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MY FRIEND IS A SECRET LESBIAN
Hello. I am a 16 year old teenager who spends all her time with this one girl Lily. Lily is my best friend in the whole world, and I am very open about everything with her. Lily on the other hand does not tell me very much, but she always tells me that is just the way about her and not to take it real personally.
In the beggining of this year, Lily started Hanging out with this Lesbian in the year above us, Jessica. At first, it was just group plans, but than they started hanging out alone together all the time,and Lily really started to wanting to always have plans with Jessica.
Because of this, I was getting a bit concered that Lily was possibly a lesbian, just still in the closet about it all, but i didn't have to much prove besides a few texts Jessica sent Lily about her sexulity so I kinda just let things play out. Finally, my other best friend Marcus couln't handle it anymore, and Lily found out that Marcus and I both thought that she was a Lesbian.
Lily flipped out, said of course she isnt and just because she hangs out with Jessica all the time does not makes her gay.
So After that, I kinda just ignored the situation. Jessica and Lily don't talk now..and its been about 3 months.
Then. last night. I was given the opportunity to look at Lily and Jessicas facebook messages. all of them. Lily was sleeping and I was alone on her computer. I'm not proud of it, but I read every message. I so badly needed closure.
Basically, I found out that Lily had been dating Jessica for over 2 months, is actually a lesbian, and told Jessica I wouldn't accept her if she came out.
Which btw, is not true. Gay or straight, doesn't matter to me.
Whats keeping me up at night is the fact the I know all of this information. I know Lily must feel so alone always hiding in the closet, and as her best friend I so badly want to confront her about it.
Only thing is, how do I confront her about me knowing if the way I know was by being a huge and total snoop? I would loss all her trust!
Please Help... I really cannot wait another minute
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I think the other columnists are right: Leave it alone.
You made a mistake, and the way to fix it is not by 'confronting her', it's by keeping the stuff you shouldn't know, to yourself.
The only other thing to do is to let Lily know plainly that you'd accept any of your friends, gay or straight, and then not to pressure her to disclose. Although Lily might be saying aloud "I don't think you'll accept me." she might have other reasons for choosing to keep this relationship to herself, and those reasons deserve respect, whatever they are.
Sexuality is not a black and white thing. Lily might be confused and not ready to speak to anyone about what is going on with Jessica or how she feels about it. So back off. When she is ready to talk to you, she will. Until then, be respectful and don't gossip behind her back - that's the kind of thing that will only make her less willing to speak to you about what is going on.
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How would you feel if someone read your Facebook messages or something private without your consent or knowledge? You would be beyond pissed and that's what she would be.
Why do you need closure anyway? Whether someone is gay/straight/bisexual is to be brutally honest none of your damn business. Your business ends at the tip of your nose.
Stay out of it and say nothing. If anyone needs to confront someone it's the two of them confronting you for doing something so wrong. If you lose her trust you deserve to. You knew full well at the time that it was wrong but gave in to curiosity.
If this girl wants to admit she is gay to others it's up to her to determine when and if she feels right to. The reason she has said nothing to you is because she knows you're the wrong person to put that information in the hands of.
She's deliberately not told you for reasons personal and sound to her. It should keep you feeling guilty or up at night as you betrayed your friend whether you can understand that or not.
All you can do now is make sure you never do it again and be supportive of this person and thank your lucky stars you still have a friendship with her. Put yourself in her shoes. You need to see how scared she must be and how hurt you reading her stuff was.
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You don't confront her
You were wrong for snooping in her buisness. Whether or whether not she was a lesbian /bicurious it did not involve you. This was her choice, She has that right. Getting involved in other peoples lives is nosey, rude and it is how you loose friends.. I have a bit of a hard time believing you wanted "closure" but to but your nose into something to fill your curiousity.
Now the brutal truth; Except it or loose a friend due to your arrogance.
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