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Q: I am currently "going out" with a 6th grader and I am an 8th grader. I normally like taller guys, but hes shorter. and hes really sweet.cute. and i like him a lot. but im so self concious and i worry too much about what other people think
is it too weird?
please give me honest opinions.

It is fine, if you enjoy each other's company. People do judge us by the company we keep and they will be curious about the age difference. Some people are very threatened by anything out of the normal. If you cannot handle this, then explain it to your boyfriend. He needs to know if you dump him, it was not his fault. If you can handle the thought that others may disapprove, then don't spend all your time wasted on wondering. People are usually self-centered and not that obsessed with anything other then their own situations for long. They will get used to you guys and probably accept it over time.

Q: Hey!

Like a month ago, my friend Paul told me he thought my friend Victoria was just a little hot. I said, oh, but I like him. Seriously, I love him I think. I am 13, but I do. I have had many boyfriends, but somethings special about him.

At this dance Friday, Paul was like I am going to ask Victoria to dance. Victoria is like my best friend too. I pretended I told victoria but I didnt, then I told Paul she was like "Eww."

So now apperently he really likes her. I have been preteneding to try and hook them up, just to talk to Paul. Paul and I talk on the phone, but it is always about Victoria! I get in troble in english and math, always because I am showing off for Paul.

I try and show off, like I say, "Paul you might now like Victoria, she hasnt kissed anyone." Then he said, Dont worry, she will get kissed if you get her to go out with me.

Victoria doesnt really like him. She might go out with him, because I think she knows I like him. Victoria and I are friends and all, almost best friends, but we try to be better then one another.

Im not sure what to do. Should I keep talking bad about Victoria? I rather Paul then Victoria though, because Vicotoria and I are that great of friends!

It is clear that you are competing with Victoria, but unfairly. Love is not about getting, it is about giving. You are lying to the two people you claim to care. The truth always gets out, and you are not going to be unscathed. It is not for you to judge whether or not she likes him enough to be told the truth.
You are playing God with the truth and manipulation the situation to what you think is your advantage, but think about this: What has it really gotten you? You are willing to get in trouble and risk losing a friend and your chances with this guy to protect yourself....it is a way of hiding from the hurt you feel from the rejection of losing the competition with your friend of this boy's interest.
You must start by admitting and accepting the truth for yourself. When we lie to others, we are trying to convince ourselves most of all that some fantasy we want is real. You have created a mess and I am sure you feel the burden of keeping this up or want to know how to get out of it before this snowball of deceict comes down on you and destroys your credibility with your friend and this boy. Before they figure it out...if they have not already, you need to go to them and confess what you did. If you are genuinely remoreful they will be most likely to forgive you. Then you will have not only their respect, but most importantly, you will start respecting yourself again.

Q: ok so my friend spent the night with me for the first time 2 nights ago. and she was just admiring my earings, well today when i went to school she has that on and my shark tooth necklace. i said those are my earrings, and thats my necklace. and she goes "no my mom made me go to clairs with her". ok 1. she lied to me bkuz when i gt home i looked everywhere for them and 2. she stole from me. what mom "makes" their daughter go to clairs with her. not her mom, i know her mom. i am sooo mad at her, what should i do? i really want to tell her mom bkuz i really want to get her in trouble, please help, i'm desperate! thx...

Your so called friend has a major problem with stealing, lying, and disrespecting you as a friend. I don't know why you would want to help her continue and get away with this rude and criminal behavior by covering for her. When someone is a witness to or knows about a crime and they keep quiet, they become liable and can get into a lot of trouble for inhibiting justice. This situation is not that dramatic, but she could be on her way to more and more bold immoral and or illegal activity. It sounds like you do not know how to confront her or lack the courage. Now is the time to take control and do the right thing by standing up for yourself and the truth. Start by telling your parents and getting their advice.

Q: I had my bat mitzvah and got back the video. I want friends to come over and watch it. People who were there, and poeple who ddidnt come, and couldnt make it. I dont want to show them the whole service, it's long. I can showthem starting at the speeches (so they hear all the nice things people said about me) and show them the party.

