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is it possible to be in love at 14?
heyy, i know this is long but please answer if you can. im so lost any suggestion would be amazing.
the first boy ive ever loved, kissed, gone out with, all of that is still in my head. we started daitng 3 years ago (wer both 14 now) and hes been in my head ever sense. i know he feels the same way and its scary because no matter how many times we break up we aways go back to eachother. it feels like we were destined to be together. and ithink we might be eventually. but...
whenever we have a relationship it gets so serous that im scared to even talk to him. if i do, we flirt nonstop, make all of these plans, and im scared where ittle leade. ive never been able to really get over him, i get butterflys just looking at him and i know he feels the same way. but i dont want to lose a high school experience by being with him, it hurts to talk to him because i feel it getting more serous and stronger by the minuite, but it hurts not to becayse i miss him so much. and i see him in shcool everyday and he just makes me laugh and hes never broken up with me i always break up with him because i feel myself getting too attached and i get scared and run away. i think i might really love him even though i know its not likely at this age. i know i love the way he makes me feel but icant let myself accept it. and he says he dosent want a relationship now but i know i could talk him into it but im not sure whats best. do you think theres a way i could really get over him? not talking to him isnt really an option, it would just be really awkward. hes in my classes so i have to see him everyday. i know i could try to get over him, but im not sure how to get over him for good. the second he looks at me or texts me all is lost and i fall for him again. please help
thanks SO much!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It appears that you are a little confused, first of all. You specifically say:
"but i dont want to lose a high school experience by being with him"
You see, the "high school experience" is nonexistent. You don't go to high school to date around. The girls who go to high school and brag about having 10 boyfriends are definately NOT what you should strive to be. The girls are sad inside, even dead a little. They aren't happy EVER because they cannot find a guy that truly loves them. The reason they can't find this guy is because they have this made-up idea of how high school "life" should be--that they shouldn't stick with a guy after so long, that love isn't real yet, and that magically everything will change when they are ready to marry.
The experience you're talking about comes with drugs, failed grades, STDs, and teenage-pregnancies, even if you don't realize that now. Look around your high school. The girls who are sleeping around tend to be popular right now--but do you think that they're going to be happy when they're 30, no husband, 2 babies by 2 different dads (not counting their abortions they've had), and herpes that they have to reveal to new partners? No. That's REALLY how they end up too. They aren't happy now, and they aren't ever going to be happy.
The years you are a teenager and a young adult you date to find a person you want to be with for the rest of your life. This means that when you find this person, you stick with them. Being with on person, happily, already tells you what you don't like in people. This can be exampled by:
"I really like that he snuggles me when we watch movies."
"He holds my hand when we're in public and it makes me feel like he's very proud to be with me."
"He doesn't pressure me to do things I am not wanting to do. He really seems to care."
"He is handsome just the way he is. No need to change at all."
Why in the world would you "need" to date other guys for such things if the guy you're already seeing has all of the things you like? The whole point in dating is to find the guy that makes you happiest and stick with him. If he already makes you happy there is just no sense in throwing him out the door so you can "test" more guys. It's silly. You only hurt the guy and yourself. The relationship becomes irretrievable. It would be a miracle it would last after pulling a stunt like that.
"i think i might really love him even though i know its not likely at this age."
You can, most definately, fall in love at 14. You can fall in love at 11. I, whole-heartedly, believe you could fall in love at 6 even; although, you may have entirely different reasons for loving someone at that age.
It is okay to love someone at 14. I know it's not "popular" now because girls are always switching guys to "have fun" and do stupid things.
If I were you, I'd go back to this guy and beg for forgiveness. If you honestly love him then why not be with him? What's wrong with being in love and happy together? If you wait a long time everything really will break completely--even if it's a little broken now, you're young and may be able to fix it somehow.
The way I see it is you should be focusing on your work in high school anyway. It is more harmful to be upset over a lost boyfriend for months while trying to learn than to be happy with a boyfriend for months while trying to learn, as long as you keep focused on your studies. It sounds like you already have that second part down pat since you two had been together for three years. You probably already have figured out how to balance school work and a healthy relationship.
Him saying he doesn't want a relationship now is him telling you that he cannot deal with being heartbroken over you again. Each time you've broken up with him, he's hurt for you. You need to get your act together and decide if you want this boy or not, plain and simple. Stop going back and forth with him--he has feelings too.
