I am glad that you understand the connection between behavior and the company we share. The people we choose to be with do influence us and our decision. You need to be around people that do not do drugs. It is that simple. If that means you have to lose friends, then that will have to be. It is better to lose a few friends, then to die. Also, no one who would encourage you to harm yourself is a friend you need. This is your life and you must stand up for your own health and future. For now, be your own best friend. You can also seek out a support group, get a counselor, and someone to be accountable to. Find a group today and make some new friends.

You are old enough to say hello. You need to decide what is more dear to you...your prospective romantic future, or your shyness. One of them will blossom and one of them will be doomed. Choose which one you will cater to, and remember that every decision you make is either going to bring you closer to or farther from having a social life.

You can't change him, but you can change how you deal with him. Don't give him the power of answering or promising him things that could change or that you don't feel are his business. I can guarentee you that he does not tell you every detail that he demands from you. Usually jealous people are the ones with more to hide, by the way. He has an insecurity and it may always be there throughout his life. You can't change it. You just have to decide how much of it and for how long you will stand for it.

Being open to people and adventures is great, just don't expect everyone else to join you. Change comes from within or it is fake and won't last. I think you need to slow down and think about people who have been there for you and the difference between partying and true friendship. I'd hate to have you regret ditching a good friend for a good time. You may not see it that way or do it intentionally, but just be aware of the possibility. You were nerdy and are obviously anxious to dive head first into fun, but remember that every action has a reaction and party girls often end up in situations that are more scary, than fun...even smart ones. Careful with the indoor tanning...not to nag, but I know that tanning more than the maximum allowed has actually led to teen deaths...seriously! You are almost an "adult," but the slightest screw up now could ruin a beautiful life, so slow down shooting star!

Don't screw it up! It sounds like he is a smitten kitten and you had better enjoy it and appreciate it! As long as you learned from your past mistake, just be grateful for the second chance and remember, that second chances are rare!

It's too early to tell, but there is potential for romance to blossom. Next time say hi first, or strike up a conversation. You have to start talking for anything to happen. It is the only way to find out more about one another. That is how you will know if there is a growing interest or if you are just a passing fancy!

No more ponytails. If your long hair touching your skin bothers you, try a soft hair wrap or terry cloth head band. Also, never go to bed with wet hair. Good luck!

Maybe, but you also might get really fried and that would be way worse than pale. If the dress is a flattering color and you wear the correct amount of make-up, you don't ever need to tan. Dances are at night time, not held at the beach in daylight, so a tan is not needed anyway. Bronzers and self-tanning products are so good now, that damaging skin with tans is so yesterday and out-dated! Protect that gorgeous skin...or it will not last, and your 10 yr. reunion will come sooner than you think! Be the girl with the nicest skin! If you use a self tanner, try it out a couple weeks prior to make sure it works for you and is the right tone. Have fun at homecoming and dance like no one is watching!

Return any items you can and from now on shop alone! Friends mean well, but unless they are financing their suggestions, you are in charge of selections. You at least are aware of the pattern and so you can avoid it by going shopping by yourself, at least until you feel strong enough to say no. Practice saying no in various ways in front of a mirror until you are comfortable with it. Usually, people who are pleasers, have a hard time saying no in a lot of different situations. You don't want to go through life letting others dictate your decisions, so start practicing and then test it out. Some ways to say no are: "I don't think so." "Maybe not." "No way!" "Whatever!" "Definately Not Me!" "I'd rather get this." "Not this time." "Doesn't work for me." "Thanks, but no thanks." "I can't believe how much I like my choice better!" "You have got to be kidding." "I'd rather not have help." "Your style is so great for you, but I have to be true to my own sense of style." "We don't want to look like twins." "That is not the look I'm going for." "Nah, I'm going to go for my first choice." "I am so much more comfortable with my picks." "I have already decided what I am getting, now let's focus on you!" I know you can use at least one of these to start with, and you deserve to stand up for yourself and your mind.

Is he ever supportive of any decision you make without him? Does he have a need to feel superior and smarter than other people and you in particular? It sounds like he may have a problem and you need to think about what life is going to be like with someone this cruel and controlling over the years. Someone like that can really eat away at your self-esteem if you let them. That's right, it is your choice to stay or leave. Personally, I would say don't let the door hit you on the way out. You deserve to have only healthy and supportive relationships, and there are enough jerks in the world you will have to deal with in life, without sleeping with one, too.

You need to concentrate on yourself and the pregnancy. Be sure that you find people that support your decisions and will be encouraging for the months to come and beyond. Your boyfriend is bound to freak out and so are you, (although I personally think that girls mature faster and are in general less selfish than guys.) I would give him space and let him know when he does contact you, that this pregnancy and your body will not be controlled by his ranting. You will do what you feel is right, and looking for someone to blame at this point is useless. He will need to find his own way to deal with reality and he will. Whether or not he wants to be a father, and obviously you both did not do this on purpose, he will be legally responsible and morally to his child once he or she is born. You are not a "slut," and he knows that, but people say stupid things when they are upset. I would say, that you have cried enough over his immaturity, and you are done. Now is the time to take a deep breath and make plans for yourself with or without his approval. This is your life, your body and your pregnancy. If you choose to carry this baby to term, you can think about adoption or raising the child. Make sure you do what you think best after weighing all your options. God Bless!

