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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
So long story short my boyfriend watches porn. It hurts my feelings an it makes me not feel wanted or not what he wants. I found a lot on blondes like hot an sexy blonde blonde this blonde that. But I'm not blonde. He said he didn't kno why the blonde but he has made a comment to me about he wants my blonde back an such. Also why having sex he was like saying stuff about squirting the whole time an he knows I don't squirt? He has done a few things like this an now I'm even more insecure. I also see him looking at other girls butts constantly while were out. I don't do any of this to him and I don't play with myself to other guys. He used to look at pictures which hurt me more then porn but he says now he just does porn? I just don't understand an I'm not the controlling type but I need advice. I don't do so why does he?
The Answer
He watches porn because he likes it, and he doesn't see anything wrong with it. It's also not your problem.
Every guy I've ever dated watched porn - but none of them were confused about porn and real women. They understood that most women don't 'squirt' or do many of the other things which are popular in porn.
Although I have had boyfriend express preference about my hair, I've never felt pressured by any of them, and although I know they check out other women, it's never crossed the line to rudeness.
So porn isn't your problem. Lost of people - most people actually - engage with pornography in healthy and respectful ways. Your problems with your boyfriend are behaviour which actually have very little to do with his pornography choices.
If you want the BEHAVIOUR to stop, talk to your boyfriend about the behaviour - not the porn. Yes, you also have some insecurities going on here, and it's difficult for us here online to figure out which of these issues are stemming from your insecurities and what is stemming from his rudeness, but you've it's perfectly valid to ask him to cut it out on the rudeness. Porn doesn't turn men into over-sex, rude little jerks. They do that, or don't do it, all their own.
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The Question
My family has had a male terrier that's 2 years old, and we just got a new female terrier puppy that's 5 months old. They play together outside but when it comes down to it my 2 year old is very jealous, when she tries to follow him or lay down with him he immediately gets up and walks away. It's really sad and my family doesn't know what to do!
The Answer
There is nothing to do. Both dogs are being heathy.
Your five month old is still learning doggy manners, and getting ignored is part of how your older dog is teaching her about boundaries and respect. As long as the older dog isn't snapping at her or bullying her, then this is perfectly fine. Puppies are lots of work for an older dog - it's cool for him to want space. I'm not sure why you are calling this jealousy...
As the pup grows up and calms down, you'll probably find the older one has more patience and willingness to chill out together.
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The Question
I'm 21/f, and I should be having sex. My body is ready for it and I am, too. I walk around all the time wet and its fucking annoying. I find myself fantasizing at work about everyone there and its distracting. I masturbate on a regular basis but thats not even close to cutting it anymore. I need to feel a man. The thing is, I live with one. If I were going to have sex with anyone, I'd want it to be him. We have before, plenty of times. But lately I'm not feeling it from his side. Its been over 2 months since the last time we did. He doesn't make any moves to let me know he wants to, so Idk if he still does! We're both single. He's a little older than I am and he works a lot more hours than I do. Thats another issue; I never know when he's too tired to do anything. I get nervous when I realize I have to be the initiator. I need advice on how to non-romantically seduce a man. Or how I can tell that he even still finds me appealing in that sense. Its not even about wanting to be loved anymore, I feel deprived and hysterical. :( And don't any of you worry, I'm on the pill and he and I always use a condom. We're good on that. I'm just horny!!!!
The Answer
Oh for fucks sake ASK HIM!
"Do you want to have sex?"
It's not rocket science.
You are working yourself up into a completely irrational state. Seriously, stop it. It isn't difficult for a 21 year old woman who wants sex, to suck up her pride and ask a guy she has slept with previously if he wants to fuck again.
This barely qualifies as a problem. You want sex. You want sex with him. He's right there, and you know he's been game in the past. The solution is literally staring you in the face.
Don't worry about seducing him, just get a minute of his full attention and ask him if he wants to have sex again, right then, or ever.
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The Question
Hi everyone, I'll try to make this brief
-I'm a divorced female, My ex husband cheated on me with another woman- so it caused some major trust issues with me.
-I've been divorced for 2 years.
-I've been with a wonderful guy for 1.5 years, and he and I get along great, he and my little girl even get along great. We have the same goals, ideals etc. And we're planning on getting married and buying a house together soon.
