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Boyfriend said i changed him? (followup)
This is regarding to my earlier post that my boyfriend said i changed him but its that i made him promise me that he would stop smoking an try not to cuss or rebel against his parents!! You guys all make me sound horrible right now. I really do love him for just like how he was himsel when we just met. I am willing to accept the real him but im so engulfed in guilt that i changedhim. I hope he can give me another chance but idk if he will.
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I will change my answer only briefly from my previous answer.
You wanted him to be a better person, That's great.
It is either someone wants to better themselves or they don't. Your boyfriend now resents you for trying to help him and therefore he clearly doesn't want help nor does he want to change.
End it
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It's just that you guys aren't right for each other. It doesn't mean you don't love him, it just means that he isn't the right guy for you.
You'll tell him now that you're ok with him smoking and cussing to his parents but when you see it happening later on, it will bother you.
He's just not the guy for you.
You guys have different values and his values really bother you.
This was a learning experience. You're learning what you like and what you don't like in guys.
You're not supposed to try to change a guy. They will never really change. You've learned that the hard way. It's not right of him to blame you for not being happy in the relationship. He didn't have to stop all that for you, he chose to because he respected your values but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't care what you think about smoking or respecting his parents. He's always going to do what he wants and will you be able to handle that?
I think it's time to move on.
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I'm going to repeat myself.
End it. Stay away from him. Let it be over.
It's not good to try and change someone, but it doesn't make you a horrible person. If he doesn't like the things you like, or value the behaviour you value, all that means is that you aren't right for each other.
It's true you had no business asking for promises about his behaviour within his own family, or his smoking habits, but he also had no business making those sorts of promises if he didn't want to change! He was perfectly free to say "Look Girlfriend, I love you, but my family is my business, and I like to smoke, so I'm not promising anything."
You probably didn't behave perfectly, but doesn't mean it's all your fault. He's too blame as well for the breakdown here.
Don't accept behaviour you don't like or aren't comfortable with.
Don't accept blame for someone else's behaviour or choices.
Don't be guilty because you thought it would be better if he didn't smoke, and was more respectful of his parents.
What you need to accept is that as much you may love someone, it doesn't mean you will a good match for them. You and he have discovered you are a bad match. That's really sad, and tough, and it hurts like hell, but it's the truth. Hopefully you've learned a bit about what sort of things you can expect from a partner, and what sort of things are foolish to demand promises about, but you need to take what you've learned and apply it to your next relationship.
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