"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
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Location: WV / KY / ND
Occupation: Technical Account Management
Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
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Last Update: August 15, 2011
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so i remember when the two girls one cup video was popular, i never saw it but i wanted to and on youtube i could only find the reactions to it. i dont want to get like creapy porn if i type it in. does anyone have a link to the video? (link)
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Honestly, you really don't want to see it. 2girls1cup IS creepy porn.
Disgusting is not funny and this isn't even somewhat amusing. So not worth money either.
I've seen 2girls1cup and unless you like seeing two women eating their own feces from a glass that they've just "used" as a toilet, it's not for you. It isn't meant to be funny at all. It's real porn that real people are interested in somewhere in the world. Seriously. It's pretty graphic and not the slightest bit amusing.
I just wouldn't bother searching around if I were you. Surely you can find better things to do with your time.
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alright..soo iam 16 iam going to be 17 soon and i really dont want to have sex. like i think my age is wayyy too young to even be thinking about it. but all the guys my age or older already expect it. i really dont know what to do, cause you can never really find decent guys anymore that will wait. and if you tell them you dont want to have sex they will either keep pushing you or just leave you right then and there...i dont really know what to do, and i DONT want to have sex expecially not yet. (link)
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If a guy keeps pressuring you to have sex or leaves after you deny him sexual relations, then he wasn't worth the attention to begin with.
There ARE decent guys out there that don't obsess over sex. There are good guys who don't expect sex until marriage even, believe it or not. You just have to be upfront about yourself.
I am thankful that you aren't already out having sex with every thing that walks like most people your age. It's saddening to see two people not be able to hold a conversation between each other because all they do is have sex. It's even sadder that they may end up reproducing, only to tell their children that they know nothing of the child's mother/father.
Simply be upfront with the guy on the first date. You don't have to be cold about it, but make sure to let him know that you are seeking respect for your body too. Get to a part in the conversation when you are talking about yourself and slip in, "I really am waiting for marriage, if you know what I mean, and it's really difficult to find a guy that respects my decision."
That will open it up for the guy to respond. He's going to do one of three things then. He may decide that he will try to pressure you into sex. He may decide that this date was not worth his time (he's a loser). He may decide that he's glad he's finally found a girl who is decent and he is starting to decide how he's going to ask for a second date.
You don't have to have sex. Good guys do not expect it. Good guys won't talk about sex openly. Good guys won't pressure you for any sexual favor. Good guys aren't perverted and hang around with such crowds.
So, take a deep breath, hold your head up high, and relax. The right guy WILL come along who knows how special your decision is. You just need to be upfront.
By the way, since you're at a fairly young age, a guy may tease you a little about wanting to remain a virgin. Just know that it doesn't matter in the end what they say. In 10 years they are going to be alone, STD infected, and heartbroken.
People look for quick-fixes now. Sex is one of those. Sex fixes the feelings of loneliness for about 20 minutes. Sex fixes the feelings of sexual urges for about an hour. Going the "quick-fix" route isn't all sugary goodness though--people are left feeling insecure, hurt, used, empty, dirty, and maybe end up with life-long illnesses (mentally and/or physically).
You're making the right decision, I promise. I'm very glad to see someone like you on Advicenators and I hope you share your wisdom here so that other girls your age are inspired to respect their bodies too.
The right guy will come to you in time.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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i have had it for a while and not sure if its natural. i know most stuff about sex but this is a non sex related issue. more like a worry not a health issue.
i get a white substance around the penis under the foreskin on the knob. i dont know what it is. any one know and can explain it to me? (link)
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It sounds, to me, that you have gotten a yeast infection on your penis. It is not unheard of for men to get these sorts of infections on their penis and still be a virgin, but it does usually come with not cleaning well or enough and/or having an uncircumcised penis. Some other causes for a yeast infection on the penis are: sexual transmission, condom usage, antibiotics, and diabetes.
You definately do not need to worry that this yeast infection is going to harm your body, it mostly just makes things look a little icky and sometimes smell strange (not always). It may also cause a slight burning sensation when you urinate, but, again, all of the "symptoms" don't always show up.
You really need to go to your doctor and let them swab the area to test the white growth on your penis. It is not normal to have white stuff growing on your penis--ever. Even if it's just a simple yeast infection you will need to have the doctor supply you with some medication for self treatment. Doctors see this sort of thing regularly so there isn't anything to be embarrassed of--you're just human.
If you do not see a doctor, expect it to remain and possibly worsen over time. It is not going to magically go away without the medication. You will pass it along to other partners you have (yes, you can pass it to the throat as well if you engage in oral sex). It's best to be treated now.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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i have to do a three page report on AUTISM and how it affects the other people around them and the theory of what causes it and stuff and so far a have found very little information but it would be great if someone could give me the name of a site to go to or like key search words i could try..........thanx it would be a great help (link)
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I searched for "effects of autism on family" and got a few very interesting websites.
This one includes the issues with siblings, adjustments, living arrangements, communication, and even family outings with an autistic child:
http://www.ont-autism.uoguelph.ca/autism-effects-family.html
This website has a few very interesting points to raising an autistic child:
http://autisticadventures.blogspot.com/2008/03/autism-effects-on-family-with-autistic.html
"The cost of raising a child with Autism is astronomical.
ABA treatments average around 100,000 dollars per annum.
The major insurance companies baulk at paying to help recover the Autistic child so parents are looking at being out of pocket at about 50,000 dollars.
Even in a well paid two income family, this is still high."
and
"It leads to little time off for the parent of an Autistic child. Their caregivers need to be specialized and a lot of times very familiar with the child to understand their non verbal cues. Approximately 40-50% of Autistic children will never speak."
This website has an article section about how a living person diagnosed with autism affects the family:
http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=307&a=3342
This website reminds parents of autistic children that they need to take time away sometimes to keep their cool and be able to raise their child appropriately:
http://www.answers-about-autism.info/autism-affects-the-whole-family.html
If you have access to the local library I would definately pick up The Effects of Autism on the Family (Current Issue in Autism) edited by Eric Schopler and Gary B. Mesibov. It looks like a very helpful resource for you, and you will have the plus to being able to make citations from it.
If I can be of any more help, please feel free to inbox me :)
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Hello,
I read in one of the replies that an individual can sometime not develop hiv antibodies for a very long period than the six months and recommended to test every six months for ten years. My question is, 1) if a person does not develop antibodies then his antigen test can be a solution to identify the Virus.
As i recently had a Bioelisa Hiv Ag/Ab Combo test at 5 months and 2 weeks after exposure and the result was negative, 2) can this be satisfactory for me?