If you really want to get over him and move on then stop interacting with him. You have to. This really is the ONLY way. Do not communicate with him. Ever. Period. Do not stop in the hallway to say, "Nice shirt!" and do not text him back if he texts you. There's no need in telling him you're not going to talk to him anymore either so don't bother with that. The love will eventually fade. It may take months, but it will fade at some point.
Make your decision as to whether you want to be with this boy long-term or not. He deserves to know. If you do, then sit down and talk to him and APOLOGIZE like there's no tomorrow. If you don't want to be with him and want to move past all of this then you HAVE to stop talking to him.
I hope things work out for you. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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well. before you make the choice to really 'fully' get over him, do you want to? I mean if you really like him and you try this fully getting over him thing, would you regret it later? I just dont want you going through hell if he settles down with a girl and ends up dating her for a long time. So first be sure this is what you want.
You mentioned the "high school experience". by that im assuming hanging out with friends a lot, dating other people, and not being tied down. Well if you really want to get over him, start doing these things. Makke plans with friends often, go to the football games, go out in big groups, and maybe you will get to know a new guy and want to date him/get to know him better.
Im 19 now and my first serious bf was about 14 also. I still think to this day if he came back to my area (he moved far away) i would think of the old times and maybe develop some feelings in a sense. BUT i have a boyfriend of almost 3 years now..so there would definitely be nothing between us. It might just bring back some feelings. So you see, as time passes, and as new people come into your life, feelings for others and past relationships pains will fade. What im trying to say is, its natural for some feelings to remain, but they will definitely not be as intense down the road.
It soundsl ike you and your ex are pretty good friends. Stay good friends and if you find this "high school experience" is deinitely not working out for you, maybe you and this boy really are meant to have something serious.
So my main advice to recap is..go out with friends, try the dating scene because who knows you might meet someone else..and down the road if you still find yourself wanting your ex, dont deny those feelings!
well good luck i hope this helped hun!
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Well, the first thing I would have to say is that if you started dating him when you were 11, that would be the start of your problem. You are too young at that age, and dating so young can make it easy to feel things that aren't really real. You probably feel so attached to him because he was your first boy friend and you weren't mature enough at that age to handle it. Actually, in my opinion, at 14, you still aren't old enough to have a boyfriend. It's just tough because you need more life experience before you are mature enough to handle it.
Chance's are you're NOT destined to be together. I was 14 when I fell in love (Now I realize I was too young to be dating then) ... I thought that she was the one I was going to marry. I just had this really strong feeling like we were supposed to be together, but we broke up... and I still thought we would get back together, because, we were meant to be. We never got back together, and it took me about a year and a half to realize, she wasn't the one for me.
Now, you're saying that you're relationships get too serious. At 14 that is bad, almost unacceptable. At that age you need to not be getting into serious things. Relationships are something that can be great, but you have to be mature enough to handle them. At that age you aren't. Most 14 year olds date because:
A. Thier friends are dating.
B. They feel immature if they DON'T
The thing is. Your not ready to date yet, and realizing that and deciding to not get yourself into situations our not ready to handle is MORE MATURE.
You yourself said that it's getting too serious for you, so just tell him.
Say this. "I'm not ready for something this serious, I'm only 14. I like you but, right now, I just can't deal with this. I'm afraid to start anything too big right now and I just need to stop this for now."
Just tell him how you're feeling...
And about getting over him.
It takes time. For me it took a year and a half, but if you don't get back with him within that time, then you'll move on. Getting over someone doesn't take a day, it takes a long time.
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awww.
I know how it is to like someone but not want to get too attached to them,If you REALLY want to get over him the only person that will help you is yourself, Stop looking at him and TRY to stop thinking about him even though its really hard, gettin over somone you really like really isnt that easy not at all, becasue you like alot of things about that person, but if you really want to get over him then jus try to stop looking at him and try to not talk to him too much,
& whenever you start liking somone else Try not to get yoursef TOO attached like Dont go wherever he is dont alwayas look at him because doing those things make you more intrested in them.
:) i really hope i helped.
Tell me how it goes okay :):).
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yeah, i understand where you're coming from. it's hard, but if he doesn't want to be in a relationship, it's his call. a relationship is two-way.
find someone else to have a crush on. don't ignore him / be mad at him, etc. but just slowly drift away as much as possible. don't stalk his myspace, don't call him up whenever you get the chance. out of sight, out of mind. don't be where he is.
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