Question 1. What do i show them?

I Still have my centerpieces from the tables

Question 2. How do i display them?

I could send out invites sayying 'The Celebration Continues!'

Question 3. Do I send out invites? How do i go about planning the whole day?

I am confused. Why weren't your friends at the party to begin with. Unless they really want to watch the video, you may bore the heck out of them. Also, it sounds pretty arrogant about the speeches and is this party just to hog more presents? If I am wrong then that is good, but consider the things I pointed out, because I would guess your friends will be thinking along those lines.

Q: My boys are 21 and 23. They live together in an apartment in a city not far away. My oldest son quiet and easily lead by my youngest son. My youngest boy is bitter about my divorce of their father and the fact that I started a relationship with another man. He has convinced my oldest boy they they should not have a relationship with me. Before all of this came to my attention I bought my oldest son a birthday present. I want to send it to him. I am very hurt by thier behaviour and I have no intention of forcing myself into their lives. Should I send the gift? If I do, what should I write in the card?

It is a sad but typical fact that children often blame their mother for a divorce, even if the dad is a jerk. They are young adults, but still need to know that you are there for them. They will get over the bitterness and the oldest son will find his own way in life without the younger brother eventually, but you still can't wait around for them. Do what is the right and moral and loving thing for a mother to do no matter how you think they will interpret it. Let them know that you are not going to curl up and die. They need to see you as a stable parent and loving mother no matter how mad they are about the divorce. Eventually, they will be mature enough to separate their feelings about the divorce from how they perceive you as a parent. Do not even think of trying to guilt them or bad talk their dad, as this will quickly backfire on you! Be a positive loving mom, and they will be drawn back to you again.

Q: I had this girl for 2 months. Till the day I hold her in my arms, I was not happy, I just thought I was. Something was always missing from my life till I got her. We spent a lot of time together, she was my girl for 2 months, sleeping everynight in my house and one of the most beautifull relatioships I ever had. Before her, I used to treat my girls disrepectfully (not bad,just did not care really that much)but she changed me as a person. She made me a person that no one else knows and I wish everyone knew the person she made me. The problem is, she left for a month for her exams and she let the hole situation go bad. Communication was lost, once we did not talk for almost a week and everytime I knew that it was all over, she gave me signs that everything is going to be allright. Right before she left, I made it very easy for her to set me free. I told her If you are not willing to try for this relationship, please tell me now, dont be shy etc, I will be sad but I want you to be honest. She kept reassuring that everything is going to be allright.
Anyways, this week she came back, she came over my place. I had this hole situation going on for her, a project called heart attack. I had like 600 heart shaped balloons all over the place, heart shaped candles all over the place, gave her flowers... She told me when she is here, she wants to be with me, but when she is in her study place she does not miss me.
It is a 5 hour distance wich I dont mind at all. A couple of days ago, I drove there without telling her, called her and she told me, oh I am back home where are you? ""Ummmmm, ...yeah...home..." I told her. She does not know I went there.
I told her again, tell me you dont want to be with me. She just wouldn't. She insisted, the situation is way more complicated than this, the distance, the fact that I was dating her best friend in the past (I hate that fucking bitch, she treated me like shit when we were together and made it so hard for me). I said, If you keep telling stuff like that I am going to be insinting on this relatioship, just tell me you dont want to be with me and it will all stop, I ll let you go. After a long long long try, she said it. I dont want to be with you. Problem is, I dont know If I should believe her, I asked her to be reminding me all the time to make it easier for me. I know she did not miss me while she was away. She really motivates me and wants me to be a better man. I go running one hour every single day for one month for working out just because I want to look the best for her. At the same time I am working and studying. I am also starting pilot lessons so I can be flying to her, where she studies. People say like, dont worry, you ll find a better girl eventually. Better girl??? No way. She is so kind and sweet, and we look alike so much in our characters, she is so serious, hard working smart, cute, blonde with blue eyes. I fucking love 100% of her. When I am with her I got all I ll ever need. I dont need not expensive car, no need to watch new movies, no need to go out clubbing, no need to play videogames. She will only be here only for 3 days more. We are not together now. I pretty much hate my life for about a month now...I do so many stuff just to be kept bussy. The reason why I run my ass off every day is because If dont pass out from being tired as hell, I will be thinking of her and never ever sleep.
I really dont wanna loose her. If I have her, I am God. I know she hasn t found another boy and I dont worry about that. She told me she does not care about having a relatioship right now, especially a long distance. By the way, when I went there, I drive there 7 hours (2 hours problem with cops for speeding) stayed there for 30 minutes and drove back 7 hours (normal speed).I can do it late night in 3 hours but that is out of our subject here.
So, what should I do? Could it be that I moved to fast and freaked her out? All the stuff I was telling her, she met my parents, not cause we are getting married or something, but cause I am cool with my parents. Did I choke her with my giving? Giving words, soul and objects (I bought her stuff). Could it be she was only looking for a fuck while I found the puzzle piece that completes me? Should I give her space, let her sleep on it? This is really hard for me, cause like Aerosmith said, I really did not want to close my eyes I did not want to close my eyes cause I did not want to miss a thing,every moment with her is a moment a cherish, and guess what? Now there is a hole in my soul. I will never ever get enough of that girl in my life. Tell me it is all over and make it easier for me.

