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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I have a friend and she talked like she likes me more than a friend so Saturday I asked her how she really felt about me during truth or dare. She avoided the question. Then yesterday I asked her how she felt again and she avoided the question. I don’t want to go out with her cuz I am still trying to figure out if it’s deep admiration for her or if I like like her but since she refused to answer the question I didn’t see another option. I asked her out and she said maybe. I don’t know what I’ll do if she says yes. What do I do if it’s just deep admiration I have for her and she says yes? I don’t want to lose her.

She may not be ready to make such a decision, dating same sex rather than a male. She simply may not be sure of what she feels for you, same as where you are at. There are many kinds of love besides the love for a romantic partner. There is love between family members for example and another common one is love for a friend. Yes, all these kinds of love can have strong feelings attached and these feelings can seem the same or as strong as, or in some cases stronger than the feelings of love for a partner. The One big difference between the love for a friend and love for a romantic partner is the sexual attraction, otherwise the feelings can feel the same. So the question to ask yourself is if you have a sexual attraction to her, meaning you are sexually turned on by her and if not, then you are not bi, lesbian as far as she is concerned. You would know by now if you get turned on when you see sexy women in which case you are bi or gay. It doesn't mean you have to feel turned on and sexually attracted to your friend. Remember, it's personal taste as to what you will find attractive sexually whether men or women. If she isn't attracted to you sexually, then any of the overtures you are picking up on are only friendship. If you asked her out like a date, and she did not answer, then my guess is the reason she didn't answer is because she thought you were gay, she's not and thought if she said she is not attracted to you that way, that she'd lose you as a friend. When I was your age, gays were just coming out in media and the public getting used to hearing about them. However, I never mistook any female for wanting me as more than a friend, it didn't even occur to us. Yes, I saw 2 gay couples around school so it wasn't unheard of but people didn't imagine that any friendly overture was because the same sex person wanted us as more than friends. I think teens today read more into this, overthinking and guessing wrong and causing themselves more anxiety and worries and issues than need be. I am pretty sure this is what is going on between you two, a big misconception and miscommunication. So you need to have a talk with her. Let her know if you are lesbian or not. You are not if you are generally not sexually attracted to random females you see. Let her know you think you misread some things she said or did and that you don't want her to be afraid of talking about the subject for fear of losing you as a friend. You tell her that no matter your or her sexual orientation, that all you want from her is plain old friendship so she has nothing to fear. Once you have reassured her, she may share what she was thinking or her own sexual orientation and everything should go back to normal friendship.
Not related to your issue, but I want you to know for the future when you do choose a mate, any sex, that you can't rely on just sexual attraction. remember that person should also treat you as a best friend. Partnerships without one or the other will be rocky or break up.

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I met this girl and we instantly clicked. We relate to each other in many ways and we always have a good time with one another. Our conversations that we have are really deep and we are able to understand each other very well. Sometimes it feels like I am talking to the female version of myself. The problem is I asked her out and she told me she has a boyfriend of less than a month. She told that if she didn't have a boyfriend she would have gone out on a date with me. Fast forward a week later, she asks me to get lunch with her. We had a great time. Later that week, after work I found myself asking her to go to the park and hang out. She agrees and one of the first thing she asks me is about my past relationships and I tell her a little bit about it. Again we had a great time.

I want her to dump her boyfriend, but I am not willing to interfere. I am just thinking about telling her, that we can't hangout outside of work because I feel like it would be disrespectful to her boyfriend since she is hanging out with a guy that has feelings for her. Do you guys think I should tell her that?

There is some truth to 'if she really wanted you, she would simply break up with the other guy, especially if she enjoys you better. But these days, people don't seem to get this very basic logic. I have people asking questions that should be so obvious as to what they should say or do, that I am anticipating people soon asking what they should wear each day. People seem to not be able to think things through. So that may be the case for this girl. It isn't occurring to her that there is dating to discover if you like a person enough to want to commit and go long term, or there is the dating of a committed relationship. Agreeing to be the GF or BF is not a commitment. A vow like a marriage is a commitment. Many people make that sort of commitment without a license. She may feel she is obligated to stay with him until he wants to move on if he ever does. Maybe he asked and her agreeing to be his girlfriend was in her mind, the commitment. Dating someone you haven't known for a great many years or grown up with is literally like dating a stranger, or getting a grab bag. You know its a bag with something in it but you don't know what. Dating is like that, you learn as you spend time with the person. If you like what you find, you stay, if you don't or feel its settling for less, then you break up and move on. Many people are also terrified of breaking up with someone. They worry more about hurting the other persons feelings than what is right for them. If she is willing to go out if circumstances were different, then she has enough attraction to you, so it is then only a matter of her thoughts that make her stuck right now. If I were in your shoes, I'd be saying a whol lot more than what you intend to say. I agree if not a male friend but someone with feelings for her, it isn't a good idea to even meet you for something innocent. A boyfriend could see that as cheating. Relationships have a foundation of two things, being best friends and sexual equals. So even if there 's no sex, running to someone who connects with them on a friend basis but there is also romantic vibes going on, a person they prefer for talking to, getting advice or support from instead of the partner you are with, will be seen as cheating by a good many people. ONes boyfriend if a committed relationship or marriage partner is supposed to be both in one person. Unfortunately, the majority of relationships have only one or the other. So tell her exactly as you wrote for me. But even if she respects that, stays away but is mourning the loss of you yet staying with the boyfriend, she is skipping over some thoughts here. YOu need to ask questions to get her thinking about why she prefers to stay with the boyfriend. Is she afraid of simply hurting his feelings so she stays with him even though she wishes to be with you? Jeez, she has dated the guy less than a month. All she has to say, and you can tell her this. "Well, I gave it a good try but I am not feeling the chemistry. I'm sorry but I need to stop dating you." That's how she breaks up. If she has another reason for not taking the step to break up, then maybe she is thinking of this month old BF as a commitment rather than an investigative period of time spent together to learn if you are still attracted to or not, whether there are bad characteristics you won't tolerate, or some good ones you jot down to remember to find in the next partner who is many steps better than the one left. It sounds like you describing how it is for me and my husband how we click and I consider us soul mates. I would try to get answers from her first as to why she won't leave him to date you. If she won't leave him, then you say the thing about not hanging out, outside of work. If you both are meant to be soulmates, you don't want to see this slip away. Be patient for a while and see what happens when she is tortured by seeing you everyday at work and knowing she can't go hang out with you so she is forced to get over what is holding her back and agree to be your girlfriend instead. Good luck to you, and do make sure she understands the different reasons for dating and how it is okay if she realizes he is not what she wants because that is a reason for dating.

