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How to handle disgusting/gross issue from adult daughter
My 26 year old daughter has always had an "anything goes" attitude. One of them is, get ready for this one....cockroaches. I am DEATHLY afraid of them. My daughter has a friend who has cockroaches all over her apartment. She goes to visit her quite often. I have begged her to meet her somewhere neutral instead so she doesn't bring them home to me accidentally. But she still goes there. She's 26. I can't prevent her from going there. But it's not fair for me to cringe every time she comes home from there. I've told her if she brings them here, she's paying to get rid of them. Still, she goes there. Any advice?
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Unfortunately, You need to lay down some ground rules.
You are scared of cockroaches and if she continues to go into a cockroach infested apartment you will really have no choice but to deny her entering your home. I understand that this is your daughter, but sometimes we need to put a foot down to get a point across.
Cockroaches are disgusting, Although offering to pay for an exterminator like the columnist suggest below, It is NOT your problem nor should you have to take on responsibility because your daughter wants to do as she pleases.
You tell her to call you, She is welcome to visit you again when she stops going into a home with cockroaches. It doesn't matter how much you shower cockroaches lay eggs which can get on clothes, shoes, socks etc.
So again, Do as I suggested and maybe she will learn.
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I suggest talking to her about it and coming up with a compromise. During situations like these, compromises always work best because both people can agree on something but still have to sacrifice something too. For example, you would allow her to visit her friend at the apartment, but she would have to shower somewhere else before coming home. Or something along those lines.
Another option is to emerge your inner caring and generous self and possibly hire an exterminator to visit her friend's house to get rid of the pests. That way, your daughter will still be able to visit the apartment but you won't have to worry about her bringing any pests back home. It might sound absurd because you would be paying for it... but think of how beneficial it would be for you if its that big of a problem.
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It's not reasonable to make yourself ill will stress or concern each time she goes out. If you keep a clean house, roaches are unlikely to propagate in it no matter where your daughter goes.
It's reasonable to expect your daughter to pay for any bugs she brings into the shared home, but you are right: You have no right or ability to tell her who to be friends with, or where to go.
You could also look into some therapy if your aversion to this these bugs is so extreme it's causing you this much unhappiness. It's all right to not like roaches, but they aren't particularly dangerous, or even all that difficult to get rid of.
Or maybe it's time to tell your daughter to find her own place to live, where her decisions effect herself, and not others.
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