You already know what you should do...leave him and never look back. Make sure that you have the support of family and friends for your safety and to keep you accountable to your decision. He may come around and offer you words that sound good, but he is not good for keeping his word. No more giving guys all these chances and opportunities to keep screwing with your life. You are better than this and you deserve to be safe and respected, but a great guy does not have a chance with you if you keep yourself in the company of losers. Respect yourself too much to ever let anyone pull this with you again. Bring yourself up to living with higher standards for yourself and you will eventually attract the right kind of guys. Girls that are too nice and have low self-esteem are like waiting targets for jerks and losers. Change your mind about what you can be and have and it will change your life.

Sex is like an anti-depressant, with all the endorphins orgasm provides. However, two depressed teenagers using sex for their only sense of joy and fulfillment will have a difficult time growing in other areas and realizing they have many other options. Sex should not be the only thing that makes the two of you happy when you are together. If you were allowed to see each other without restrictions then you would make it like rabbits until you both got bored of it and each other and break up anyway. Whether you are seventeen or seventy my advice is the same. Branch out and do some fun stuff both alone and together. Find ways to deal with your depression and live life. Sex should be an extension of your joy, not a replacement for it.

You never need to apologize for being a virgin, or think someone is doing you a favor by not pushing you to do more than you are ready for. Your virginity is not a bad thing, it is part of who you are right now. Oral sex should never ever be painful, and he most likely was being insensitive or is not as experienced as he pretends to be, at least not in pleasuring someone other than himself. Whether it was his mouth or fingers that hurt you, it is not something you should just let go. I am glad you had the guts to finally tell him to stop. For now, you should concentrate on your own feelings emotionally and physically and figure out what you want and how. He needs to listen to you. You know your own body...this is not about experience, and he is not more knowledgeable than you on the topic of your own body. For cunnilingis, you are the instructor and he is the student. Tell him to be gentle and use only his tongue for now. You can tell him more as you figure out what you want. Sex is about fun and exploring together, and should never be pressured or painful. Don't worry about pleauring him until he gets this right for you. He should be enjoying giving you oral and that is its own reward. You are doing him a favour by letting him do it...believe me, if a guy thinks it is work, there is something wrong with him.

The inconsistency in your success with information gathering is two-part. First, you are grasping for answers to which have not been established. You are ignoring your part in the creative process of contributing to your reality. Self awareness must be the first goal. What you define as inaccuracy might be something else your higher self is designing to help you grow. Listen not only to your higher self, but to your "lower" consciousness as well. The dialogue is just as important as the outcome. Second, the process is always more important then the result. Take time out from all this testing the universe, to meditate. Also, reflective writing is a fabulous way to zero in on your hidden self and bring it into communion with the whole. This is about being the healthiest possible total you at every moment and with every choice you make to be present and aware. Last, I want to remind you that time is a tricky player in this game and does not have the boundaries that you and I forget we have. Be patient in your growth, because we cannot always monitor our success is visibles, until metamorphasis is complete.

Your title can be read with two meanings. I thought you were a dude exclaiming your love of flirting at first..how funny. Anyway, whether or not someone is flirty is not an indication of their loyalty as you may think. A lot of cheaters are sneaky and do not openly flirt. On the other hand some people just love attention and flirt with anyone that will play the game. He may like you and like to flirt, and that is okay for him to be who he is. If it really bugs you then the two of you won't work, because we cannot change for anyone. You could try being more flirty yourself and see what happens...you may enjoy it.

Funny how we set out for something and then are worried when we get it. There are some strange stories that come out of people having used the witchboards. Really, what are the possibilities: 1. Just a game 2. Connects you with an unseen spiritual world through powers we don't understand which may be good or evil 3. Hit or miss, sometimes it is just a game and sometimes more. I have used one and there were some things that definately freaked me out enough to think I did not want to dabble with it just in case the unexplainable was connected to something bad. It is your decision, be smart and be aware.

It is exhausting to be someone you are not. At school you are distracted with friends and fun. When you get home, when you are alone, you have to face reality. You have depression and have a huge emotional burden. People at home have not been supportive of you and they do not realize the depth of your sadness. Talk to them. Talk to a school counselor. Write about it. Get it out. Bottling it up does not work. Whatever it is that you think you can't talk about is making you feel isolated, but you need to realize that you are not alone. Whatever you have been through, someone or a lot of someones have gone through a million times before you. Open up and share with someone you care about or just someone you trust like a teacher. You can and will get through this. People that care about you will not mind being affected by you...that is why you have friends and family...you would do the same for them. You deserve to be cared for, too.

