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Can relationship ever be same after cheating?
Me and my boyfriend have been together 11 months, and I love him more than anything. We've both just gone to university and we're 200 miles apart. Last night, I got very, very, very drunk and was taken advantage of by a stranger. I know it's no excuse, but it explains why it happened - I am not normally ever like this. Even if my boyfriend wasn't an issue, I would still be incredibly upset about what happened, being taken advantage of in that way. I've never had a one-night-stand before, even single.
Today I missed my first day of lectures to go up to talk to my boyfriend about this. Understandably he is absolutely devastated, and destroyed - but he says as he loves me, we can stay together and give it a go. He's very negative though and I just want to know whether anyone has ever been in a relationship, one person cheated and the relationship kept going. I regret this more than anything else I've ever done and I would do absolutely anything to make it better. Thank you for any answers I receive.
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I can relate completely with you on this. I actually "cheated" on MY boyfriend on a drunken night of partying.We talked it over and he forgave me, but it definately took awhile for him to trust me completely in certain situations. I think if your boyfriend still loves you, things should work out. It's been almost half a year since my "incident" and my relationship with my boyfriend is still going strong. Just trust in your love and everyting will be fine.
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Getting extremely wasted when you're 17 (or 21 or 35 or 80) and expecting good results is not very responsible. I am glad that you understand that this situation was mainly your fault; however, I would like to point out something:
1. If you were so very, very drunk that you cannot recall getting to the point of sex then how do you know you weren't all flirty with the guy? If the guy was drinking too then maybe he thought you genuinely wanted to "be" with him. If he was drinking too then maybe he misinterpreted a few drunken giggles as heavy flirting signs.
2. If your story goes like, "Well, we were talking and stuff and then suddenly we were doing it and I was like, 'No!'" then there is a big issue. Nobody just suddenly becomes sober 2 minutes into intercourse; however, you can suddenly have a change of heart about the situation you have just put yourself in. Please take note of that.
This being said, you may have NOT been taken advantage of. Your best bet on this is to talk to the guy that may or may not have taken advantage of you. He may seriously have thought you wanted to have sex with him because he was also under the influence. Remember we do not make good judgment when drunken. He could be just as "innocent" or "guilty" as you are. Do not label this as "being taken advantage of" until you find out (from the guy) if he had been drinking or not. Remember also that one beer can get some people drunken so the amount is not really a concern of yours.
So, that being said, you need to stop labeling this as "taken advantage of" and start labeling as "made very poor choices." Putting the blame onto someone else when you don't even know the ENTIRE story is not very nice. It's just fine to take the blame and admit to making some bad calls while under the influence. Everyone knows alcohol makes things seems smaller than what they are until you sober up and realize that those very things are huge.
For further note, if you can safely say that you know for a fact that the guy was not drinking the ENTIRE night then you must have been sober enough to pay attention to a detail like that at a party. Again, it sounds like you made very poor choices while under the influence.
Next, you need to stop drinking. Getting "very, very, very drunk" is not a good sign. Getting a little tipsy at a party is alright but going as far as to not recall the party is overboard for any age. You are putting yourself in very bad situations, especially when everyone around you is also drinking/drunken. It sounds like you're not making good choices so you really do need to cut alcohol out of your life until you mature a bit more. This screams of getting worse in a short period of time.
Your relationship may survive if you do what is responsible and mature. This means never putting yourself in such a situation ever again. This means being completely open and honest with your partner about EVERYTHING (because things DO come out in the most inopportune times when you try to hide them). This means having to prove yourself to your partner all over again.
Keep talking to your partner about it. Let him know that you are to blame for acting so irresponsible but that you have learned a valuable lesson. Be upfront about changes you plan to make to prevent such things from happening in the future. Reassure your partner that you are genuinely sorry. Pray that he forgives you and doesn't end up scared.
Count this as starting your entire relationship over. You have to prove to him that you're trustworthy now because you, most likely, lost every ounce of what you had earned. Be the best girlfriend you can be and understand why he cannot trust you just yet. Give him time.
Your relationship CAN make it if you both want it to make it.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. It was a very good call to make a special trip to see your boyfriend for a face-to-face apology/explanation.
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Okay, let's get a few things straight here:
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU WERE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.
As for the relationship to continue, I think it will because of one thing: the love which you've got for each other. If I were you, I would talk to him about it and see why he's being so negative... okay, the reason is kinda obvious, but you need to help the both of you get through this.
Don't hold onto what happened, to what happened to you, it is now a thing of the past, now you need to focus upon the two of you together as a couple, and as a couple, I believe that you can get through this and have a long relationship. Just talk it out between the two of you.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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