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Hello,i hope the person who'll read this is having a good day. I just picked this category because what I need advice for, I don't know what category it belongs in. I'm a 54 filipina, married my American husband last year of june. Unfortunately we have not filed for my petition because we are sadly currently broke. I've been with him for almost 4 years, we met online & because I have a U.S. visa, we both decided to be together. From the start our relationship has been tested. We do love each other but because of circumstances in his life things have been difficult. We are very much in love that's why we are still together. When I arrived & moved in with him, we were both so excited & happy to be together. After 2 weeks his son 25 then came to visit & decided to stay. He never told me his son has slight schizophrenia, he is harmless but very addicted to pot & would just want to be high everyday, he is like a child & just very lazy & clueless of the reality of life. The mother died 2 years prior & he jumps from one relative to another. I know he wanted to stay with us because he is jealous of me. So life with his son was very difficult, at that time I was doing my divorce so we could marry. But because of his son I left him one time, I told him as much as I love him I will not make him choose between us because that his son. When he asked me to come back, he said he wanted us to try vegas for financial reasons because palm beach is seasonal. Low seasons we hardly had income. But vegas did not work for us, me still unable to work at that time.he had a hard time looking for work because of his age 60, so muchcompetirion in the restaurant business. He was a restaurant captain in high end restaurant here in palm beach. To make the story short, after 3 months in vegas with no income, we decided to come back to Florida. At that time my divorce was finally finalized, we then got married. After 2 months of our saving depleted & problems with his son, I came to the point I had enough. I told him I was leaving, he didn't want me to & begged me not to leave him. He talked to his mom & have his son to get. But August he got sick, his left hip started hurting a lot & he can't hardly walk, he is a veteran so we use the VA. He could not work but thank God I found a waitressing job in a Mexican restaurant, but my pay is low. It took 7 months for VA to find put what's wrong with him. He had aneurysm in his stomach, thus no blood & oxygen flow in his left leg. He had surgery last february.he has recovered but just started going back to work almost 2 months now. Because of the financial problems we went through our savings are gone. We are surviving pay check to pay check, a lot of times we hardly have anything. Our rent is so high because this is Riviera beach, our pay goes to our rent & we are always left with so little. Because of his illness we were unable to pay for a lot of our bills affecting his credit. Right now we hardly have anything & we cannot even shop for food. It is so unfair that we are working but it does not suffice for our needs. I'm looking into rent to own but I'm not sure if it's a solution. Season is coming soon, but what solution is there before the season comes? I'm just so sad... I so love him & I will not let this break us.

You told your story but it isn't clear to me what advice you are looking for. The only thing I see with a question mark is "what solution is there before the season comes?" I am not from Florida so I am not sure what Season you are talking about unless it has to do with weather and you are waiting for winter. I am almost 60 myself. Hubby and I live out of our van. Its been 4 years living this way. We had moved out of one place, found another but he broke his leg the day after we met the landlord and all the money for moving in went to just living out of the van after we stayed for a month with his coworker. So at first, we lived this way due to him not being able to work, but now, with the high cost of living, we decided we would not both work two jobs just to afford a regular tiny apartment, nothing fancy. I know plenty of people who work two jobs and are never home except to sleep and shower. We have a bed in our van, and we shower at the gym we have membership at. So we have those two things covered. We'd like to upgrade to a van we can stand up in but we need to save up for the one we want and generally, they're running around 10 grand for the best years models of the make we want. We don't live paycheck to paycheck because currently hubby is unemployed as am I. But we have food stamps and get paid for odd jobs and his regular picking up and returning grocery carts to one store that pays us cash for, enough for gas and incidentals. We know we won't be able to afford senior housing once we retire. We know people moving out to move in with kids as they can't afford it. And I'm on the other coast, not Florida. It is tough everywhere hon. There is a growing amount of either young couples without kids yet, or senior citizens choosing to live out of homes on wheels, RVs or anything like Vans, even cars and they go to free camping which is time limited so they move on and see the country. We have our state and city as home base and plan to hang here for relatives around the holidays but travel the rest of the time. After working so hard our entire lives to get nowhere, we've decided to rethink what we grew up used to, rent or mortgage and all the other bills that come with it. We are doing fine as we are by choice. We do not care to work like a dog until the day we die. We'd rather enjoy our older years, even if it means giving up the tradition of having an apartment or a house. We live on so little that donating plasma is a good amount to help us keep going. We have my phone bill, car insurance and gym membership and storage rental and mailbox rental, both the same place. Those are regular bills and they always somehow get paid. I really can't tell you what opportunities there are in Florida to make some easy cash for a while. For big bills like the electric bill, you can make arrangements with the power company. I worked with people who lived in low income housing, had a disabled family member and there wasn't enough money to pay all bills and they had to apply for help. Try your local DSHS to see what is available in help to pay some bills. As for work, go to the unemployment office and mention your situation and ask what short term work there is for either of you until this season you speak of, comes.

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I had my first Depo shot in July or mid August, I believe. It was taken to stop my period because whenever I would get it, I would be dizzy, tired, have no appetite and it would be heavy and generally just unpleasant and make me not want to move or speak. Normally, it lasted 6 days and went from medium in the beginning, to heavy in the middle, and light at the end.

I got the Depo shot on the third day of my period (My period was supposed to have come a week or two earlier - according to the calander.) And the rest of my period during that time was fairly light. Fast forward to September and I had gotten some spotting twice, but each time it went away and was barely there, so I figured it was no issue.

Now, I've had my period for 6 days and tomorrow will be the 7th. It was heavier but lightened up a bit and has stayed the same since. (A bit difficult to work with in a job where I stand packing for 7 hrs)

When will my period go away? How many more times do I have to take the Depo shot for that to happen? Will the period I have now be continuing for a long time (and if so is it an actual period or spotting..? I think it's a period but just want to make sure since normally it resolved itself by now. Any other concerns I should have?)

Thank you so much for your help and sorry for the long post!

Here is an article on Depo shots.

https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/birth-control-depo-provera#1

It does mention a side effect of periods not being the same as usual, irregular and spotting. It also says that periods may not stop until taking the sots for a year and then only 50% of women's periods stop.
If your goal was to stop having periods, then you will have it for a year yet and then only have a 50% chance of it stopping. I don't know about you but those don't sound like good odds.

It sounds like it's working as meant to. If you read the link, there is a list of other side effects. If you have any of them and are not willing to live with it, then talk to your Doctor and get something else prescribed and this time save the paperwork on it because it usually will answer most your questions on what you are taking.

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the cartoon show i am having issues with now adays is Rick and Morty it firsted aired on Adult Swim on december 2nd 2013 and it is a sci fi animated show and in 2016 it had a fandom build around it where the fans did not allow the people who did not like the show to avoid it and my brother really got things with the show too far so what i can do to get that show taken off the air for good ?

One person complaining to a network about a show, any show, even a cartoon is not going to make them take it off the air. It takes having bad ratings where it shows not many are watching and lots of people calling or writing to complain before they take heed of the issue.

Right now, it sounds like you have more of an issue with the people who watch it, the fans than you do with the actual show. Any show can get a cult following. So if you have to live with a brother who watches it, all you can do is put headphones on so you can't hear and avoid looking at the TV while its playing. Your brother can not force you to watch it short of using duct tape or rope to tie you to a chair placed in front of the TV. That would be an act you could call the police for.