It is sad, that sometimes no matter how hard you work, how hard you try, how hard you pray it just aint enough.

Thank you all in advanced, I know I gave too many details etc. but by know you should be able to understand that I am fucked up in my head.
How do I make her mine?

Updated***
Thanks for the additional information. I wish you the best.

------------------------------------------------
That was too long and I admit to not reading every word, but you are clearly obsessed and not in love. Love is about giving and not receiving. You miss what you thought she added to your life. What is missing from your life, no one can really give you long term. You need to spend some time thinking about what is missing and how you can develop your character and experiences to give yourself a sense of wholeness. When you are incomplete, you attract others who are incomplete. When you put some work and effort into your personal development, the result will be that you will be open to love from and able to give to a whole individual. The very short relationship you are obsessing on did not complete either one of you, it gave you both a temporary distraction from yourselves. You know that part of the reason she left was because you were too intense and demanding. Move on, and if you can't, you need to do yourself a favor and see a therapist, because you will need more personal and expert help than I or anyone else here can offer. Good luck with your journey to self!

Q: I really like this guy David, we flirt alot too. I'm not sure if he realizes I'm into him, so I want to pump of my flirting moves if you get what I'm saying. We already hamg out, we talk all the time, I smile and totally giggle, and we say stupid stuff to make each other laugh. Sometimes he tickles me too, but what else should I do?

Flirting is fun, but dating has a serious side, too. Do you talk and hang out when you are not flirting? A relationship needs fun, but also substance. I think you are close enough to him to ask him if he would like to go to a movie or to lunch sometime...try it. You'll never know, unless you risk it.

Q: Ok...this is going to sound soo wierd...but whenever I see, or even think about my crush...I faint...sad i know...but its so wierd and it sometimes scares me...Like this one time at school...he walked by me in the hallway and I fainted...the next thing I knew...a bunch of people were staring at me wondering what happened...and another time was on stage...I'm a cheerleader so yeah...and I was doing one of our squad's routine's and as I stred onto the stage already freaked out as it is...I saw him...and well...let's just say my flyer had to go to the hospital cause I dropped her when I fainted...
...Is this a medical condition I should be worried about?...

Okay, if this is for real, then it could in fact be a serious medical condition that is playing a role in the fainting spells. Alert your parents and physician immediately and do not cheerlead or anything else that could put you or others in danger. You could be legally liable for hurting the flyer, so I hope you take it seriously.

Q: Well, I'm a 14 year old female.

Now, my mom has gone back to college this year. All I ever hear from my parents is 'Lauren, its always "I WANT" "I NEED"!!' and so I wanted a job.
Of course they won't let me get one. So now we always get in huge fights because they want me to make my own money - but how do I do so without a job!?! They tell me to just do my chores but I said 'Well, I just can't keep doing that. I need my own job!' and then they start yelling at me about my wants and needs, but they won't even just let me have a job so I told them to expect me asking for money and they said NO WERE NOT GIVING YOU MONEY YOU MAKE IT YOURSELF - but how can I if I have NO JOB and they wont LET ME GET ONE!??!