-My boyfriend treats me great, but I'm always worrying that he's talking to other women behind my back...one in particular- a woman he lived with for a few years before we were officially dating. I was uncomfortable with it- even though he said they were only friends and it was nothing more than that- but he moved out for me anyways. He's never said much about the woman, so I find myself constantly obsessing over the details....worrying that he'll end up leaving me for her one day because they had a history together- even if it was platonic (which I don't believe...I don't think a non-related man and woman can live together for years without sex being involved).
I should explain that I have a diagnosis of OCD and anxiety...so the obsessive compulsive thoughts are really hard to control... :( I worry myself sick every time he gets a text, thinking he's talking to some other woman...Sometimes I just think I should break up with him so I don't have to worry anymore...HOW do I control these thoughts , this constant worrying that he's cheating on me? I love him, and he loves me, but I'm tearing myself apart with the constant worry...it's hard not to after you've been cheated on in the past by someone who you honestly believed would never betray you...now I feel like NO ONE can be trusted and they will always betray you....I hate feeling this way...please help me figure this out.... Thank you.
The Answer
Go to therapy.
Your distrust is toxic. You'll end up unhappy, even if you end up with a man who is utterly and completely faithful for the rest of their life.
We can't help you here and the truth is - neither can he. Once you've become this irrational and obsessive, no matter how perfectly he acts, you'll never be okay until you get help.
Lots of people get cheated on. Most people, get cheated on at some point in their lives. It hurts and it's damaging, but if it's ruining your ability to be happy, then you need to unpack that with a professional.
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The Question
The questions everyone wonders is if a man and woman can be close friends.
An acquaintance, yes, a close personal friend? I am not sure. It's not that you can't maintain a friendship with a person of the opposite sex, it's that their (or your) romantic partners will very often ruin the friendship.
My GF and I lived together for about 6 months before we started dating. We had both had significant others, but then she broke up with hers and my relationship was in tatters already. When I approached her about a relationship she said she was interested, but worried that if it didn't work out it would ruin our friendship. I really hurt her feelings with my reply, which was something like this:
'Look, as much as I enjoy your friendship it is destined to fail. Sooner or later you will find a boyfriend and move out. Slowly we will lose contact because of your life with your new boyfriend. Your new boyfriend might be suspicious of us, especially since we have been living together.'
She took that as my not valuing her as a friend, but was completely wrong. I DID and still do value her friendship, but I was under no illusions that we could remain such close friends when she would eventually meet someone else. Our friendship was going to drop to the level of an acquaintance. Both of us went into this friendship with no attraction and no expectations. We were acquaintances for about 6 months when she found herself without a place to stay. She was an acquaintance who needed a place to stay and I was in need of additional income and with 2 spare bedrooms. I even cooked a big meal for the 4 of us (My then GF, her, her boyfriend and myself) one evening. I never particularly liked her BF, but I could be around him for short periods of time. Had that relationship continued, she would have eventually moved out and moved in with him and our friendship would have been significantly diminished back to the level of acquaintance. He was suspicious of our friendship and had my then GF not been there, it would have been "Move out of that house or I'm breaking up with you" and I wouldn't have blamed him. I have no doubt at all that if we hadn't hooked up, she would be a long lost friend or someone I occasionally chat with on the phone by now (it's been 10 years). I eventually forced the issue by saying 'you can't continue to live here with us both having romantic feelings for each other and remain friends'. Unbeknownst to me, she had already been looking to move out because she didn't want to be a home wrecker. I told her I was done with my now ex and that I was breaking up with her one way or another. So we gave it a try and we're still together.
Even close male friends will pull back from you when they get a new girlfriend, in my experience it is even worse when that friend is a woman. She now has obligations to this other guy who will be suspicious of a close male friend. At best, I think you can have acquaintances of the opposite sex, but unless the significant others really get along, it just fizzles out. I've had this happen a number of times with both male and female friends. Two couples that are all friends are the best set of circumstances I can think of if a good friendship can survive the other person's (and yours) romantic interests.
So to sum it up, I think it's not really that you can't be friends with a member of the opposite sex, it's that their love life (and possibly yours) will reduce the friendship to that of an acquaintance. It might also just be semantics and how I define the word "friend".