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So every school year in my university career has been lonely and I’ve had enough of it. I say this every year but this year I really want to change it. I’ve wanted to join clubs but with people I know so I’m not alone when I go to an event. but I realized if I wait for other people I’ll never get anything done. For example my cousin was supposed to transfer to my school this year so we could join a cultural club (my culture) together but she ended up staying another year at her school. So this year I want to join it with or without her but I’m really scared. Yes the club is my culture but there’s a lot of international students at the club who were actually born in that country. The only relation I have to that country is that my parents are from there. So I don’t want to be the odd one out that yeah we have the same culture but we are socially different. Any tips? I’ve been pushing myself out of my comfort zone since last year, last year I got my first official job, this summer I joined a volunteering club at my school where I have to talk to people at almost every event I do. I also started driving I’ve always wanted to drive but now that I’m on the road I get super anxious but I just have to deal with it. Now I want to join social clubs at my school but my anxiety isn’t allowing me to go by myself please help

I've been there. Was like that all childhood until I graduated HS. I knew it would affect how successful I was in the adult world and like you got sick and tired of being that way. Thats what has to happen for you to be ready to be healed of this. It's called social anxiety today. But you don't need anxiety meds for it. I prayed and asked God what to do and what I was told mirrored what I read 2 decaded later in a book by a psychologist turned trainer and author. SO this stuff is legit. Go at your own pace. Your idea of plunging in instead of avoiding are correct but done your way, is only going to stress you out more so at your first issue or problem, you can end up right back at square one.
I will paste in a document I have saved on this very issue and hope it helps you. Even going at your own pace, it shouldnt take long if you really apply yourself. In a month I was much better and after two months, totally healed. But first I want to say about a cultural club, that if you carry blood of that culture but are not born there or having lived there any length of time, then you still belong there and no one can say you don't. You have to realize when you are fortune telling on yourself, predicting how others are going to treat you. Some call it over thinking. What a psychologist will call it is distorted thinking, thoughts that are skewed and not totally sound as there is no proof to qualify your feeling that way. Yes, they may know more about the culture having lived there. As long as you don't feel bad about not knowing and eager to learn, it can be a good thing for you and for those having a chance to share with you.

Overcome Shyness/Social Anxiety

I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.

It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so anxious socially. I didn't have the guts to just switch behaviour and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone ) and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered. (I more recently read of the same way to overcome this in a book by a psychologist so it's not like trusting me that God said this but its what psychologists understand too))

None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.

1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes when ripe so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.

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Hello, I am 24, female and I am a paraprofessional in a school district. I apologize in advance, I'm sure this is going to be lengthy.

I started this job last August (2017), I started with a child for a couple of months but things didn't work out with him, he broke my thumb and had to get sent to a different school for emotional support. I was given another child who had very extreme anxiety, he could not go into his classroom at all, something triggered him (he didn't ever tell anyone what that was) but we all knew that there was no way we were ever gettin him in there. So, our last resort, he was signed up for cyber school. He did his classes online, in a small room that is located in the office. I acted as his teacher, I also graded all of his work, kept all logs of his behavior and I was utilized to get him into school when he couldn't get out of the car in the morning. Probably did a lot more than what my job actually called for and paid but it kept me busy and I really felt like I was making a difference with him.

Now, I still have the same boy, he is in fifth grade and he is fine! He comes to school, he goes into the classroom, he participates in class, he goes to special, he rides the bus to school in the morning now, he does everything as completely expected and everything he was not able to do last year, he is completely crushing this year! With that said, he does have some bad days but we all do so that is completely expected. However, the thing with this year is that when he has a bad day or he looks sad getting off the bus or something, the principal takes him, puts him in her office and works through his problem with him. So if he's having a bad day, it could be two or three hours until I at least am finally made aware that he actually is in the building, he's just been with the principal. Now, I'm not saying she shouldn't do that but I am saying that I should at least be in the room with them. Instead, the principal tells me that I should be in class taking the notes for him on everything that he has missed while he was out! I did not go back to college and get my degree to be a fifth grader again, I think it is completely unreasonable that I am made to take his notes for him; when any other child misses a class, it is completely up to them to get what they missed and complete it (I know, they are a little bit different, circumstantially).

Here are a few examples that really have ground my gears lately:
1. The one day, he had come into school but apparently it looked as if he was overwhelmed or upset at something that had happened on the bus that morning so the principal brought him into her office. After about two hours in her office, she came into his math classroom and pulled me out, he was standing in the hallway. She said that he was nervous to go into his homeroom to hang his backpack up in the closet because he didn't wan to disturb the class so the principal made me take his backpack into the room. When I came back out, she said that he forgot his math binder so she made me go back into the classroom to get his binder. When I came back out, she prompted him to head into the classroom, he didn't move, so she asked if it would be easier if I didn't walk in with him and he didn't say anything and she literally said "Okay, I'm going to dismiss Miss. _______ then!" and told me to go back into the room like I was only needed to get his things for him and that was it, I was so so so irritated that that happened, like I was something completely disposable and it's not my job at all to calm him down and get him in the room.

2. This just happened today - he was upset this morning, I had asked someone that rides his bus if she had seem him on the bus that morning and she said yes so I was assuming that something happened and he was pulled so I expected it. His math teacher went to go check on him (since we've noticed that he usually misses math) and when the math teacher came back into the classroom, he said that the child I work with was just sitting in the office playing with putty and when he had asked the principal what was going on, all she said was "he won't talk to anyone so we're letting him cool off" and that has been after about an hour's absence. After lunch, his math teacher caught up with me in the hall and asked if he had completed his math homework from the previous night and I told him no so we have all been thinking that when he doesn't do his math homework, he doesn't want to go into math class. His math teacher told me to not give him homework anymore. I brought that up to his case manager and said we should just do a trial period, if he doesn't get math homework for two weeks and doesn't have a melt down, then maybe we can narrow it down to that being a possibility. His case manager said we should cut the amount of homework in half, as that is what has happened every other year. I liked that idea, since homework is preparing him for junior high and the real world anyway, I brought it up to the principal in passing that we have all been thinking that it is homework. She told me that she wanted absolutely no changes until she can find something constantly happening. I told her that this was the third time that he didn't want to go to math after he consequently didn't do his homework and she was stunned that that has been happening, she said she's been "keeping a log" every time he isn't in a great mood and what a trigger could be and she never knew that him not doing homework has been happening frequently and all I thought in my head was "had I been allowed in your special little meetings like I'm sure my job description says, then I would have told you that".

*Also, I feel it's important to note that the principal last year is a different principal than this year!*

All that to say, I am starting graduate school (online) on the 24th and this job is good for working with my school and I had already promised that I would be back for this school year so I can't bail now but I think when this school year is over, I want to look for another job... especially because they told me that I would be moving to the junior high with this same kid that I have now and I know that in the junior high, they will not care at all and everything will fall on me to keep him on track and that will definitely be a lot on me. The problem is, I was anticipating doing summer school this summer coming up because I took last summer off and it really did a number on mental health, as well as my bank account. I have to let the head of the education department know if I want to do summer school by October. My fear is that, I will tell them that I don't want to do summer school and then when the time comes, I won't have another job and I will be unemployed. I was planning on giving myself a few months to look, like starting in February, hoping to get a job by June. I was even saying to my mom that maybe I could just transfer to being a substitute, work when needed and then focus on my schooling when I am not working, but I was thinking about getting flack from this principal that I left my kid to do something else in the school, yada yada yada.

I guess I just really want advice for all of this - am I blowing things out of proportion? Should I start looking for another job entirely? If it is another job, it would be part time so I could do college as well and it would be in my field so I could gain more experience. Do you think I should just transfer positions? Am I dumb for telling them no summer school? Maybe I could tell them yes to summer school but no to the following school year?