I'm really angry and upset. What am I supposed to do to resolve this? I need a job, but everytime I tell them they don't seem to understand and then when I ask for money, they said I can't have any. Yet I can't get a job to make my own.

WHAT DO I DO!?!?!

Thankyou in advance.

At fourteen your options are naturally limited, but if you are determined then try a few of these ideas: 1. Babysitting 2. Dog walking or other pet care (washing etc.) 3. Mowing lawns, raking leaves, pulling weeds etc. 4. Car washing/vaccum inside 5. Tutoring kids/homework helper 6. Maid service (A lot of busy moms would love to hire you a couple hours a day to do laundry etc.) 7. Yard sell helper (People have lots of junk, but don't like to sit out all day to sell stuff, so you could help get it out on their yard and sell it for them for a percentage of the profit or hourly rate. I know you will be able to get better work in a couple years, but be creative and take advantage of your wit. If you market yourself out to trustworthy neighbors with a list of your skills and help for hire options, you could possibly get some regular income started. Good luck!!!

Q: I know that if you really like someone, you probably won't like someone else...but my case is very confusing.

Okay, so I like this guy John. I had one class with him last year and none this year or the previous years. He always flirted with me but not the way he flirts with other girls. As in he won't give me a hug or talk to me much. I kind of lost my feelings for him over the summer but I'm starting to like him again.

Then there is Matt. He's 1 or 2 grade levels above me and what can I say...he's perfect. He's cute smart funny nice athletic is in drama!!! I sit with him everyday at lunch and talk to him a lot. I think he likes me but I don't know. It's hard to say considering that I don't have any other ways of communicating with him other than talk at school for eh 30min? But I really like him

Then there is Tommy. He's in 3 of my classes He's funny athletic cute -- not very nice but funny. He seriously flirts with me A LOT. And I'm not making this up. Even his friends sya that he flirts with me. But the thing is that I sometimes get the feeling that he's only into girls that are athletic and trust me, I'm far away from being athletic.

And the last one. Oh goshness. This is going to sound so wrong and weird. My best friend and basically the only friend that I have--I really like him but I don't know if it's a friend love or cursh love. I know that I shouldn't throw away such a good friendship...but I can't throw it away this way. He is homoesexual as in gay.

I like all these people and I really need help in being able to sort out this whole mess! Who do I really like? What about my bff? What about matt and tommy and john?!?!

You like all of them or at least parts of all of them. Now if only we could construct a guy that is the best of them all and none of the bad. It is easy and common to have multiple crushes and there is nothing wrong with that. As time goes on and you get to know all your crushes more, you will find that some of them you like more and some of them you will like less. It is a learning process and the enticing thing about getting to know someone is the mystery about who they really are. Sometimes you find out there is more great qualities and sometimes you discover you can't stand them. I doubt the gay friend is going to turn straight, but I want you to consider which qualities about him, as well as the others you really love. Make a list. Now, which of those guys in reality will have the most great characteristics? You'll have to get to know them all to find out, so don't limit yourself just yet, and enjoy the process of discovery!

Q: 16.f

how can you tell when you should break up with someone?

ive been with my guy for 3-4 months, and i do love him.. but idk if i love him enough to be with him in a bf/gf sense. yesterday when we hung out it felt like a just friends thing [also tho we were w/ his brother and this girl who hes has been cheatin on his gf with for a couple days soo idk if maybe that put ideas into my head about bein hurt? but my guy promises he'd never cheat because hes been cheated on too many times.]

soo basically things arent the same as they used to be... but is that normal? i dont wanna break up with him and then regret it because i realize i really do wanna be with him!! i dont kno what to do =[

Feelings change so fast, that it is probably good to not do anything rash. Give each other a few days apart to hang out with friends and see how much you miss him or not. That should hold your answer.

Q: this halloween i planned on going trick or treating with my mates at eton wick which is about 20 minutes away, but the thing is no adult will come with us so my mum wont let me go all bcoz she carnt trust me!! so my question is how can i get my mum 2 trust me? nd no one say do chores etc etc coz i allready do!!
plz help!!