Thank you
(link)
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It can take up to 10 years for antibodies to be detected. Plain and simply. 10 years after exposure you can end up being diagnosed with the virus.
Be on the safe side. It's worth a test every 6 months, especially if you have had/have more than one partner or change partners frequently.
It's your own personal decision if you want this to be "satisfactory" but I wouldn't stop just now. It's worth it to be safe. It's worth getting two tests a year. It's worth keeping myself healthy. It's worth watching out for my partner's health. It's worth this for my children and future children because I know if I'm healthy they will be healthy.
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I love skirts and dresses, and I love wearing them, but when I wear them my thighs rub together and it just hurts. It's rather uncomfortable, it's sweaty and it chafes.
Is there anything I can do, besides wear leggings/tights, to prevent this? (link)
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There are many products sold to help with thigh chafing issues. Many women suffer from this and it can be a very irritating experience.
You may want to look into some pre-wear products. Apply to your thighs before your skirt for comfortable wear.
BodyGlide anti-chafing:
http://www.bodyglide.com/
Monistat Soothing Care Chafing Relief Powder-Gel:
http://monistat.com/soothing-care-powder-gel
Mission's Anti-Friction Cream:
http://www.missionproduct.com/product/antifriction-cream.html?gclid=CNqHhaKJ-5UCFQVxFQodARryFQ
Runner's Lube:
http://www.fitness-equipment.com/acatalog/Fitness_Equipment_Runner_s_Lube_156.html
BlisterShield:
http://www.blistershield.com/products.html
Sportslick Skin Lubricant
http://www.sportslick.com/
Thigh covers:
http://www.luvees.com/Store/LuveesStore/Products/Luvees-Thigh-Coverall__SKU2010.aspx
*A good deodorant/antiperspirant (unscented roll-on, stick, or spray)
*Baby powder or cornstarch (must keep reapplying)
*Cocoa butter in a stick (reapply occassionally)
*Petroleum jelly (Vaseline) or Lansinoh
*Udder Balm or Bag Balm (products manufactured for livestock, but safe and effective for human use. Runners and long distance athletes have used them for years.)
*Biker shorts, long underwear (bloomers or pantaloons), hosiery, tights
Some treatment options for this sort of thing are:
Goldbond powder
Balmex (any diaper rash treatment should help)
A&D ointment
Wash with soap and water, let air dry.
You can search on the internet for "chub rub" and get some remedies. It's referred to as "chub rub" because the part of the thigh that rubs and chafes is usually the "fattest" or "chubbiest" part.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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AS you have advised..about brazilian wax..what if theres no one that does such waxing in the salons around here..should i try myself..is it safe..razor is good but the hair does not get completely removed..infact its there..pokey and itchy..and not at all smooth..i wish i could have such waxing here..i always wonder how those bikini models have such an ease of wearing bikinis and carry them well..its like, that part is like any other part of body which looks beautiful after waxing..peeps plz gimme some solution to this..aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh what to do ?? i want to have a smooth vagina too hahahaha..funny i know..but pls pls pls help.. (link)
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You CAN do home waxing; however, the result will not be as clean as going to a salon for this sort of wax. The wax simply will not be professional wax and you will not be able to pull the skin tight to get a good, clean swipe of the hair.
If you decide to attempt waxing, you will need to find a home-waxing kit at your local store. You will also need to very, very careful not to get the wax INTO your vagina or it can cause infection. This is all up to you.
If you do not have a salon that does the Brazilian wax then I do suggest a method called sugaring. Sugaring, basically, takes off the hair shaft that is visible (nothing under the skin so it isn't going to be as smooth as a waxing but is cleaner than shaving with a razor). Your skin also will not be irritated as much if you choose do to the sugaring method. You can make the sugaring product yourself with home ingredients.
Pre-made sugar paste is sold under many brand names. Both professional and retail versions are available. Sugaring kits cost $25 - $40. Sugaring paste can be prepared with common household food items, such as sugar, lemon juice, honey or molasses. Getting the consistency correct takes some practice for most users.
INGREDIENTS
2 cups white sugar
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/4 cup water
Equipment: Candy thermometer
Combine the ingredients in a heavy saucepan, and heat on low using a candy thermometer. Watch the mixture very carefully so that it doesn't boil over. Stir constantly over a low flame until the sugar is a dark brown. Heat the mixture to 250 F on the candy thermometer; this is the hardball candy stage.
Remove from the heat and let cool enough to pour into a jar without breaking or melting the jar. (Note that this jar will be reheated in the future. Make sure it is safe for whatever form of reheating you plan to do—in the microwave, or in a pan of water.
Rip clean cotton fabric in 1-inch strips. Make sure the cotton isn't too coarsely woven.
This next step is very critical: Let the mixture cool enough so that it won't burn your skin. The first time I did this I didn’t let the blend cool enough and I burned myself! Test the mixture on the palm of your hand, knowing that is much tougher than the sensitive skin under your arms.
Using a dull knife or Popsicle stick, spread the cooled sugar onto your skin. Cover with the cloth strips, let set for a few minutes, and then rip off quickly as you would a bandage. Grab the fabric end and pull it off very quickly against the direction of the hair growth, ideally. It will hurt, but after awhile it's a lot less painful. Reheat the mix if it gets too hard to spread.
In the future you can reheat the mixture to a warm and not hot temperature (see above), and reuse. Note that reheating will thicken the paste.
It is said that if you continue sugaring over a long period of time that the hair will become less sparse and thinner growing. This being said, after a year of regular use you should see a noticeable difference in the amount of hair.
Remember to be careful to not get the sugaring solution into your vagina. Yeast thrives on sugar so if you get it into your vagina you can end up with a nasty yeast infection. If possible, see a professional waxer--if you can't, be careful when doing these things yourself.
I suggest doing this once or more before your wedding night so that you know the results and become experienced in sugaring yourself. I also suggest that you sugar yourself on your wedding morning or the night BEFORE the wedding so that on your wedding night you will be at your smoothest.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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I am from India.I would realy want to know what is the best, safe and clean way to clean the vulva and the vagina.i mean how to get rid of the hair? Are hair removing creams good or is razor better?Is there any other way because i m not aware.What should be done everytime when it comes to cleaning of vagina?Please advice. (link)
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Do not use hair removal cream. Many women end up with chemical burns on that sensitive area when using those types of creams. Some women are lucky and do not have a problem but some end up with infections or a trip to the emergency room.