If you made it this far, I thank you kindly and appreciate anything you have to say!! :)

Good Lord, what the heck is your degree in? Because it sounds like you are simply a caregiver with a possible glorified title. School is mentioned but I assume you are not a teacher per se but some kind of child psychologist perhaps or some thing along those lines. The school is not set up for kids with special needs. Those needs are disruptive to all the rest of the kids and for the teachers. This kid needs a psychologist. If you are supposed to be helping children adjust mentally to whatever, then this is not the job. All they hired you to do is not help him mentally, anything but that. Getting his things when he can't enter a class is SOOOOO ridiculous. He shouldn't even be at this school. If an adult has a phobia or phobia's like this kid, they wouldn't be able to cope in the world and would likely be seeing a mental health specialist to help overcomed their fears so they can work and live in society. Does this poor kid have to wait until he is an adult to get help? He needs it now, not a go fer, fetcher, a caregiver who does everything he can't handle. You know what that is dear? It's called enabling. The school wants you to enable him to stay stuck where he is at. They have fooled you or you have fooled yourself into thinking that he is really getting better but it won't last until whatever is ailing him mentally is dealt with. This is like a scab growing over an injury. Looks like healing but underneath, you find the scab is covering an infection. Some one did not do the step of cleaning it well enough and now there is pus. This kid is like an injury filled with pus and you are the scab, covering for him. What he needs is not a scab but treatment of the underlying problems and what you are doing does not help and the school officials who do not have degrees in psychology obviously, are not helping him by assigning you to cover for him. I was a care giver of the mentally ill for a while. All I can say is that what you are doing sounds a lot like what I was doing for adults and I didn't need a degree for that. He may not be mentally ill but unless the memories, or trauma or fears, all having to do with his mind and how he thinks, is still going to need a mental health professional. He wont' get better until given the right treatment. I mean really, this is like saying, treat infection by rubbing dirt into it. So as you can see, this got me all riled up too. You are not blowing things out of proportion hon. You have been played with like a chess piece. It is an unfortunate thing. The school system of today, is shit compared to what it was when I was in school. If thats the way they want to operate the school, but you really want to help others, then this is not where you can do it. They are unlikely to change their F***ed up system, so you either remain as glorified caregiver or find work closer to whatever your degree is.

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Should I stay? I feel like I don't really belong in the home I currently live in. I feel irrelevant and that they don't really care for me. My mother said I could live with her family instead. Should I go?

Is this feeling only regarding the family at home or do you feel it in other situations with other people as well. If you feel like the outsider, always looking in, that you don't fit anywhere, not just at home, it could be a disorder and don't you don't exactly seem to fit by the little I know, there are two I've heard of 'depersonalization and derealization' disorders which are real disorders and will take you seeing a mental health professional to work on that with you. Escaping to another home may help but if it doesn't, better tell the parents who are still responsible for you legally and should get you in to see a mental health professional.It doesn't mean you are crazy, just that there are some disorders that affect the way we feel or how we think.

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My sister and I do not have the best relationship. Actually, it's awful. We were pretty close as little kids (she's two years younger) but that ended when I was 8 or 9. Im 19 now. I narrowed down the decline in our relationship to her taking my things when she was probably about 5. My mom told me it was because she wanted to be like me, try to have patience. Except it never stopped. She stole things from me up until I moved out of our parents' home last year. So as expected, our relationship is strained.

*side note, she's a bit behind for her age. She's almost 18, but acts like she's 14 or 15. Also manipulative. Can't tell the truth to save her life.

About a week ago, my parents had a BBQ, and my sister was allowed to invite friends. I was actually getting along with my sister really well, and she let me hang out with all of them. We had a great time. I was really hitting it off with one friend in particular, who is just two months older than I am, and i made a point of asking my sister that night, while we were all together, if it was okay if I hung out with them. She was probably reluctant, but said it was cool. Turns out, she's very much not okay with it. I don't necessarily blame her. I HATED when i had friends over and she struck up conversation with them. I'd stare her down, just generally be a bitch because I didn't want to share my friends with her. Now it's flipped, and she doesnt want me to hang out with this friend. She said until the BBQ, she hadn't seen said person in a year and a half. They would promise to hang out, and then "forget," bail on her, whatever. That, I don't condone. Ive had people do that to me. But this person and I genuinely get along, and they ask me to hang out.

What am I supposed to do? I feel guilty, but I'm not sure if Ive even done anything to feel guilty about.. I don't know how to resolve the situation. I asked my best friend for advice, and all she said was that I shouldnt hang out with her friend, "family first." My best friend is in Mississippi until January, she's been gone for 9 months. I have no other friends. I didn't start this friendship out of spite, and I dont want to end it soley because my sister is mad. What should I do???

Thanks in advance.

My opinion is that this is not about stealing a friend because according to what sis admitted, this person was never really a friend to her. This is all about her not looking up to you anymore but making everything a competition or a fight. I know she is family but you don't get to choose the people you end up with as family members. Sometimes they are as mature and pleasant as you are, including parents, and sometimes they are not. Your life isn't about forgetting about what's best for you and doing only what's best for your sister unless you are her caregiver. I worked for a while with mentally disabled adults as a caregiver. What if your sister wasn't just a bit behind socially, and instead was never going to grow up into an adult and remain like this forever. She is not going to be able to function as in adult and it is not your job to work with her and her distorted thoughts and beliefs and her animosity towards you. That is something for a professional to work with her and it may not have been caught yet that she needs counseling but if not a psychologist, she may benefit from a life coach who can teach her what the real life principles are that are needed to have a happy productive life. Don't feel guilty, you are not her parent or therapist, just a sister. Enjoy the new friend and don't even think about it. If she chooses to continue to carry hatred against you, you might suggest to the parents that they see about getting her evaluated to make sure there isn't something mentally that wasn't caught yet because its not a matter of hormones that all teen girls find messes with their emotions at puberty and through the teen years. She's 17 and that should not be the issue. The hatred you mentioned was from around age 5 on. So something is a bit wrong with her. If she isn't seen or evaluated, while still a minor, the parents insurance most likely won't cover her unless she becomes a college student and that sounds likes its too much for her if she is behind socially by a handful of years. She would end up living the rest of her life with the parents supporting her and not getting much needed treatment so she can not improve. As you see, it is something for your parents to deal with, not you.

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Hello,

Both 27

I'm thinking of moving away from him because I'm still heartbroken as we split up about few months ago and i'm still hung up on him. (he initiated the split up). I miss him and cried the other evening. we're still on good terms and in contact. see each other once a week. I don't think I should stay anywhere near him because I love him still now, my question is, I asked him if I should move in a friendly term he said, what, No, (with surprising face) he replied like that the first time. I asked him again days later, he said it's up to you. I guess he don't want me to but since he's not saying much, why would he say 'it's up to you?' does he not care or is he just saying this? I have a headache thinking of it. from deep down I know he still loves me even though we only dated for few months and sees me once a week. he has a gf and I don't want to date anyone at the present. however, I'm just terribly sad. I don't want anything from him instead I just want to know, what would he mean by it's up to you? when I asked him back what kind of reply is that, shall I move faraway from you he said, it's your life. am I being paranoid guys? do i sound pathetic loser? i'm just trying to understand the situation, thats all. i'm sorry

I agree with adviceman, the guy is interested in you and has moved on since you mention his new girlfriend. Seeing you once a week does not mean he loves you with the kind of love needed for a romantic relationship. there are many kinds of love including the love between parents and their children and between siblings and you don't love them romantically. There is friend love too. So even if he says I love you, it would mean as a friend now even though we were once a couple. Since this is bothering you, the ability to get over him, you need to cut him out of your life totally or it won't happen.