A consistently good attitude and no back-talking is a great start. Listening and communicating that you understand the rules is good, too. When you do the chores, do you need to be reminded or do you do them automatically? These will all win points, and after keeping it up for a while, approach your mom in a non-whiny or demanding way and tell her you are ready to prove yourself.

Q: I have bean accepted to join the Royal Marines in July 2007 but i am not sure if i sould go, i fell in love with an amazing girl and i dont know if i can leave her. she always cries whenever i bring up the subject and she is begging me not to go. I have wanted to join for my entire life but now i am not so sure because i am scared she will not be there for me when i come back.
Please help give me your opinions.

You will be making a lot more sacrifices than this if you commit yourself long term to the Royal Marines. Are you mature enough to make such a huge decision? If there is any doubt, then re-examine yourself about it and give it time. Don't stay or go for anyone other than yourself. It is your life. We don't know if this girl would be the love of your life in a year from now either way, and every decision is a risk. If you start losing a sense of self and change for her, you may end up resenting her for life. Both of you should pursue your dreams and if you want to cross paths later, you will find a way.

Q: OK... theres this girl at work that im REALLY into, and i know shes feelin me too. Shes currently with her girlfriend of about almost 2 years now, but their relationship has been on the rocks for awhile now. Before, i was giving her advice, and just trying to be there for her.. but things happened from there, and now i cant get her off my mind. The thing is.. we hooked up a few times, and yes... she is still with her girlfriend. She tells me that she doesnt know if she WANTS to be with her girlfriend, but she really does still love her. She tells me that she still wants me in her life, and i do want to be there... I know she has feelings for me... but shes just in a hard spot.
Now that her girlfriend is doing better, and her relationship "seems" to be doing ok... should i just find a way to drop my feelings for her and let her work on her relationship? Or should I keep things the way they are, and continue to be there for her?
I do want to be with her... but i want her to be happy..with me.. or with her girlfriend. I want to be here for her, to let it be known that im going to be here for her, but the way things are.. im the other woman.. and i dont like this feeling. should i back off?

It sounds like you care deeply for her and have been pretty patient. I would hate to see you getting hurt or settling for being second in line. You need to start thinking about what would make you happy first. The girl you like is clearly in the position she is in because she is in control of having her cake and eating it, too. She may be a sweetheart, but it is selfish to keep her long time lover in the dark while she seeks closeness and pleasure elsewhere. Even if you have been a willing participant, she is using you, too. I would set some boundaries at least until you are confident that she has ended it with her girlfriend. You may be able to handle being just friends, but it could turn into an emotional rollercoaster ride, too. Just guard your heart.

Q: 13/f/usa

Hey, I had this friend when I was in 6th grade,(I was 11 at the time) Let's call her carrie,and her brother used to always come home drunk at night. Well, she used to tell me that she was really scared that her brother would do something to her. Well one night, when he came home drunk, he raped her, and the night she told me, she committed suicide. Well, now I'm in 8th grade and the memory of her and her story just sorta haunts me. my brother comes home drunk all the time now, and to make it worse, he has anger issues. well, now I'm really scared that he might rape me. Can you help me please? I'm like really paranoid.

The situations have similarities and you are not paranoid. You need to talk to an adult who will listen to you, if your parents are unaware or ignoring the facts you have disclosed here. Teachers, school counselors, a pastor, child protective services and the local police/social services are all there to help you. I don't want you to suffer with fear another minute in that scary situation by yourself. Reach out to an adult for help in confronting your brother and parents. Your brother has a drinking and anger problems and he needs help, too! You both deserve support and should be able to get some good free counseling as well. There are people who care and programs made for you, but you have to let people know and don't stop until someone listens. I can't tell you if your brother is capable of rape or any other form of violence, but we cannot take the risk. You are too important. I am so sorry about your friend and it is immensely tragic that she did not get help that she needed before she took her life. You know better and can now be proactive in seeking and getting real support. Let me know what you come up with and I will be thinking of you until you do. Let me know.

