|
Severe Momma's Boy Problems
Sorry it's so long...Okay, I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but my boyfriend (age 20) is literally in love with his mommy. The birthday card he gave to her read this....
Mom,
May this Birthday be a special day for you, just as special as you are to me. First of all I want to thank you for raising me by yourself and doing a great job at it. I know it seems as I get older I need you less but that isn't true. I am still learning things from you every day.
Even though I am not into all of that religious stuff, I beleive you are an Angel. You were put on this earth to help and guide others. I want to thank you for all you have done for me, and guiding me on to the right path of life.
Mom, you have done so much for me and I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it.
You will always be the best MOM in the world!!!
The older you get the wiser you get and you will always be beautiful.
He is 20 years old and his mom still cooks his dinner, washes his clothes, and tells him how to live his life! Not to mention he just forgot our THREE YEAR anniversary...he also went on vacation w/ his mom during my sweet sixteen (I got no card or call for that matter). I'm at a loss. We have been "dating" for three years but we have NEVER been out on a date together!!! Yet, he takes his mom out for dinner all the time! He is always rubbing her back or massaging her head but for me, it's like pulling teeth to get a massage!! AND I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!! I would greatly appreciate any advice, because I've been trying different approaches for three years and no luck yet!! THANKS!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hello - I'm a producer on a morning talk show and we are putting together a segment on Momma's Boys. We will have some experts on to offer advice on how to compromise and solve this problem. If this is something you are interested in, e-mail me at: morningshowjen@yahoo.com
Don't forget to inculde contact info!
Jen
]
umm i think you should make a list of all the good he does for you /reasons you like him and then make another list of reasons you should let him go/pet peeves you have and which ever one is longer you should go through with i know it may sound kinda childish but it worked 4 me
]
you might not want to hear it, but you two shouldnt be together. eventually, maybe, one day hell grow up, but he obviously right now hes not too great of a boyfriend. it doesnt seem like he would change for you if it means "neglecting" his mom. it might feel tough getting out of a relationship after being together for 3 years, but i think you can do it. i mean hey, you weree dedicated to a guy who massages his mom more than you for three years, you can do anything :] good luck with this guy (boy)!
]
I really don't thinkk that he is going to change just because of the fact that he is 20 and that you all have been together for 3 years and he hasn't change. To me I think that you need to find a man that will treat you like a real woman should.
]
He will not change and you have been accepting of his behavior by not breaking up with him. He figures he can treat you like crap and get away with it because he can...you have allowed it. You want to spend the rest of your life playing second to his mom? Yuck. He is not worth it...not at all. There is nothing wrong with being loving and appreciating your mom, but a parent who does not encourage or allow a child to grow into an adult is not loving...they are extremely selfish and needy. Life is too short to put up with this crap. Break up with him and stay broken up. Date only men that you respect and will respect you.
]
Ahem. Let us state the obvious:
You are upset with your boyfriend's immaturity and lack of attention to you.
This is made even worse by the fact he treats his mother well, but his mother really doesn't have anything to do with your real problem. Your real problem is that you don't feel appreciated or cared for.
The relationship he has with his mother that you've described here is abnormally close, but you haven't said anything to make me think it's inherently unhealthy. He might just adore, appreciate and enjoy his mother's company. The trouble is that he should adore, appreciate and enjoy your company just as much, if not more.
There is only one approach to try here: talking to him RESPECTFULLY about your needs. Don't attack him about his relationship with his mother, explain to him what it is you want of your relationship together (that has NOTHING to do with his mom.) Rather then criticizing him for his love of mom, you should praise him for it and help him understand that it is that kind of respect and appreciation that ALL women are looking for. Express to him how much it hurts you that he seems to understand that and give it to one women in his life, but not too you. It makes you feel unloved, and the relationship can't go on like that.
Take a step back, calm down, appreciate the man you have and explain what it is you need in order to be happy.
If he can't provide, end it. Three years is long enough to either expect your needs to be met, or realize they never will be, and move on.
]
His mom is probably his best friend. And I'm very sorry, but you are in a very tricky situation. If I were in your shoes, I would invite him over and watch Failure to Launch. Even at 15, when I watched that movie, I wanted to move out of my house and start my own life lol. Maybe it will inspire him. Or, if I were you, I would just say to him exactly what you said on here. You need to let him know that it bothers you. Since you've been together for 3 years, then you should be pretty comfortable talking to him.
Good luck and let me know how things work out!
]
More Questions: |