The Answer
Are you asking for opinions? It seems like all you wanted was to write an essay on your own experiences.
I think you've made a few errors here.
You're young, and you are extrapolating a fact about all men and woman from one rather specific experience you had with a female friend you were extremely attracted too, while you were both in other relationships.
That's not a good example of a friendship between two people of the opposite sex. You were never 'just friends'. I think you were right about your situation: You two couldn't have been friends, because you both clearly wanted more than a friendship.
Her boyfriend and your girlfriend were never the problem. Your own desires made a real friendship impossible. Her boyfriend was simply picking up on that reality.
ALL friendships only work out if both parties want a friendship.
Men and women can be just friends.
That's a simple fact you can see reflected throughout the world.
However, the younger you are, the less likely it is to happen. "Being Friends" isn't something we are born knowing how to do. Just like we go through grade-school learning not to be bullies or jerks to our friends, we also don't really learn how to be friends with the opposite sex until we have quite a few romantic relationships behind us, and have really honed in on what we want from both relationships and friendships. In the early days of female/male friendships, those sorts of boundaries and expectations are still being formed, and the definitions almost always get fuzzy for everyone involved.
As you get older, you'll usually find that your friends become better at balancing their new relationships with old friendships. Mature partners can be better at respecting the friendships their partner chooses - whether they be with males or females. That is the kind of trust and respect that experience earns.
Being a good friend is about skill and experience, not about rules of the universe when it comes to women and men.
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The Question
hi, we've been together for almost 3 years. he's got a daughter with his ex girlfriend. but when we argue he says, 'they're no threat to you.' what's that exactly mean? and also whenever i mention them to him he's says he doesn't want to hear or talk about them. why? he's quite defensive of them as well. why? help please. thanks
The Answer
I don't think anyone can help you much until you are honest about what your problem with his child and that child's mother is.
What your boyfriend is saying is pretty straightforward - If I had to take a guess, I'd say whatever fights you and he are having, he doesn't want to have those fights anymore.
Why does your boyfriend think you are threatened by them?
Why are you arguing about his child and her mother?
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The Question
So something is wrong with me...girls rate me pretty high in looks and as a person i can't really say im bad.. but for some reason i always get rejected! I asked this girl out, shes been my crush for over a year, at first she said yes but she meant it in a friendly way(which means "just friends") but i didnt know she meant it that way and she didnt know i meant the other...i was celebrating with my best-friend, and all of a sudden she finds out what i meant and rejects me...i dont really have a question...but the thing is..is there something wrong with me?? i keep on getting rejected, and i always get so close to everything but then lose it... Why does this happen?? do girls only look at looks..cause im ok(not thinking highly of myself) but is there something i should know that i dont??
The Answer
How old are you?
You are young, right? I would bet not even 15.
You are being rejected because you, and the girls you are approaching, are young, insecure and inexperienced. Saying yes is scary. A lot of young people around you wont be ready for any sort of relationship, even if they kinda like you.
Also, you are getting rejected because it happens - a lot. You aren't ALWAYS getting rejected. You are getting rejected a perfectly normal amount, but because you are still young and haven't been at this long, it seems like all that is happening.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are human. You are a very young human. You haven't been at this game for very long. Don't stress about it. Just keep being your best, being friendly and being respectful.
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The Question
This is regarding to my earlier post that my boyfriend said i changed him but its that i made him promise me that he would stop smoking an try not to cuss or rebel against his parents!! You guys all make me sound horrible right now. I really do love him for just like how he was himsel when we just met. I am willing to accept the real him but im so engulfed in guilt that i changedhim. I hope he can give me another chance but idk if he will.
The Answer
I'm going to repeat myself.
End it. Stay away from him. Let it be over.
It's not good to try and change someone, but it doesn't make you a horrible person. If he doesn't like the things you like, or value the behaviour you value, all that means is that you aren't right for each other.
It's true you had no business asking for promises about his behaviour within his own family, or his smoking habits, but he also had no business making those sorts of promises if he didn't want to change! He was perfectly free to say "Look Girlfriend, I love you, but my family is my business, and I like to smoke, so I'm not promising anything."
You probably didn't behave perfectly, but doesn't mean it's all your fault. He's too blame as well for the breakdown here.
Don't accept behaviour you don't like or aren't comfortable with.