Q: Ok, well I've already posted a question for help with my family, and recently some more has happened. My mom thinks i'm dating 2 guys at once, and she read my Diary again. This time, we were moving things from one house to another. So, she asked me to ride with her to unload the stuff. I of course said I would help, but once we got into the truck, she asked me if I was still with my Boyfriend. Whenever I replied that yes, Yes I was, she exploded and told me that I don't apreciate her, and that I have no remorse over the fact that she has cancer. I tried to tell her that they won't take her whole breast, and she told me I was too young to know anything. So, when she read my Diary, it basicly said that the moment I get a good job, and get into College, i'm getting a dorm, and i'm out of the house for good because my dad won't do anything about the way she talks, and treats me. She got defensive again, and asked me why I wanted to hurt her so bad. I said,"Mom, I never asked you to seek out my diary, and read it. It's your own fault for not liking what I have to say, but i'm not going to keep things from the one place I have that should be private." and she got mad at me, and punched me. I couldn't believe it! She's threatened to hit me before, and whenever I was about 4-5 she used to pull my hair and shove me whenever I made her angry, but I never in my wildest dreams that she would ever hit me! I threatened to call CPS, but I didn't because I don't want to leave. I have too much here, and if I call they'll take me away, not her. And she's told my whole family that i'm lying about her all the time. She told an older lady who I respect so much that i'm a horrible child, that i'm a dirty whore, and i'm selfish. The truth is, yes I am VERY selfish, and no i'm not the perfect child, but i'm NOT with 2 different people, i've NEVER been sexually active, and i've made it clear to every guy to ever put a move on me that I have a boyfriend, and I won't tolerate any unfaithfulness! But, whenever we got to this lady's house, the woman who I respect deeply, she basicaly told me that i'm blowing it way out of proportion, and that I probably deserved it...And she tells me that I provoked it by backtalking my mother...I've tried to look up teen privacy rights online, and child abuse to figure out if maybe i'm just having a hard time dealing with what's coming to me, or if this is truely something I should be worried about.

Also, my parents are getting a divorce, and my mom says it's because of me. It's my fault because I try to lock her out of my life, and the only person I talk to is my dad. She asks why I locked her out, but the truth isn't good enough for her. I lock her out because anytime I let her in more drama happens and we wind up hurting each other. Anytime I try to talk to her it's always,"Break up with Logan, he's a bad bad kid. He'll influence you wrong. It's his fault we're fighting, and his fault you locked me out."

Logan has his own set of issues right now. And like everyone else God made, he's not perfect. But I think he's turned out quite fine considering his past. To go into detail, his dad murdered his mom, and the people he's living with now beat him. o.O So I don't exactly blame him for not being a part of a Beaver Cleaver atmosphere. I've always been told that there is always someone for everyone. Well, if every girl would dump him because of his past, and his current issues, he wouldn't have someone for him. We've been together for over a year now, and he's never done anything wrong to me! He's never hurt me, anytime he upsets me he apologizes, and he truely wants the best for me...

Aye, well, this is long, but basicaly, I need to know if I need to change, or my mom does. We used to get along, but everytime we talk now she threatens me, cries, and tells me she hates me. Am I just an immature teen not realizing that my mom just wants the best for me, or is she immature and doesn't want me to be with Logan because she thought me and him were having sex?