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25/f

I taught for two years. I hated it. I loved my students and I loved the people I worked with. But I dreaded waking up everyday when I was one. My first job was a special education teaching job and it was emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. My second year, I was teaching third grade. There was a lack of admin support.

I was hired to teach, not to correct students behaviors which was about 70% of the job. I liked how I was able to make connections with the kids, see them grow, and have an effect on them. I saw it as raising the future generation.

But I was exhausted. I was tired of the lack of admin support, my weekends ended up with me working, constantly being on the move, the money I earned went into more things I had to get for the students for them to learn. I was exhausted from the lack of sleep.

I left my teaching job mid-year to find a job that I would love. And I have found it. I love my current job, but I don't get paid as much as a teacher. It's been more difficult but I'm happier. I don't dread going into work. So why is it that when I'm tired, I miss teaching? Do I miss the pay? Do I miss feeling like I was making a difference?

Your memory or maybe your subconscious remembers the feeling mentally and physically exhausted with the teaching so when you are tired now, it connects tired with teaching and your subconscious may believe erroneously that you liked being tired and so therefore you miss teaching. Or one of your strengths is being nurturing. One can use nurturing abiliites in several jobs. I am like that and find my nurturing and teaching abilities are satisfied when I raised children, now working with grandchildren, nurturing of plants in my garden , and the teaching and nurturing of volunteering on a site like this. Why else would I do this for no pay. I am drawn to it. So find something to do that satisfys your teaching passion. It could be tutoring on the side in whatever you wish. When My daughter who played flute in band was thinking of what to do for her senior project, her band instructor suggested she learn to play the Oboe. He was losing one Sr who played who was graduating and needed one more person next year. The school wasn't equipped time wise for individual lessons but a Mom who lived a mile away taught lessons out of her Home and the school referred students to her for tutoring. Thats just an example. Don't worry about it. You are happy so you are in the right job, but just find something, if it is something small, thats okay, even if for free, as long as it takes care of a passion for teaching.

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I have this problem where I criticize people a lot, I think I learned it from people steadily criticizing me back in school. I feel I just "picked it up" from them, and I know that was completely wrong.

Now I can't stop.

It's not like I say it to their faces or to anyone else. I don't gossip or anything. I just criticize a lot in my head.

Do you think that the fact that I do that is sending negative energies out into the Universe and that's why no one likes me? Is that why my fiance's family ignores me all the time? Is that why my friends don't talk to me much except for the one that I don't criticize?

I mean, the only two people I don't criticize are my one friend, my fiance, and 99% of my family and 95% of random strangers.

I actually like everyone, I just can't stop criticizing.

Do you think if I did a loving kindness (metta) meditation every day to send loving kindness to everyone (I promise I love everyone, I'm actually trying to attract the lottery so I can give to as many people as I can, even those I criticize), that people would actually like me and want to talk/spend time with me? Would my fiance's family stop ignoring me? Would my friends actually try getting back in touch with me?

Please be serious. Please don't ridicule my beliefs and my problem. I know I'm wrong, I don't need to be ridiculed because of it.









I understand you perfectly and this is an area which I and my husband are pretty familiar with.

I used to be extremely shy and in church youth group, looked at those who were popular and one day decided to copy them. They were snarky and criticized others often and tried to find ways to make people laugh only to make someone they picked on, hurt. Yes, you find this in a church too. I did it only for some weeks to a month before I felt so bad doing it that I stopped. I too knew it was wrong and I was verbal about it, not in my head. You say you don't like this so I wonder why you didn't stop.

I had no idea that the reason so many people were not attracted to me to be friends or those who knew me kept a distance but we all send out vibes. I can't say its our Aura, but I'd have to explain it like being radio waves or cell connections to a a tower, you can't see this kind of energy that makes something work. In people, we are all created with an ability to pick up on others peoples energies, (even if not an empath) no matter what kind of energy. I am betting that this is the issue here. The thing is, most of it is picked up on subconsciously. Like a person you meet for the first time. They;ve done nothing wrong but you instantly don't like them and have no idea why. So you could ask all these people and they'd have no idea why, not that they'd be honest and answer. Just saying . . .

So the thing to do is change what your mind focuses on. Since this is something you do internally, there is no outside evidence and so this should change things around for you. I can't say 100% of the people will instantly like you. For some, they may go by habit of the first feelings they had about you, rather than what positive energy is coming off of you now. But it will help you in the long run.

Now, as to how to do this, you need to deal with your subconscious. YOu've heard people mention their inner child. Well, to hubby and I, our inner child is like a totally different person living inside our bodies. So we even recognize them by name. they are tied closely to our subconscious minds. First I want to tell a short story to explain this. When I first met my second husband and he talked about how he spoke to his subconscious, I had talked out loud to myself all my childhood up to that moment and asked if this was what he was talking about. He said yes. And no, this does not mean you are crazy or have a multiple personality. This should be normal for most humans but they do not understand and are not ready to take this path. You are. Otherwise I would feel prompted to share such info with you. So when the husband told me the name of his subconscious persona was Ray and then asked me what the name of mine was, I was flabbergasted. I had never really talked to that part of myself as if real, I only talked to myself. As I started to say, " I have no F=ing clue," I heard an indignant huff in my mind saying 'my name is Sabrina.' That shocked me. According to the Huna beliefs and Huna is the healing and spiritual shamanism of ancient Hawai'i, the subconscious is our connection to hearing from the universe or from your angels of whatever you see as God or Goddess. Doesn't matter what you call that Creator force, it still hears you and attempts to answer your questions and prayers. But we have problems recieving the info directly. It was drawn as a photo of a house with attic, living level and basement. The attic was God, the person the middle level and the basement, your subconscious. Like a phone call, you are unable to recieve a direct call if your phone isn't working right. So the message from the universe goes direct to your subcon. mind in the basement who simultaneously send that message upstairs to you versus a walkie talkie so it is instant that you hear what you assume is your own thoughts. SM will stand for Subconscious mind. So another thing to know about the SM, is that our emotions reside there. Think of a sad movie you watched. Even though it was entirely made up, your SM is watching along with your conscious mind and gets caught up in the sadness and so you start crying, even if its just actors and a made up script. One more thing about the SM, it isn't always totally reliable. It understands things often like a child, either its black or white, nothing in between. So when you think a lot about something like critical thoughts, the SM takes note of this. It feels its main job is to please you above anything else and like a child's thinking, believes that what you focus on the most is a good thing. It doesn't get that you don't want to do this, or for some girls, that they want to stop thinking about a guy who was a creep of a boyfriend and broke up and left them. They can't get over him as long as these thoughts of him keep filling their mind. So think of this as a much much younger sister who loves you and looks up to you and wants to make you happy. She does have quite a lot of wisdom for her age but at the same time can misunderstand like a child does. So you need to start talking to her. You might even ask what her name is and if a name doesn't come into your mind immediately, ask again later after she sees she can trust you. I say she because most times the SM feels like the gender you are but can be different. I know of two females who told me their SM is male to them. You have to have a talk with your SM, which would look like you talking to yourself. If this sounds crazy, all I can say is that it works enough that I cut straight to the part about talking to your SM for those who might not understand the rest. Tell the SM what you want to stop doing in your mind, what thoughts you want to have stop. It's a bad habit for her but remember, she wants to please you so at first she'll need lots of reminders, sometimes several times in just one hour. Some people get all sorts of negative thoughts more often than that. But keep reminding her, saying the same thing. The SM also is responsible to making sure you take your next breath, blink your eyes, without having to think about doing so. She is responsible for your dreams as well. Some people who seem to vacillate between doing the better thing and then going right back to making the same mistakes and repeating this their entire life, are often battling their SM and fighting it, without realizing it. The SM is often like a child, like mine afraid of the dentist in the past. I felt an unnatural fear take hold of me from a bad past experience. I had to reassure my SM that I would not let that happen again that I would explain which nerves were most sensitive, come up with a hand sign for my dentist when my mouth was full and I couldn't talk and let them know it meant I could feel something and want more novocaine. By doing this constantly, as I talked to my SM, even inside my mind, not out loud, I reassured her and the fear went away. Sometimes we also decide to engage in something we know better is not a good idea. Anything you do, you drag your SM into unwillingly often. It is forced to go along and not communicating with it can result in your two minds fighting each other, the reason many people tend to struggle in making consistent good decisions. I know this is more than you needed for your situation but since this issue you have has to do with the SM, you need to have a full working knowledge of ow it works.

