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i have a crush... he is engaged
so i'm a 19 years old girl and i have a huge crush on this 27 year old guy. but we can never actually be together, he is engaged and way older then me, i'm religious he is an atheist and i just cant get over him.
i always try to tell myself that it's not ok but i just can't i need help to just stop thinking about him.
btw he is also kind of flirty with me and it makes it even harder.
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Hey there friend, I'm gonna be honest and straight forward with you okay? If he WANTED to be with you, he WOULD be. There are no if ands or buts about it. He's with this girl, and not you BECAUSE you are not her. That's nothing on you as a human, as a person with looks, personality, or anything. It's just not meant for you. If it were meant for you, there would be no wondering about whether or not he loves you, you would know. He would make that effort to show you and tell you every day, and I know this FROM experience. This is not a special case. This is the same dude who wants some action on the side, and it's really not worth it.
Feelings, you can't help having. Those won't go away unfortunately. Staying away from him, will be hard but it is your only option in order to be in the positive light again. If this person were meant for you, you would feel good about it. Do you?
Real time talk mare.marethehuman@gmail.com
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And I'll just bet he doesn't flirt with you while his fiancee is right there too. So he may not be all innocent if he wouldn't want his fiancee to see. It's another story if for both of them, flirting is harmless. You don't ever want to find a guy who will dally with you when he is committed either in dating or marriage. I hope its not as bad as I am imagining or the poor gal will be disappointed after some time.
I can't explain why the heart decided to crush on a person who is not right for us, but there have to be subtle aspects of the person that attract our attention. It could be your subconscious mind knows how long you've crushed on him and it feels its job is to make you happy so it continues to bring up thoughts of him thinking thats what you want. So for this to stop, you have to talk to your self, out loud, or whispered under your breath as if really talking to a separate person.
Tell your subconscious the reasons you told my why it won't work. And therefore, I want you to stop thinking about him. Doing that is a waste of time. You may not want to say it but it is for the best and you will have to say it many times per hour in the beginning. I used this very method myself to stop thinking about a guy who wasn't going to work out for a iist of different reasons than yours.
It would be good for you to figure out what things it was you liked, aspects of him, and put it on a list of what you are looking for in a guy. The way we get those ideas of who is right for us and what we want to avoid is from dating and how the guys treat us females. I had a list of criteria in a dating profile and any guy who couldn't meet them, I would not talk to or consider. Strict maybe, but I learned the hard way in a bad abusive 1st marriage. My list paid off. I was still single and looking when my now 2nd husband first wrote me.
His message and profile stood out from the rest of 2 years worth of contacts. He was nothing at all like the others and my list helped me to see that he was the one I was looking for. Because I was everything he wanted on his list, and he had a list too, we fell in love quickly and married and are not together 9 years. First get the habit of thinking of him stopped. And if you want my document on how to find Mr. Right for yourself, with the list making I go into detail on, then let me know and I will send it. But you want to search for my column and ask from there because if you put it in the comment section on this response, I can not answer. Good luck.
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