Wow! You sound like a very intelligent young woman and are trying to hang on to your identity, despite the fact that your mom is trying just as hard to destroy it. You do have rights that are being violated and or ignored right now. Among them, are the rights to have your internal thoughts as your own and some privacy in expressing them, which was violated when your mom read your diary. Unless a parent has a good reason, suspects drug abuse or something like that, it is a rotten thing to read someone else's diary. Also, you have the legal right to be safe from all physical abuse...which of course is up to a proper authoriy to help you figure out what crosses the line between discipline to abuse. I would suggest talking to child protective services or your local police, school teacher, physician, etc...not the lady you talked to about it before, the next time something questionable happens, or if you have any fears of abuse now. Only an adult who is educated in the legal rights of children and experienced with troubled family situations can support you in a helpful way and possibly get you and your mom some counseling. Even if she is not technically abusive, the CPS department or social services may offer some resources or counseling opportunities to handle stress in a healthier fashion.
Your mom is under stress, and may lack the skills and support to handle it in a way that is appropriate and healthy. However, you are also in need of help in your current situation. The issue is not so much about the boyfriend, but about the emotional manipulation and guilting that your mom is putting on you, and physical outburts as well. You should not have to put up with that. Of course you are not a fully matured adult, but you sound very capable and mature for a teenager. Keep any private thoughts private, but continue to express yourself. Write out your feelings, but destroy the paper or erase the words, so they are not used against you. Others have been through what you are facing, so take courage and keep making positive plans for yourself. It is good to be selfish, that is to protect yourself and have a sense of what makes you a worthy individual. Somehow your strength may be threatening to your mother, who may not have the courage in her own situation. Let her know that you would like to be more supportive of her, but that you have a right to be respected as a human being, also. Get support and more advice from a school counselor if you can right away. Good luck and keep in touch.

Q: ok well i am so confused about me ok well here is the thing i like a bunch of guys and i know i am ready to have boyfriend and alot of guys like me but as soon has the guy that i like asks me out then i say no because i don't know that is what i am confused about why do i say no if i like them
this happend to me once i liked this guy alot he asked me out i told him no
then a few weeks after i told him no he started dating my sister it was really heart breaking but i got over it well not all over it i still like him
anyways why do i say no to guys that i like then get all depressed when they go out with someone else because i said no to them
how can i stop doing this
i need a guy to love i need someone to care for me
please help me

Everyone needs to feel loved and cared for. That is your heart breaking when you think you blew your chance after rejecting someone and seeing them with another. However, you chose to not pick certain guys, because you have another important decision making organ in your body...your brain! These guys probably were not just right for you and you are smart enough not to settle for less then what you know is good for you. Don't second guess your brain (which is really looking out for you, my dear!) every time your heart crys out, "Well there went another one we did not get, darn it!" Every decision and every choice we make is about moving toward something and away from something else. Read that again. We can't have everything and really that is good. Believe me, when you finally meet the awesome guy for you, the one your brain has been so right in waiting for, your heart will say, "Oh yeah! I am so glad we passed up the so-so guys and held out for this delicious man!"

Q: me and this boy fell in love the minute we talked to eachother. we had a lot in common and hes a pretty good kid and for a little over a week we were seriously in love. then this week we got in a tiny "arguement" but we made up and and he said he still loved me. he hadn't IMed me for 3 days and usually he IMs me every time we are both on aim. so i IMed him and he was just talking to me like i was his friend and nothing else so i asked him what was going on he said he still liked me a little but not as much. i think its because he found another girl. theres this girl he seems to be getting close with, he hung out with her and they were leaving eachother myspace comments and last night he went to her house and i was soo jealous i was afraid they were going to make out or something since we arnt officaly going out yet. he always puts on his away message how hott that girl is and i keep saying i love you and once he said i love you back but other times he would just put up his away message up the second i said it and never answer me back. he says we need to hang out but he always says hes too busy. he tries to get me jealous and he will say "im hanging out with GRACE today" (the girl he says hes "just friends" with) last week he would littarly IM me every time i signed on or returned from away, and now i am the one who has to IM him first.i dont know why hes not as interested and he wont talk about it he says nothings wrong.i dont want to give up on him because he says he still has a feelings for me a tiny bit. but i want him to fall back in love with me the way it was last week and since he never has "time" to hang out with me i have to try to get him back either by the phone or online, and he doesnt go to my school. i dont him him going out with grace i want to be with him. but apparently he has known grace for a few years and ive only known him for a few months and ive heard shes really pretty and im just average. so how can i show him that im a better choice than she is???

Hello! You are not, I repeat, NOT "just average." Don't be so quick to label yourself or sell yourself short. You have heard she is pretty, well so what. Beauty is an opinion, and believe me, girls are much harder on themselves then guys are. We tend to be fed on one specific image by the media...how utterly boring! I know for a fact that guys have very varied tastes and that no two guys have identical preferences. Sometimes the competitive nature of guys added with their immaturity will lead them to fight over a select type of girl because she is currently the stereotypical beauty, but as the guys grow up and get past being told who they should like, they realize that they have their own opinions of beauty and it is not limited to the media's ideal of the moment.