You should actually see if you can find a place that does body waxing near you in India. You can start by asking around (especially asking in beauty salons) if there is a place that does body waxing. If you want a completely bare vaginal area you should ask for something called a complete brazilian wax at the waxing place. Waxing will help get all of the hair follicle out so when it begins regrowth the hair will be thinner and more sparse. You will have a good long time before you'll need to be waxed again. The professional can do this in a manner that you feel little-to-no pain and little-to-no discomfort after the procedure. It usually runs from $30 - $50 in US money here in the US, depending on how business is in the area where the waxing salon is located.
A razor tends to be your best bet if you cannot afford wax. The only problem is that many people end up with razor burn for some months when first starting to shave their pubic region. The skin is very, very sensitive so the scraping motion tends to irritate the skin very much. Razors are cheap but remember to always use a new one each time you shave. The hair will grow back in thicker and darker with shaving so you will have to shave frequently to keep maintained.
Remember to never ever use soap on your vagina. Soap can enter the vagina and cause very bad infections that you will need to see a doctor for treatment. Always wash your vagina with a clean rag and fresh water--no soap!
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. Congratulations on getting married soon!
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I am a 20 year old male, a full time student in college, and a successful, functioning heroin addict. Looking back now, It is hard to believe that I let myself get to this stage. I have always been a good student, my teachers would be shocked to learn whats really going on. In addition to my decent school career, I have a 3.4 gpa and am sending out applications in November, I also work part time. So I have been lucky in the fact that I haven't let my addiction turn me from my dreams to be successful, but I am still an Addict.
I have been using drugs ever since I broke my back on New year's Eve of 2006. It started with pain killers (Vicodin, Percosets, then Oxycotin), but before long it moved to black. I've been extremely successful at hiding my addiction from everyone that is close to me,(parents, friends, coworkers) but I do not want to continue to lie and steal from them. I have recently started talking to a therapist about this and have gotten medical help to quit using, they gave me Suboxone which has worked wonders for countering the withdrawl symptoms.
So I decided to quit using and was all amped up on getting clean, and after being straight for 2 weeks, I used the other day, then the next, and then the next. Now I am starting all over again from step one, and am now only 1 day clean!!!
My biggest fear in the entire world is that I will not overcome this and let myself fall back into my old ways.
After being clean for 2 weeks, it seemed harder to go about my day then it did the first week. It is extremely hard to get out of bed in the mornings, lately I've been blowing off school to just sit around in my room all day watching TV. It just feels like I am missing a part of me that only using can fill. I guess I feel that way because of how powerful opiates are and due to how long and hard I was using them for, it simply changed the biochemistry in my brain.
Has anyone here ever been through anything like this? And how were you able to do it while still keeping busy in the daily grind that is America?
I mean can I still get up at 7am every morning without taking a hit to get me through the day?
Please respond if you have anything to relate.
-Struggling
(link)
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I second the need to go to a rehabilitation clinic for some weeks. I also suggest looking for the longest therapy course you can get in a rehab clinic--the longer you are there and clean, the better off you're going to be. The longer you can stay in a positive, clean environment, the higher chances there will be of being able to cope with "regular" life.
I want to note that you are also brainwashing yourself to be numb like you are describing:
"I guess I feel that way because of how powerful opiates are and due to how long and hard I was using them for, it simply changed the biochemistry in my brain."
That sentence is you telling yourself that you can't ever change because you altered your brain for life. I understand that your brain chemistry can be altered by using such drugs; however, you have the control over your body to express those new urges or ignore them. You CAN change. You CAN get clean.
It's a struggle to stop using everything that is addictive. Caffeine causes people to have headaches for a week solid sometimes, not to mention them becoming overly irritated easily. Smoking can take months to full kick out since every wiff of the odor brings back that sensation.
Wake up every morning (of course, this is until you can get into rehab) and set out your day. Plan every moment of it. What you'll eat, where you'll go and for how long, etc. If you have to, plan every detail of your day the night before. Then you need to stay on your schedule. Sticking to a full schedule (not stressful, mind you, but always active in something) will help you keep your mind off of using. Remember to avoid "hot spots" which may remind you heavily of using. If you hesitate getting up then force yourself to do it anyway--tell yourself this is something you HAVE to do, and that tomorrow things will be better.
Live on the "one day at a time" slogan. Remind yourself that each day is one day more of being clean. Remind yourself that each day clean is one day YOU had CONTROL. Give yourself a nice treat every week you go being clean--a new shirt, a trip to the movies, dinner at your favorite place. After some weeks of treating yourself for weekly successes, go for treats only once a month.
Try to become engulfed in a harmless activity. Sports seems to be a big hit with men and is also stress relieving. You can also take up something you can do in the privacy of your home such as knitting. This will help you fill gaps in your day.
Keep a daily journal. Write in this at least once a day, at the end of the day before bedtime if possible. Express your feelings. Your hatreds, frustrations, glory, etc. Get that emotion out.
Set a bedtime and wake every day, even for weekends. A steady schedule will help you more than you know. Waking up every day (even on weekends) at 7am and being in bed by 9pm will help your body feel in control of itself. This will help decrease your stress as well. Remember to have your days filled so you have little-to-no down-time to give into urges.
Remember to avoid material which may cause urges to use. Avoid certain kinds of movies just in case. Buy a TV guide and choose your television viewing carefully beforehand. Stay away from other users or people who encourage the behavior. Cut off contacts with suppliers.
If you slip up down the road then be harder on yourself about sticking to a new way of life. Each day is a victory, remind yourself that you want to win every day.
Avoid alcohol. Avoid smoking. Avoid caffeine. Avoid anything addictive if possible. Your body needs to detox completely so it's not constantly craving everything.
If you can, plan out weekly meals so that your body gets on an eating schedule and you're not stressed about finding breakfast, lunch, or dinner. It's really worth the time to sit down and figure this out, I promise. Try to keep a balanced, healthy diet--the healthiest you can manage. If you can eat every day at the exact same time then that is perfect (if not, try to get close). Your body will be happier. You won't feel as much pressure. This will be easier.
The only way you're going to successfully quit is if you take control of every ounce of your life. Some things may sound silly but it's the only way you're going to make it, especially if you want to do this alone. If people become suspicious of you changing your entire lifestyle then just tell them you're become more health conscious.
You can do this in time. It will take a lot of energy to get into a steady routine but you can do it. The routine will become nice after awhile and you'll learn how to spice up every few days. Most people usually do not have the will power to sit down and do what I've listed but if you can, you can make this work.
