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How long should I wait for a proposal?
First a few details, I'm a 21 year old female and will complete my master's in December (not planning to pursue a PhD). Basically I'm at the point where I'm job hunting, starting my first retirement plan, and figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. These plans ideally include marriage.
I have been in a relationship with "Joe" for most of the last three years. Although he is slightly older, I'm a little farther along than he is. He's still finishing a bachelor's, figuring out what he wants to do, etc. Recently "Joe" and I have had several discussions on the subject of marriage and our future. "Joe" claims to be interested in marrying me but frequently points out that he's still several years from being ready. I realize that marriage is not in the immediate future but am unwilling to go on much longer without an engagement.
I could really see myself marrying "Joe". I've had three previous offers including one proposal, so it's not just a marriage I want. If he really wants to marry me, there shouldn't be many sticking points. I'm okay with a long engagement, don't want to immediately move in together, and have no desire to have children. Although I'm not looking to get married right away, it's important for me to know whether or not this relationship has a future. "Joe" is aware of all of this feelings and knows I'm waiting for a decision. How long should I wait for him to propose?
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Congratulations on getting a 4yr bachelor and 2 yr masters by 21. I was 24 . You must have been 16 when you graduated from HS. With such a bright future, focus on a PhD and wait til 30 to marry, its worth it. The freedom and choices are immense.
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When it comes to proposing, we guys tend to get the butterflies, because we're always nervous of what the girl's response would be, even if we know what the response is.
Give him some time to think this over and prepare himself. I know that it is frustrating but these things take time because you're commiting yourself to one person for the rest of your life (which I know you know).
The relationship will only have a future if the couple has faith in that it will last, because if one has doubts, then it will fall apart. He loves you, but you must wait.
Good luck with you Masters and with the future,
triquetra
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If you aren't looking to get married right now or in the near future, why cant you just trust him when he says he wants to marry you? You really don't need a ring to make it official. You know he is yours and he knows you are his.
But if this is the route you really want to go and he knows this, give him 3 to 6 months. He probably has a lot of stuff including his school and what he wants to do with his life on his mind and he might feel a little bit of pressure from you on the engagement issue. Back off with the engagement talk and see how often he brings it up and if he doesn't then you know that he is nowhere near ready.
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You have had previous offers and why does that really matter? This is not a business decision. While it is good to defer to your brain and not just your heart in major decisions, I think you are too busy playing defense to really know what you want. You are obviously smart and goal-oriented which plays a role in your choices concerning marriage but are not too be given priority over what should be ruling your marital future; two hearts. At 21, you are not worried about being a spinster, and three years is really not that long, considering you just entered adulthood and this is your first adult relationship. Do you really want to marry your first adult love interest? You realize that you do an enormous amount of maturing in your twenties and you have not even begun to know yourself? Do you want to be happy in five years, or regretting a decision that was made in haste? Part of what is obvious about your personality is your need for security and control over your life. Work on that...think about it and let yourself feel vulnerable for a change...you must grow in this area or you will start making decisions and pressuring others to make them before anyone is really ready to. You do not get a guarentee of true love and life-long security by pressing someone for a commitment ring...that is a false premise and whether or not he caves into you, you both will lose. You have the world to explore...open yourself to it and let go of the idea that you need someone else to make you feel loved and secure. Work on this in your twenties and you will thank me down the road...better, you will thank yourself.
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