Your vibes or energies you send out will be different. But now its lack of negative energy so it needs to be filled with positive ones. Here is what helps me. Yes, there are nasty people in the world, but I realize old souls inhabiting bodies are created by the same source, so we are all family. Although, in reality we may differ so greatly that its' like one of us being angelic compared to another acting demonic. Yet we are all family. What works if you believe in reincarnation is that life is like school with pre school through college. A new soul is at pre school level and is most likely to be the horrible people, the ones you liked to criticize. I understand, not picking on you. Lets say you feel you are at Junior High level, SO there are people you can look at and they are somewhere in grade school ad cant be expected to know what you know and act more loving. Then there are those who seem to be so much more mature and angelic God-like compared to yourself. So keeping this line of thoughts, I don't get as frustrated with people. I know they are on a journey, maybe not making much progress but if surrounded by a group of people where I have a choice to be around, like friends and they are all at Kindergarten level and Me at HS level, I would be frustrated. The only reason to reach out to someone like that is if called upon to teach or coach them to the next grade level up. But if not a teacher, you need to find people to be around who seem to be at your level. This is waht helps us to go on. With family born into, you don't get to choose all being at the same soul level as you. Some kids have had parents who were like young students in school when the child had an older wise soul. This is a lot said and yet I have more that may apply. Something I read in an magazine about a trick to send out messages of self confidence. This is sent the same way, the invisible vibes and I think you may find this interesting as well because it involves two very much the same looking people, one with no one around her and the other with many of both sexes hanging on her every word. Its a document about self confidence. I can share that as well if you want more after reading all this. Do ask for it in the comment section. You have to go to my column and write to me from there is you want this. I hope this helps you alot. YOU are young yet, and I feel that you will become much more loving and understanding of all people and have great strides in personal growth. I wish you the best dear.

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I'm a full time college student taking four classes and working at night. One of the courses I chose to take this semester was American Sign Language 1 online. I was super excited about it when I first joined the class, but now I'm growing to hate it.

I didn't expect it to be easy, but it's become extremely complicated and I'm only in week 4. There are so many rules and the professor is very demanding. On our last quiz he gave us 8 minutes to explain what a signer was signing in 10 different videos. I got 7 of them before the timer ran out and he gave me an F and wouldn't let me attempt to take it again. I wrote him an email about it asking if maybe next time he could give us at least a minute per video because part of my issue was that the videos took around 5 seconds to buffer each and some signs were done very hastily and hard to see so sometimes I had to rewind to look at it again. He told me it was my fault and I needed to be better prepared. I find this unfair because I don't think the buffering issue was my fault nor do I think after barely one month of taking an intro to ASL class that we should be expected to figure out entire sentences somebody is signing when it's done so quickly and in poor lighting.

Other than that, I keep finding myself wishing I took Spanish instead because ASL is just so overly complicated and there's very little resources to go off of online and NO guidance from the professor minus grading (we just watch videos of random strangers signing and have to copy it). If it had been easier I wouldn't have minded sticking it out, but I now feel Spanish would make more sense for me considering my major is in medical and most medical jobs now require you to know Spanish and English. I know Spanish has it's own set of challenges, but I feel a spoken language will be easier to understand than a manual language. I keep trying to practice, but everything is mirrored when watching it on video and having to memorize finger spelling and signs, palm orientation, pace, glossing (the written form), and an entire new set of grammar rules is proving to be more than I signed on for especially so early on. I also hate having to record myself and upload videos for everybody to see and compare.

At this point, I've lost my confidence and interest in the course and I don't know what I was thinking.

On the other side of things, I still have a B in the course and if I drop the class I'll fall to part time status and receive a W on my transcript for withdrawing.

Should I hang in there or get out now before I waste more time?

The W for withdrawing should have a reason for it if you can put that down. The reason should not be because the class is hard but because the teacher is not the best quality teacher. A teacher should inspired students and excite them to learn whatever it is they are studying. He sounds like a perfectionist, so maybe for advanced sign language, he'd fit, but for beginners, no. Make sure you talk to a school counselor about this and find out if the withdraw doesn't automatically put you in a bad place if there is a good reason for it. It might help if you aren't the only one complaining about him. Talk to other students from the class and ask them what they think of the teacher. Then those who have gripes, share your's with them and if they're on the same page, let them know you are putting in a complaint about the teacher that you want the office to promise to keep anonymous from the teacher so he can't retaliate. I have a sense that you will do great at sign language some day. If the school offices are no help, and the teacher doesn't improve, you may want to consider dropping it now and in the future, taking sign language again but not if he is the teacher. If there is a way to learn it elsewhere other than the school you are at, when seeking a job, it's not going to matter to the employer if you learned it somewhere other than the school you got a degree from. Interpreters find jobs faster than those who have no second language skill. There are too many who interpret for Spanish, but not as many for sign language, even if its a front desk position in a clinic or as a clerk in a company. They try to hire to have people who can cover enough different languages so they don't end up stuck if someone calls asking for their language, and a customer is lost.

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I was dating a 30-year-old for 3 weeks. I found out that I was the side chick--Meaning he was dating someone else.

He wasn't with this person for a very long time, either, but when I found out, I couldn't help but be disappointed. I was told he was distancing himself from her and was planning on breaking up with her, so we could date, I couldn't help but still feel wrong about the whole thing.

I told him I was removing myself from the situation because it was just all very confusing. He told me he was removing himself, as well. He said he had her stuff ready to go to give it to her. From what it looked like, he really was going to break it off.

But then he texted me saying he couldn't, because she was a wreck and he was giving her a week's notice to have her realize that he wasn't a good match for her.

I got frustrated. Not because I wanted him with me, but because I felt like the other girl deserved better than him. She deserved to know what was going on. I figured he wasn't planning on telling her because he booked a trip to where I was going, on the same flight as me a month later.

I called the other girl and told her what was going on. She was understandably upset and said she was going to speak with the guy. I don't know if they're still together or not, I'm hoping they aren't.

But when he got caught, he blocked me from all social media. I'm not sure if it's due to shame or because he's trying to get on her good side. But I feel like I was second best.

I have had ex-boyfriends who have chosen another girl over me or have risked our relationship for someone else. It hit home. I don't know if it's necessarily because I know I'm bad at handling rejection (it doesn't happen very often), or if it's because I was blocked by him. Or I wasn't chosen by him. Maybe it's all three. But I shouldn't care, because I know I don't deserve to have that kind of person in my life.