Don't accept blame for someone else's behaviour or choices.
Don't be guilty because you thought it would be better if he didn't smoke, and was more respectful of his parents.
What you need to accept is that as much you may love someone, it doesn't mean you will a good match for them. You and he have discovered you are a bad match. That's really sad, and tough, and it hurts like hell, but it's the truth. Hopefully you've learned a bit about what sort of things you can expect from a partner, and what sort of things are foolish to demand promises about, but you need to take what you've learned and apply it to your next relationship.
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The Question
So my boyfriend and i just got into a fight and he told me that the reason he stopped giving as muh effort in the relationship is because i changed him into someone hes not. I molded him into my perfect boyfriend without any flaws and now he wants to be himself. Since were senior now we have to really find ourselves before we head off into college so yeah. I feel so guilty that ive done this to him and the one time he decides to have a serious conversation with me about it wihtout knowing he wanted a comversaion i triggered his hormonal side. And now were in the biggest fight ever and almost breaking up since i brought up the breaking up part because i got tired of crying because he didnt give enough effort. But i also really want to be with him so much im willing to accept this flawed boyfriend because he said that the only way a couple will last that if they respect each other and their flaws. But do you think hed be willing to give our relationship a try again? Should i break up with him so he can find someone that wouldnt want to change him?? Im in self conflict. We're both seniors.
The Answer
It is impossible, completely and utterly impossible, for someone to change another person.
If your boyfriend changed during your relationship, it is because HE CHOSE TO CHANGE. He didn't have to. He may regret his choice, but you didn't hold a gun to his head. If he has acted like a person other than the person he feels he truly is, then he has done both of you a disservice by not standing up for himself, and talking to you honestly about himself.
You didn't do anything to him. He did it to himself.
Maybe you aren't good for each-other right now. Maybe you have expectations for a relationship that he doesn't share, or can't met. Maybe you demanded things he didn't want to give, but he gave in anyways. None of that makes you a monster - it just makes you a bad fit as boyfriend and girlfriend.
I think you should end the relationship - not because you want to change him so badly - but because he's blaming you for something that is more his fault, than it can ever be yours.
You may be flawed, and you may have made mistakes, but as soon as someone tries to tell you that their choices and their feelings are YOUR FAULT and you have to fix that for them, they have no respect for themselves, or for you.
Maybe you did ask him to change more than was fair. Maybe you had unrealistic expectations. Maybe you didn't have enough tolerance of his flaws, but the flaw of 'blames you for his own choices and feeling' it's the kind of flaw that shouldn't be tolerated.
Walk away from this. It's doesn't go well from here. Try to be better and more respectful in your next relationship. but never let someone else demand you take responsibility for all of their mistakes or unhappinesses, and never blame someone else for your choices or feelings either. We are each fundamentally responsible for ourselves, even in a relationship.
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The Question
Last summer, I read a story about someone whose son had died. The person who wrote it said that losing a firstborn is more difficult than losing any other child. Being a second born, this upsets me very much. I know that my mom doesn't feel this way, but I'm Worried that my dad might. I hear people say that they love their children equally, but what good does equal love do when you feel this way?
I've heard some other sucky things about second borns, like that their parents resent them for taking their time and attention away from the first. Or that they're destructive to the family structure. I even heard that fathers fall in love with their first child at first site, but take months to feel anything for their other children. I hear a lot of things that make me resentful of the position of the first born. I also kind of hate parents who feel this way about their second child.
Be honest, does anyone here with multiple children have any of these feelings?
The Answer
This isn't the honesty you are looking for, but you should see a therapist.
These stories are sticking in your head, clearly because you have issues in your own family. Trying to find out how other people feel about their kids, isn't going to help you address your own unhappiness or issues in your own family. That's something you've got to take on on a personal level, not as research.
I don't have children, but I am the second born of eight siblings, so I'll give you insight for the perspective I do have.
I know my parents love all of us.
I also know, they don't always LIKE us all.
We are now eight adults (or late teens) and we have different skills and interests - some of us can play golf with my dad or go to theatre with my mom - and some of us don't, because some of us don't like those things. Some of us are nicer people than others, to be totally honest. I am NOT the most friendly of my siblings, but I'm not the least... I love all my siblings, but there are some I wouldn't want to spend a whole weekend with, and there are others who I could go on a two week vacation with and have a great time! That's okay. We're all people. It's okay to feel differently about different people.