Seek a rehab center though. You will probably need help getting started on the right path.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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Me and my boyfriend have been together 11 months, and I love him more than anything. We've both just gone to university and we're 200 miles apart. Last night, I got very, very, very drunk and was taken advantage of by a stranger. I know it's no excuse, but it explains why it happened - I am not normally ever like this. Even if my boyfriend wasn't an issue, I would still be incredibly upset about what happened, being taken advantage of in that way. I've never had a one-night-stand before, even single.
Today I missed my first day of lectures to go up to talk to my boyfriend about this. Understandably he is absolutely devastated, and destroyed - but he says as he loves me, we can stay together and give it a go. He's very negative though and I just want to know whether anyone has ever been in a relationship, one person cheated and the relationship kept going. I regret this more than anything else I've ever done and I would do absolutely anything to make it better. Thank you for any answers I receive. (link)
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Getting extremely wasted when you're 17 (or 21 or 35 or 80) and expecting good results is not very responsible. I am glad that you understand that this situation was mainly your fault; however, I would like to point out something:
1. If you were so very, very drunk that you cannot recall getting to the point of sex then how do you know you weren't all flirty with the guy? If the guy was drinking too then maybe he thought you genuinely wanted to "be" with him. If he was drinking too then maybe he misinterpreted a few drunken giggles as heavy flirting signs.
2. If your story goes like, "Well, we were talking and stuff and then suddenly we were doing it and I was like, 'No!'" then there is a big issue. Nobody just suddenly becomes sober 2 minutes into intercourse; however, you can suddenly have a change of heart about the situation you have just put yourself in. Please take note of that.
This being said, you may have NOT been taken advantage of. Your best bet on this is to talk to the guy that may or may not have taken advantage of you. He may seriously have thought you wanted to have sex with him because he was also under the influence. Remember we do not make good judgment when drunken. He could be just as "innocent" or "guilty" as you are. Do not label this as "being taken advantage of" until you find out (from the guy) if he had been drinking or not. Remember also that one beer can get some people drunken so the amount is not really a concern of yours.
So, that being said, you need to stop labeling this as "taken advantage of" and start labeling as "made very poor choices." Putting the blame onto someone else when you don't even know the ENTIRE story is not very nice. It's just fine to take the blame and admit to making some bad calls while under the influence. Everyone knows alcohol makes things seems smaller than what they are until you sober up and realize that those very things are huge.
For further note, if you can safely say that you know for a fact that the guy was not drinking the ENTIRE night then you must have been sober enough to pay attention to a detail like that at a party. Again, it sounds like you made very poor choices while under the influence.
Next, you need to stop drinking. Getting "very, very, very drunk" is not a good sign. Getting a little tipsy at a party is alright but going as far as to not recall the party is overboard for any age. You are putting yourself in very bad situations, especially when everyone around you is also drinking/drunken. It sounds like you're not making good choices so you really do need to cut alcohol out of your life until you mature a bit more. This screams of getting worse in a short period of time.
Your relationship may survive if you do what is responsible and mature. This means never putting yourself in such a situation ever again. This means being completely open and honest with your partner about EVERYTHING (because things DO come out in the most inopportune times when you try to hide them). This means having to prove yourself to your partner all over again.
Keep talking to your partner about it. Let him know that you are to blame for acting so irresponsible but that you have learned a valuable lesson. Be upfront about changes you plan to make to prevent such things from happening in the future. Reassure your partner that you are genuinely sorry. Pray that he forgives you and doesn't end up scared.
Count this as starting your entire relationship over. You have to prove to him that you're trustworthy now because you, most likely, lost every ounce of what you had earned. Be the best girlfriend you can be and understand why he cannot trust you just yet. Give him time.
Your relationship CAN make it if you both want it to make it.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. It was a very good call to make a special trip to see your boyfriend for a face-to-face apology/explanation.
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my friend is 16 and pregnant and shes my best friend, and shes thinking about abortion but like its her fault and the fathers, that she got pregnant what can i say to her to make her listen to other options like ive tried to bring it up but she keeps saying she wouldnt feel guilty and all this stuff
what should i do or say? (link)
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Supply your best friend with information regarding the dangers of abortion. You know abortion is not the answer and, chances are, she knows that too inside. She just needs to see and read some things you may be overlooking regarding abortion.
I want you to know that you CAN help your friend. It's possible that she is just scared, confused, and misinformed about abortions. Give her information. Walk her through studying these things. Watch videos about abortions with her. Let her know how concerned you are for her since abortions ARE risky!
I am proud of you for looking out for the health and happiness of your best friend! You are doing the right thing. Here is some information that may be very helpful to you in this situation:
Abortion can really harm your body just as much as giving birth to a child. I understand her body may not be mature enough to handle pregnancy but no woman's body is truly ready to abort a fetus. A baby can deplete your body of nutrients (which is why pregnant women need to take their prenatal vitamins) but an abortion can leave you scarred physically and/or mentally.
Women who have had abortions can experience problems later on. Many women suffer from major depression for years after having an abortion because, in the end, they come to realize that they have completely stopped another human life. The dates of conception, abortion, and the estimated day the child would have been born haunts many women for years. Some woman can't deal with this so much that they end up committing suicide. If that isn't enough, many women experience difficulty conceiving years later after an abortion--yes, it can render you infertile for the rest of your days.
Adoption is always an option of hers if she is not physically, mentally, or financially capable of caring for another human life. Please see if you can have her look into it if she feels she can carry the child but not raise it properly. She can contact an adoption agency in your area or can relinquish her rights of her child and place it in the custody of the state for adoption. I've read something about Volunteers of America for adoptions being really good but I have no personal experience with them myself. Here is a link directing you to their site:
http://www.voagno.org/Services/ChildrenYouthFamilies/AdoptionServices/tabid/1238/Default.aspx
Just as another note, some agencies actually let the expecting party interact with possible parents to ensure they are giving their child the best chance at life as possible. She may want to look into those agencies to help find her child good, loving parents. It may even be possible for her to work out a way that she can still be in the child's life lightly as they grow so she's aware of their progress.
I found a VERY interesting site for teenagers on abortion. These girls had abortions when they were young and have gained courage to write about their experiences for other teens to read:
http://www.teenbreaks.com/abortion/abortionhome.cfm
I also want to direct you to a site that shows a live abortion. It's in different parts because the speaker gives you a lot of information on what the fetus and the mother will be going through. The video shows the ultra-sound as the procedure happens. It is important you see this before having an abortion so that you know fully what will be happening--it is best to inform yourself well. Before clicking the link to watch the video, prepare yourself because it is real life:
http://www.silentscream.org/video1.htm
...Part 3 really starts to show the actual abortion happening. The speaker does add that the doctor that did the abortion never did another one and that the woman filming it never spoke about abortion again, though she was previously for it.