I just want this feeling to be gone. What should I do? Can you help me make sense of this?

He is pissed that you told his girlfriend what was going on. That's why he blocked you. You have shown some guts and backbone and stood up to help out another female, so he won't be back because he knows he can not manipulate you or pull the wool over your eyes. I am proud of you!! Rarely do I see a gal do this. I know some may say it was tattling and not a nice thing or it wasn't your business. But its what was in your heart that mattered. It wasn't vengeful but concern for another female: "I got frustrated. Not because I wanted him with me, but because I felt like the other girl deserved better than him. She deserved to know what was going on. " And done for that reason makes it right. If the other gal has some backbone too, she may not want to settle for less with him either and probably left him.

There are plenty enough of males who have no idea how to be a real man. They have male parts but inside where it counts in personality, there is nothing, other than wanting to indulge in oneself, and that is usually having to do with sex. There are so many males who have no idea what 'being in love with' or 'being committed to' means. Saying I love you, is just words for them. Don't get me wrong, there are good men out there. They may not look like a male model so they get overlooked.
I have to guess that you are along for the ride in a relationship. You aren't the one asking a guy out, choosing someone who seems to be promising, and checking them out further by dating and once you see stuff you do not like, telling the guy that you just aren't a good match and leaving him. That's how it works. But usually its the guy doing this. My first marriage was real bad and lasted 30 years. I am now 9 years with a prince of a man. It's possible to find a good guy but you must be patient. That doesn't mean sitting on the sideline, waiting for someone to notice you. Be the leader, be bold and self confident. That's what worked for me to find my second husband, a guy who is my soul mate. That's what I think females want, that kind of love. If you seek the same, you have to be what some call harsh but they are the ones who can't meet your standards. Have standards, criteria for the guy you date and want to eventually marry. Make sure you spell it out when you first meet. If a guy is scared off, then he wasn't good boyfriend material in the first place. A test done by a university on what really appeals to men, showed that although some may have gravitated to the bomb shells of females with no self confidence first, in the end they were attracted to the more average looking females with self confidence. This means not being afraid to ask for what you want and not making any excuses for it. If you think that is crazy, I was on a dating site. That's how I met my 2nd husband. I had a ton of guys wanting to meet me who said they met my criteria. Some did, but there was no chemistry, nothing that made the heart do somersaults. There were a few who were mad as I said, because they obviously could not meet my criteria. But stick with it, and ask guys out. I did searches on line and contacted any guys who looked like they might meet my standards. Do the same and you will be able to find someone who fits your criteria. If you are around 21, men of the same age are not serious yet about finding a female to settle down with and commit to. They are still mostly playing around to enjoy being with a female, without any goals like trying to decide what qualities they want in a female. Its no problem meeting with several people a couple of times while meeting others all to decide which is most promising to focus devoting time to only until you know for sure that this is the one. If you're doing it but he isn't that's where the problems are. YOu need to ask a guy why he likes to date. Is he looking for girl for social reasons, just to go places with and for the sex, is he looking for the one woman he can settle down with or is he looking for another female to add to a list of booty calls? Let him know that is okay if that is what he wants, but to be fair and let you know because you don't prefer to be one of many females he sees. YOu say these things at the start, as if you are training a person for a job position. Details are not over the top. Males today have no idea how to behave right for a female and the ones who really want to be the best man they can be are going to make mistakes if you don't tell them ahead whats the boundaries. Remember they are getting their ideas from broken up parents or friends or whats on TV and have no idea how to be real men. Females need to give them a clue so they can work to be the best man for you. I hope this helps you dear.

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Why doesn't she hug me in public and she hugs her classmates?

If you are another female,she and you both are lesbian, she may not want to hug you and give you the wrong impression. Same is you are gay and she is not.

If you are another female that she finds nothing in common with, she may not want to encourage you to start hanging around like a friend.

If you are a girlfriend of hers and she makes sure you only see her hug others, then she may be pissed off at you and wanting to hurt you back and this is how she is choosing to do so.

If you are a male and you only see her as a friend, but she feels for you as more than a friend, she may not want to hug you because it gives her false hope so she is distancing herself from you.

If you are a male who likes her and she is your girlfriend but the relationship fairly new, she may not hug you in public because she fears teasing from her friends so she just doesn't hug you.

If you are a straight male and she really likes you, she may feel too awkward approaching you yet because fear holds a person back from even something simple as hugging a person but afraid of making herself appear foolish to you and fear of saying or doing something stupid so she doesn't hug you.

Pick whichever applies.

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My son & DIL (daughter in law) are hosting Xmas this year. I adore them both and want to see my grandkids BUT my DIL has invited her entire family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc). We get along with her parents but the rest of her family is odd; they barely speak to each other much less to us. It has happened on multiple holidays & we just feel out of place & are over it. Question: How do we bow out of these large gatherings filled with her large extended family and avoid hurting their feelings?

Ooo, you sure have a tough situation here and I understand perfectly. I have family I can only tolerate for a certain amount of time and after that they drive me nuts. I am wondering how the married son tolerates his in laws then.
Well, if everyone takes turns hosting xmas, then I am guessing next year won't be an issue. If you think you can put up with the family for a short while, then show up for a few hours, maybe early enough so not all others are there yet and then pretend to feel sick for an excuse to go home. I have used that excuse to get out of situations I was uncomfortable in and no one can know that you lie or not. It is in reasons like this, where you know telling the truth would hurt too many feelings or start animosity, that telling a lie is for the better good, theirs and your peace of mind.
Other than accepting and doing this, you can plead having already accepted to spend Christmas with someone else. Then ask if you can come by for a while on Christmas eve when the extended family of DIL's is not around. You can even pick the day after Christmas if it works out for them. When my kids were little, we saw my side of the family at my Moms place Christmas Eve evening until she died and my sis took the hosting over. She went to her in laws the next day as did I. If you have only one child, then you don't have other adult kids for an excuse. But if there are any adult kids who are not invited, you might say you wanted to stop by and see them for a short bit as well, and then you stay longer before going to DIL's and keeping that stay short again.
If you'd rather not go at all, accept and the morning of Christmas, call and say you are sick with the flu. I had the flu fall on Christmas once for me. So I don't think you can use that excuse twice. My in laws, when they got much older and my kids grown, said they were no longer going to travel anywhere and If we wanted to see them, we had to come by their house. You are probably not old enough to claim old age, or arthritis or something to stay home. Lieing in some way or form is the only way I know of not hurting feelings.

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so i'm a 19 years old girl and i have a huge crush on this 27 year old guy. but we can never actually be together, he is engaged and way older then me, i'm religious he is an atheist and i just cant get over him.
i always try to tell myself that it's not ok but i just can't i need help to just stop thinking about him.
btw he is also kind of flirty with me and it makes it even harder.

And I'll just bet he doesn't flirt with you while his fiancee is right there too. So he may not be all innocent if he wouldn't want his fiancee to see. It's another story if for both of them, flirting is harmless. You don't ever want to find a guy who will dally with you when he is committed either in dating or marriage. I hope its not as bad as I am imagining or the poor gal will be disappointed after some time.
I can't explain why the heart decided to crush on a person who is not right for us, but there have to be subtle aspects of the person that attract our attention. It could be your subconscious mind knows how long you've crushed on him and it feels its job is to make you happy so it continues to bring up thoughts of him thinking thats what you want. So for this to stop, you have to talk to your self, out loud, or whispered under your breath as if really talking to a separate person.

