement between the two of you. This I believe is some thing the two of you must discuss before taking that next step.
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You're an adult at 21. The age gap is not what society at large would generally consider distasteful or inappropriate. Imagine a perfect outcome, he's the one. When you're 40 he'll be 50. Who'd raise an eyebrow? It would not preclude, or even 'make awkard' further children. I'd say take a look at the MENTAL/EMOTIONAL MATURITY angle. Do you share something like the same 'take' on life? Have similar interests? When you've been chatting and spending time with him, how have you felt? Like mates, or like he's one of your dad's mates? Obviosuly he has trust in you, or he would not give you the care of his children. Do you feel he speaks 'down' to your, or on a broadly equal footing? You know what answers you're looking for here, which boxes you want to be able to tick. Quite honestly, if you're getting a lot more positives than negatives you've got to give it a go. So far you like what you've seen, and you feel attracted to him. The age difference is not a signifcant barrier. Good luck.
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Here is what is wierd, and not okay:
You can't date him AND keep on babysitting his kids.
You can do one, or the other, not both.
Doing both would be unproffesional and unkind the children. It could lend itself to unnecessary disruption and confusion in thier lives. If you break up, they will suddenly and without understanding (and possibility with a lot of negativity) need another sitter. If your relationship does go terribly well, you'll need to be 're-introduced' to them, and better there be a pause between babysitter you and dad's girlfriend you.
Otherwise, it's not unsual to date someone that much older than you, but it does come with some risks. Some older men (and, women) date younger people in order to better hide thier bullshit - younger people might not catch the warning signs quite as fast, especially since the older they get, the better they are at hiding it or making the irrational sound reasonable. You want to be extra on gaurd agianst controlling or manupulative behavoir that is dressed up as though it's just experience talking. You want to make sure that you both can make decisions and have opinions with equal weight in your relatioship. It may not be fair to say, but it is true: There are sometimes a very good reason that an older person is single. Lord knows I dated a few guys in thier 30s who were single for reasons that became pretty obvious after a short while.
So have fun, but pay attention. As in any new relationship, go in with eyes open.
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I personally don't see a huge issue with it. Be cautious, of course. Some older men seek younger women because they want to just "mess around," essentially, to avoid any form of serious relationship. Not saying that's the case here, just something to watch out for. Other than that, he is basically your boss, so you risk losing your babysitting job for him if something goes wrong. But, if you like him, go to dinner and see how things go. You're both adults, so the age difference isn't anything serious.
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