"Always" is a lot...is it really always, or does it just feel that way. Be careful in accusing someone of an "always," because that kind of overgeneralization usually makes the other person very defensive and arguments result. On the other hand if you are positive in your attitude and make plans together to do some things that are new to both of you or that he likes, he will be more willing. Don't worry about whether he has fun with his friends and nip that jealousy in the bud now. He deserves friends and fun and so do you! Make some plans with your friends when he does and don't sit around and mope. Your happiness does not rest in anyone's hands but your own.

Talk with your mom about how you feel. You do not however have a right to judge her. Marriage is between the two people who said the vows and it means different things to different people and changes over time...sometimes for the better, but rough patches happen. Also, you are technically an adult, though you live at home. So, your parents have already done their job of raising you and you need to focus on your own life. Your job is not to "protect" your dad by telling him what 1. May not be true 2. May not be as bad as you think 3. Is not your business 4. He may not want to know, even if he suspects it 5. He may not deserve to know...maybe he does not care or is not as innocent as you think 6. Should only come from your mom, should she decide to say anything when and how she chooses 7. May seem like a simple choice, but life and marriage is complicated. Leave it alone, except for talking to your mom and giving her a chance to say for herself. If you find out from her that something is going on and she asks you to not say anything, tell her that is putting you in an unfair position, but give her a chance to come clean first.

Depends on the atheist. "Believe in nothing," may not be the most accurate though. The point of atheism is that they do NOT believe in nothing. They consider super-natural ideas like God to be nothing, since there is no proof or evidence for the existence of God or the Tooth Fairy etc...We all have a basis for our believes, but personal feelings do not prove that something or someone exists. Evidence is something that anyone can experience; See, Smell, Hear, Touch, Taste. There are proofs that can be arrived at through mathmatics and logic that are not empirical. Philosophy and Science and Math are all saturated in belief systems...we all have faith in what we choose to have faith in based upon our reasoning. So the question of whether or not someone has a valid belief system can be addressed first by looking at their reasoning. Is it logical and based on some objective reality or entirely stacked on ideas that don't hold water?

Leave an anonymous note kindly and gently letting him know that you (not the whole damn office) have noticed an odor problem...be specific about where it is coming from if you can so he does not think it is his underarms if it is his breath for example). Also, it would be nice if you told him in this anonymous note that he is an otherwise great guy and that heck, we all smell...and have to work on keeping clean and odor control. This is as much as you should do and leave it at that. Keep it short and sweet. If you were good friends I would say this to his face in private...use your very best judgement and be extra kind in your voice and tone.

You have had previous offers and why does that really matter? This is not a business decision. While it is good to defer to your brain and not just your heart in major decisions, I think you are too busy playing defense to really know what you want. You are obviously smart and goal-oriented which plays a role in your choices concerning marriage but are not too be given priority over what should be ruling your marital future; two hearts. At 21, you are not worried about being a spinster, and three years is really not that long, considering you just entered adulthood and this is your first adult relationship. Do you really want to marry your first adult love interest? You realize that you do an enormous amount of maturing in your twenties and you have not even begun to know yourself? Do you want to be happy in five years, or regretting a decision that was made in haste? Part of what is obvious about your personality is your need for security and control over your life. Work on that...think about it and let yourself feel vulnerable for a change...you must grow in this area or you will start making decisions and pressuring others to make them before anyone is really ready to. You do not get a guarentee of true love and life-long security by pressing someone for a commitment ring...that is a false premise and whether or not he caves into you, you both will lose. You have the world to explore...open yourself to it and let go of the idea that you need someone else to make you feel loved and secure. Work on this in your twenties and you will thank me down the road...better, you will thank yourself.

Your brother is gone and nothing you do on a Witchboard will bring him back to you the way you want it to. God is love and does not wish for you to be in agony, or living a life of guilt. God offers forgiveness and you need to take it not based upon your ability and promise to resist temptation, but based upon the ability and promise of God to redeem you completely and perfectly. There is a wide gap in what we believe to be reality and the unseen spiritual realm and there are things we will not know in this lifetime. Trust the faith you have. God does not require a perfect faith, just a faith in the perfect. Dreams are not a phone line from the world of spirits. They are a real part of our mental unconsciousness that perceives what our conscious mind will not grasp. Thoughts are extremely powerful and will set the course for your life and spirit. Examine all your thoughts and feelings in light of the love you have for your brother and the love God has for you. This life is temporary but important. When humans destroy the good in their own lives and stop believing in the possibilities of love, the result is disasterous for themselves and all around them. You have witnessed destruction and you are rightfully vexed by the horror of losing your brother. The path to knowing and honoring your brother is not in more destructive behavior. It was not his time to die, but we all face the same death eventually, and the same end. This can be a fearful thing to accept and demons real or imagined feed and breed on fear. Work through your fear and pain head on with a counselor, spiritual advisor, through prayer and meditation and in living a life of giving and joy. Do not hide behind dark games and meaningless shadows when you can live and heal in the light of all the good you know can be yours.