I've certainly felt jealous or resentful of my siblings at different points in my life. Sometimes they seemed to be getting loved, or supported in ways I wasn't. In hindsight, this was largely because they either needed love or supported that I didn't need, or because they asked for it, and I never asked.
I don't think all parents are quite as good at being parents as mine are - mine mostly rock at it - but I do think most parents love their children equally, but that doesn't mean they understand them all as well, or that they had the exact same experiences with each child.
What good is equal love? Maybe it's not that much good when we are different people, with different connections, interests, skills and flaws, but it's worth accepting and not railing against. Maybe it's not that much good when parents are people too - who might just be lousy as being parents, for all or for for some of their kids. Maybe equal love doesn't change much.
This much I am absolutely sure of: If you have history or relationship troubles with a family member (or members) that are causing you pain, that is something you should address with a therapist, as an individual. It's not going to be healed, or made better by trying to psychanalyse every parents idea of the first and second born. In fact, that approach is likely to make you feel worse, since the human brain privileges information and theories that support our preexisting state of mind. If you go it alone, without an impartial supporter who can help you distinguish your personal reality from theory and other people stories, you will almost definitely end up feeling more isolated and more resentful, not less.
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The Question
I quit the dance team at church because I started drinking again and I didn't feel right about been on the dance team when I was drinking but my pastor asked me why quit the dance team and I told him that it was because I started at drinking again and he told me that every body makes nd that I am really talented and that I need to use my gift and don't let one mistake stop me from beng on that stage and that I was being to hard on myself for one mistake and I needed to give myself a break and not be so hard on myself but I don't want to be a hypocryt would that make a hypocrytif were to go back to being on the dance at church or did I make a mistake when I quit the dance team and being to hard on myself like pastor justin said ?
The Answer
You are being too hard on yourself.
I don't believe in God, at all, but even I know that religion and faith don't demand people be prefect all the time. You get to make mistakes, and to try and be better in the future.
If you want to keep on drinking - and feel that isn't right to be on the church dance team - that's totally fair! It's fair to say "I think it's okay that I drink, but I'm not going to lie to the dance team about it, so I quit." That would actually be a really mature and honest way to look at it.
But if you want to live by the dance team's rules, and not drink anymore, then you are a good member of that team. Not because you are perfect, but because you believe in what they believe and are willing to keep trying and do better.
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The Question
I first met this girl, she was nice, we liked each other.I proposed her and she agreed ,she tells me that she loves me so much and is willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. after years i found that she lied to me about her past that she don't had any relationship in past and a virgin. but after i found the truth she ultimately tell the whole truth that she had a relationship with a guy who was tortured her mentally and physically and abused her.and she is not a virgin. i feel very bad , angry with her why she lied to me.she tell me that she was afraid that i after knowing her past i leave her,so she hide it from me. but now i can't trust her. i don't like it that my would be wife is not a virgin. i think she used me. but now she say sorry to me, wants to be with me.and wants to marry me. I LOVE HER ,but i feel very bad.and can't trust her.i feel that she is lying to me. but she is nice girl,very intelligent and very bright student,and not demanding. I don't know what to do, is there any one that will talk to me? Any advice appreciated thank you.
The Answer
Either you need to forgive her. Truly, and completely forgive her, with no further hard-feelings or judgements, or you need to end this relationship.
She did not use you. She had a life before you. Every woman you ever meet will have a life before you, and sometimes that life with include sex. If she simply wanted to 'use someone for sex' she had lots of options. She had sex with you because she wanted to be with you.
Frankly, I'm more disturbed by the fact that a man who really wants his future wife to be a virgin - has had pre-martial sex with a girlfriend. That is deeply hypocritical. Whatever high-ground you may have had, you have lost. You are no better than she is when it comes to sexual purity.
It is wrong that she lied, but if you want to stay with her, you must forgive her. You need to respect that although she made a mistake, she did it because she wanted you to see her for the nice, intelligent woman she really is - She didn't want you to be blinded by the fact she is a non-virgin. She wanted you to see that there was more to her than a mistake she made with an abusive boyfriend years ago. That is a fair desire. No one wants their whole life defined by one bad relationship.