Are you being harassed for being emo or something else, too? You definately have the right to wear what you please, and the right to an education without harassment. Talk to a teacher or principal or school counselor about the situation. Being new is hard enough, without threats. That should definately be reported. Kids that are insecure find it hard to accept anyone different. It is their problem that they are narrow-minded, however it is the image you project and not you personally that threatens their sense of "normalcy." We all consciously project an image, whether or not we admit it. Sometimes we find others who share an admiration or at least respect out chosen image, or they do not understand or like it. If it were a scary mask you wore that separated you from blending in enough to go to school without problems, then I would tell you to simply take it off. Do you see my point? I don't want you to not be who you are, but if you can find a different outlet to express your individuality besides what you look like, you might have an easier time. It is not selling out to not fight every single battle in life. Your clothes can stay the same, but maybe tone down the look and see how you feel. What you may be seeking in expressing yourself visually, is what you have not been allowed to express verbally. Your mom does not want you to be different, but everyone is different. I think you have some depth that others find too complicated to understand. Changing your style is only not an option if you define your style as a permanent expression that you will cling to as powerfully as the others cling to their images. You are above that narrowmindedness. I believe you can and will sometime in life find creative venues to express your anger, pleasure, and entire self that go beyond appearences. It the message you are sending to the world is F*** Off!, then expect to get it back. If the message is, Hey I am me, but I don't mind you, then think about dressing to say that.

How do you reject a call? Not answer? Just so you know, highschool is not a time and place for serious, so ease up on pushing that conversation with him. Sounds like he is not really pursuing you and he already had many chances to do so. Keep him as a friend and there is always a chance of change in the future. Bug him, call him and chase him around, and he will avoid you like the plague. Take it slow and keep your options open (that does not mean make-out with guys, if you don't want it getting back to this one.)

Not likely, not impossible either. Your erratic periods could be a sign of serious stress or another medical condition. You should talk to your gynocologist as soon as possible. Write down all the information about your period and anything you even suspect that could be causing the irregularities. If you are taking any medication or have lost or gained weight or made any dietary or health change or are dealing with lots of stress, then tell your doctor everything.

That is so sad! You need to contact the people that have your dog and ask politely for her back. If they refuse then tell them you will be taking papers to prove ownership to animal control and if need be the police, to take the dog. Be ready to do both. Your dog probably misses you, too.

Babe, you are just beginning to live...in fact I am convinced that life begins AFTER highschool. People feed off of rumors, gossip and drama. The best way to get others to move on, is to move on yourself. There is a secret to getting through anything...fake it 'til you make it. It sounds weird, but it works. Start everyday as if good things are going to happen and you will make good things happen. As big as some pains feel, they are just like a grain of sand in the big fun beach of moments that make up your life. Everyone experiences times of hurt and betrayal at one time or another in their life. Someday soon you will see that this was only as big a deal as you let it be. Some people feel empowered by other's pain, so put an end to that power by refusing to give in to them. They might expect you to be sad, so do the opposite. Be happy and enjoy the real friends you have...be grateful for the experience...it has made you wiser and stronger.

You don't have to drink etc. to have a good time. In fact, the more one drinks the less of a good time and more of a stupid and potentially dangerous time one is likely to have. If you are going with friends then you will have fun, but if you are crashing a party where you don't have friends, then do not go. Suggest a night out with friends that includes dinner, movies, skating, bowling, sport events, all ages dance clubs, etc...these can be really fun if you are with fun people. Don't take it personally that others are not setting these things up. Some of us are leaders and some of us are followers!

You know you want to, but I am wondering what has kept you from running from this guy as soon as you realized how creepy he is. We don't want you jumping from one jerk to another, so if this is a pattern the best thing to do would be to get counseling or at least some self-help books. If something about jerks appeals to you, then you need to figure that out and fix it. This boyfriend of yours is putting up an obvious macho front to hide his actual feelings of insecurity about his manhood. Maybe his father belittled him. Anyway, unless he wants and gets psychological help, you do not want a future with him. It is extremely doubtful he would agree to counseling, so I would dump him and end all contact. If he pursues or threatens you, then call the police immediately.

You are lucky to be a guy, because women don't as often judge a guy by his looks alone. We tend to see the whole picture and fall in love with the whole man. My advice is to befriend many women and not pressure anyone of them. Chances are that one of them will find you endearing and even if you are not Brad Pitt, your real charm will surface and win her over.

Make some plans with your girl pals and when he finds out that you are going out with them and wants to tag along, tell him you need some girl time and he is definately your man, not your girl. He can't take offense to that, unless he is really a baby. Everyone needs and deserves time to themselves. Start making dates with him again, and tell him you think it would be romantic to have him pick you up and take you out a few times with space inbetween, so you can pine over each other. Good luck!

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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