If you want him or any guy to see you for the babe you really are, you need to do the following. 1. Never think you are average. What you believe about yourself, will be a message to others on how they should think of you. 2. Know that the existence of other pretty girls does not in any way take away from your personal attractiveness. 3. The secret weapon of all sexy women is confidence. Confidence is not a crown that you win at a beauty competition. It is internally decided and radiates in all you do. 4. Enjoy your own company and believe that you have something to offer. Others will see that you are someone that they want to be around. 5. Never chase a guy, lower yourself to desperate measures, or get jealous over potential threats. The only girl you have to compete with is yourself. If a guy does not want to be with you, then he is too dull to get what makes you hot. Move on to better, more perceptive guys who see you like you see yourself...a unique goddess and fun to be around cutie.

Q: My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. It was my first real relationship and I lost my virginity to him way back. He said he wasn't happy anymore & that we argued everyday. I was destroyed and it still hurts very much. The thing is, I miss him & he hasn't tried to contact me at all. It seems I'm out of his life and mind, but we had an amazing relationship for a year. Is it really that he wants to move on or he's trying to hurt me even more? Would it look that desperate if I spoke up first? 18/f

Did you guys argue a lot like he said? You really don't want to be with someone who is not happy being with you. Just because you had a good thing, does not mean it would go on forever. Sometimes guys want to move on because they want to experience being single and dating lots of girls. They don't want to be tied down and "married" at such a young age. Can you blame him? We women tend to romanticize and idealize relationships and be other-pleasers, while guys tend to be self-pleasers. We like "deep" relationships with one guy, while they like to conquer as many girls as possible as a sign of their manhood and to pleasure their ego. Until both sexes mature and are ready for a realistic and monogamous commitment, young relationships are difficult to endure. Men do not often marry or commit based on finding the right girl; rather they first decide that they want to settle down and then they look around and hunt down the nearest girl that fits their agenda. Women are fed a lot of romantic garbage and cinderella stories from childhood fairytales and media romance movies, and it sets us up for disappointments. I suggest that you walk away with your dignity intact and not grovel to him like a desperado, which is never sexy. Men run the moment they smell a desperate woman, unless they are mean enough to just use her for a one-night stand. Whether or not he is moving on or trying to hurt you, you need to accept that he is no longer your guy. You have to live in reality and realize that though he was your first, he was never intent on being your one and only or your last. That does not mean it was not special or you cannot look back years from know and smile about the good times. It does mean that you will now have the opportunity to be a single young woman who is over her first major break-up and is mature enough to learn from the experience and respect herself enough to know that he will eventually miss her if he is smart at all. By then you will have moved on and the cute single men of the world will be grateful you did!

Q: Alright, so basically there's this guy who you could say is interested in me; i'm interested in him too. The only bad this is, his mom has made it clear that she'd rather he date someone else than me. I have no idea what i've done wrong. She's constantly encouraging him to find another person to hang out with, call, or whatever. They've already gotten into a fight because she was trash talking me.

I have no idea how to deal with this.
help?

How did you find out all this information? Did the guy tell you? I think it was unnecessarily cruel if he did. If you are a nice person and not a bad influence on her son, then I don't know what reason she would have for disliking you. Maybe she wants to set him up with her friend's daughter, or she just wants to be in control of her son's every decision. She could also be threatened by how much influence you have over her son. If you plan on staying with this guy, then you need to find a way to be friends with his mom. Spend some time with her and make an effort. You may have done nothing to offend her, and she may really get to like you if given the opportunity. Maybe she is afraid he is too serious too soon with you. Let her know that you are someone who she could like, and she will probably back off. Whatever you do, never trash talk her...your guy will most likely carry it back to mommy and then she will hate you. On the other hand, tell him something nice about her and it will get back to her and win you points!

bio

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.

All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD

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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!