If you cannot forgive her and respect her just as you did before, when you thought she was a virgin (before you and she had sex), then you cannot love her and be her husband.
Trust can be rebuilt in a relationship, but only if you forgive and respect her. If you cannot forgive her and respect her, you will never trust her again - even if she does everything to earn that trust.
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The Question
My fiance is seeking employment and on Thursday he lost his job. We are getting married Oct 13th and he had requested Oct 13-16th off which was approved. Now he lost his job and if he gets an interview before this date what should he say? We do not want to blow any chances of him getting hired. Please help!
The Answer
It's a wedding. The vast, vast majority of employers are going to understand that.
All he needs to say is - I'm getting married. I can't work Oct 13-16th. No one is going to give him much trouble.
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The Question
My 26 year old daughter has always had an "anything goes" attitude. One of them is, get ready for this one....cockroaches. I am DEATHLY afraid of them. My daughter has a friend who has cockroaches all over her apartment. She goes to visit her quite often. I have begged her to meet her somewhere neutral instead so she doesn't bring them home to me accidentally. But she still goes there. She's 26. I can't prevent her from going there. But it's not fair for me to cringe every time she comes home from there. I've told her if she brings them here, she's paying to get rid of them. Still, she goes there. Any advice?
The Answer
It's not reasonable to make yourself ill will stress or concern each time she goes out. If you keep a clean house, roaches are unlikely to propagate in it no matter where your daughter goes.
It's reasonable to expect your daughter to pay for any bugs she brings into the shared home, but you are right: You have no right or ability to tell her who to be friends with, or where to go.
You could also look into some therapy if your aversion to this these bugs is so extreme it's causing you this much unhappiness. It's all right to not like roaches, but they aren't particularly dangerous, or even all that difficult to get rid of.
Or maybe it's time to tell your daughter to find her own place to live, where her decisions effect herself, and not others.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I had sex a while ago and we didn't use a condom but he didn't cum in me and his dick was only in me for about 5 seconds. I think he popped my cherry cause I bled a little bit. I'm 2 days late on my period and I'm starting to really worry. Am I pregnant??:(
The Answer
It's unlikely, quite unlikely, but possible.
It's a bit more like that stress and worry is delaying your period. You've got a few more days before you should have any real fear. The best thing you can do right now is relax - as hard as that sounds.
In the future, use condoms. Always.
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The Question
I love my boyfriend vry much,and wants to marry him. we r dating each othr for 2yrs. but i lied to him about my past that i don't had any relationshp in past. actually i had a relatn when i jst 13/14 years old. my x bf was very rude and tortured me a lot mentally and physically ..and aslo sexually. so i ended the relation.after few yrs i met in online with my present boyfriend.and started love him. when he proposed me i said yes to him. but i can't tell him about my past and i also tell him that i am a virgin.i was afraid to lose him bcz he is very orthodox.so i can't tell about my dark past.now he knows everything from a person.and asked me and i told him everything about my life. now he can't trust me,he call me a sl*t,, and he said that
i deceived him and used him.he now wants to break the relationship or IF I WANTED TO BE WITH HIM THEN I HAVE TO DO WHATEVER HE WILL SAY. AND ALSO LEAVE MY STUDY AND MARRY HIM AND BE A GOOD HOUSE WIFE.AND he tell me that this my exam. if i passed then he love me again .but i can't leave my study at this time. so he don't talk with me .I really love him a lot.i can't live without him.what can i do??? plz suggest me ..
The Answer
You need to let this relationship end.
You made a mistake, but that mistake doesn't mean your boyfriend gets to punish you, and demand you submit to him.
Your boyfriend has only two choices:
He can forgive, or he can choose not to forgive you.
He has chosen not to forgive you.
Even if you do everything he demands, he is likely to continue not forgiving you. He has made that choice.
Stay in school. Find someone else. Your boyfriend is no a man who can respect and love you the way you deserve. Do not sell yourself into a life of judgment and hate. We all make mistakes, and we all deserve forgiveness and respect from our partners. If they can't give us that, then they are the wrong people to be with.