Tell your subconscious the reasons you told my why it won't work. And therefore, I want you to stop thinking about him. Doing that is a waste of time. You may not want to say it but it is for the best and you will have to say it many times per hour in the beginning. I used this very method myself to stop thinking about a guy who wasn't going to work out for a iist of different reasons than yours.

It would be good for you to figure out what things it was you liked, aspects of him, and put it on a list of what you are looking for in a guy. The way we get those ideas of who is right for us and what we want to avoid is from dating and how the guys treat us females. I had a list of criteria in a dating profile and any guy who couldn't meet them, I would not talk to or consider. Strict maybe, but I learned the hard way in a bad abusive 1st marriage. My list paid off. I was still single and looking when my now 2nd husband first wrote me.

His message and profile stood out from the rest of 2 years worth of contacts. He was nothing at all like the others and my list helped me to see that he was the one I was looking for. Because I was everything he wanted on his list, and he had a list too, we fell in love quickly and married and are not together 9 years. First get the habit of thinking of him stopped. And if you want my document on how to find Mr. Right for yourself, with the list making I go into detail on, then let me know and I will send it. But you want to search for my column and ask from there because if you put it in the comment section on this response, I can not answer. Good luck.

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I moved in with my boyfriend about two weeks ago. When I did he told me I could decorate however I want.

Well this week I started redecorating. We went furniture shopping and bought all new bedroom furniture for us (splitting the cost). I bought bedding, everything for the kitchen, and for the living room. Everything went fine. Then I got to the two guest bedrooms and I threw out some of his bedding and bought new sets. The reason I did that was because his bedding was very old, junky looking, and smelled very musty. I thought he would be fine with it because I told him I was buying new bedding and expressed my distaste with the old sets. He told me that was fine and that he trusted I'd pick out something nice. Well I did. Then after I had already thrown out the old sets he got upset because he said they were still usable. I think this is silly because I bought us brand new bed sets and the condition of the old ones was so bad.

I also have a problem with the amount of cat toys he has. I understand that he loves his cat (as I have one too), but he has so many it's unreasonable and he thinks he needs more. He has around 5-6 cat towers, 3 cat beds, a large cat tunnel, scratching posts, and countless other large toys. I threw out one of the cat beds because it was disgusting looking and falling apart. Well then I came home and he had taken it out of the trash and put it back where it was. He told me it was because his cat loved that bed, but I've never seen his cat use it in the two weeks I've been here. Likewise, I haven't seen his cat use 90% of the toys. I told him I think some of them should go because they're just clutter, but he disagrees. I really don't like them though. I think they look trashy no matter where I put them and that they ruin the look of the apartment especially seeing as they go mostly unused.

Another issue I'm struggling with is the timing. I'm not sure I'm enjoying being here. I work at night and he works during the day, which I thought would be a good thing because we would spend a few hours between our jobs together during the week and days on weekends and the rest of the time I/he was gone would give us needed space. Then we both got sick and he's been eating dinner and then going straight to bed every night (around 6pm) so we're barely even talking to each other. He goes to bed and I stay up and do homework. This just isn't what I imagined. I wanted the cute cuddly couple living together and I feel like I'm just a roommate or a ghost haunting his apartment. We haven't even really been sleeping in the same bed because he either falls asleep on the couch or I'm afraid of waking him getting into bed so I just sleep in one of the guest rooms.

I just don't know what to do especially because I already sank almost 3k into the place.
I do still have my own apartment too so I can go back, but I feel like that would be the end to our relationship. I still want to be with him, I just feel like maybe the timing is wrong on moving in together or something.

Help?

I know of a woman who had two chihuahua's and she owned about a dozen dog beds, probably two times the amount of toys you mentioned and so many half used packages of food but it didn't stop there. This lady was a hoarder. A hoarder is someone who can't throw away anything because they feel they might get some more use out of it now or if packed away in a box in closet or a paid storage site, that they will find a use for it later or a way to recycle it.
I am almost positive that he is at the beginning stages of becoming a hoarder. He may subconsciously know something is wrong and that may be the reason he told you to replace the bedding because if it was up to him, he wouldn't, he'd hold on to it. So once you got rid of it all, he had his hoarding issue come over him so he freaked out, even though he said it was okay. Later in the relationship, he will not allow you to get rid of anything. It is not a safe environment to live in when further down the road. Most hoarders, and I have been in at least 6 homes where hoarding was going on, the floor is covered by a mix of garbage, magazines, books, pet toys, and what not and you have no free spots to see carpet anymore. I don't want to scare you but if he truly is on his way to becoming a hoarder, then he needs counseling but he won't likely agree that anything is wrong with him and won't go. So you would have to be okay with living in such conditions in the future. He might not be your best bet to marry someday either if that comes up because children living in such a mess are in grave danger health wise and imagine, where would they learn to crawl, on top of a carpet with at least 6 inches of garbage and unused items littering the places. It would be too easy for them to find some small item or rotten food in the mess and swallow and choke to death on it.

You made a hasty decision by moving in and spending so much money. There are rich people who redecorate often and list almost new furniture for free on recycle forums on the internet. My own daughter furnished her entire apartment with stuff from a site called freecycle. Her sofa was newer and nicer and prettier than mine I bought new once upon a timed. So either you stay with him because you want to get some use out of your furniture, or find him free nice replacements and take your new furniture back to your old place. I see no purpose in rooming with him while going to school and working opposite shifts. If it were me, I'd move back out and check with him after I've graduated to see how he is doing. Just visiting his place often will give you an idea if he's the same or gotten worse. You might benefit from creating a very detailed list of what qualities you are looking for in a guy and which ones you are not looking for. This way, instead of listening solely to your feelings you have for someone, you will also compare the guy against a list of what you really want so you don't get carried away by feelings only, again.

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Hi,

I'm a current chemistry undergraduate with two years left on his degree, wondering whether or not it would make sense to get the 2018 iPad for the remainder of my degree.

For clarity, this iPad would be used exclusively to download lecture notes and then write on them during the lecture in order to replace receiving physical lecture note and stuffing them into my bag and getting scruffy/lost. Also, my lecturers often ramble/ don't put in enough detail into the typed notes, leading me to try and scribble a lot of text in very small writing. After the lecture, I plan on writing up my lecture notes on physical paper and filing it away.

I own a windows laptop (I can't type notes, they'd have to be written).

I dunno whether these reasons would warrant a £400 purchase so any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Sounds like it would help you greatly in your studies. Looking at the larger picture, and successfully completing your course with high grades which will help toward your degree, then yes, even if the amount seems hard to come up with now, later you will be glad once working in the field of your choice.

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I’m a 13 (14 in 3 days) year old girl and I’ve never really felt very attracted to anyone. I’ve had small crushes but never had the desire to act on them. Am I asexual? I don’t want to be. I want to fall in love with someone but I just don’t feel attracted to anyone in my school. Have my hormones just not kicked in yet? I’ve had my period and everything.

When I was your age, I did not find any boys attractive at all, they were still too immature to me and yes, even though I was still young myself, they felt like kids, younger than me. I had no attraction either. Yet I am hetero and have 3 kids from first husband and now have second husband. I don't think you have to have any concern yet. Give it about 12 years, when you are 25. Somewhere around that age, you should have a better idea.

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