Being a follower of Jesus is what it means to be a Christian, so of course there is a focus on the teachings of Jesus in being "His" disciples. Christians additionally believe that Jesus is not only the Son of the one and only God, but that He is God fully in human form manifested. In submitting to Jesus, one is submitting to God and it is only through Jesus that a human can access the Divine God. Jesus is the Savior, Whom God Himself provided to all humans. In the Christian Faith Jesus is the spiritual reflection of God in human flesh, and a part of the triune or three in one, personhood of God. Hope that clarifies.

Tornado's are a real threat to some communities and recently have been responsible for deaths in many states. Perhaps you have been watching the news? It does not matter, really, except that our minds are usually full of unprocessed data from an overload of stimulation that winds up disturbing our sleep. However, if we want to look at meaning in the way of dream symbolism, it is clear that you wish to communicate something to your mother and are unable to find your voice or courage to do so. What is holding you back? Think about any secrets or fears that are preventing you from a relationship with your mother. Do you trust her enough to share? It is important to talk to someone, and release the burden. If you can't talk about it with her, find someone else you can share your fears with. It is normal to have fears and you need to find your voice.

First, make a list of the reasons you feel this way. Talk honestly and openly with your personal physician. Does your doctor know all your concerns? He or she can suggest a psychiatrist if they really think you are in need of one. Feeling sick and scared is not healthy and you need to get help immediately. You deserve to feel better and get help...don't give up!

He will not change and you have been accepting of his behavior by not breaking up with him. He figures he can treat you like crap and get away with it because he can...you have allowed it. You want to spend the rest of your life playing second to his mom? Yuck. He is not worth it...not at all. There is nothing wrong with being loving and appreciating your mom, but a parent who does not encourage or allow a child to grow into an adult is not loving...they are extremely selfish and needy. Life is too short to put up with this crap. Break up with him and stay broken up. Date only men that you respect and will respect you.

You are so young..that is the good news! You have made a few poor choices and suffered because of them. Trying to change for someone and be something you are not won't work anymore than trying to change the other person. There was a huge age difference to begin with which gave him an advantage over your inexperience and made it easy to manipulate you from the beginning. He never wanted an equal relationship with a real woman. Obviously he will do anything to avoid growing up. Get out of this mess now and get yourself into counseling. He will move from one porn obsession to another, and typically with addicts the usual things no longer get them off, so they need more kinky or violent or weird to do the trick. That is a dark and lonely road he is going down and he is willing to sacrifice everything to keep his addiction. This is not about whether or not porn is moral. This is about addiction of any kind and his is porn for whatever reason. Quit comparing yourself to that crap. You are worth so much more. You have been compromising your worth for this guy for too long. He has never valued you and never will. What is important now is that you learn to value yourself...that is the only way you will avoid another user in your future. There is no rational way to "deal" with someone else's problems. Move on? Yes, but don't forget the counseling...it will save you from moving only into another mess...and most people will move right into another mess without serious self-evaluation and quality guidance.

I am not going to pretend this is obvious or simple, because you know better. However, I have to say that you are being reasonable and offered a practical solution to your problem. Unfortunately it was not a perfect solution and there is unlikely to be one. Trying to make several adults and childrens lives mesh in total harmony is not realistic, but we still try our best to find harmony in at least parts of those entwined lives. Is there a mediator available who might offer her valuable experience in this situation? Your husband had a hard loss and is emotionally distraught over it and like a guy, he wants to take action...even irrational action to feel more in control. His heart is in the right place, but yours is as well. There is nothing fair about the situation, but you need to leave that notion behind and do the best with what is. Is he planning on really leaving you or just renting a place to try to live in both cities? Have you made a list just by yourself of all the pros and cons of both of you moving to his ex's city where you and your husband work anyway? Maybe it could work? Don't think with your hurt feelings...you need to re-look at the situation with only the facts in mind. Make no decision out of fear, but empowered by knowledge and a willingness to extend beyond your prior comfort factor.

You already know the answer. The best way to avoid her and ignore her...things you mentioned, is just to do it consistently. The right thing is not usually the easy thing, is it? She probably knows on some level how bizarre she is, but it is easier to do the same old thing, than to change. Do you want to be like her? Right now she has you sucked into a pattern with her and you are an adult now and able to remove yourself, but the child in you does not know how. This is growing up. I have homework for you and it will be life changing...promise. Read TOXIC PARENTS and get back to me.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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