Yes, that is a real baby, really feeling pain and maybe even fear during such a procedure. You can see that it was fully aware that it was being harmed and was not oblivious to the foreign object as many people would like you to believe.
Just as a note, some states will not perform an abortion past 4 months, most are done before the first 14 week mark. Abortions after 24 weeks are only performed because of health complications just as another note. The further along you are, the more expensive it will be. Here is also some information on how different types of abortions are done and what the baby is like during certain stages of development when these practices are performed.:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/abortiontypes/
Here are some REALLY, REALLY good videos that explain the different kinds of abortions:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBOAPleF1t0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDj12ffvpgY
Abortion is also a very risky procedure for the mother of the fetus as well. The woman does not just pee out some blood and experience pain--the mother bleeds out the lining of her uterus as it contracts strongly to expel the fetus. The baby, placenta, umbilical cord, and the thick lining of the uterus will come out of the vagina. Even if the doctor suctions all of the "matter" out of the uterus, the woman will still bleed and may suffer some scarring in her uterus (preventing her from EVER being able to have children).
Many women have even DIED because of hemorrhaging, infections, and other complications. It's usually a very painful process for the woman and she is usually let in physical pain for days/weeks following. As another note, the woman usually bleeds for WEEKS after the abortion so it honestly isn't just a little blood in the urine.
Here is a super great website that has links to all sorts of abortion-related issues:
http://www.eadshome.com/AbortionUgly.htm
...and they even have a section (and a couple of links) of women who have passed away because of an abortion:
http://www.eadshome.com/AbortionDeaths.htm
http://www.prolife.com/marlas.htm
...as a note, MANY women are dying because of abortions:
http://www.revver.com/video/824430/daughter-died-in-abortion-procedure/
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1331962/posts
http://www.prolife.com/DEADWMN.html
"Think about the life the child now. Yes, you were selfish and did not consider this major consequence (pregnancy) but you don't have to be any more selfish than you already have been. Even if you're not able to give him/her the best life, someone out there can. When couples look to adopt, they tend to look for infants anyway. By taking this child's life and ending it before it even gets started, you destroy what chance they had at being something. The baby did not do anything wrong here and should not be punished by death."
Let her also know that it is completely legal to leave a newborn at the hospital after it's been delivered. No questions are asked and the baby will be tended to. The hospital is a legal place to leave the infant.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! I am more than happy to help you help your best friend! :)
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hi i had sex and got my period the day after. is there still a chance for me to get pregnant or no? (link)
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You can get pregnant at any part of your cycle actually. Yes, there is chance you could have been impregnated if you had sex while on your period, even at the start or end of it. This applies to the day before your period begins too ;)
There is a common misconception that if you have sex while you are on your period that the blood coming out of you will push all of the sperm out. The thing is, the sperm are made to do everything they possibly can to reach the goal--your egg. They are designed to be able to "swim against the current" so that they can make it upward into your uterus and tubes.
Now, if the egg has already been expelled it sounds as if there wouldn't be a problem; however, there is always another one on it's way and the sperm will fertilize it in while it's still in the fallopian tubes if they can make it. Sperm can live in your body for days (5 - 7 in normal conditions, longer if excellent conditions).
So, yes, there is a chance that pregnancy could occur. There is ALWAYS a chance pregnancy could occur. You should always be using some sort of "protection" to lessen (they don't prevent) pregnancy and STD/STI risks.
On another note, you ovulate roughly midway through your cycle. So, if you have a normal 28-day cycle you ovulate 14 days into it. For three or four days there you are at your most fertile state. However, if your cycles are abnormal then it's doubtful you'll be able to figure out when you're ovulating; although your internal temperature and discharge would tell you a lot (you expel more sticky discharge for these days).
To make it a little more clear, you are pretty much equally as fertile throughout your entire cycle, only when you ovulate you are a little more fertile than usual. There isn't a time when you are not fertile or less fertile than usual.
Anyway, back to discharges:
1. Before ovulation- There will be a small amount of (mostly) clear discharge.
2. Closer to ovulation- Discharge is wet and sticky. It is usually white/lightly cream colored. There is usually some mucus but it isn't as stretchy as it will be during ovulation.
3. At ovulation (roughly midway from your last period)- There will be a noticeably larger amount of discharge lasting a few days. It resembles stretchy egg whites. You are most fertile here (high risk pregnancy) and sperm entering your vagina will be able to survive slightly longer than other times.
4. After ovulation- Discharge is sticky but not as stretchy. Mostly clear, dwindling back to the "before ovulation" stage.
Many things can change the discharge you experience so it's best to not try to figure it out that way, to be honest. If your periods are irregular, you take hormonal birth control, have been taking an antibiotic, have been under a lot of stress lately, and many other things can all cause your discharge to change.
Anyway, a woman can get pregnant at any point in her cycle. It is always best to practice safe sex to reduce these chances if you are going to engage in such activities. It may also be a good idea to get yourself completely informed before participating in sex ;)
Here is a link about pregnancy costs to know about:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
Here is a link that has some really freaky STD facts:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
Here is a link to photos of STDs you should research:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
And here is just something simply for you to read and think about. I read it and thought it was pretty neat and gave some good points:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
Better to be informed and knowledgeable of something in case something goes wrong--you won't be caught off-guard then! Take some time to get yourself informed before jumping into things. If your next period misses then you should pick up a couple home pregnancy tests.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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I understand that you have to get a pap smear before going on birth control. I read on the website below that if you haven't had sex before (and I haven't), then you do not need to have a pap smear done. I've never heard this before, can anyone tell me if it's true or how I can find out for sure? (link)
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When I was 14 I had to have my first gynecological exam for birth control pills. I was looking for the pills to regulate my out-of-whack period--not for sex.
The doctor gave me an option since I was a virgin. He asked me if I was more comfortable doing the pelvic exam or, as an alternative, the rectal exam. He explained that the rectal exam was going to be done if I said no to the pelvic--so he could feel the back of my ovaries and uterus and make sure everything was alright. That I understand, he would be inserting two fingers into my anus for this but that was enough that I needed to hear. I, of course, chose to have the pelvic exam instead.
Now it seems that a lot of young men and women have different ideas of what sex is. If you have been fingered, eaten out, or even rubbed down there you need to be checked. If you have had ANY sexual contact then you need to have the pap smear done; however, you CAN tell your doctor that you are a "virgin" but have done ___, ___, and ___ with ## of people. It is important the doctor knows this because you are still very much at risk for STDs/STIs when you engage in such interaction.
