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abortion
my friend is 16 and pregnant and shes my best friend, and shes thinking about abortion but like its her fault and the fathers, that she got pregnant what can i say to her to make her listen to other options like ive tried to bring it up but she keeps saying she wouldnt feel guilty and all this stuff
what should i do or say?
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Supply your best friend with information regarding the dangers of abortion. You know abortion is not the answer and, chances are, she knows that too inside. She just needs to see and read some things you may be overlooking regarding abortion.
I want you to know that you CAN help your friend. It's possible that she is just scared, confused, and misinformed about abortions. Give her information. Walk her through studying these things. Watch videos about abortions with her. Let her know how concerned you are for her since abortions ARE risky!
I am proud of you for looking out for the health and happiness of your best friend! You are doing the right thing. Here is some information that may be very helpful to you in this situation:
Abortion can really harm your body just as much as giving birth to a child. I understand her body may not be mature enough to handle pregnancy but no woman's body is truly ready to abort a fetus. A baby can deplete your body of nutrients (which is why pregnant women need to take their prenatal vitamins) but an abortion can leave you scarred physically and/or mentally.
Women who have had abortions can experience problems later on. Many women suffer from major depression for years after having an abortion because, in the end, they come to realize that they have completely stopped another human life. The dates of conception, abortion, and the estimated day the child would have been born haunts many women for years. Some woman can't deal with this so much that they end up committing suicide. If that isn't enough, many women experience difficulty conceiving years later after an abortion--yes, it can render you infertile for the rest of your days.
Adoption is always an option of hers if she is not physically, mentally, or financially capable of caring for another human life. Please see if you can have her look into it if she feels she can carry the child but not raise it properly. She can contact an adoption agency in your area or can relinquish her rights of her child and place it in the custody of the state for adoption. I've read something about Volunteers of America for adoptions being really good but I have no personal experience with them myself. Here is a link directing you to their site:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Just as another note, some agencies actually let the expecting party interact with possible parents to ensure they are giving their child the best chance at life as possible. She may want to look into those agencies to help find her child good, loving parents. It may even be possible for her to work out a way that she can still be in the child's life lightly as they grow so she's aware of their progress.
I found a VERY interesting site for teenagers on abortion. These girls had abortions when they were young and have gained courage to write about their experiences for other teens to read:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I also want to direct you to a site that shows a live abortion. It's in different parts because the speaker gives you a lot of information on what the fetus and the mother will be going through. The video shows the ultra-sound as the procedure happens. It is important you see this before having an abortion so that you know fully what will be happening--it is best to inform yourself well. Before clicking the link to watch the video, prepare yourself because it is real life:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...Part 3 really starts to show the actual abortion happening. The speaker does add that the doctor that did the abortion never did another one and that the woman filming it never spoke about abortion again, though she was previously for it.
Yes, that is a real baby, really feeling pain and maybe even fear during such a procedure. You can see that it was fully aware that it was being harmed and was not oblivious to the foreign object as many people would like you to believe.
Just as a note, some states will not perform an abortion past 4 months, most are done before the first 14 week mark. Abortions after 24 weeks are only performed because of health complications just as another note. The further along you are, the more expensive it will be. Here is also some information on how different types of abortions are done and what the baby is like during certain stages of development when these practices are performed.:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here are some REALLY, REALLY good videos that explain the different kinds of abortions:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Abortion is also a very risky procedure for the mother of the fetus as well. The woman does not just pee out some blood and experience pain--the mother bleeds out the lining of her uterus as it contracts strongly to expel the fetus. The baby, placenta, umbilical cord, and the thick lining of the uterus will come out of the vagina. Even if the doctor suctions all of the "matter" out of the uterus, the woman will still bleed and may suffer some scarring in her uterus (preventing her from EVER being able to have children).
Many women have even DIED because of hemorrhaging, infections, and other complications. It's usually a very painful process for the woman and she is usually let in physical pain for days/weeks following. As another note, the woman usually bleeds for WEEKS after the abortion so it honestly isn't just a little blood in the urine.
Here is a super great website that has links to all sorts of abortion-related issues:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...and they even have a section (and a couple of links) of women who have passed away because of an abortion:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...as a note, MANY women are dying because of abortions:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
"Think about the life the child now. Yes, you were selfish and did not consider this major consequence (pregnancy) but you don't have to be any more selfish than you already have been. Even if you're not able to give him/her the best life, someone out there can. When couples look to adopt, they tend to look for infants anyway. By taking this child's life and ending it before it even gets started, you destroy what chance they had at being something. The baby did not do anything wrong here and should not be punished by death."
Let her also know that it is completely legal to leave a newborn at the hospital after it's been delivered. No questions are asked and the baby will be tended to. The hospital is a legal place to leave the infant.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! I am more than happy to help you help your best friend! :)
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her parents no, and there behind her 100% so if she kept it she would have all the help she needed.. but shes bragging about being pregnant and how shes going to kill it.. im not like preaching to her.. im just trying to open her mind up to other possibilities
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YOU should be accepting of her situation, and open your mind to concept of abortion.
If this girl was truely your best friend, you'd atleast try and be understanding, a baby just doesn't fit into most 16 year old girls lives.
Sure you can hit her with a guilt trip, but that's an extremely low blow. All I'm saying, is open your ears and shut your mouth. Listen. It's your job to help her, and just because she's not doing what you concider moral, doesn't make it wrong.
