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ok well iam lost.
alright..soo iam 16 iam going to be 17 soon and i really dont want to have sex. like i think my age is wayyy too young to even be thinking about it. but all the guys my age or older already expect it. i really dont know what to do, cause you can never really find decent guys anymore that will wait. and if you tell them you dont want to have sex they will either keep pushing you or just leave you right then and there...i dont really know what to do, and i DONT want to have sex expecially not yet.
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Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Just because you turn a certain age, does not mean you have to start having sex. You're being very smart by admitting that you're not ready for it and being clear on the fact that you don't want to.
I know it seems like all guys are out for one thing but it really isn't true. I think you'll find alot of guys are just as unready for sex as you. If you're with someone who is pressuring you into sex, then he is not the type of person you deserve to be with.
No one should be in a relationship with someone who only wants them for one thing. If you are with a loving person who has respect for you and your morals, even if he is ready for sex, then he will wait for you without trying to pressure or blackmail you into it.
Stick to your morals, get rid of people who don't show you the respect you deserve and you'll be fine.
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If you think that the guys your age want to have sex and you're not comfortable with that, then don't date. Yes, dating can be fun but from personal experience, being single can be even better.
Take some time to yourself to observe your friends in their relationships. You can learn SO much simply by learning from them.
Yes I know waiting for that special guy to come along SUCKS however, when he does finally show up, it will be well worth it.
I believe that every time you're in a serious relationship with someone, you leave a bit of yourself behind with them. So the more patient you are, the more of yourself you'll have to give to that special someone.
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Hard question, to be honest. Very hard question.
I can understand where you're coming from, and I can understand where others are coming from as well.
Simply put, sex in our culture right now is more accepted and normal than it has been in a LONG time. This means that yes, its more expected than it used to be.
Let me give you some perspective to understand whats going on here.
I'm in my Mid 20s. At my age, sex is relatively expected. I had a brief time single last year, and sex happened by or before date 3.
Everyone my age pretty much has had sex. Its normal, its something both sides want.
I also skew towards girls who are more sexually driven. Just a tendency, I drift towards girls like that unconsciously, and I am simply not attracted to girls who aren't experienced enough to want sex themselves, and know what they want out of it.
Its like this alot of the time in and beyond college. People are attracted to those who share their values. Because I am not limited to a high school population I am (or was) free to find girls who feel about sex the same way that I do.
Thing is, you're in high school. The guys your age see how people MY age behave, and think that adult behavior is defined by wanting and getting sex. Ive gotten comments more than once about how the girls I date or am interested in "must be really easy"
No, theyre not. But as adults we meet, and we understand what each other want, and are mature enough that the choice to indulge is not a bad one. Its not about "scoring with chicks" its about meeting people who want the same things you want.
In a high school population, it doesnt work like that. Guys are after ANYONE they can get, and you are put in the position of "conform to my sexual desires or get pressured or get dumped"
I'm telling you all of this for two reasons.
1) So you can understand why guys your age are the way they are (though some guys stay like this much longer than high school)
2) So you can have an idea of whats waiting for you when you get out of teeny-bopper hell and enter something more akin to the real world.
If you aren't ready for sex, don't have any. Your choice to do that should be because YOU want to have sex with someone, not because you feel like you're going to lose someone, or feel like you just should. It should in my opinion ALWAYS be because you desire the specific person you are with.
I can't say I've always held myself to that, but I aspire to.
And if you hit college a virgin, your world will open up because all of a sudden you will be able to select from anyone you want without having to deal with the teen drama community you live in now, and you can search out people who have your ethics, standards, and desires.
Don't lower your standards because you feel alone. High standards are always harder to meet, but the results are often far more worthwhile than compromising.
::Edit::
I'm going to address something from "Peeps" below me.
Good guys are everywhere. That being said, you won't be compatible with all the good guys out there. There is more to "having things in common" with people than which movies you like and where you like to eat. Sexual compatibility is a real thing.