If you are going because you feel you may have something "wrong" in your female area then the doctor will HAVE to check you. If you are having pain, possible yeast infection, heavy discharge, or anything of the sort then they will absolutely need to check you.
Speak with your doctor before the exam and ask what their method of doing things is. Be honest and tell the doctor what sexual experiences you have had. It's possible they won't push a procedure, but it's very possible so you need to talk with them, especially about WHY you're going for birth control pills.
I hope everything goes well. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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i jsut posted a question saying that i had sex for the first time and worried that i am pregnant. i just wanted to add that we used a condom and everything (link)
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Condoms are only 88% effective when used typically. This means there are absolutely no tears or breaks that can be found. Sometimes there will be a tiny pin-hole in the condom that can slowly "drip" semen into your vagina when inserted so it's wise to always carefully inspect the condom after usage. This also means that if the guy pulls the penis with condom completely out of your vagina (even if it's just a big thrust he is about to do) he needs to change to a fresh condom. If this isn't done, the 88% pregnancy prevention is lowered dramatically, believe it or not.
The 88% effective rate means:
12 in every 100 acts will result in a life being created.
Higher chances than you'd think, hmm? Maybe it's best to re-think this whole sex-thing ;)
With typical usage, the hormonal birth control pill is actually only 92% effective preventing pregnancy. The 99% claim they advertise is actually for perfect usage--something that could probably only be seen in a laboratory setting.
The "pull-out" method varies between 30% to 70% effective on preventing pregnancy with typical usage.
None of these pregnancy prevention methods protect against STDs and STIs. That being said, the only "safe" sex is having no sex at all. You will ALWAYS be at risk for a pregnancy. You will ALWAYS be at risk for contracting a disease or infection. There is absolutely no "method" out there that completely prevents any of this except abstinence.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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hi, i had sex for the first time a month ago and i was supposed to get my period a little over a week ago. Should i be worried that i might be pregnant or is this normal to be late after the first time. Im also 19 years old if that helps. (link)
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It's normal to be off by a few days because of the stress of thinking you may have been impregnanted, but being late more than 3 days is actually pretty abnormal unless you have an irregular cycle, which it sounds like that is not the case.
For note, your first time does not matter in regards to getting pregnant. I have had many friends become pregnant the first time they had sex. It happens.
Take a pregnancy test, as it should be about time that you could have been impregnanted. After you have sex you actually do not instantly become pregnant--it can take days before the sperm find and fertilize the egg and then another 6 - 10 days for the egg to actually attach to your uterine wall. Sperm can live in your body for a long time--they've even been some found alive in a woman 2 weeks after being ejaculated inside of her!
This being said, it could take weeks to actually become pregnant after one sexual encounter. The sperm can survive in you a long while, meaning ovulation or not, it's likely they will encounter the peak fertility zone. The thing you need to keep in mind is that you are ALWAYS fertile so you should ALWAYS use protection to lessen the risks of pregnancy.
Some home pregnancy tests are better than others, obviously. According to a couple of studies done, First Response and Early Result Pregnancy Test are the two best kinds to purchase because they are slightly more sensitive than the others.
I suppose you can find either of these at your local pharmacy or Wal-mart for a reasonable price.
Your best bet for an accurate pregnancy test is to have a blood test done at your clinic. You can call and make an appointment for a pregnancy test and they will probably set you up one fairly soon.
As a note, some women do not experience any pregnancy symptoms expect for missed periods and a growing tummy so please keep in mind that even if you aren't FEELING pregnant, you could be. You won't know unless you take a few pregnancy tests.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me!
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i have two lovers right now, and ive always believed this to be wrong, but i love my girlfriend, karla, and when my best friend james asked me out i couldnt say no b/c ive liked him even longer than ive liked karla.
whats YOUR OPINION on this...is it ok for someone's who's bisexaul to have a bf and a gf at the same time????
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I think this is completely wrong for many reasons actually. For one, these relationships NEVER last. They burn out quickly. One partner tends to become more interested in the other, almost forgetting about the third. The third eventually feels left-out and ventures to find someone who can focus their entire attention on them.
Human nature is to have one partner at a time, believe it or not. We weren't created to have multiple partners. Our mentality cannot quite handle it. We have to focus on making one thing work at a time or we become extremely overwhelmed, which can lead to a great deal of psychological disorders.
Relationships are give and take. I see that you're 15 and, most likely, you haven't figure out how a relationship works successfully (I think only married people have an idea of this). This being said, you need to focus on one partner at a time. You have to figure out HOW to have a partner. You have to figure out the gives and takes. You simply cannot learn this with two partners (or more) at a time because you do not focus your energy on one relationship.
One partner usually becomes jealous.
One partner usually is left out in special occasions.
One partner usually feels overwhelmed eventually.
A lot of lies must be told to hide the truth of the relationship/s.
Someone ALWAYS gets hurt.
If I were you, I'd go on and confess to both of them that you have been seeing them both. You need to explain that you're all young and that this sort of relationship is unhealthy and that there is no way you can learn how to make a real relationship work if you continue on this path. I'm sure you'd rather lose one partner than both of them, which WILL happen at some point.
In addition to the multiple partners, it is more difficult for you since you are pursuing a relationship with the same gender. Same gendered relationships are not equal to opposite gendered relationships. They take more time to learn how to deal with and work effectively. Personally, I would be with James rather than Karla, but I'm not bisexual and I do not have the same feelings you do toward these two people.
So, plain and simple, the relationship is unhealthy. I say you should back out of this sort of thing and deal with one partner at a time.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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ok so i live in a society where having sex is completely normal. i have had one sexual partner in my life and we were together for 3 years. we broke up a year ago and now i am currently engaged to a man i am head over heals in love with, the only problem is he thinks im a virgin. and if i do not bleed on my wedding night i am doomed for a divorce. we are both muslims and i need some advice on how i can fake my virginity for my wedding night. either by putting fake blood inside of me or any creams or pills that can make me bleed. Please give me advice fast my wedding is in october. (link)
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I understand that you made a mistake in your past but you need to tell your future husband. You need to tell him now, before the wedding, so he can decide what to do. He has the right to know about your past if you want him in your future.
The problem is that if it doesn't come out now, then it will come out later. Do you REALLY want it to come out when you two have been married for 10 years and have 3 beautiful children together? That will break your marriage then. You will hurt your children. You will have wasted 10 years by lying once. These things DO come out. This WILL come out, probably when you least expect it. You'll think, "Oh, there is NO way he will find out! I'm off the hook!" and magically something will happen and it will be told to your husband by someone else.