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The Question
Hello, i am a 34 year old male, i been dating a female for three years, and recently i found out shes been dating someone else and shes been dating him for five years even b 4 she met me, and she's been accepting gifts from both of us... pretty much feeding us the same lies, so her birthday is this Friday, and i was going to do something special for her; give her nice gifts, had a luxury hotel lined up for her this weekend. But now since i found this out, im not doing anything for her... i dont even plan to wish her a happy bday, because i dont think she even deserve hat small gesture... but the nice side of me questions if im wrong or not, and i cant answer that because im really angry right now.... so what do you guys think? Do you think i would be wrong for not saying happy birthday?
The Answer
If you've discovered that you aren't happy in this relationship, for whatever reason, then end it, and dump her.
The upcoming birthday isn't the problem. Either you want to keep on dating her, or you don't. If you don't, dump her.
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The Question
I need to know what jobs can i apply for if im 14???
The Answer
Labour laws are made on a state by state basis.
To get a precise answer to your question, you'll need to tell us where you live.
In some places, a 14 year old can only work at a family owned business. In other places, a 14 year old can only do a job that doesn't involve handling money (you often have to be 16, to handle cash). In others still, a 14 year old can't work at all.
The other thing to no, is unfortunately, when unemployment is high, it's even more difficult for young people to enter the workforce. There are enough adults willing to do the entry level jobs that teens do, that there aren't as many jobs available for teens.
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The Question
Okay so I'm a welding student and I recently had to read a blueprint for a box and measure then cut the pieces and weld it together for it to get pressure tested.
Here's what happened:
I measured all my pieces like 8 times each to make sure I measured correctly, as soon as it was perfect, I used a track torch to cut my pieces, they looked good except the pairs of metal (pices opposite of each other need to be the same size) were a bit off of each other. I thought it wasn't a big deal (bad idea, i know) and when I grinded them down and tried to fit them together, there were huge gaps everywhere! It was a nightmare!
I fit it together the best I could but the edges didn't match up the way they needed to but I was dumb enough to procede to weld it together, in position. When we pressure tested it, there were leaks EVERYWHERE! I tried to fix it multiple times but to no avail, there were still leaks. My instructor said it was useless to try fixing it. I've done this box about 3 times and the same thing keeps happening!
Besides the obvious rookie mistakes, what am I doing wrong? Any tips on how to prevent this from happening?
The Answer
Your question is pretty damn specific, I'm not sure anyone is going to be able to offer you much help.
My best advice would be to measure the final pieces, and try to figure out which pieces don't match up with your initial drawings. You could also try measuring at each stage, since it seems like the grinding phase is when things went really off track.
Other than that, a craft like welding really takes a person in the room with you to help you. If you can't get any more of your teacher's time, maybe you ask another student to help you out.
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The Question
This questions for the girls and guys, mainly guys though.
Well, i was having sex with this guy he asked if I was on birth control and I said no but he still wanted to cum in me. why do guys asked this but still want to do it with no birth control
What does this mean exactly? Is there something he is trying to tell me? Were any of you in this situation before? Or guys, did you do something like this? Why did you?
does that mean he wants me to get on it are wants to have a kid with me is he trying to give me a hint to get on birth control?
The Answer
That they are idiots.
I appreciate when guys ask about my Birth Control methods, and don't make assumptions. It can be a sign that take these things seriously and understand they share responsibility for contraception. In those cases, it's really respectful and sensible for guys to ask about birth control before having sex with a girl.
When a guy asks you about birth control, and then wants to have unprotected sex anyways: He is a fucking moron. A disrespectful shithead.
I'm not sure 'Why' is all that important to be honest.
Maybe he would like to have a baby with you. (If so, it really warrants a more serious discussion don't you think? So he's a shithead.)
Maybe he is trying to give you a hint about birth control. (Having unprotected sex with you anyways isn't really a good way to send that message is it? Shithead.)
But most likely, he's just wants to get off, and don't have the sense to give a damn about the consequences. (Shithead.) Maybe he thinks he's impervious to STDs. Maybe he just don't give a damn about possibly pregnant. Maybe he thinks his orgasm is more important than any possible negative outcomes for anyone, himself or you.
If a guy tells me he wants to come in me, after I've said no, then that the end of any possible relationship, and the end of any hook up possibility. That man has just proven he is utterly incapable of making sensible judgements. I can't trust him to take sex seriously, to be clean or respectful or safe. So I wont have sex with him, that night, or any other.
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