//edit
Grow the fuck up, and quit rating people low because they aren't telling you what you want to hear. I clearly gave you advice, all you have to do is take those pessemistic shades off and READ.
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Talk to her about adoption, but let her make her own decision. Its her choice, not yours. And whatever you believe, she will be the one living with the decision and the consequences.
Part of being an adult is living with your own choices. You don't have the right to interfere with her right to step up to that.
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Tell her to look into adoption. There are people out there that desperately want a child and if she is unable to provide for hers, they will gladly take it from her all expenses paid. Tell her to look into it. Just be like it saves a life and makes not only the child, but the family the child is adopted into happy. But, you do have to understand that this is not your disition. Don't back off, just try to get her to change her mind. Maybe she doesn't want to tell her parents so that might be why she wanta abortion cuz then that way she doesn't have to tell her parents that she got pregnet. Listen to her story and make sure she is positive aobut her final disition. Try a Pro con list.
good luck
-E
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Best friend or not, this is NOT your decision to make. You need to back off and let your friend do what SHE feels is best for HER. She's sixteen, she can't afford in any way, shape, or form, to raise a child, especially in today's economy. Unless, of course, she's rich. In that case, by all means, try your hardest to convince her to have the kid and take care of it.
The most you can do is to ask her to really look into adoption. But then she has to be willing to go through the whole pregnancy, and the pains of childbirth. Pregnancy is difficult, though, even more so at the age of sixteen. It fucks with your body, your mind, your emotions, not even considering the possibility of complications from going through a pregnancy at such a young age. Not only that, but if she's ever had body issues (body dysmorphia, eating disorders, etc), they will be magnified by somewhere around a thousand.
Having a child means putting yourself second, no matter what. You have to be selfless to have a kid, whether you're going to raise it yourself or put it up for adoption. You have to eat right for the baby, you have to act right, you have to sleep right, etc...Not to mention the social issues she'd have were she to go through with this.
I personally think she's making the right decision here.
I understand the feelings behind the push for pro-life, but if the baby can't have a good life with its real mother, I'm pro-choice. It would be a different situation if the person in question were in her twenties with a job and a boyfriend and just decided "hey, I don't feel like having a kid right now."
Your friend is SIXTEEN. She has the rest of high school and college to go through. A baby would make everything so much more difficult than it already is.
As far as what to do or say, you're welcome to try to get your friend to see your side of things, but you also have to try to see her side of things. Put yourself in her shoes for real. If you still feel that you'd have it and give it up for adoption, then kudos on the bravery, but not all of us are like that, and you need to realize it.
So, in summary, you really have no say in this matter. This isn't your decision to make. The best thing you can do for your friend is to let her make the decision she feels is best. She needs your support right now, not your preaching. I'm sure she's getting enough of that from her family, if she's told them.
Help her, don't "help" her.
-Siren =)
[Edit] If I "dont even no", then you didn't include as much information as you needed to for us to analyze this question. She shouldn't be bragging about killing anything, you're right about that. But if she's bragging about killing the kid, then chances are she's aware of what she's doing.
I have done research and papers on abortion, not to mention looked into it for myself (just in case) and if anyone's not "educated by this topic enough," it's...well, not me. I'm graduating from college in may. I daresay I know quite a bit about human behavior and the way the brain works.
The keyword there is "MOST" women come out of it fucked up. Not ALL. Those who choose to have it done and can forget about it, after realizing that having a child at this point in their life would be NOT a blessing, but a mistake, are fine. In fact, I know two people who chose to have abortions very recently, and they're absolutely happy.
I stand by what I said the first time. You can help your friend by letting her do what she wants to do. Would you want someone pressuring you to kill your unborn baby when you wanted to give it up for adoption? Now flip it around...do you really think she wants someone pressuring her to give it up for adoption when she wants to abort it? Help her by being there for her. You can support her without agreeing with her.
Oh yeah, and a last note - if you're going to bash my education level, you might want to at least use the correct punctuation and grammar. If I had my red pen I could have a field day with your question and the "feedback" you gave me.
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Hi there, I am with you on the whole no abortion thing. I do believe personally that everyone has a chance to live. That being said, if you honestly feel in your heart that you do not want her to get an abortion, sometimes just saying it isn't enough. If you can't get through to her with words, show her statisitics of women who have problems after the abortion pyschologically.
If that doesn't work, show her pictures of babies being aborted, I know that is sick, yes it is, but just looking at them will make her see that after carrying a baby inside of her for nine months killing the baby is like killing a part of her.
Did you know that there was this one time an abortion doctor was in the process of giving an abortion, and just as he was putting the needle in, you get the picture, the baby actually took his hand and pushed the needle away. The doctor has been prolife since. So who's to say the baby doesn't want to live?
One final thing, sorry this is so long, I am trying to give you things to talk to her about, tell her to think of her favorite person in the world, that being said, tell her to imagine what if he or she had been aborted, you would never get to have jokes and laughs or feel anything with them, don't make this child miss out either. Also, making her look at her ultrasound might work too. You know what if the baby she has inside of her can find the cure for cancer? We don't know, and with abortion well never know.
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Unfortunately, I'm afraid that this is one of those situations where you can't really help.
You can suggest adoption, but that's as far as I would take it. You have to remember, this is one of those situations where it's someone else's body, and thus, it's more their choice than yours.
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