Which is worse: Having your future wife tell you about a mistake she made years ago or having a stranger tell you that your wife made a huge mistake before marrying you and didn't give trust you enough to tell you to your face?
Sit down and tell your future husband the truth. Let him know that you made a mistake in your past and that you knew he needed to know before the relationship went and further.
He may be able to get over this. Please don't make that decision for him. He may end up saying, "I know people make mistakes...we can work through this..." if you give him a little time after telling him.
If your guy right now knows you were in a relationship for three years prior to meeting him, he probably has an idea of what you've done with your past boyfriend. Keep in mind that your current guy is living in this society too. He knows what goes on around him and that people throw sex around like it's nothing.
If he's confronted you and asked you if you had sexual relations before and you told him no then now is the time to come clean before you're married. Tell him that you were very afraid he was going to be upset and didn't know how to tell him so you had to think. Tell him.
There is no way to fake your virginity without surgery, that costs quite a bit of money. There are no creams or pills that will make the hymen intact again. If you put blood in you and make it appear that you have bled he will find out when he sees that the hymen is not freshly torn (and guys DO look). If you end up doing this and tricking him--the truth WILL come out later, and do you REALLY think it'll be best to have to explain to him the trouble you went through to trick him? THAT will get you a divorce on the spot.
What's broken is broken. It's now time to come clean before you get in too deep.
Tell your fiancé.
Let him have time to figure things out.
He may handle this just fine for all you know.
Don't hide this. It is a huge mistake to hide it, trust me.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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heyy, i know this is long but please answer if you can. im so lost any suggestion would be amazing.
the first boy ive ever loved, kissed, gone out with, all of that is still in my head. we started daitng 3 years ago (wer both 14 now) and hes been in my head ever sense. i know he feels the same way and its scary because no matter how many times we break up we aways go back to eachother. it feels like we were destined to be together. and ithink we might be eventually. but...
whenever we have a relationship it gets so serous that im scared to even talk to him. if i do, we flirt nonstop, make all of these plans, and im scared where ittle leade. ive never been able to really get over him, i get butterflys just looking at him and i know he feels the same way. but i dont want to lose a high school experience by being with him, it hurts to talk to him because i feel it getting more serous and stronger by the minuite, but it hurts not to becayse i miss him so much. and i see him in shcool everyday and he just makes me laugh and hes never broken up with me i always break up with him because i feel myself getting too attached and i get scared and run away. i think i might really love him even though i know its not likely at this age. i know i love the way he makes me feel but icant let myself accept it. and he says he dosent want a relationship now but i know i could talk him into it but im not sure whats best. do you think theres a way i could really get over him? not talking to him isnt really an option, it would just be really awkward. hes in my classes so i have to see him everyday. i know i could try to get over him, but im not sure how to get over him for good. the second he looks at me or texts me all is lost and i fall for him again. please help
thanks SO much! (link)
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It appears that you are a little confused, first of all. You specifically say:
"but i dont want to lose a high school experience by being with him"
You see, the "high school experience" is nonexistent. You don't go to high school to date around. The girls who go to high school and brag about having 10 boyfriends are definately NOT what you should strive to be. The girls are sad inside, even dead a little. They aren't happy EVER because they cannot find a guy that truly loves them. The reason they can't find this guy is because they have this made-up idea of how high school "life" should be--that they shouldn't stick with a guy after so long, that love isn't real yet, and that magically everything will change when they are ready to marry.
The experience you're talking about comes with drugs, failed grades, STDs, and teenage-pregnancies, even if you don't realize that now. Look around your high school. The girls who are sleeping around tend to be popular right now--but do you think that they're going to be happy when they're 30, no husband, 2 babies by 2 different dads (not counting their abortions they've had), and herpes that they have to reveal to new partners? No. That's REALLY how they end up too. They aren't happy now, and they aren't ever going to be happy.
The years you are a teenager and a young adult you date to find a person you want to be with for the rest of your life. This means that when you find this person, you stick with them. Being with on person, happily, already tells you what you don't like in people. This can be exampled by:
"I really like that he snuggles me when we watch movies."
"He holds my hand when we're in public and it makes me feel like he's very proud to be with me."
"He doesn't pressure me to do things I am not wanting to do. He really seems to care."
"He is handsome just the way he is. No need to change at all."
Why in the world would you "need" to date other guys for such things if the guy you're already seeing has all of the things you like? The whole point in dating is to find the guy that makes you happiest and stick with him. If he already makes you happy there is just no sense in throwing him out the door so you can "test" more guys. It's silly. You only hurt the guy and yourself. The relationship becomes irretrievable. It would be a miracle it would last after pulling a stunt like that.
"i think i might really love him even though i know its not likely at this age."
You can, most definately, fall in love at 14. You can fall in love at 11. I, whole-heartedly, believe you could fall in love at 6 even; although, you may have entirely different reasons for loving someone at that age.
It is okay to love someone at 14. I know it's not "popular" now because girls are always switching guys to "have fun" and do stupid things.
If I were you, I'd go back to this guy and beg for forgiveness. If you honestly love him then why not be with him? What's wrong with being in love and happy together? If you wait a long time everything really will break completely--even if it's a little broken now, you're young and may be able to fix it somehow.
The way I see it is you should be focusing on your work in high school anyway. It is more harmful to be upset over a lost boyfriend for months while trying to learn than to be happy with a boyfriend for months while trying to learn, as long as you keep focused on your studies. It sounds like you already have that second part down pat since you two had been together for three years. You probably already have figured out how to balance school work and a healthy relationship.
Him saying he doesn't want a relationship now is him telling you that he cannot deal with being heartbroken over you again. Each time you've broken up with him, he's hurt for you. You need to get your act together and decide if you want this boy or not, plain and simple. Stop going back and forth with him--he has feelings too.
If you really want to get over him and move on then stop interacting with him. You have to. This really is the ONLY way. Do not communicate with him. Ever. Period. Do not stop in the hallway to say, "Nice shirt!" and do not text him back if he texts you. There's no need in telling him you're not going to talk to him anymore either so don't bother with that. The love will eventually fade. It may take months, but it will fade at some point.
Make your decision as to whether you want to be with this boy long-term or not. He deserves to know. If you do, then sit down and talk to him and APOLOGIZE like there's no tomorrow. If you don't want to be with him and want to move past all of this then you HAVE to stop talking to him.
I hope things work out for you. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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im 24. i dont have any attraction to men my age. i keep getting attracted to intelligent men over the age of 35. is this normal?
am i making a mistake of ignoring men my age? am i putting myself in a postion to be manipulated by "more experienced" men?
thanks (link)
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I am 22 years old now (recently celebrated a birthday) and am currently seeing a 38 year old man. I can safely say that I'm not missing out on a damned thing by not seeing men my age.