The caveat. A good guy will not expect you to do anything. He will have his desires, and if he doesn't match with you he will move on amicably.
Good guys don't pressure, and they don't try to get you to do things you don't want to do. Good guys try to figure out what you want, and if that is compatible with them.
You should be doing the same. Every date is not a future marriage partner. You should approach dating like an interview.
You shouldn't feel like its a judgment against you if someone wants sex, you don't, and thats enough reason to not continue dating. He wants one thing and you want another, and whatever you do have in common, you DON'T have something in common that is important to both of you.
Again, alot of this applies far more to after high school when you have the opportunity to find decent guys who are no longer brainwashed into the "I am a guy and I want to have sex because it makes me feel like a big boy" mentality that you are dealing with now.
For right now, just be clear early on and stick to your guns.
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If a guy keeps pressuring you to have sex or leaves after you deny him sexual relations, then he wasn't worth the attention to begin with.
There ARE decent guys out there that don't obsess over sex. There are good guys who don't expect sex until marriage even, believe it or not. You just have to be upfront about yourself.
I am thankful that you aren't already out having sex with every thing that walks like most people your age. It's saddening to see two people not be able to hold a conversation between each other because all they do is have sex. It's even sadder that they may end up reproducing, only to tell their children that they know nothing of the child's mother/father.
Simply be upfront with the guy on the first date. You don't have to be cold about it, but make sure to let him know that you are seeking respect for your body too. Get to a part in the conversation when you are talking about yourself and slip in, "I really am waiting for marriage, if you know what I mean, and it's really difficult to find a guy that respects my decision."
That will open it up for the guy to respond. He's going to do one of three things then. He may decide that he will try to pressure you into sex. He may decide that this date was not worth his time (he's a loser). He may decide that he's glad he's finally found a girl who is decent and he is starting to decide how he's going to ask for a second date.
You don't have to have sex. Good guys do not expect it. Good guys won't talk about sex openly. Good guys won't pressure you for any sexual favor. Good guys aren't perverted and hang around with such crowds.
So, take a deep breath, hold your head up high, and relax. The right guy WILL come along who knows how special your decision is. You just need to be upfront.
By the way, since you're at a fairly young age, a guy may tease you a little about wanting to remain a virgin. Just know that it doesn't matter in the end what they say. In 10 years they are going to be alone, STD infected, and heartbroken.
People look for quick-fixes now. Sex is one of those. Sex fixes the feelings of loneliness for about 20 minutes. Sex fixes the feelings of sexual urges for about an hour. Going the "quick-fix" route isn't all sugary goodness though--people are left feeling insecure, hurt, used, empty, dirty, and maybe end up with life-long illnesses (mentally and/or physically).
You're making the right decision, I promise. I'm very glad to see someone like you on Advicenators and I hope you share your wisdom here so that other girls your age are inspired to respect their bodies too.
The right guy will come to you in time.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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So what's your question, how to not have sex? Well, you've lived 17 years without it. It's easy as that. Yeah, most guys these days are just in it for the physical, but you'll always find someone who's sincerely not. Don't go out with guys you think may be like that, and if you do, dump them first. They're garbage. Hope this helps.
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Hi,
the worst thing you can ever do is to have sex before you are ready. It's not what you want right now, so by all means stick to your guns. Trust me, if a guy is not willing to wait for you, he is not worth your time anyway.
From the sounds of it, you have high self esteem and certain standards for yourself. Don't settle. YOu will regret if for the rest of your life. If a guy treats you in a wrong way because he can't have his way with you, he always will. It will never work out. There are guys out there who feel the way you do. You just have to be patient. If the others want to leave, show them the way. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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If you DON'T want to have sex yet, you DON'T have to have sex yet. They can't force you to.
The best way to avoid the situation is to just wait for a guy who isn't just looking for sex. There are plenty out there, I'm sure of it. I myself am one of those guys ;].
All I ask of you is to not judge ALL guys based on what SOME guys do.
Just stay with your morals and you should be fine =].
--Jack
(16/m)
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