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The girl I like has a boyfriend (I NEED ADVICE)
I met this girl and we instantly clicked. We relate to each other in many ways and we always have a good time with one another. Our conversations that we have are really deep and we are able to understand each other very well. Sometimes it feels like I am talking to the female version of myself. The problem is I asked her out and she told me she has a boyfriend of less than a month. She told that if she didn't have a boyfriend she would have gone out on a date with me. Fast forward a week later, she asks me to get lunch with her. We had a great time. Later that week, after work I found myself asking her to go to the park and hang out. She agrees and one of the first thing she asks me is about my past relationships and I tell her a little bit about it. Again we had a great time.
I want her to dump her boyfriend, but I am not willing to interfere. I am just thinking about telling her, that we can't hangout outside of work because I feel like it would be disrespectful to her boyfriend since she is hanging out with a guy that has feelings for her. Do you guys think I should tell her that?
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There is some truth to 'if she really wanted you, she would simply break up with the other guy, especially if she enjoys you better. But these days, people don't seem to get this very basic logic. I have people asking questions that should be so obvious as to what they should say or do, that I am anticipating people soon asking what they should wear each day. People seem to not be able to think things through. So that may be the case for this girl. It isn't occurring to her that there is dating to discover if you like a person enough to want to commit and go long term, or there is the dating of a committed relationship. Agreeing to be the GF or BF is not a commitment. A vow like a marriage is a commitment. Many people make that sort of commitment without a license. She may feel she is obligated to stay with him until he wants to move on if he ever does. Maybe he asked and her agreeing to be his girlfriend was in her mind, the commitment. Dating someone you haven't known for a great many years or grown up with is literally like dating a stranger, or getting a grab bag. You know its a bag with something in it but you don't know what. Dating is like that, you learn as you spend time with the person. If you like what you find, you stay, if you don't or feel its settling for less, then you break up and move on. Many people are also terrified of breaking up with someone. They worry more about hurting the other persons feelings than what is right for them. If she is willing to go out if circumstances were different, then she has enough attraction to you, so it is then only a matter of her thoughts that make her stuck right now. If I were in your shoes, I'd be saying a whol lot more than what you intend to say. I agree if not a male friend but someone with feelings for her, it isn't a good idea to even meet you for something innocent. A boyfriend could see that as cheating. Relationships have a foundation of two things, being best friends and sexual equals. So even if there 's no sex, running to someone who connects with them on a friend basis but there is also romantic vibes going on, a person they prefer for talking to, getting advice or support from instead of the partner you are with, will be seen as cheating by a good many people. ONes boyfriend if a committed relationship or marriage partner is supposed to be both in one person. Unfortunately, the majority of relationships have only one or the other. So tell her exactly as you wrote for me. But even if she respects that, stays away but is mourning the loss of you yet staying with the boyfriend, she is skipping over some thoughts here. YOu need to ask questions to get her thinking about why she prefers to stay with the boyfriend. Is she afraid of simply hurting his feelings so she stays with him even though she wishes to be with you? Jeez, she has dated the guy less than a month. All she has to say, and you can tell her this. "Well, I gave it a good try but I am not feeling the chemistry. I'm sorry but I need to stop dating you." That's how she breaks up. If she has another reason for not taking the step to break up, then maybe she is thinking of this month old BF as a commitment rather than an investigative period of time spent together to learn if you are still attracted to or not, whether there are bad characteristics you won't tolerate, or some good ones you jot down to remember to find in the next partner who is many steps better than the one left. It sounds like you describing how it is for me and my husband how we click and I consider us soul mates. I would try to get answers from her first as to why she won't leave him to date you. If she won't leave him, then you say the thing about not hanging out, outside of work. If you both are meant to be soulmates, you don't want to see this slip away. Be patient for a while and see what happens when she is tortured by seeing you everyday at work and knowing she can't go hang out with you so she is forced to get over what is holding her back and agree to be your girlfriend instead. Good luck to you, and do make sure she understands the different reasons for dating and how it is okay if she realizes he is not what she wants because that is a reason for dating.
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My friend, you sound like a nice guy and I imagine you care quite a great deal about this girl. But if I'm being honest here, if she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. As you've said, you've already expressed how you felt about her, she said she wasn't interested by telling you she had a boyfriend. And of a month? She MIGHT like you, that could be fair to say. But if she REALLY did, she would make it happen.
It sounds like she wants to be "just friends." While it is possible, it is not painless.
I wish you the best in your decision. You're going to do what ever you want to do.
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