In my experience, it's been more positive seeing an older man in that he is, well, more experienced in life. He has already gone through what I will go through with growing up. He's already worked at various jobs and dealt with the assholes and creeps at certain types of places. He's already been where I'm heading and is more than willing to help me make it through this time in my life.
The thing is, he can steer me in the right direction. If I listen to him, he can definately help me make right choices and avoid incidents that happened to him when he went through it years ago. He knows how to effectively communicate and get his thoughts and ideas through. It, obviously, helps that he cares about me ;) but it's nice to know he can safely tell me how to handle things from his previous experiences.
Maturity level is high for older men. They have stopped wasting time years ago if they're even decently intelligent. They have a better idea of how to treat a lady usually (my man opens doors for me, helps me out to the vehicle, carries the heavy things up to his house, buys me dinner, takes me out to movies, etc etc). If they aren't currently married, they are probably looking at their futures and how they want to end up a few years down the road. This doesn't mean they want to jump the gun and get married right away--but they do know what type of person they want to be with in a couple years.
The fact of the matter is there will always be someone out there, older or younger, that will try to manipulate you. This is why you have to have firm beliefs and standards. Put your foot down for what you believe.
Sexually speaking, I've seen more younger guys manipulate women into doing things they weren't sure of wanting to do. I've seen 21 year old guys talk openly with each other about raping young women. More men in their early twenties are going out to the clubs, getting wasted, picking up random strange women to sleep with, and not caring about other human beings in general. If a man cannot put their entire selves into a relationship (with you or anyone else) then how can you expect to rely on them in difficult times? You see, guys in their early 20s are new to this adult things and get frightened easily, whereas a man in his 30s or 40s already KNOWS if he can overcome a particular hurdle or not.
I'm not saying that older men are better because they are more mature (which, obviously, they are) but I'm saying that there will always be someone out there that wants to take advantage of you despite their age, race, or wealth. The trick is to keep your eyes and ears peeled out for these sorts of people. Don't hang out with pervy guys. Don't hang out with guys who have used women (they usually speak openly about this at some point). Don't see men who are into things you are not comfortable with. If a guy is going out to the bar and getting smashed every weekend then expect him to be making poor choices, especially in the sex department.
A difference is:
A man in his late 30s will drink and have a good time on the weekend. Not every weekend. Not in a crowd. Maybe a buddy or two around. Not enough alcohol to vomit and have a terrible hang-over. He's learned years ago how to have a good time without over-doing it.
A man in his early-to-mid 20s will drink and have a good time on the weekend. Usually most weekends. Happily drunken in a crowd of strangers. Enough to get completely wasted so that the following days will be completely forgotten, including the women he picked up the first night. He repeats this same thing every weekend, forcing his body to go through hell.
Older men know what they want and how to get it, for the most part. Younger men have an idea of what they want and are still testing the waters.
It's okay to be attracted to older men, as long as you can stand firm for what you believe. All guys see you as young and inexperienced. All of them. You have to have morals set. You have to know what you want. You have to not put yourself into bad situations and play everything as safely as possible.
Be prepared for an older man to start showing up with gray hair or begin balding (mine is bald and has a touch of gray). Be prepared for him to go through some health problems as he ages because they say the 20s are the healthiest time for us all. Be prepared for him to be set in his ways--he is probably now happily doing whatever it is that he is doing and you're not going to magically change him overnight or in a period of a few days (suggestions are happily taken though). Be prepared for him to already know what you're going through and think of you as a little silly when you tell him you have absolutely no clue as to how to solve the problem at hand--simply because he knows you've overlooked the solution twice already.
Be prepared for him to either want children very much or to not want them at all, ever. By this point in life, the man has pretty much made up his mind if he wants any (or more) or not. He also may have been married by now so it may take him a much longer time before deciding to take the leap and propose--he has long learned that it isn't something to throw around lightly.
I hope things go well with you and you find out what you truly want in life. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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if you suck someones dick? without a condom. like what COULD happen... i just need to know. would anything happen at all.. he said he has no STDs.. what if he does? please help me out.. i want to know what might happen before i do it. thank you
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Despite what this guy may tell you, if you do not have visual proof by a professional then you cannot go by his word about being STD-free. This means that if he cannot supply you a RECENT paper given to him by a doctor that explains that he has no STDs then you have no way of knowing if he has even been checked.
Even if he has supplied a paper noting that he is STD-free it does not mean it's true. HIV/AIDS has known to take up to 10 years before it has been detected.
For note, even virgins can have STDs. There is a growing number of infants that are contracting STDs from their parents forgetting to wash hands before changing diapers.
Serious oral sex risks include:
1. Herpes is probably the biggest STD risk during oral sex. Both strains of herpes can live in the mouth or the genitals, and particularly during outbreaks (cold sores, herpes lesions) can be passed from one place to the other. More than 50% of a random group of people will have antibodies to the virus (indicating some level of infection). Genital herpes is complicated and uncomfortable. Herpes can be passed on even if no sores are present.
2. Chlamydia and gonorrhea can infect your throat, showing strep like symptoms. These can also infect the eye; eye infections can have serious consequences. Roughly, 80% of women who have chlamydia have no symptoms and it can prevent them from ever having children.
3. HIV can be passed through unprotected oral sex. The infected semen/precum or vaginal fluid must enter the body through a cut or sore in the mouth or esophagus. You may not even be aware you have a cut in your mouth or throat. Some people take up to 10 years to show that they have contracted HIV/AIDS.
4. HPV can be passed during oral sex. HPV has been found on vocal chords. There is no test to find out if a man has HPV and men usually show no symptoms.
5. Syphilis can be passed similar to HIV. Signs and symptoms are indistinguishable from those of other diseases so some people go a long time without knowing they have it. Mothers can pass this onto their babies without knowing it.
6. Hepatitis A is also a risk, but usually only oral-anal contact. Hep A is not a chronic condition like Hep B and C, but can make a person quite sick several weeks.
For a last note, remember that there is NO solution to completely protecting yourself if you are going to engage in this activity. Condoms will not help, despite the logic to it. There is no such thing as "safe" sex so please be aware of the consequences if you feel you can handle them.
Personally, I don't see the joy in giving a guy a blow job once and ending up with a life-long disease for me.
I guess younger people think it's not a big deal.
I'd rather be STD-free, pain-free, and able to have children later in life.
Giving into sexual desires = Jeopardizing your health
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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